glory in mediocrity

naps are simply wasted on babies.

they don't like them; they don't use them. and worst of all, there is no way for them to give them to their parents, who would truly appreciate even a 30-minute nap and pay the infant's weight in gold for the ability to redeem a ruined naptime.

 

while mourning the loss of my ability to take a nap when i want, this strange fact of reality has meant that i have also had to develop what i only know to call "glory in the mediocrity." glory meaning that just as plants glorify God by growing, planets glorify Him by spinning through the empty void of space a million miles an hour, and cats glorify Him by running into walls (ours, anyway), so i glorify God by weeding the garden.

 

ha ha- you know that's a bald-faced lie. i weeded half the garden. and by "weeded" i mean, "i at least removed half of the weeds visible from space."

 

if it's not too bold of me to say, i glorified Him by using those 14 minutes as best i could, and yesterday that meant weeding. and He multiplied my minutes x2, because by some fluke the lil boss accidentally slept for about 28 minutes instead of her usual 9.

 

it is not even close to the best half-done-weeding job. i was tempted to leave some of those plants because they clearly wanted to be in the garden waaaay more than i did. one of them was simply massive, and even had some lame-o blue flowers to try to fit in with the flower bush i actually wanted there. to be honest, i was tempted to leave every last one of the weeds there, because i knew i wouldn't have time to do it all- giving me the perfect excuse to wait until i had 3 hours (which would be never). but at least as far as the garden goes, God didn't want me to do the whole thing- but He wanted me to do something.

 

this 3-month old reality of mine means i will probably never do anything at all again without at least 4 interruptions. in fact, she herself WAS a major life interruption. even a bathroom trip requires more strategy than it would at work on a 13-hour shift. the idea of a complete nap or a bubble bath or reading a complete chapter of a book is laughable. my drawing will possibly be done when bugaboo is school-age, at this rate. as will her baby book.  and because we are gluttons for self-inflicted punishment, we are about to take this cute little life interruption on a several-hundred-mile-long road trip. i can't wait to see how this goes.

 

but it will go. not sure how well, but it will go. we are going to try to do however much or little we can with each day He gives us. He's not looking for perfection; that's His job. He's looking for those who trust and obey, who go step by step in faith. for those who point to our mediocre flower garden like a toddler holding up a crayon picture to show his parents, knowing that they will stick it to their fridge and treasure it- not because it's beautiful (because it is not. objectively, there is less value in the picture than a fresh sheet of paper has), but because they treasure the one who did it.

 

so far, i have found zero parables in which the one Jesus finds favor with is perfect. prodigal son? nope. not by a long shot. but he did finally come home. "son #2"? nope. but he did finally go and do the work he said he wouldn't bother doing. good samaritan? he probably could have done more… but he was the one who did something.  the latest group of vineyard workers? they only worked for, like, an hour.  but they did work that hour.

 

none of these say Jesus thinks laziness is a virtue. but they do say He thinks it glorifies Him when we do what we can, when we can, for Him. not sure when He wants me to work on the other half of the garden (maybe before the first half is overgrown again?), but i do know when He wants me to take care of lil' miss interruption, and when to focus on Him, and when to rejoice in every tiny nap He provides. 

 

confessions of a horrible "southern housewife"

 it's that time of year again: yep, the beginning. 

 

new year resolutions are a common conversation starter, self-help and diet books fly off shelves, and [dozens of] gyms see a brief spike in attendance. the joy and charity of the christmas season come to a screeching halt, to be replaced by a period of intense frustration, busy-ness and criticism that is somehow spun as a good thing. the "acceptable" standards of beauty, wealth, education, fashion, health, politics- you name it- are literally broadcast across the nation by which each individual "should" judge themselves. if it's a thing you "should" have, it'll be on sale. if it's a belief you should have, the book is released this week. if you "need" to change or do anything, you will see commercials, ads, billboards and people you know telling you just how far you are "behind the Joneses." we, as a collective, have become trained to find every deficiency in ourselves possible, and somehow choose only the worst 2 or 3 to "fix" in a calendar year. and we all do this, each knowing in the back of his mind that there's a slim chance any true change will occur; we will be the same messed up "failures" in december that we are in january (and don't you dare ask a friend how their resolutions are coming any point after valentine's day at the latest).

 

i've seen more than enough hgtv shows to know that i do not, nor ever will, meet anyone's standards for a stereotypical "southern" housewife. i know there's a pretty high chance i could work my way up to that level, were it demanded of me, but it would take ages, and i would *not* be fit for society with how tired and bitter i would have become.

i also know that my application to Southern Housewife School would be laughed at if a gpa were replaced with dusting frequency or a pot roast recipe. dust bunnies? let's try dust giraffes or dust mastodons. it's been on my to-do list for such a long time that i don't even write it down anymore, because i know myself too well.

and that's just one standard i "fail" to live up to. i haven't even gotten to the standards for beauty, savings account, car model, political knowledge, citizenship, or marriage. i can now add parenting standards to the list, in case i wasn't tempted to feel bad enough about who i am.

 

so what's a person to do?!? well, there's good news and bad news. 

the good news is that the answer is crazy-easy.   

the bad news is that the answer is so easy it's nearly impossible.

to sum up in an easy-to-remember way: "make like a tree and leaf."  yup. that's it. be like a tree. a little tree- a vine, even.

 

to explain:

 

i had a friend who went through a period of substantial change in her life- physically, financially, mentally. it was excellent for her. near the end of that period, i saw her reading a self-help book; it was apparently not as good as the last one she'd read that left her similarly disappointed and un-self-helped. so i referred her to one of my own favorite "self-help" books, and to one small section in particular.

 

this particular small section tells the anecdote of another single-ish woman who is very familiar with every new year's resolution-er.  she knows because she has failed at…. dern near everything by this point, truly. her life sucks. she's lonely, she can't keep a relationship, is not flush with cash, and meets nobody's standards of anything ever.

as she is running an errand one hot day, she meets a stranger hanging out who is oddly conversational.

 

stranger: hey- wanna sit and have a drink with Me?

her: sure- let's talk about religion and politics and let me go about my day.

stranger: I'd rather talk about all of your failed new year resolutions and how exhausted you are by your life that's as worn out as your shoes. clearly, promising yourself to "exercise more" every year is not working, and you can't even get a decent guy to date.

her: … no but really, religion and politics is way less embarrassing. and why would you remind me of those resolutions? it's april...

stranger: but what if I told you that I could fix every last one of those "failures" and make your tattered life look and feel more like brand-new and never-ending, and that all you had to do was ask me?

her: keep talking….

(refer to John 4)

 

you have to read a couple more chapters before this stranger spills more of His secret to a few other unpopular societal embarrassments. what is the secret? "make like a vine and leaf."

He even says, "you are a vine. act like it."

(refer to John 15)

 

what does a vine do? well, not much.  it's attached to the ground, so it can't travel to the gym or organic food section in kroger. it's attached to its little fence or trellis so it can't maneuver toward the sunshine, flash its expensive new gadget in your face, or flex muscles to squeeze out its little grapes or berries.  it might be able to compare itself to other vines nearby, but whatever standards of height, branch length, leaf green-ness, fruit size or hydration levels this poor vine does/doesn't meet… there's zilch it can do about it. this vine is utterly dependent on God- for everything.

the vine just… is. the roots go down, the vine goes up, and the leaves go out.

 

am i saying that we shouldn’t care about anything? nope. 

or that we ignore to-do lists and familial or societal responsibilities? not at all. 

do we never consider our lives and if there are adjustments or maybe even radical changes we should make? no.

 

but what i am saying is that those changes shouldn't be in response to comparing ourselves to others, or others' ideas of what our own lives should look like. if we make changes, they should be toward the True Vine's example.  the standards we are judged by are those of the Vinedresser- *not* the other vines. those standards are related to the fruit each vine produces.  and we all know that a vine can't even decide to do that- it's up to the Vinedresser to make sure each vine gets enough water and sunshine and space and nutrients.

as soon as we recognize our utter inability to "fix" ourselves, we realize that we have been given the freedom to… live. we live and grow as best we can with the circumstances God places us in, and then…. we live.

 

the stranger, who is Jesus (surprise!) tells that poor, exhausted, lonely, sinful woman that her only requirement is to ask. if she asks Him to provide, renew, change, sanctify her life, He will. that's literally all He tells her.and it's all He tell us. when we look to Him, and say, "fix it... i just can't," He does!

it takes longer than 12 months, but it also lasts a hekuvalot longer than the 3 weeks i foresee my gym 's parking lot being so full.

 

it is also heaps less depressing.

because i know already that me and my sanity don't and can't survive the scrutiny of the multitudes of excellent proper southern housewives. i admire their abilities- to the point of envy, sometimes. but i also know that my Vinedresser has given me other standards and conditions. He saw fit to bring a baby into this household with dust monsters on the ceiling fans and crazy cats on the floors. He provided our budget and house and neighborhood and diets and health situations, and He wants us to use those as best we can. He's super not-concerned with how we would handle anyone else's life, or how they would handle ours. and if He's not worrying about it, neither should we.

 

if we abide ('live") in Him, He will make sure that we bear fruit that meets all of His standards- no self-contempt necessary!

 

make this the year you stop the self-flagellation and grow in God's sunshine- let Him grow some amazing, eternal changes in your life.  replace the dreary weariness with a peace that surpasses understanding, and praise the God who loves us complete failures so much that He "fixes" us into His own glorious image. now that's something I can celebrate every year!

"mary, did you kn-" yes. she did.

 a few weeks ago i was finally able to see my bestie again, for the first time in an embarrassingly long time. as in, long enough to grow half a person. i think it was near the beginning of our 7.5 hour-long lunch date that she asked me what hopes and dreams nik and i had for that unexpected half-a-person. if the kid ever reads this, i hope she takes this the right way, because i said i really had no idea at all. partly because i don't do well with open-ended questions like that. partly because even that many weeks later i had not fully recovered from the reality of the situation, which turns out to not have been medically impossible.

 

bunny trail: this is now the second time a doctor has looked at my face and told it that the current situation was medically impossible, with a second doctor affirming. not sure what to do with that, but…

 

i'm guessing mary might have recognized the feelings, at least somewhat. she had a few more weeks' head's up notice than me, but that wouldn't have really helped her out much. her situation being even more assuredly impossible than mine, i don't envy her that conversation with her parents. i hope that maybe an angel was on hand then, too. even if nazareth was as busy and diverse as some texts state, as soon as she started showing she became "that girl" to every "good" jew in the area. roman rule claimed sole authority over capital punishment (the penalty for adultery under the mosaic law), but nothing said a radical bunch of jews couldn't arrange an accident to avoid a public scandal, or at least disown her and chuck her to the curb. it's doubtful anyone sat down with her and asked all about her hopes and dreams for the future.  and if by chance she did get to chat, the conversation probs didn't last much past, "oh yeah- He's gonna save the world from sin and His Father is God in heaven. an angel said so."

 

that's a shame, because she would have had -quite literally- the best answer in the universe to that question, and she didn't even have to come up with it on the fly. the song "mary did you know?" must be rhetorical, because she did know. even if she was unaware of a number of particulars, she got the gist of it. and the gist was delivered to her in person, straight from the mouth of a heavenly angel. the words of that gist carried her through several months of tiredness, sickness, heartburn, mocking, tears, loneliness, and hurt. oh yes, and moving in with her new husband who nearly ended their engagement over this "impossibility." so, no pressure, girl. i can't do much more than imagine, but every kick and somersault she felt probably reminded her of those words, equally stunning and reassuring.

 

i'm twice the age she was, and every bit as unprepared. i am under no delusion that i have even a fraction of this under control. bugaboo will probably be at least 2 before she realizes she's not a cat like her older "siblings," and stops trying to lick them clean, drink from their water fountain or chew on the houseplants. mary didn't have to worry about things like vaccine schedules or each year's new car seat regulations. but she did have to worry about being the earthly parent to a Deity (and then at least 6 of the Deity's siblings…).  *gives the District 12 salute*

 

this little bugaboo has developed her own daily routine which includes a morning and evening round of calisthenics and at least one period of wind sprints and tai kwon do. as of 8 days ago, these high kicks are now visible.  nik is hoping for a future soccer player, and from all appearances, his wish has been granted.

yeah, it's a lot easier when the pressure's off us. it's not like bugaboo is gonna turn the world on its ear and change the entire course of humanity.

 

dear bugaboo, nope, i don't have any promises or guarantees. no messages from shining angelic messengers. no legends or portents or prophecies. but this advent season as i watch our charlie brown christmas tree twinkle, crinkle, and wither away before my eyes, here are a couple hopes and dreams for your future:

 

i hope you grow up always hearing more and more about this other completely unexpected baby and who He grew up to be.

 

i hope you come to understand what He did and why He did it. i hope you understand it in such a deep and personal way that you are knocked to your knees before Him in praise and awe.

 

i hope you don't hate me for not being whatever kind of saint that mary is pictured as being, because i for sure am not, and i want to prepare you for the all-but-inevitable possibility that i will screw up at least as much as she did, and then some.

 

i hope you grow in stature, in wisdom, and in favor with God and man.

 

i hope that even when your earthly parents royally screw up, we still direct your heart toward your heavenly Father, who has never, ever screwed up, and in His divine wisdom put you under our care for a time.

 

i hope that once you start walking, wherever your very (very) active and kick-y feet take you, people there sense the presence of the One who gave you to us, that we pray dwells in you forever.

 

i hope that once you start talking, your mouth is full of praise and that you communicate daily with your Creator God.

 

i hope that once you start school, you hang out with normal people, lonely people, "ugly" people, simple people- all kinds of people- and help them to know and feel that they are loved, by you but especially by Jesus.

 

i hope that each year as you break ornaments higher and higher on the christmas tree, the meaning of advent becomes a bit more real and true for you. 

 

merry christmas, bugaboo

downfall of the cults

 

one of the first decisions nik and i made together was to make a conscious effort in changing our entertainment values- both how much time we spent on, and the actual content of, what we would watch. it was helpful for me, because i knew i spent too much time with some tv show or other running in the background while i did housework or crafts and such.  i enjoyed having the sound of conversation in the house, and so i got used to listening to netflix shows even when i wasn't actively watching them. nik pointed out to me on a few occasions how much time the tv spent being on, and the conviction cut deep- rightly so.

this decision we made was also helpful because it gave me that extra motivation to lean into my nerdiness and see that list of documentaries on my watchlist.

bunny trail: so far, my favorite was the docuseries about the black plague and how it helped shape society- and how society actually affected how, when, and where the plague spread. i may have watched half of it twice.

 

in addition to stuff in the science and history worlds, i have a fascination with cults- how they formed, how they veered off the path of truth, how to have intelligent conversations with those in a cult, etc. turns out there's a fair amount of audio and visual learning freely available.

bunny trail: feel free to give me any suggestions of random, good, clean, podcast/video/shows on anything cool.

 

my new series is brought to us by netflix, and is entitled "leah remini: scientology and the aftermath." to say the least, it is eye-opening. every episode reveals yet another "woah" moment where scandal after scandal has been covered up, families broken apart, lives ruined, local and federal officials manipulated, non-scientologists targeted and children taken from parents and brainwashed and abused for years. and this is if even only half of it is true.

don't even get me started on the whole "xenu the alien god" thing.

 

bunny trail: ask me about the whole "xenu the alien god" thing. woah.

 

not only has dear leah remini displayed sooooo much that the scientologists would love to keep hidden for always and eternity, but amazon also recommended a kindle read for me, which of course, i read, about another well-known cult: mormonism. 

 

this book was an autobiography of a barely-15-year-old child who becomes the (6th) sister-wife of a major leader of the mormon branch that relocated to mexico in order to continue their practice of polygamy. "favorite wife: escape from polygamy" was so interesting i could barely put it down and interrupted nik's work multiple times to tell him new developments in the story. it was exciting, sad, weird, personal- so many things all at once.

quick history lesson: after joseph smith had a revelation that started mormonism, he engaged in polygamy and then stated he'd had a revelation from God revealing that polygamy is awesome. after they all moved to the utah territory to escape persecution, they continued polygamy until the US government made outlawing polygamy a condition for making utah a state.  then joseph had another revelation from God revealing that polygamy is no longer awesome. but he forgot to edit that verse out of their book of doctrines, he kept having contradictory revelations, and then he died, so i guess we will never know how God really feels about having dozens of wives.

 

i both love learning about these cults and hate seeing how many ways there are to distort the truth and lead people astray. it doesn't take much to turn a soul-saving message into a soul-sucking one.

 

my main podcast resource (for cults, anyway), is Cultish, where 2 christian friends interview others who have come out of these erroneous belief systems.  they find many of the same issues with the jehovah's witness cult as leah does with scientology, and in a hypothetical question to her, they ask the crucial question: what have you freed them  to ?

 

coming out of something bad doesn't really do much, if it lands you in something only slightly less bad. this isn't one of those "mostly dead is slightly alive" kind of things, even with chocolate-coated pills. a faith is either true, or it is not true. leah can pull folks out of scientology all she wants, but then she drops them into a spiritual landscape of barren wilderness. dropping your phone into a full bathtub might be mentally easier than into a toilet, but in the end it doesn't matter because your phone is still KO'd.

 

the answer to that all-important question posed by "cultish" is both obvious and mysterious. it is easy and extremely difficult. it can save your life in one sense, but could also kill you in another.

 

those who have come to Jesus with a background of cults are fighters- truly. years of hardcore intentional brainwashing and indoctrination are seemingly impossible to put down and walk away from.

but some did. and it's because they found that answer- a tool, a weapon, really. 

a cult's worst nightmare.

it's called the Truth.

 

i got a vague sense of something in "favorite wife", and got super excited when i discovered i was right.

this 20-year old girl, after suffering 5 years of use, abuse, neglect, and more under the authority of the elected "preacher" (her husband), the "prophet" (her brother-in-law), and the "super-sleazy evil, creepy, lying, murderous scumbag" (her other brother-in-law), she is confronted with an idea from another disgruntled mormon: don't just blindly follow what you're told when your eternal soul is at stake; find the truth for yourself.

 

she took that idea and ran with it. and for an under-educated woman with no human to help with her theological dilemma, she caught on pretty quickly.

 

guess. what.

all she did was pick up a Bible and start reading.

 

if her husband hadn't been busy with his mission work and 9 other wives and 40+ children, maybe he would have noticed and made her stop.

the funny thing is, she didn't even get very far before she realized something was seriously wrong (with mormonism). she found a seed of truth in a verse that I NEVER would have referred anyone to. the seed sprouted and grew. it took a couple years, but the fruit of her search was worthwhile. at the risk of her safety and that of her 5 children, she left the whole community (while they excommunicated her; in essence, it was a mutual ditching), moved back to the states- and kept reading the Bible. she finds the Way, the Truth and the Life, and plays a part in the salvation of several of her old sister-wives and many of their children. chains busted, prisoners freed, gates of hell slammed shut, eyes opened, souls saved- all because she picked up a Bible and started reading.

 

i go through phases where daily quiet time is not very "daily." i've been reading through Ezra, and lemme tell you it is not a thriller tale. i alternate between that and my Bible memory verses, which is good because Bible memory is good, but also kinda bad because it's partly to avoid Ezra, even though i am almost to the end. even by typing this out the guilt is rising.

 

i know i underestimate the value of the Bible. i have a glimpse of its full worth in my head, but acting on that knowledge is a regular struggle. even for someone who loves books as much as i do.

but the Bible is so much more than just a book. it's satan's kryptonite. it's hubbard's worst enemy. it's mormonism's antidote. it's a formidable weapon that God put in our hands, and that many of us shove onto our shelves and forget about. we accept whatever the man behind the pulpit says, regardless of whether he's speaking from the Bible or maybe just holding one closed in his hand- then we slip back into a spiritual coma for another week.

 

sometimes you just need to see what life is like under the corrupted version before you can recognize and fall in love with the Truth all over again. that might be another underlying reason i have this odd fascination. the more i hear of these distortions, the more i tighten my hold on what i know to be true.  i can still remember what my life was like before i could clearly see what the first apostles did; it was not to the same extreme, but i recognized the look in the eyes of leah remini's friends- grief, shame, loss, fear, hopelessness. most of that is because leah only brings these friends halfway. out of one cult, into another: the cult of "find your own truth," "you do you," "love is love is love," etc. what has she freed them to? what CAN anyone free them TO? the answer to this cult is the same as the answer to all the others, and indeed, to all the false religions.

 

the answer is the Truth, and His name is Jesus.

only the Truth can truly liberate one from the slavery of a cult to the wide-open freedom of Christ.

the Truth can only be found in Him. and He chose to reveal that Truth about Himself in a book, which He describes as a sword. Jesus knows the strength of the falsehoods that surround us. Jesus also knows the power of the Truth, because He IS the Truth. it's His people who forget that the Bible IS the revelation of the Truth- of God Himself!- so that by using this "sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God" we are really letting the Spirit work through us to bring the salvation of the Son with all the power and authority of God the Father in heaven. if we remembered this, we would never neglect the Bible like we do.

 

the time is now to unsheathe the Sword and join the war against falsehood. read Ephesians 6 and you'll see that we have been called up for active duty and given all the unlimited resources of heaven itself, to bring emancipation to those enslaved to sin and to help bring about the downfall of the cults. we will not see the complete end of them until the second coming of Jesus but under His banner we wage this war "against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places" emboldened by the confidence of ultimate victory. 

 

so grab your (spiritual) fighting gear and come with me as we follow the LORD of hosts!!!

… as soon as I finish Ezra…

still waiting... what a surprise!

 

i was never much into all the personality tests like myers-briggs and such- until i was introduced a few years ago to the enneagram. it's a little too true, and scary accurate. i'm a 5w6, and that means i don't much like surprises, unless it's during a period when surprises could be expected to occur, such as a holiday or birthday. i'm such a 5 that i don't let the computer put my solitaire cards up automatically, so that i can put the suits up in the "right" order myself. there's a chance i have a problem.

(bunny trail: i have just now- at this moment- realized i've never told nik that, and i can already hear him laughing in the future if he reads this. nik, stop it!!)

 

so i guess you can tell what 2020 has done to my mental constitution.

 

back when we were upset over being separated for easter, our naïve little selves were thinking fondly of gathering instead for summer vacation or the fourth of july, or labor day… or halloween… or thanksgiving… and now christmas.  nik and i moved from a quaran-dating relationship to a quarangagement one, to a quaran-wedding-planning one (which is a total blast; i highly recommend that whole experience as a character development activity). on top of a stupid germ playing cat's cradle with every relationship in the world, we checked facebook with growing trepidation not knowing what new potential disaster was wreaking havoc with what country or state. in a cruel twist of irony, the year that americans re-learned just how important teachers and nurses are was the year that national teacher's week  and national nurse's week were basically overlooked by the nation, because the nation was locked up at home and not looking at anyone else, just in case covid19 was spread by vision. murder hornets, hurricanes, a continent on fire, whatever the heck was happening in the sahara, tigers and kings and carol-didn’t-do-it, not to mention the most abnormal presidential election in our history as a country. the good news is that all politicians still lie, so at least we can hold on to that.

 

but we've been waiting for so long to return to "normal" that our past normal is basically gone. nobody is going to think about a hug or handshake the same way again. even if everyone were vaccinated tomorrow, this cure the world has been awaiting can't undo what the virus has done. there is no social strata unmarked by covid, not a single hour of media output that doesn't include it, no family or business or organization that hasn't had to adapt.

 

i heard this song (again) this holiday season on one of my christmas music cds in my car. i hit repeat twice because each time the words hit a little deeper. 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zF952rzG3Yk

  

[on the high probability that the link doesn't work.... go to youtube and listen to "how many kings" by downhere].

seriously- just listen to the words and then actually consider them.

most jews around 3 bc would sniff their noses at our "problems" and rant about theirs. they didn't even get elections! or netflix! or vaccines! or toilet paper! well, actually, they could really empathize with some of us on that. oh- and lying politicians.

they waited.

for centuries.

they waited so long, a lot of them had actually forgotten what it was they were supposed to be waiting for.

they were waiting for a King. a Savior. the Anointed One.

 

and then He came. but it was so out of the blue that absolutely nobody would have known about it for decades without heavenly messengers bursting into the physical realm to scare the pants off some shepherds and declare the news themselves.

a King? just born… now? lying in a what now?!?

yup. a manger. a feed box. probs has cows nudging Him with their big noses. that's the One you've been hearing about for 400 years- ha ha! you thought He'd never come, didn't you? surprise!!

(bunny trail: when did pants become a "thing"?)

 

i don't fully get why non-religious people celebrate christmas at all. there's no conceivable reason that is grounded in anything solid. i also don't get why non-christians celebrate christmas. who cares about a baby born 2000 years ago? the only reason we celebrate is because this baby was special. this baby was a King, a Savior, the Anointed One. completely, utterly unexpected- but still predicted by prophets ages beforehand. tiny, dependent, unspectacular- but still with unimaginable destiny.

this little One would spend the next 33 years or so surprising everyone He came in contact with. there was not a single part of daily life He couldn't affect, not many conversation topics He would avoid, no social circle He wouldn't join if invited.

 

on this side of history, we make light of the christmas story, and think how silly that whole generation was for not recognizing Jesus for who He was. back then? back then, every year was a potential 2020, with droughts, famines, wind storms, poverty, diseases galore and not a single cure for anything, and of course, lying politicians who also murdered people on a fairly regular basis. their newsfeeds weren't any more encouraging than ours.

 

maybe we should do what the shepherds did, and just marvel.

imagine heaven- go ahead.  the lights, the beauty, the brightness, the angels, the joy, the absolute perfection of everything in sight.

now imagine voluntarily walking right back out of the pearly gates and trading that perfection for… 2020, covid and all. yeah… nopety nope nope.

 

that's what Jesus did.

 

the King Who spent eternity in glory left His throne behind, to be confined to a place in time and space, entering a limited dimension- for us.

the Lord Who created galaxies with angels singing in the background, crafted a perfect planet for us humans stepped into His own creation now marred by sin- for us.

the God Who adapts reality with a word let Himself be mocked, scorned, abused, beaten, harassed, tortured, and murdered- for us. He poured out His very lifeblood for the sake of the very same ones who spilled it.

 

no other religion or philosophy even has a category for that kind of event. why?

because it makes zero sense. it's more than a surprise, it's insanity! the extent to which God went, in order to let us back into His holy presence is mind-blowing. every other faith (or non-faith) has a code, a ruler, a list of minimum expectations, that its followers have to know, follow, do, measure up to, in order to enter paradise (or its equivalent).  there are no surprises (at least, not here on earth) because the people know the extent to which they have to go.  

 

our God - the One True God- walked that entire distance for us. His path goes the whole way from heaven straight through to satan's front door. the way to God had been given to the jews so that they could take that message to the world. instead they hoarded it, hid it, forgot it, and finally rejected it. Jesus came to clear the way again. His arrival on the scene sent shock waves through the ancient world. why? because they were thinking the same words of the song, just different.  no real King would step down from a throne for humans. no real Lord would abandon the heavens for us. no "greats" would consider taking a human body.

no real God would pour out His heart to romance a world that is torn all apart.

no real God could do that for…. me… could He?

would a heavenly Father send His Son to this sinful world, knowing that His earthly life would end on a cross, after hours of incredible physical, emotional, and spiritual torture and agony? how could a Deity undo the horrific mess of sin that truly was pandemic- affecting every part of the natural world.

 

this One did.

 

because that's what it took to bridge the infinite gulf between sinners and God. and God was the only One who could go that far.

that's why non-religious people still celebrate christmas on some level. because inside they are asking the same questions as the ancients, not knowing that the answers are all, "yes." we celebrate because we know that "yes"- we know that God has done what no other god could do, that He went farther than a sinful human could go, and that even if everyone else has gotten tired of waiting and hoping, that's okay.  the waiting is over! the Savior is already here!

that's why all christians now are the heralds of truth- we declare that the Messiah ("Anointed One") has come "once to bear the sins of many, and that He will come a second time, not to deal with sin but to save those who are eagerly waiting for Him" (Heb 9:28).

 

so yes, christians are waiting… again…

but this time we wait knowing the end of this story- we don't have to worry about surprises there (but before that, probs a lot of them)! the timing will be a surprise, but not the ultimate outcome. so we wait eagerly this time- expectantly, hopefully, joyfully. whatever plagues and pandemics and politicians happen between now and then, we celebrate with the angels the One we've been waiting for. 

 

merry christmas, everybody :) 

the sad sage

i had the great privilege the other day to join my fiancé in an atypical conversation with a deist who i'm willing to bet has a very high IQ. before the server had even brought the bread and salad i was roped into the discussion the guys had going before we met up: the origin and potential end of the universe. umm, yeah. by the arrival of the steaks, we could add quarks, black holes, spirits, the apocalypse, the purpose of man, the exclusivity of Christianity vs hinduism, the crusades, scientific theory, the similarities and differences between the major world religions, and the weird tesseract-like layer of pure energy enveloping the sun that supposedly could power the world for like, a billion-jillion years. [and also whether or not nik copied my order because he realized my choice of steak was superior, or if he really had independently decided on the exact same meal. i hold the former, he the latter.]  because we weren't done with the discussion, we split a massively unhealthy dessert so we could finish talking…exactly where we began, but so full of food that i couldn't slouch and breathe at the same time.

 

and while it was a true privilege, i walked (or rather, waddled) out of the restaurant fighting off waves of frustration- and wonder, oddly enough. it's been a hot minute since i've met a person who not only believes in nothing that can't be explained a mathematical formula, but who also doesn't care at all. he gets the physical world. he thinks he has a grasp on the world religions. computer code? nailed it. steve jobs? stephen hawking? loves 'em. but for himself, life is a giant shrug. does he have purpose? eh, probs. *shrug*. is there something not strictly physical about a person? dunno. *shrug*.  what does he think about the possibility of eternity, and what that could mean for him? huh. guess i'll find out when i get there. *shrug*. he's content to focus on his career right now and worry about the afterlife later. he's got places to go and good things to do now.

 

a rising number of individuals from this generation have embraced this sort of thinking, though. take this friend's thought process, add some eastern-style clothing and a yoga mat, and you've got just enough religion to make these busy people feel safe without inconveniencing them with concepts like absolute Truth. i mean, if all these super-spiritual ideas come from old, dead, bald guys with single names- like, "confusious" and "ghandi" and "buddha," it must be wise enough to live by, right?  it all sounds 100% legit… until you process what you're being told.  

 

i've got a scratch-off poster of 100 really cool books to read ("cool" here applicable only for major nerds).  it includes everything from harry potter to the time machine to the origin of the species to the fireman to watership down. 

 

***bunny trail: harry potter- loved the series of wholesome, family-oriented characters with a wonderful moral compass, leaders worth following, and followers who know the value of friendship, loyalty, honesty and respect. time machine- amusing and fun. the origin of the species- darwin seems to think if he uses enough science words then most everyone would rather accept the theory than be bothered to suffer through more than a chapter or two. he's not wrong. the fireman- the absolute worst book to read during a global pandemic that kills people almost at random, causing most of society to shut down, about a global pandemic that kills people almost at random, causing most of society to shut down (the cool part being that instead of coughing, the victims of this pandemic spontaneously combust). watership down- bunnies galore. it's like a hug for the soul. read this one.***

 

with my library book app charged up, i began one that sounded fascinating- mahatma ghandi's "my experiments with truth"- his autobiography. i love hearing from leaders of other cultures and countries, especially ones who project wisdom, justice and some level of spirituality.

i was too far in to quit (and determined to complete the scratch off poster), but i wish i could have. it's depressing. for all his wisdom, justice and spirituality, after 300+ pages there is only one "truth" that ghandi was hardcore, dead-set, steadfastly sure of in this life. wanna know what it is? vegetarianism. i wish so bad i were lying.

 

is there a God? well, there's some kind of god/life force in all of us; this force has no name or specific characteristics, but it definitely/probably hears prayers and keeps me from temptation to eat meat or even drink milk.

which exclusive religion is true? eh, they're all true; i shall teach all my friends' kids to follow whatever god/life force they want, to be hard-working, and to not eat meat or even drink milk.

what "is" good or bad, or right or wrong? being mean to any living thing is bad and wrong; therefore i shall be good and right by never eating meat or milk. and also most grains. and spices. and eggs.  i shall eat bananas and walnuts all my days.

is there an afterlife? i sure hope so. even more days to eat bananas and walnuts.

 

this man who was so kind and respectful and honest to a fault never finds the truth he's looking for. he spouted words, phrases, ideas from the Bible and hindu teachings… but seemed to contradict both faiths; he wouldn't go for hinduism because he frankly didn't know anything about it, and he shied away from Christianity because it was boring. really. that was his reason. but since he was kind and respectful and honest and vegetarian, he has earned his place as a role model, leader, sage.

i feel it is worth actually saying that in many ways, he was indeed a role model, leader and sage. he gave his life to improving race relations, easing the suffering of the mistreated lower classes, feeding the hungry, educating the poor, giving them a voice in their country's government, practicing self-control in all things, and holding himself to very high moral standards. he was probably the first, and also last, truly honest lawyer who actually didn't lie to, for, or about any judge, witness or other lawyer. he promoted freedom of religion, openly (yet respectfully) spoke out against horribly unjust government practices, and led by example in all things.

 

but he never found truth.

he never reached the point of "satyagraha" (reliance on/pursuit of truth) where he felt he was pure enough. he prayed to "God," but was fully convinced that "there is no God but Truth." and he was still searching for it. his fasting hadn't helped. his impressive legal practices hadn't helped. his long list of excellent, kind, noble, peaceful, (vegetarian), generous, wise deeds… hadn't helped. 

 

what kills me, and what made me want to stop reading was when i saw just how close he was to the true Truth.  about 2/3 through his book, i read this:

 

"i hold today the opinion as i held then. to my mind the life of a lamb is no less precious than that of a human being. i should be unwilling to take the life of a lamb for the sake of the human body. i hold that, the more helpless a creature, the more entitled it is to protection by man from the cruelty of man. but he who has not qualified himself for such service is unable to afford to it any protection. i must go through more self-purification and sacrifice before i can hope to save these lambs from this unholy sacrifice. today i think i must die pining for this self-purification and sacrifice. it is my constant prayer that there may be born on earth some great spirit, man or woman, fired with divine pity, who will deliver us from this heinous sin, save the lives of the innocent creatures, and purify the temple."

 

and he did. ghandi died still pining for the Lamb who gave His life freely- it wasn’t taken- in order to not just purify the Temple, but to purify us and make US the new Temple. we have been delivered from every heinous sin, because God in His unfathomable, divine, "reckless" love caused to be born on earth that Holy Deliverer Jesus Christ. He didn't save innocent creatures, because innocent creatures have no need of saving. "Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners, of whom i am the foremost" (1 Timothy 1:15). we are sinners, whose even "tiniest" of sins is an affront to God's holiness and incompatible with His character. perfection simply cannot be with even a slight imperfection without becoming itself imperfect. no matter how much ghandi (or you, or i) fasts or how little he lies, or how much he donates to the poor, he will never be perfect and thus literally cannot be in the presence of a perfect God. only a perfect sacrifice can make that possible. and that sacrifice is Jesus.

 

ghandi's prayer had already been answered, and ghandi refused to believe it.

the absolute worst part is that ghandi has now spent 72 years of atoning for his lack of perfection- and he still has an eternity. he will never be perfect enough to save even a little lamb, much less himself or another human.

in the world's opinion, if there is a heaven, then ghandi is definitely there and probably has one of the biggest mansions of all.

however, one thing ghandi got (mostly) right was that God is Truth. and the truth is that those who are not delivered from their heinous sins by the Lamb must themselves pay the penalty, which is eternal separation from God.

that's where ghandi is right now- he's in hell. that's where all the self-sufficient "nice people" who did "good" things are- they are in hell.

that's where my newest acquaintance will go if he chooses to continue his current plan of walking into eternity with zero concern. he will go to hell.

 

i made it to the end of the book, at last.

and if you are reading this, you made it to the end of this post.

i learned quite a bit from ghandi, but i hope somehow i'm not the only one.  my prayer is that his life and message might compel someone to find what the sad sage never did. if it's my new friend, or you, or your friend- whoever it is who finds the Truth will be blessed indeed.

a picture worth 4 words

a few years ago our church ordered the updated AWANA program materials, which was a blessing and a loss for me, as a large part of my work had now been outsourced. every wednesday, i would show up early in order to get everything organized and set up and photocopied and labeled.  the most time-consuming part, but an intriguing diversion, was to come up with pictures for each week's Bible story.  for some reason, in another classroom in that wing are 2 massive wooden shelves or drawers stuffed with what appears to be every single Bible picture card that any baptist ever drew.  the oldest copyright date i've located predates the Cold War. 

i loved rifling through so many creative expressions of these scenes of David or Nebuchadnezzar or John the Baptist or Moses.  while i don't know what Moses looked like, i'm pretty sure he wasn't white, and i'm very sure he didn't have google eyes.

while i don't have to fight anymore to find an appropriate picture, in that mess of cardstock i actually took my favorite one and now keep it in our Cubbies room with our flashy new google-eyed picture cards.  it was such an inspiration to me, and even now i wonder at it. it's an artist's conception of one of my favorite Bible stories, even though there is no action, no drama, no loud noises or excitement at all.  it's two people, talking.  that's it.

but one of those people is Nicodemus. and the other person is Jesus. 

i identify strongly with Nicodemus on many levels.  i can more than imagine- i can remember- what he was thinking that night.  he was creeping in the shadows to Jesus's house because he would die of shame if anyone knew that someone raised in the church, who'd made a profession of faith and been baptized at 12, who read her NIV Bible every day and knew all the trivia answers… if someone like that still didn't know the basics of that religion?  if they struggled with anger, depression, forgiveness, trust?  if they could quote tons of verses but couldn't life them out? if they'd rather die than go one more day without peace or hope or something bigger than myse- i mean, himself- to live for? oh wait.  that wasn't Nicodemus- that really was me… but Jesus sat down that night and talked to him anyway. no sneer of contempt.  no raised eyebrow or turned up nose. He said, "sure. come on in- let's find a quiet place to chat."

and then that pasty-white, brown-haired, blue-eyed Jesus told Nicodemus the same incredible story that the google-eyed Jesus helped me tell the Cubbies last week. although the editors cleaned it up a bit, the picture card is pretty clear about what's happening to Jesus on that cross. to the left is a giant red "C" with 4 words underneath: "…Christ died for us." 

the 1986 version depicts that proud Pharisee sitting in the dark, hoping none of the members of his Sanhedrin facebook group tags him in a picture with a "heretic" like Jesus. he's aware of what hangs in the balance, though, and he knows it's worth risking a visit to this man who somehow speaks about God like He's real, and close, and personal, and powerful, and wise, and every bit as incredible as the Torah says He is. Nicodemus wants that God- at the very least, he wants to seriously look into it.  he's not ready to ditch the prestigious job, and he can't quite figure out how someone can be "born again," but he also knows there's something different about Jesus.

as i look into options, here and abroad, for sharing that same Good News on a longer-term basis, i've made sheets for each of the Cubbies to take home and share their story or verse with family and friends each week.  i bribed them with hand stamps, but hey…

holding myself accountable to that goal, i was given the opportunity to share the Gospel with a few people myself. a couple of them responded like Nicodemus's Sanhedrin friends did, complete with name-calling, self-righteousness and complete rejection (not unexpected, but my soul hurts for them anyway).  but one responded like Nicodemus. he can't quite let go of the Hinduism he grew up with, but he knows there's something different about Jesus.  he wants a God who listens to prayers, who cares about his burdens, who doesn't require penance for every single individual sin.  he wants to know what's going to happen to him after his life here ends. he wants justice for the evil he sees everywhere humans go. 

the best part is that Jesus gave Nicodemus 4 other words: "For God so loved…"  God loves the self-righteous as much as He loves the Hindu.  which is good, because otherwise i would have been chucked out on my ear. Jesus continued to say, "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life."  that's a promise. a mighty big one, at that.

and it's one that everyone needs to hear, because that promise is to them also.  

there's about a 0% chance that you do not know someone who needs to be told those four words "for God so loved."  someone you know is struggling with doubts and concerns and needs to hear, "Christ died for us."  you may or may not get a response.  that response may or may not be positive.  but just a few words can change a life.  Nicodemus was changed, and he makes an appearance at Jesus' cross with other believers.  i was changed, and i showed up at the cross, too- just a few thousand years later.  you were changed, or you never would have read this far.  

celebrate that.  celebrate the change in your life, because it's mind-blowingly awesome what God did for you. 

then find your "nicodemus" and have a chat with them.  it can all start with a few words.

all the everybodies

tonight's lesson for the Cubbies was really only half a story.  i hate those, because 5 year olds don't take them very well. and even though the lesson was on an issue that applies to everyone, that issue is not a tangible one, and thus hard to wrap little minds around. 

so i had to include a little of the beginning and a little of the end- which worked, because it can be explained using the very same picture card.

totally went off script. 

but then again, i do that on a nearly weekly basis.

in essence, the lesson could be summed up as , "you're a sinner, and so am i," our key verse being Romans 3:23.  [for the parents reading this, yes, the Cubbies get extra hand stamps for every person they tell the lesson/verse to (and that tell one of us teachers).  we hauled in a tall person tonight so their little person could tell them last week's lesson.  the things we will do for a little ink dinosaur…]

the first picture card shows a politically correct vision of heaven, incorporating as many physical elements as possible, but centered on King Jesus on His throne, being worshipped by a number of white-robed people.  because even though it shows heaven, it's really where the story begins.

we were created to be in a perfect, eternal, amazing relationship with Jesus. that's exactly what mankind had at first.  i don't know if Jesus wore His crown every day, strolling through the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve, but He very well may have.  all i know is that it was, indeed, perfect.

well, i also know that right now, it isn't.  i bet you 5 AwanaBucks that you can't easily find a person who genuinely believes that this world is what it should be like.  if any of the people you ask are of any religion, it won't take long for them to tell you the reason, either.

it's sin.

sin happened.  and it's still happening.  and will continue to happen until this world ends.

our verse, Romans 3:23, is our "A Verse," because it reads (on a Cubby level) as, "A stands for "All." all have sinned."  so we compared our picture of heaven to pictures that more closely resemble their daily lives: brothers not sharing, sisters pulling each other's hair and fighting, kids disobeying, having tantrums, etc.

"A" means "all."  "all" means "everybody."  it means all of the everybodies- past, present and future. (every human except Jesus).

"sin" is anything we think, say, or do that breaks God's law.  even when we try, that's a lot of things.  i sinned within an hour of waking up this (late) morning. all the Cubbies admitted they probably had, too.

all except Simeon. he was quite clear on this point.  he'll be applying for sainthood any day, now, i reckon.

and just as breaking our parents' rules had consequences, so does breaking God's rules. our sin means that there is simply no way for us to be with God, because of Who He is. it's as impossible as having a "chunk" of "darkness" hovering over a candle.  

by itself, it's a pretty cruddy story. it leaves us stuck in a broken, decaying planet, cut off from the very Source of Life, Truth and Light Himself and with no hope of reconciliation. the best our ancestors could do was burn some livestock. 

it's not like we do any better.  we just don't kill sheepies.  we go for the "cleaner" sacrifices, like "going to church," or "volunteering at the homeless shelter," or "praying to God/my ancestors/the Virgin Mary," and hope like crazy that these good deeds will tip the scales in our favor.

they won't.

neither will paying tithes, teaching Cubbies, reading the Bible, visiting the Holy Land, quitting smoking, shaking the Pope's hand, voting Republican, home schooling, starting a ministry, _________ <--- fill in the blank with anything you're doing to make God happy.  none of it will work. 

PTL it's not the end of the story.  there was a looooooong time of waiting, but from the first pronouncement of judgement came a promise: someday, a Savior would come.  and some day after that, every person who puts their faith in that Savior will be a part of that picture of heaven. that's a promise.  a good, good promise.

you just gotta believe it.

i'm only taking 1 class this half-semester (i know, right?!?) and it of course is "Evangelism and Missions." one of the books we are supposed to read (or have already read…) gives a wonderfully clear, simple way to present the Gospel and lead the listener to make a decision. i'd already thought of giving the Cubbies incentive to listen, and then actually share, what they'd learned about.  but that, and this class, have also convicted me- who am i sharing with?  i tell you, there's nothing more invigorating than telling the incredible, amazing, jaw-droppingly good news about Jesus to someone who's never heard it, or someone who's never heard it clearly.  i encourage you to give it a go.

who are you sharing with?  if you're not sharing the Gospel, what ARE you sharing that's more important? if you have a Cubby, feel free to use them as an excuse- let them tell your neighbor or friend or coworker the A Verse, and then jump in there and tell them the Good News!

and then let me know, so that your Cubby can get his hand stamp.

the big IF

i hate realizing new areas where i lack discipline, or screw up or disappoint.  i already know it's a long list, and i've even been told the list- not even kidding you.  one of those areas is prayer. to be brutally honest, i rarely enjoy it. maybe i'm doing it wrong, but even still, i must confess that 99.4% of the time it is a struggle and most days of the week it might be right on the top of things to fall off the to-do list. 

it took me an age, but i came to realize one of my major obstacles was that i simply couldn't tell any difference in my prayers.  i love our church's women's prayer group, hearing from the others what's going on in their lives, and taking turns praying for each other… but it's hard to say for the hundredth time that my prayer request is the same as the month before and that i can't see any change in my situation.  especially on those nights when several in the group are celebrating spiritual victories and obstacles overcome.  i've spent most of the past few years fighting just to keep up with daily life.  i know it can't really be true, but when i don't see any tangible evidence it's super hard to back up the claim that prayer is powerful. i was jealous of seeing other people's prayers answered and mine not. they would say they had the same struggles- but daggum, they made it look easy. yup; i was a little green-eyed monster who couldn't see why their "IFs" came true and mine grew stale. that tiny word "IF" that carries so much possibility and hope within. seriously- just think of all the ideas and inventions and plans and mind-blowing, incredible things that have followed someone saying, "IF…" 

i commiserate closely with Martha and Mary who ran to Him with tears running in rivers down their faces as they each questioned Him.  they knew He was able, knew that He loved them, and could fathom no earthly reason why He wouldn't answer their prayer for Lazarus's healing. that word, "IF" just doesn't go away.  IF You had been here, Lazarus wouldn't be dead right now.  IF You had come.  IF we could see things from Your perspective. so many IFs that only become clear on the other side of the grave. so many of the miracles He performed began with an IF, a petition for His mercy as the wounded and poor and outcast and ailing clung to that hope before them of deliverance.

i don't know when this thought hit me like a brick in the face, but since it's right before Easter, everyone who sets foot in a church this week is going to hear about this passage.  and it's about what most would, under most any other circumstance, term an "unanswered prayer." it's an "IF" of epic proportions. even weirder, it's Jesus who's praying.

right after the Last Supper, Jesus goes with his few best friends to the garden of Gethsemane to pray, like they did all the time. they sang, they talked, they bonded.  then Jesus left 8 of them and took the last 3 and told them quite frankly, "I'm scared to death." He asked them to pray, and then went a couple trees away and prayed Himself.  He fell down on His knees and begged God Almighty to find some other way- any other way- to accomplish the task… the task of saving us.

it's not just once.  three separate times He prays the exact same thing.  because He's perfect, He willingly submits to God's will- but still, He prays for that cup to pass away. "IF there is ANY OTHER WAY, make this cup pass." 

every time He went back to check on Peter, James and John He found them dead asleep.  and it's only us who realize later that their eternity (and ours…) was hanging in the balance, and they're snoozing. i don't know about you, but i am immediately humbled by the thought of that prayer.  Jesus didn't have  to do anything.  He could have zapped right back to heaven and rejoined the Father and Holy Spirit and all the celestial beings in eternal perfection and left humanity to its fate. 

and He would have been thoroughly justified in doing so.

the only thing He gained by this, the greatest sacrifice, was us.  you.  me. that church member you secretly can't stand.  your boss who drives you bonkers. the neighbor down the street with the perfectly manicured lawn (…who sneers at yours while her dog pees by your mailbox…). that family member whose special talent is saying the wrong thing in a loud voice.  He took that cup for us.

can you imagine, just for a minute, if Jesus's prayer were answered and that cup just disappeared?

Luke 22:43 mentions an angel that comes to Him during this last, desperate prayer.  i wonder if it's one of the same ones that appears at the end of His first temptation, where He was even given that way out He requested.  The Devil himself offers Jesus the world. "You remember how You made me 'ruler of this world'?  Yeah, IF You bow down and worship me, i'll back off and give this whole place back to you." for Jesus, it's of course an unthinkable way to avoid the Cross. He'd known for ages that the ultimate purpose for those 33 years on this little planet was its redemption, and the Triune God had already designed how that redemption would happen.  but on some level, during that time in the wilderness, Jesus was still tempted.  Satan gave Him a way to take Earth away from his clutches, bypass Calvary altogether and all for the low price of a bow and a word of praise. He literally has an out, right there.

now a couple years later in the Garden, Jesus knows that no matter how many times He prays IF, our only hope is Him. He also knows that the only way to make our IFs possible is through His. 

i'm still not super glad most of the time for the IFs i juggle. but i'm coming to learn (slowly) that i will be grateful later on for each IF- the big ones, the little ones, the confusing ones, the painful ones, the scary ones. when i can't see the answers, it's not His fault- and there are answers (even if they are "no").

so i can pray knowing that each IF has an answer. 

i can pray in hope, just like every other person He ministered to. 

i can pray IF, because He hears and knows and understands. 

and i can pray knowing that "all the promises of God are Yes in Christ," and that not an ounce of that hope in Him is ever misplaced. because their prayer was "unanswered" Martha and Mary could "see the glory of God." and because Jesus's own prayer was "unanswered" we can now see glimpses of that same glory that we will view in full strength later on. if that's what He can do with their IFs, i can't wait to see what will happen with each of ours that we give to Him!    

passed over

i love the (few, and far between) moments where various unrelated areas of my life align and correspond in ways i can't explain, but that leave little gems of truth sprinkled around like a giant Holy Spiritual sneeze.  it's just the greatest thing ever, running around and snatching them up, savoring them and chasing off to the next.  i wish it happened more often.

as often happens after tuesdays, i woke up today and found another wednesday in progress. which also means that it was time to brace myself against the oncoming tidal wave of Cubby-ness.  as per usual, i made my way into the upstairs room at church a couple hours early in order to gather, prepare, photocopy and set up everything needed to engage 18 small people for 2 hours.  of course, this also included at least one prayer.  i'm not quite vain enough to assume that any good coming out of that time in AWANA is because of me. i've also benefited this past month from hearing multiple sermons from 3 different churches in 3 different states about prayer, that is to be a central goal this year in these churches. it's like the SBC has this big conspiracy to get us all to pray or something… huh. i hope it's working. i'll say it's got me jump-started, at least.

but also happening the past month-ish or so, we've been spending our Cubby story time learning about the beginnings of the Hebrew people, from Abraham to crossing the Red Sea and how God is big and strong enough to keep ALL of His promises ALL the time.  this has led to not only multiple rousing renditions of "My God is So Big" but also a fair number of hysterical quotes and questions from the inquisitive little minds.  for our last story time before Christmas break i was blessed with the task of explaining the ten plagues. i know, i'm still feeling guilty about it. ("Merry Christmas- look, this girl is covered in boils!") the good news is that i was also able to include the positive part of the story- the very first Passover, and the reason why one of Jesus's nicknames is the "Lamb of God." even despite the trauma and total grossness, God's plan for deliverance can be seen throughout.  not only that, but also His holiness, His grace, His bigness and His power.  the Old Testament is chock full of some pretty huge promises that only a big, powerful and loving God could keep. that magnificent display called Passover was only the beginning. 

this week, outside the Cubby's story material, i wound up reading the story of the last Passover- or at least, the last one Christians celebrate.  today it was Mark's account, which includes some heart-wrenching details that get me every time.  i was struck this afternoon by the hint of irony that only Jesus would gotten at the time, when the disciples asked Him where He'd like them to prepare the Passover meal. the very same night that the passover lamb would be killed, the perfect Passover Lamb stood outside the city gates, looking a bit over to the side, where a little hill called Golgotha made a bump by the side of the road, knowing that He would be arrested in a matter of hours.  Peter and John ran off to prepare the meal, and Jesus was spent His last free day with the other disciples, knowing that everything was already in place.

once that seder meal was over and Jesus and the remaining 11 friends were in the Gard of Gethsemane, we read a prayer that i can't think right now of having heard many sermons on.  i've heard a lot about the Lord's Prayer, how to pray, why to pray, what happens when we pray, and the prayers of all kinds of people throughout the Bible… but not many about this one.  or at least the part i noticed this time.  it's one of the few "unanswered" prayers in Scripture.  and by "unanswered" i mean it in the same way others do, which is really "not answered in the way i want it to be."

right there, in the Bible, Jesus (who by this point is in the middle of a full-blown anxiety attack) prays, "Father…make this go away. please don't make me do this." of course, this is all said in perfect faith, and He also says, "Your will be done- if there's no other way, then Your will be done."  but that cup did not go away. there was no other way. if anyone's prayer wasn't going to be answered immediately in the affirmative, who'd guess it would be His? and yet just like with Moses, God had the perfect plan for our deliverance- and it involved the sacrifice of the Lamb.

i've got a few "unanswered" prayers of my own that i took downstairs to my usual place, and made another wet spot on the carpet in front of the altar. i know the prayers of so many biblical characters often seemed to be ignored for long, even when they seemed to be God-honoring or fulfilling promises He'd made.  Abraham waited decades… DECADES… for some of God's words to come true.  the Hebrews were in Egypt for 400 YEARS before they were freed- you know they'd been praying for at least 395 of those for deliverance, yet before the first Passover generations of slaves had prayed and cried, lived and died, asking God why they were being 'passed over' and ignored. Job, Elijah, David, Hannah, Zachariah, Paul… and even Jesus.  they all prayed, for healing or strength or deliverance or children or hope or faith.

so what do we do?  we pray anyway. we pray knowing that every promise will be kept and that the prayers of the faithful are never passed over. they may not be answered in the way we think or hope, but if not, it's only because God's answer is even bigger and better and more beautiful than we knew to think or hope for.  in my tiny, clean, Type A world, i've got answers to my prayers that seem to be all kinds of wonderful and God-glorifying.  but if i pray like Jesus and always, always make His will the ultimate aim, then i can be pretty sure of 2 things: first, that prayer will be answered.  and secondly, it probs won't be what my tiny, but clean, world has room for.  and that's okay. (it doesn't feel like it, but it is).  the Passover Lamb has everything prepared for us; He's got every answer- He IS every answer, and we have Him interceding for us even now, guaranteeing those answers.

i'm not sure how much of the hugeness of Passover sunk in to those 4 year old brains, but maybe someday i'll be surprised- it's happened before.  everyone but Jesus tends to underestimate a kid's ability to hear, understand and trust what's going on, which is utterly amazing when you factor in all the pinching, laughing, poking, shoe-untying, hairband adjusting, crying and bathroom visiting that they are also able to accomplish at the same time.  somehow, God makes Himself known to them- and us.

now if only i can pull off "My God is So Great" like a Cubby, i'll be set.