one foot on the Truth, the other on a banana peel

 i've never been a roller coaster person, despite my desire to be.

some time in my early teens, i went with some friends to a roller coaster park, and one girl i liked hanging out with was willing to go with me on the smallest, least dramatic roller coaster available to "ease into" the fun. there are only a few things i remember about it:

1. it was called "the mousetrap."

2. it was unreassuringly creaky and clanky, and (in my opinion) unnecessarily jerky and whiplash-y.

3. as i was envisioning a future of paralysis from neck injury, my friend was sitting next to me as comfortably as if she were on a sofa… reciting a few Psalms that she had memorized for just such an occasion. it was stunning, amusing, shocking… annoying… amazing, really.

i'm finishing a 5-part series about martin luther on a newfound history podcast, and one of the more interesting aspects is that the hosts are atheists. ikr?!? overall, they give a better description of the reformation than I feared, although they've kept strictly to only one of the 5 "solas:" sola scriptura ("only scripture").  in total, they are: sola fida, sola gratia, solus Christus, sola scriptura, soli Deo gloria. in meaning, they state that salvation is through faith alone, by grace alone, in Christ alone, as in the Scripture alone, for God's glory alone.

bunny trail: back when such a thing was possible, my mom majored in latin. she knows all the reasons for sola vs. soli vs solus, and had she lived in martin luther's time, i bet his Bible translation would have been finished even earlier and perfectly proofread. i have zero talent for language, except american english. i don't even do english-english, because sorry-not-sorry we won that war, king george.

the one "sola" they've stuck with makes sense, because it's really the only "tangible" concept there that you could expect an atheist to explain. in addition, the Scriptures contain the others for the most part, so i can give them partial credit without difficulty.

i believe they are mistaken on some aspects of the story, like some (most of) of his motives, and the reason for his resolve is never explored. which is bonkers, when you go a mile in luther's crocs and think through the implications of what this lonely until-then obscure guy did and said. leaving out the "why" is a major logical "whoopsie."

then they take that logical slippery slope like an unhitched roller coaster car. 

down a greased track. 

in a lightning storm.

somehow- couldn't tell ya how- but somehow, they wind up at the conclusion that martin luther- the guy who set off the protestant reformation and basically changed the trajectory of a major branch of Christianity- that martin luther!!- is just like one of those liberal "pro-palestine" protesters. yup. they said that.

bunny trail: i hate political bunny trails, but i really thought they'd hold out longer. key difference between them and martin luther? luther actually accomplished something- but that's just my limited analysis.

the podcasters, being the religious-roller-coaster daredevils they are, [cut the brake line and whip around a hairpin turn and] declare martin luther is a radical who cast off the oppressive regulations of the religious authorities so he could "live his truth." they [fly down that deconstruction track as they disengage all safety mechanisms and] hypothesize that atheism is the natural conclusion to the protestant reformation, because if luther could trash everything the catholic church produced except the Bible, why not chuck that, too? luther was "living his truth," and so should we! 

[**gruuuchkkkniunckkngkkkngkngkngk**  that's the sound of the roller coaster car veering around a corner and shooting off the track's end, grinding to a halt in a pile of twisted, sparking metal. the podcasters go airborne, floating through the atmosphere on their own fanciful theories. they haven't yet landed.]

luther was not "living his truth." he had read the Bible and discovered The Truth. "I AM the Way, the Truth, and the Life," Jesus said (john 14:6). martin poured over the Bible from beginning to end, laboring meticulously to wring out the meaning of words like "grace" and "propitiation" and "faith." he knew somewhere in that mountain of church writings, doctrines, and practices lay the answers he so desperately needed. after digging through the top layers of grass and dirt, sand and loose gravel, he hit the bedrock. finally, a place he could stand, a place that could support the tremendous weight of the gospel of Jesus Christ. this gospel is the pearl of great price. the buried treasure the rich man sells his entire estate for in order to buy the otherwise useless field. for him, and for luther, this was worth e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.  his job, his reputation, his friends, his family, his time, his strength, his every heartbeat.

any faith you build on dirt or sand won't stand up to more than 2 puffs and a huff from the big bad wolf.

but on a layer of bedrock? you couldn't have a harder, more solid foundation under you. "on this rock I will build My Church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it" (matt 16:18, emphasis added). "this rock" is understood within protestantism to refer to the gospel, peter's confession that Jesus was the Christ, the Son of the Living God.

that's what luther realized. "i cannot and will not recant anything, for to go against conscience is neither right nor safe. here i stand- i can do no other. so help me, God."

this, after encountering the Truth about God's holy wrath intersected by His redeeming grace.

this, in response to his religious and political authorities, who had consolidated power and turned faith into a spiritual one-a-day tablet ["available for a price. discounts applied at register. one indulgence per customer per confession. may not be combined with any other relic sale or promotion"].

bunny trail: so. many. questions. about those indulgences. what was the return policy? what if you bought one for someone who'd already gotten one the previous year from a different relative? what did you do with it? how long did they take to work? what if it got lost or destroyed?

this, knowing his life was at stake.

this, knowing he'd be accused of disrespect, heresy, offensiveness, stupidity, recklessness, and who knows what else.

there are some things in which, in all practicality, it is impossible to *not* take a stand on. to say you are *not taking a stand* is in itself taking a stand. standing on very shaky dirt and sand, but still.

the gospel of Jesus Christ is one of those things. the Bible containing that gospel is thus necessarily one of those things.  either it's true, or it's not. the very second you add or subtract to the Bible and its gospel, you are just strapping yourself into another roller coaster cart behind my atheist buddies. yeah, that one- with no lap bar and the bent axle. good luck.

another quote i found, also attributed to martin luther, is this: "the truth of the matter is rather as Christ says: 'he who is not with me is against Me.' He does not say, 'he who is not with Me is not against Me either, but merely neutral.' " i've visited multiple churches in the past while that are trying (unsuccessfully) to find that gray area of both sound doctrine and societal acceptance. they're trying the podcaster's idea of discarding the Bible, and they will wind up in the same place- nowhere. or rather, nowhere good.

i've been blessed not only by much more theologically sound podcasts, but mostly by multiple returns to the sacred refuge of that glorious gospel. no matter who or what tries to offer me a watered-down version, i can't take it. every manner of spiritual and political authority is making power-grabs all over the freaking place, now trying to offer up a politically correct, utterly inoffensive, store-brand religious one-a-day.

i don't have all the answers; neither did good ole doc luther. but we have far more than enough to give me confidence in the holy, inerrant, Word of God. i stand firmly in the gospel of Jesus Christ. i believe His words. i trust His promises. He is the propitiation for my sins, and i trust Him fully for my salvation and have the Holy Spirit as a "guarantee of the inheritance" in heaven until the day i get there. this gospel is "old-fashioned." it is "weird" and apparently, "on the wrong side of history." it is most definitely not "cool." but it's true, and I'm staking my entire eternity on that simple fact.

bunny trail: when did history start having "sides"? and where is the edge, or corner, or fold? who makes that decision? seriously!

this, because i've encountered the Truth in an undeniable, unavoidable way. i had the smallest possible glimpse of my sin from the Truth's perspective, and then nearly drowned in the flood of that same Truth's redeeming grace. that encounter is one the reality of which i simply cannot deny or avoid, and it demands that i respond accordingly.

this, knowing i'll be (or have already been) accused of disrespect, heresy, offensiveness, stupidity, all manner of phobias and "anti-"s, and i don't know what else.

what i do know is that however many loop-de-loops and twists this roller coaster of life blasts me through, there's an absolutely safe ending: standing before the heavenly throne, praising my Savior and God without restraint and without end. 

"there is one gospel on which i stand 

for all eternity.

it is my story, my Father's plan:

the Son has rescued me.

oh what a gospel, oh what a peace,

my highest joy and my deepest need!

now and forever He is my light;

i stand in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

there is one gospel to which i cling.

all else i count as loss.

for there, where justice and mercy meet,

He saved me on the cross.

no more i boast in what i can bring,

no more i carry the weight of sin.

for He has brought me from death to life;

i stand in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

there is one gospel where hope is found;

the empty tomb still speaks.

for death could not keep my Savior down,

He lives, and i am free!

now on my Savior i fix my eyes,

my life is His and His hope is mine.

for He has promised i, too, will rise;

i stand in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

and in this gospel the Church is one,

we do not walk alone.

we have His Spirit as we press on

to lead us safely home.

and when in glory still i will sing

of this old story that rescued me.

praise to my Savior, the King of Life,

i stand in the gospel of Jesus Christ."

 

"there is one gospel," words and music by jonny robinson and rich thompson

confessions of a horrible "southern housewife"

 it's that time of year again: yep, the beginning. 

 

new year resolutions are a common conversation starter, self-help and diet books fly off shelves, and [dozens of] gyms see a brief spike in attendance. the joy and charity of the christmas season come to a screeching halt, to be replaced by a period of intense frustration, busy-ness and criticism that is somehow spun as a good thing. the "acceptable" standards of beauty, wealth, education, fashion, health, politics- you name it- are literally broadcast across the nation by which each individual "should" judge themselves. if it's a thing you "should" have, it'll be on sale. if it's a belief you should have, the book is released this week. if you "need" to change or do anything, you will see commercials, ads, billboards and people you know telling you just how far you are "behind the Joneses." we, as a collective, have become trained to find every deficiency in ourselves possible, and somehow choose only the worst 2 or 3 to "fix" in a calendar year. and we all do this, each knowing in the back of his mind that there's a slim chance any true change will occur; we will be the same messed up "failures" in december that we are in january (and don't you dare ask a friend how their resolutions are coming any point after valentine's day at the latest).

 

i've seen more than enough hgtv shows to know that i do not, nor ever will, meet anyone's standards for a stereotypical "southern" housewife. i know there's a pretty high chance i could work my way up to that level, were it demanded of me, but it would take ages, and i would *not* be fit for society with how tired and bitter i would have become.

i also know that my application to Southern Housewife School would be laughed at if a gpa were replaced with dusting frequency or a pot roast recipe. dust bunnies? let's try dust giraffes or dust mastodons. it's been on my to-do list for such a long time that i don't even write it down anymore, because i know myself too well.

and that's just one standard i "fail" to live up to. i haven't even gotten to the standards for beauty, savings account, car model, political knowledge, citizenship, or marriage. i can now add parenting standards to the list, in case i wasn't tempted to feel bad enough about who i am.

 

so what's a person to do?!? well, there's good news and bad news. 

the good news is that the answer is crazy-easy.   

the bad news is that the answer is so easy it's nearly impossible.

to sum up in an easy-to-remember way: "make like a tree and leaf."  yup. that's it. be like a tree. a little tree- a vine, even.

 

to explain:

 

i had a friend who went through a period of substantial change in her life- physically, financially, mentally. it was excellent for her. near the end of that period, i saw her reading a self-help book; it was apparently not as good as the last one she'd read that left her similarly disappointed and un-self-helped. so i referred her to one of my own favorite "self-help" books, and to one small section in particular.

 

this particular small section tells the anecdote of another single-ish woman who is very familiar with every new year's resolution-er.  she knows because she has failed at…. dern near everything by this point, truly. her life sucks. she's lonely, she can't keep a relationship, is not flush with cash, and meets nobody's standards of anything ever.

as she is running an errand one hot day, she meets a stranger hanging out who is oddly conversational.

 

stranger: hey- wanna sit and have a drink with Me?

her: sure- let's talk about religion and politics and let me go about my day.

stranger: I'd rather talk about all of your failed new year resolutions and how exhausted you are by your life that's as worn out as your shoes. clearly, promising yourself to "exercise more" every year is not working, and you can't even get a decent guy to date.

her: … no but really, religion and politics is way less embarrassing. and why would you remind me of those resolutions? it's april...

stranger: but what if I told you that I could fix every last one of those "failures" and make your tattered life look and feel more like brand-new and never-ending, and that all you had to do was ask me?

her: keep talking….

(refer to John 4)

 

you have to read a couple more chapters before this stranger spills more of His secret to a few other unpopular societal embarrassments. what is the secret? "make like a vine and leaf."

He even says, "you are a vine. act like it."

(refer to John 15)

 

what does a vine do? well, not much.  it's attached to the ground, so it can't travel to the gym or organic food section in kroger. it's attached to its little fence or trellis so it can't maneuver toward the sunshine, flash its expensive new gadget in your face, or flex muscles to squeeze out its little grapes or berries.  it might be able to compare itself to other vines nearby, but whatever standards of height, branch length, leaf green-ness, fruit size or hydration levels this poor vine does/doesn't meet… there's zilch it can do about it. this vine is utterly dependent on God- for everything.

the vine just… is. the roots go down, the vine goes up, and the leaves go out.

 

am i saying that we shouldn’t care about anything? nope. 

or that we ignore to-do lists and familial or societal responsibilities? not at all. 

do we never consider our lives and if there are adjustments or maybe even radical changes we should make? no.

 

but what i am saying is that those changes shouldn't be in response to comparing ourselves to others, or others' ideas of what our own lives should look like. if we make changes, they should be toward the True Vine's example.  the standards we are judged by are those of the Vinedresser- *not* the other vines. those standards are related to the fruit each vine produces.  and we all know that a vine can't even decide to do that- it's up to the Vinedresser to make sure each vine gets enough water and sunshine and space and nutrients.

as soon as we recognize our utter inability to "fix" ourselves, we realize that we have been given the freedom to… live. we live and grow as best we can with the circumstances God places us in, and then…. we live.

 

the stranger, who is Jesus (surprise!) tells that poor, exhausted, lonely, sinful woman that her only requirement is to ask. if she asks Him to provide, renew, change, sanctify her life, He will. that's literally all He tells her.and it's all He tell us. when we look to Him, and say, "fix it... i just can't," He does!

it takes longer than 12 months, but it also lasts a hekuvalot longer than the 3 weeks i foresee my gym 's parking lot being so full.

 

it is also heaps less depressing.

because i know already that me and my sanity don't and can't survive the scrutiny of the multitudes of excellent proper southern housewives. i admire their abilities- to the point of envy, sometimes. but i also know that my Vinedresser has given me other standards and conditions. He saw fit to bring a baby into this household with dust monsters on the ceiling fans and crazy cats on the floors. He provided our budget and house and neighborhood and diets and health situations, and He wants us to use those as best we can. He's super not-concerned with how we would handle anyone else's life, or how they would handle ours. and if He's not worrying about it, neither should we.

 

if we abide ('live") in Him, He will make sure that we bear fruit that meets all of His standards- no self-contempt necessary!

 

make this the year you stop the self-flagellation and grow in God's sunshine- let Him grow some amazing, eternal changes in your life.  replace the dreary weariness with a peace that surpasses understanding, and praise the God who loves us complete failures so much that He "fixes" us into His own glorious image. now that's something I can celebrate every year!

downfall of the cults

 

one of the first decisions nik and i made together was to make a conscious effort in changing our entertainment values- both how much time we spent on, and the actual content of, what we would watch. it was helpful for me, because i knew i spent too much time with some tv show or other running in the background while i did housework or crafts and such.  i enjoyed having the sound of conversation in the house, and so i got used to listening to netflix shows even when i wasn't actively watching them. nik pointed out to me on a few occasions how much time the tv spent being on, and the conviction cut deep- rightly so.

this decision we made was also helpful because it gave me that extra motivation to lean into my nerdiness and see that list of documentaries on my watchlist.

bunny trail: so far, my favorite was the docuseries about the black plague and how it helped shape society- and how society actually affected how, when, and where the plague spread. i may have watched half of it twice.

 

in addition to stuff in the science and history worlds, i have a fascination with cults- how they formed, how they veered off the path of truth, how to have intelligent conversations with those in a cult, etc. turns out there's a fair amount of audio and visual learning freely available.

bunny trail: feel free to give me any suggestions of random, good, clean, podcast/video/shows on anything cool.

 

my new series is brought to us by netflix, and is entitled "leah remini: scientology and the aftermath." to say the least, it is eye-opening. every episode reveals yet another "woah" moment where scandal after scandal has been covered up, families broken apart, lives ruined, local and federal officials manipulated, non-scientologists targeted and children taken from parents and brainwashed and abused for years. and this is if even only half of it is true.

don't even get me started on the whole "xenu the alien god" thing.

 

bunny trail: ask me about the whole "xenu the alien god" thing. woah.

 

not only has dear leah remini displayed sooooo much that the scientologists would love to keep hidden for always and eternity, but amazon also recommended a kindle read for me, which of course, i read, about another well-known cult: mormonism. 

 

this book was an autobiography of a barely-15-year-old child who becomes the (6th) sister-wife of a major leader of the mormon branch that relocated to mexico in order to continue their practice of polygamy. "favorite wife: escape from polygamy" was so interesting i could barely put it down and interrupted nik's work multiple times to tell him new developments in the story. it was exciting, sad, weird, personal- so many things all at once.

quick history lesson: after joseph smith had a revelation that started mormonism, he engaged in polygamy and then stated he'd had a revelation from God revealing that polygamy is awesome. after they all moved to the utah territory to escape persecution, they continued polygamy until the US government made outlawing polygamy a condition for making utah a state.  then joseph had another revelation from God revealing that polygamy is no longer awesome. but he forgot to edit that verse out of their book of doctrines, he kept having contradictory revelations, and then he died, so i guess we will never know how God really feels about having dozens of wives.

 

i both love learning about these cults and hate seeing how many ways there are to distort the truth and lead people astray. it doesn't take much to turn a soul-saving message into a soul-sucking one.

 

my main podcast resource (for cults, anyway), is Cultish, where 2 christian friends interview others who have come out of these erroneous belief systems.  they find many of the same issues with the jehovah's witness cult as leah does with scientology, and in a hypothetical question to her, they ask the crucial question: what have you freed them  to ?

 

coming out of something bad doesn't really do much, if it lands you in something only slightly less bad. this isn't one of those "mostly dead is slightly alive" kind of things, even with chocolate-coated pills. a faith is either true, or it is not true. leah can pull folks out of scientology all she wants, but then she drops them into a spiritual landscape of barren wilderness. dropping your phone into a full bathtub might be mentally easier than into a toilet, but in the end it doesn't matter because your phone is still KO'd.

 

the answer to that all-important question posed by "cultish" is both obvious and mysterious. it is easy and extremely difficult. it can save your life in one sense, but could also kill you in another.

 

those who have come to Jesus with a background of cults are fighters- truly. years of hardcore intentional brainwashing and indoctrination are seemingly impossible to put down and walk away from.

but some did. and it's because they found that answer- a tool, a weapon, really. 

a cult's worst nightmare.

it's called the Truth.

 

i got a vague sense of something in "favorite wife", and got super excited when i discovered i was right.

this 20-year old girl, after suffering 5 years of use, abuse, neglect, and more under the authority of the elected "preacher" (her husband), the "prophet" (her brother-in-law), and the "super-sleazy evil, creepy, lying, murderous scumbag" (her other brother-in-law), she is confronted with an idea from another disgruntled mormon: don't just blindly follow what you're told when your eternal soul is at stake; find the truth for yourself.

 

she took that idea and ran with it. and for an under-educated woman with no human to help with her theological dilemma, she caught on pretty quickly.

 

guess. what.

all she did was pick up a Bible and start reading.

 

if her husband hadn't been busy with his mission work and 9 other wives and 40+ children, maybe he would have noticed and made her stop.

the funny thing is, she didn't even get very far before she realized something was seriously wrong (with mormonism). she found a seed of truth in a verse that I NEVER would have referred anyone to. the seed sprouted and grew. it took a couple years, but the fruit of her search was worthwhile. at the risk of her safety and that of her 5 children, she left the whole community (while they excommunicated her; in essence, it was a mutual ditching), moved back to the states- and kept reading the Bible. she finds the Way, the Truth and the Life, and plays a part in the salvation of several of her old sister-wives and many of their children. chains busted, prisoners freed, gates of hell slammed shut, eyes opened, souls saved- all because she picked up a Bible and started reading.

 

i go through phases where daily quiet time is not very "daily." i've been reading through Ezra, and lemme tell you it is not a thriller tale. i alternate between that and my Bible memory verses, which is good because Bible memory is good, but also kinda bad because it's partly to avoid Ezra, even though i am almost to the end. even by typing this out the guilt is rising.

 

i know i underestimate the value of the Bible. i have a glimpse of its full worth in my head, but acting on that knowledge is a regular struggle. even for someone who loves books as much as i do.

but the Bible is so much more than just a book. it's satan's kryptonite. it's hubbard's worst enemy. it's mormonism's antidote. it's a formidable weapon that God put in our hands, and that many of us shove onto our shelves and forget about. we accept whatever the man behind the pulpit says, regardless of whether he's speaking from the Bible or maybe just holding one closed in his hand- then we slip back into a spiritual coma for another week.

 

sometimes you just need to see what life is like under the corrupted version before you can recognize and fall in love with the Truth all over again. that might be another underlying reason i have this odd fascination. the more i hear of these distortions, the more i tighten my hold on what i know to be true.  i can still remember what my life was like before i could clearly see what the first apostles did; it was not to the same extreme, but i recognized the look in the eyes of leah remini's friends- grief, shame, loss, fear, hopelessness. most of that is because leah only brings these friends halfway. out of one cult, into another: the cult of "find your own truth," "you do you," "love is love is love," etc. what has she freed them to? what CAN anyone free them TO? the answer to this cult is the same as the answer to all the others, and indeed, to all the false religions.

 

the answer is the Truth, and His name is Jesus.

only the Truth can truly liberate one from the slavery of a cult to the wide-open freedom of Christ.

the Truth can only be found in Him. and He chose to reveal that Truth about Himself in a book, which He describes as a sword. Jesus knows the strength of the falsehoods that surround us. Jesus also knows the power of the Truth, because He IS the Truth. it's His people who forget that the Bible IS the revelation of the Truth- of God Himself!- so that by using this "sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God" we are really letting the Spirit work through us to bring the salvation of the Son with all the power and authority of God the Father in heaven. if we remembered this, we would never neglect the Bible like we do.

 

the time is now to unsheathe the Sword and join the war against falsehood. read Ephesians 6 and you'll see that we have been called up for active duty and given all the unlimited resources of heaven itself, to bring emancipation to those enslaved to sin and to help bring about the downfall of the cults. we will not see the complete end of them until the second coming of Jesus but under His banner we wage this war "against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places" emboldened by the confidence of ultimate victory. 

 

so grab your (spiritual) fighting gear and come with me as we follow the LORD of hosts!!!

… as soon as I finish Ezra…

phylactovirus 11:18

i love learning. i think the best part of graduating from Union's MCS program is that i no longer have to write papers, but the worst part is that now i have to create the opportunities to learn on my own, rather than having someone smarter and wiser say, "hey- this textbook/article/essay/sermon/TEDTalk is awesome and you will be a better person for having experienced it."

i went to a music recital at Union tonight with another church member, who introduced me to everyone around as "a Union grad, times 2!" and so i got to experience yet again the facial expressions when each person found out my master's degree has absolutely nothing to do with my bachelor's.

it means i'm a giant nerd. i love big books. i love reading assignments. i love discussion groups and questions and interactions, just like i love patient care and needles and vital signs and IVs.  i have accepted my role, the same way i accepted both degrees- with a flippin' giant smile.

of course, the absolutely best thing about my favorite ginormous book…

[rabbit trail conversation starter: since when is "ginormous" a legit word? whose job is it to update microsoft's autocorrect to recognize it as correctly spelled, and not put the little squiggly red line under it?]

anyway…. the absolutely best thing about my favorite ginormous book is that no matter how many times you read it, there is always more to learn. (either that, or i'm an idiot who forgets the same things each time, and realizes them again upon re-reading it).  i'm sure personal context is a factor as well. the bigger factor is that this book's words are living and active.  they are not dusty and mildewed like ancient archives in a medieval castle. they are not stale like those maple-flavored cheerios i don't like and that have since turned to styrofoam. they are alive. they have relevance to people today, just as they did thousands of years ago. 

another "of course," you can't possibly look at a screen for more than 7.2 seconds without hearing about covid-19. as if it were the only thing of relevance to humankind, this strain of respiratory disease has captured the attention of the globe, causing normally (supposedly) rational people to lose their minds and buy every last roll of toilet paper in their ZIP code.

[rabbit trail conversation starter: what. the. heck. it's a respiratory disease.]

because for some reason it wasn't happening before, suddenly people are washing their hands, covering their coughs and staying home when they are sick. (this is where the entire medical community simultaneously retches and rolls its collective eyes). somehow, what decades of flu seasons haven't done, coronovirus-19 has accomplished. people are paying attention to their hands, their heads, what they do, where they go, who they listen to.

i'm nearing the end of 2 kings in my self-study, and am right about 3 kings after 10-ish tribes get demolished and chained and hauled off to Assyria because of a mile-long list of abominations and evils. i'm also about 3 kings before the same fate comes to the remaining 2-ish tribes. right in the middle there is king josiah.  great-grandson of hezekiah (one of my favorite kings), he starts off strong and finishes well. but most of that, i'm fairly positive, is because something even more astonishing than a virus popped up out of nowhere and brought a royal young leader to his knees.

his priests were doing their spring cleaning, which hadn't been done (properly, anyway) for a number of years, because josiah's dad and grandad were… well, they bring to mind phrases like, "evil beyond compare." they were colossal failures, and took delight in murder, intrigue, child sacrifice, the occult, demon/idol/spirit worship, and more. so it's fair to say that the Temple had been somewhat neglected for about 75 years (massaseh reigned 55 years, amon reigned 2, and then josiah reigned 18 before this point).

but during the cleaning and repairing of the Temple, hilkiah the priest comes across a Book. he is so excited he rushes to find shaphan the king's secretary and tell him, "dude, i found a Book." (2 kings 22:8, my words). these priests, who serve the Living God, and not the pagan idols, immediately recognize the treasure they are holding in their hands. they throw down their dusters, lysol and brooms and make the discovery known to the king, and the entire Book is read to him. and for the first time, the nation of judah is paying attention to their hands, their heads, what they do, where they go, who they listen to…

…because some of the words that made josiah's blood drain from his face were these: "you shall therefore lay up these words of Mine in your heart and in your soul, and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes… see, I am setting before you today a blessing and a curse: the blessing, if you obey the commandments of the LORD your God, which I command you today, and the curse, if you do not obey the commandments of the LORD you God, but turn aside from the way that I am commanding you today, to go after other gods that you have not known" (Deuteronomy 11:18, 26-28). 

by the time of Jesus, the jewish religious elite had taken these words so seriously that many of them literally tied little boxes- phylacteries- containing Bible verses to their hands and foreheads. even though it turned into a source of snobbish pride and comparison for many (the equivalent to comparing cars and houses was comparing numbers and sizes of their forehead boxes), it was a tangible reminder of those commands that God's people were to follow. what commands? the command to serve only the One True God, to love Him with everything they have, say, do; the commands to treat others with love and justice and mercy; the commands the Living Word to their children; the commands for how to have holy, righteous, glorious relationships and jobs and families and societies; the commands to saturate their lives with those living words- basically, the commands to do the exact opposite of what the past 3 or 4 generations of hebrews had done.

and how do you keep those commands? it's not by guessing. it's not by having "a sincere heart." it's not by meditating on positive thoughts, or even listening to those happy prosperity gospel preachers on tv. it's definitely not by shoving your Bible on a shelf for 75 years.

no, i am not recommending that you replace your soap with a box of Bible verses.

for the love of all that is righteous, wash your filthy hands and leave some toilet paper and sanitizer for other people, too. (you do realize that to not get sick, you need other people to also not be nasty and to wash their hands as well, right?) don't be ridiculous.

but i am saying that as long as society is all but shutting down for a while for a virus that can harm your physical body, you take the extra free time to pay attention to this other issue that can definitely damage your immortal soul.

there is absolutely no way to follow God, keep His commands, worship Him as He should be, or to raise a family well, or to serve God at your job or hobbies, if you ignore His Word. there just isn't. God, in His infinite wisdom and grace, chose to reveal Himself to us in these written Words, and promised Life everlasting to the ones who paid attention to them. if you hate reading, there a zillion apps that will read it to you for free. if you genuinely care about your soul, you will find the time, the motivation, the willpower, to do it. no, your salvation is not earned in any way by physically reading the Bible. but salvation is found there- in Jesus the Living Word, and in Him alone.

it's not all roses and sunshine. josiah was immediately convicted when he realized his own sin, and that of the people he was leading. he tore his robes and lamented. david was convicted like few we read about- and yet the Living Word kept drawing him back. the psalms he wrote tell just how much he relied on the Living Word that he met in the Bible, because even though he was reminded often of his sin, he was reminded also of the God who forgives even sinners like himself who turn to Him in true repentance, the God who breathes Life into dead bodies, makes bread for thousands fall from heaven every day for decades, and sent His own Son to bear the curse that was meant for us.

i'm telling you, even though conviction sucks like a vacuum, this Living Word will breathe into a life such vitality that one wonders if they were truly living before encountering Him.  Jesus Himself is the Living Word, the "Word made flesh," and the life He gives is one that no virus can affect in the least.

a picture worth 4 words

a few years ago our church ordered the updated AWANA program materials, which was a blessing and a loss for me, as a large part of my work had now been outsourced. every wednesday, i would show up early in order to get everything organized and set up and photocopied and labeled.  the most time-consuming part, but an intriguing diversion, was to come up with pictures for each week's Bible story.  for some reason, in another classroom in that wing are 2 massive wooden shelves or drawers stuffed with what appears to be every single Bible picture card that any baptist ever drew.  the oldest copyright date i've located predates the Cold War. 

i loved rifling through so many creative expressions of these scenes of David or Nebuchadnezzar or John the Baptist or Moses.  while i don't know what Moses looked like, i'm pretty sure he wasn't white, and i'm very sure he didn't have google eyes.

while i don't have to fight anymore to find an appropriate picture, in that mess of cardstock i actually took my favorite one and now keep it in our Cubbies room with our flashy new google-eyed picture cards.  it was such an inspiration to me, and even now i wonder at it. it's an artist's conception of one of my favorite Bible stories, even though there is no action, no drama, no loud noises or excitement at all.  it's two people, talking.  that's it.

but one of those people is Nicodemus. and the other person is Jesus. 

i identify strongly with Nicodemus on many levels.  i can more than imagine- i can remember- what he was thinking that night.  he was creeping in the shadows to Jesus's house because he would die of shame if anyone knew that someone raised in the church, who'd made a profession of faith and been baptized at 12, who read her NIV Bible every day and knew all the trivia answers… if someone like that still didn't know the basics of that religion?  if they struggled with anger, depression, forgiveness, trust?  if they could quote tons of verses but couldn't life them out? if they'd rather die than go one more day without peace or hope or something bigger than myse- i mean, himself- to live for? oh wait.  that wasn't Nicodemus- that really was me… but Jesus sat down that night and talked to him anyway. no sneer of contempt.  no raised eyebrow or turned up nose. He said, "sure. come on in- let's find a quiet place to chat."

and then that pasty-white, brown-haired, blue-eyed Jesus told Nicodemus the same incredible story that the google-eyed Jesus helped me tell the Cubbies last week. although the editors cleaned it up a bit, the picture card is pretty clear about what's happening to Jesus on that cross. to the left is a giant red "C" with 4 words underneath: "…Christ died for us." 

the 1986 version depicts that proud Pharisee sitting in the dark, hoping none of the members of his Sanhedrin facebook group tags him in a picture with a "heretic" like Jesus. he's aware of what hangs in the balance, though, and he knows it's worth risking a visit to this man who somehow speaks about God like He's real, and close, and personal, and powerful, and wise, and every bit as incredible as the Torah says He is. Nicodemus wants that God- at the very least, he wants to seriously look into it.  he's not ready to ditch the prestigious job, and he can't quite figure out how someone can be "born again," but he also knows there's something different about Jesus.

as i look into options, here and abroad, for sharing that same Good News on a longer-term basis, i've made sheets for each of the Cubbies to take home and share their story or verse with family and friends each week.  i bribed them with hand stamps, but hey…

holding myself accountable to that goal, i was given the opportunity to share the Gospel with a few people myself. a couple of them responded like Nicodemus's Sanhedrin friends did, complete with name-calling, self-righteousness and complete rejection (not unexpected, but my soul hurts for them anyway).  but one responded like Nicodemus. he can't quite let go of the Hinduism he grew up with, but he knows there's something different about Jesus.  he wants a God who listens to prayers, who cares about his burdens, who doesn't require penance for every single individual sin.  he wants to know what's going to happen to him after his life here ends. he wants justice for the evil he sees everywhere humans go. 

the best part is that Jesus gave Nicodemus 4 other words: "For God so loved…"  God loves the self-righteous as much as He loves the Hindu.  which is good, because otherwise i would have been chucked out on my ear. Jesus continued to say, "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life."  that's a promise. a mighty big one, at that.

and it's one that everyone needs to hear, because that promise is to them also.  

there's about a 0% chance that you do not know someone who needs to be told those four words "for God so loved."  someone you know is struggling with doubts and concerns and needs to hear, "Christ died for us."  you may or may not get a response.  that response may or may not be positive.  but just a few words can change a life.  Nicodemus was changed, and he makes an appearance at Jesus' cross with other believers.  i was changed, and i showed up at the cross, too- just a few thousand years later.  you were changed, or you never would have read this far.  

celebrate that.  celebrate the change in your life, because it's mind-blowingly awesome what God did for you. 

then find your "nicodemus" and have a chat with them.  it can all start with a few words.

all the everybodies

tonight's lesson for the Cubbies was really only half a story.  i hate those, because 5 year olds don't take them very well. and even though the lesson was on an issue that applies to everyone, that issue is not a tangible one, and thus hard to wrap little minds around. 

so i had to include a little of the beginning and a little of the end- which worked, because it can be explained using the very same picture card.

totally went off script. 

but then again, i do that on a nearly weekly basis.

in essence, the lesson could be summed up as , "you're a sinner, and so am i," our key verse being Romans 3:23.  [for the parents reading this, yes, the Cubbies get extra hand stamps for every person they tell the lesson/verse to (and that tell one of us teachers).  we hauled in a tall person tonight so their little person could tell them last week's lesson.  the things we will do for a little ink dinosaur…]

the first picture card shows a politically correct vision of heaven, incorporating as many physical elements as possible, but centered on King Jesus on His throne, being worshipped by a number of white-robed people.  because even though it shows heaven, it's really where the story begins.

we were created to be in a perfect, eternal, amazing relationship with Jesus. that's exactly what mankind had at first.  i don't know if Jesus wore His crown every day, strolling through the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve, but He very well may have.  all i know is that it was, indeed, perfect.

well, i also know that right now, it isn't.  i bet you 5 AwanaBucks that you can't easily find a person who genuinely believes that this world is what it should be like.  if any of the people you ask are of any religion, it won't take long for them to tell you the reason, either.

it's sin.

sin happened.  and it's still happening.  and will continue to happen until this world ends.

our verse, Romans 3:23, is our "A Verse," because it reads (on a Cubby level) as, "A stands for "All." all have sinned."  so we compared our picture of heaven to pictures that more closely resemble their daily lives: brothers not sharing, sisters pulling each other's hair and fighting, kids disobeying, having tantrums, etc.

"A" means "all."  "all" means "everybody."  it means all of the everybodies- past, present and future. (every human except Jesus).

"sin" is anything we think, say, or do that breaks God's law.  even when we try, that's a lot of things.  i sinned within an hour of waking up this (late) morning. all the Cubbies admitted they probably had, too.

all except Simeon. he was quite clear on this point.  he'll be applying for sainthood any day, now, i reckon.

and just as breaking our parents' rules had consequences, so does breaking God's rules. our sin means that there is simply no way for us to be with God, because of Who He is. it's as impossible as having a "chunk" of "darkness" hovering over a candle.  

by itself, it's a pretty cruddy story. it leaves us stuck in a broken, decaying planet, cut off from the very Source of Life, Truth and Light Himself and with no hope of reconciliation. the best our ancestors could do was burn some livestock. 

it's not like we do any better.  we just don't kill sheepies.  we go for the "cleaner" sacrifices, like "going to church," or "volunteering at the homeless shelter," or "praying to God/my ancestors/the Virgin Mary," and hope like crazy that these good deeds will tip the scales in our favor.

they won't.

neither will paying tithes, teaching Cubbies, reading the Bible, visiting the Holy Land, quitting smoking, shaking the Pope's hand, voting Republican, home schooling, starting a ministry, _________ <--- fill in the blank with anything you're doing to make God happy.  none of it will work. 

PTL it's not the end of the story.  there was a looooooong time of waiting, but from the first pronouncement of judgement came a promise: someday, a Savior would come.  and some day after that, every person who puts their faith in that Savior will be a part of that picture of heaven. that's a promise.  a good, good promise.

you just gotta believe it.

i'm only taking 1 class this half-semester (i know, right?!?) and it of course is "Evangelism and Missions." one of the books we are supposed to read (or have already read…) gives a wonderfully clear, simple way to present the Gospel and lead the listener to make a decision. i'd already thought of giving the Cubbies incentive to listen, and then actually share, what they'd learned about.  but that, and this class, have also convicted me- who am i sharing with?  i tell you, there's nothing more invigorating than telling the incredible, amazing, jaw-droppingly good news about Jesus to someone who's never heard it, or someone who's never heard it clearly.  i encourage you to give it a go.

who are you sharing with?  if you're not sharing the Gospel, what ARE you sharing that's more important? if you have a Cubby, feel free to use them as an excuse- let them tell your neighbor or friend or coworker the A Verse, and then jump in there and tell them the Good News!

and then let me know, so that your Cubby can get his hand stamp.

"conviction" is furry and wears a blue vest

to quote the King of Rohan, "….so it begins."

tonight marks the beginning of Year 9 of working in the Cubbies' classroom.  we're trying something new, and splitting the class into 2 slightly more manageable-sized groups this year, so good luck to us.

a whole new school year of impressing upon young minds the incredible worth of the Bible.  of telling them stories from that Bible.  of teaching them lessons from it.  of encouraging them to imitate those who follow it.

basically, a year of trying to not be a giant hypocrite.

 

this Bible is one of the most under-appreciated things ever, and i am being extremely foolish every time i neglect it.

our guest speakers for LifeGroups this past week were missionaries with Wycliffe Bible Translators, and it took about 7 seconds to convict the entire congregation.  it went something like this:

"who's got a Bible in their house?"  *almost every hand goes up*

"who's got three or more Bibles in their house?" *a fraction of those hands goes down*

"…. who's read any of those Bibles this week?"  *cricket cricket*

woah.  i'm still reeling 3 days later. yes, i'd read my Bible, but it was honestly more out of guilt than anything else.

this Bible?  this book is what John Hus was burned at the stake for translating and then smuggling out the English texts, so that it could be printed and distributed.

this book transformed Martin Luther's life and inspired him to accidentally trigger the Protestant Reformation.  he spent his long months hiding by translating the New Testament from the original Greek and Hebrew into German, because it was worth his life to put the Scriptures into the hands of the people.

this book is what can get you arrested in China.  it'll get you shot in a number of countries. 

this book is carefully ripped into sections and passed around to believers in underground house churches, so that each member can have even just a bit of it, and then trade.  even the believer that winds up with the Leviticus section weeps with joy and holds it close to their heart as they treasure each word, knowing what will happen if they are caught with those torn pages.

this book is…. it's costing lives.

this book is what i walk past and ignore on days when i feel "too busy." it's what i have 3 cop-no, wait, 4 copies of…hold on- 5!, and can pull off a shelf and read with as little effort as any other book.  it's what i remember a few key pieces of, and ignore the parts that i don't like.

you can't possibly judge me more than i'm judging myself right now.

but here are a few more facts:

the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and marrow, discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. Hebrews 4

the word of God is the sword of the Spirit- the only offensive weapon included in Paul's list of spiritual armor. Ephesians 6

the word of God is Truth- not *a* truth, not just true, but The Truth. John 17

the word of God is what Jesus embodied when He came to rescue us hopeless sinners. John 1

the word of God is life-giving. Deuteronomy 8

the word of God is what "makes us wise unto salvation"- how we discover the way back to a saving relationship with Jesus. 2 Timothy 3

the word of God is the primary way the LORD of hosts chose to reveal Himself to humans, making the word of God worth more than an obligatory 10 minute read every day.

can't read or don't read? no problem: get an audio version, download an app, and get through the whole Bible in 72 hours.

don't understand it or hate it? … please know you are not alone.  you are experiencing what every human experiences when they read Numbers and ask, "why on earth did God think i needed to read this?!?"  but also please remember.  remember these facts that we know.  the Bible is the very word of GOD ALMIGHTY.  it was breathed out by the Holy Spirit, and it is ALIVE. instead of turning away from the Bible, these feelings and frustrations should instead drive us into it more, as we plead and pray with God to reveal to us what He wants us to get out of those verses that make you mad/sad/happy/confused/excited/nervous/etc. 

a friend told me once that she had heard a spiritual leader say that he was going to take a break from reading the Bible, so that he could focus more on living it out.  it seems rote Bible readings had become dull for him, and he was seeking a way to make it more… exciting? real? special? i don't know.

but i do know that that is the WORST idea i've heard, like, ever. how do i know that?  because i read the Bible, and found these examples, among many, many others:

-Moses tells the Israelites to read and meditate on the Scriptures day and night and here and there and everywhere (and in a box, and with a fox and in a house and with a mouse….)

- after they rebuilt the temple, Ezra and Nehemiah have a dedication service where they… read the Law from beginning to end while the people stand in reverence for the entirety.

-when Jesus was tempted by Satan himself, the only things to come out of His mouth are Bible verses.  how did they get there?  by His studying and reading and meditating.  if we are called to live like Jesus, then this is absolutely part of it.

-Peter, Paul and John (and also John) all write repeatedly to their fellow Christians to remember God's words and guard them and preach them and know them. 

it's really hard to do (like, impossible) if you never read it.  you'd never know if your pastor is preaching the truth or drifting if you never read it.  you'll be knocked to your feet next time Satan comes around if you never read it.  you'll never, never, ever be able to live out your faith if you quit reading.

anybody or anything that encourages you to stop reading the Bible (for any period of time) is under evil influence, pure and simple.

if it's dry and dull, you don't quit.

you get a different translation and KEEP GOING.

so my encouragement - mostly to myself- this school year is to do just that:  keep going.

as i ask the Cubbies each wednesday if they learned their weekly Bible verse, i should ask myself, "what verses am i memorizing or meditating on?"

as i try to bring Bible stories alive, do i remember that my reading in the middle of Ezekiel is also living and active, written for me and preserved for me, so that i could know and love God?

as i live out my faith so that when they imitate me i'm not totally embarrassed, do i also tell them that it's because the Bible has changed me?

on days when i just feel like i can't keep going and Satan won't leave my proverbial doorbell alone, do i pick up my sword or do i let it lay (lie?) there?

if i were on a deserted island for 40 days, and could have a Bible OR a double bacon cheeseburger every day, which would i choose?  Jesus chose the Bible.  that's how good it is. 

if you need a partner, either for accountability or just company, as you continue/renew/begin Bible reading, talk to me.  the first verse we're doing is in John- great place to start. let me know how far you've gotten next week.  my conviction came in the form of a cartoon teddy bear with an obnoxiously blue vest; what does yours look like? ha ha- whatever it takes to get us into these Bibles is a blessing.

and if you memorize one of the verses, i might even give you a Cubby sticker ;)

beautiful feet

i am quite often surprised and amused by some of the things our church's band of 4 year olds can come up with to say. very often it's right at (or after) the point where i am tempted to give up in frustration.  but just as often it's a well-timed word that guarantees a good day no matter what comes because it's just too sweet to have anything spoil it.

this wednesday was no different.  one of our most faithful Cubbies entered the room went to his seat but instead of sitting down just looked at me shyly while i organized papers and whatnot.  his mother gave him an encouraging cue- "what did you want to tell your teacher?" and he opened his mouth and said, "you have beautiful feet!"

now, i've heard compliments on hair, jewelry, shirts, smiles, eyes, nails and you name it, but this was a new one. after another encouraging cue, he helped his mother explain that it was related to Isaiah 52:7 which says, "how beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him to brings good news."  good verse. it wasn't our memory verse for that week so i don't know what inspired that conversation, but it made my day.

what made it even more fitting was that our section of Bible stories covers the first Pentecost and the international spread of the early church.  so that night the 15 Cubbies who came heard about how Philip's "beautiful feet" took him for a nice jog through the desert to explain to a stranger from Ethiopia the gospel, because the good news is international and worthy of any level of confusion and exhaustion and persistence and passion that it takes to bring it to those who are ready to hear it. and that means we go wherever God says.  God told Philip, "go to the absolute middle of nowhere, and then run." so he did, and he found one guy.  but that guy went to Ethiopia and told others.  one of our Cubbies shouted out, "hey- i was born in Ethiopia!" and indeed he had been.  his family is also scheduled to move to Paris (the France one, not the Tennessee one) because God told them, "go."  another Cubby is about to head back to China, because God told his parents, "go."  the rest of them were not quite sure who they could tell here, but they will learn.  where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more- here, there and everywhere.

several promotional videos for the Annie Armstrong Easter Offering feature Pr Jorge, who is now back at his hometown of Comerio, Puerto Rico, because God said, "go." the home he ran away from is where God sent him right back to.  the people he stole from he is now giving to and preaching to.  the very same drug dealers he used to associate with for illegal reasons now see a man changed, free, happy, confident- and they want to know why. and so he tells them.  4 months after moving back to PR, a hurricane wiped out all resources for the isolated Comerio.  Jorge and Rebeca felt led to buy a washing machine… even though they had no electricity.  immediately, they received a generator from NAMB's SEND Relief division- and just like that, they had the only electricity in the area, and a way to reach the whole town.  within 6 months, they had an active house church. within a year, a group of SEND volunteers moved them into their permanent home, and set up their church building for the newly ordained Pr Jorge.  all because of their obedience- and the obedience of everyone who gave to the AAEO that provided the generator.  that money generated a lot more than electricity.

https://www.anniearmstrong.com/resource/jorge-rebeca-santiago/

it's all exciting to us, because places like Puerto Rico seem foreign and distant to us.  guess what.  they are neither.  on a map, maybe.  but in every single other respect, not at all.  the "exciting" part is because of the gospel, not the place on the globe where it is being told.  true, after a number of weeks or months or years the excitement wears off, and "new mission" feels "normal," not like a new field ripe for harvest with new converts every day and rapid church growth. 

i'm thinking that's why the North American Mission Board uses Pr Jorge for these videos.  it's easier to get north american churches to give money to people "over there" in cool places with palm trees and iguanas than it is to get them excited about cities like chicago or denver or boston.  but chicago and denver and boston are other pastors' mission fields, too.  God is doing big things in North America, too.  not often as explosive as in Puerto Rico, but just as important.

https://www.anniearmstrong.com/soto/

i had the privilege of working with Jorge and Rebeca last february and then again this past summer.  their joy is contagious, their passion is obvious, and their faith is inspiring. their kids are adorable.  their God is big.

that same big God is changing lives all over north america, too.  pastors, church planters, families, individuals- all those who have heard and responded to their Master's call have uprooted their lives and joined His work in SEND cities across the nation.  (and canada.  Jesus loves them, too!)

in addition to contributing, and more importantly, pray.

every trip i've been on, every place I've been, God has proven repeatedly that He doesn't really need your money.  He wants your obedience, faithfulness, trust.  giving is one way we obey, but the dollar figure is not the point at all. it's praying that puts us in direct contact with the One who does more with $5 and a few faithful followers than any celebrity could with $5,000,000.

i can't say with any degree of certainty where i will go next, or how long i will be there, or what i will do.  but i can say that wherever it is, Jackson or Jamaica, America or Africa, i want to be as faithful as people like Jorge, Rebeca, Timothy, Haley, Ben, Tabitha, Andy, Laura, Emily, Aimee, Casey, Bob, Melissa, Derek, Tony, Karen, Betina, Marcus, David, Nekayeh, Tom, Vijay, and a growing list of people who, just like Philip the Fleet-Footed Philosopher, have beautiful, beautiful feet. 

 

trailblazing with the I AM

i have always known i'm more of a visual/kinesthetic learner than an auditory one.  i still remember the "Aha" moment in AP Biology class, senior year of high school when after reading the textbook and hearing Ms K explain it while looking at the slide, and suddenly i understood DNA, RNA, tRNA, and mRNA with their little amino acids and the process of protein production.  it was like magic.  i loved it.  a week later, i was still one of 2 students who got it. 

the weird thing is that outside the classroom, most of my "Aha" moments….turned out to be false.  after 2,228,985 times of being told something, even a visual learner will "get it."  (unless you were in that AP class and still asking months later to cheat off my test…you know who you are.  i hope you're not reading this.)

i love how Jesus almost always used visuals in His teachings, and how He related huge important things to concepts that His listeners could understand.  these guys had never eaten lunch with God Almighty before- eating pita and hearing "I AM the good shepherd" must have been the biggest "Aha" moment ever to those shepherds. "I AM the light of the world" implies all kinds of things, even in a world with electricity. "Come to me, all who weary and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I AM gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your soul. for My yoke is easy and My burden is light"  make a lot of sense when you're feeling lost and tired and confused and stupid and stuck.

a friend explained what i'm dealing with in a way that's easy to visualize- it's the difference between a footpath in the wilderness vs. a superhighway.  most people's natural thought processes are footpaths to me.  my neurons don't naturally go that route.  they're zooming off the opposite direction at 75 mph, cruise control on and radio rocking.  i'm having to consciously, repeatedly, intentionally re-route everything to get back on course.  taking detours and back roads, forging ways through overgrown trails that are as thoughtless as breathing to people i know.

i'm tired, man.  i'm tired.  it's mentally draining to scrap everything you knew (or thought you knew) and start from the beginning, to learn that every conclusion you'd been led to for years on end was a lie, and -even better- most of the friends and people i look up to recognize it as false because their trail was already cleared, smoothed, paved and painted by the time they were in kindergarten.  it's an interstate highway by this point, complete with rest stops for the weary,  mile markers for the OCD and rehab-ing convicts picking up the litter and mowing the weeds.

it's more of an effort than you might think for me to hear things that contradict my inbred mental pathways.  it's getting easier but it's still not easy.  it's taken massive doses of truth, repeated over and over and over again, to find a few grains that i can latch on to.  even more effort to figure out what to do with those grains, then still more effort to do whatever it is that needs doing.  i am SO glad that i have access to so many sermons and podcasts and helpful books and a wealth of edifying music.  thank you, YouTube.

i was on YouTube tonight looking up the most random song ever that i hadn't heard of in years, and came across what Oprah Winfrey claims in the sermon that turned her life around.

2,228,985- that's how many views this video has.  i am almost ashamed to say one of those views was mine.  it's probably higher now, but i am too scared to check.

Oprah needs to take another U-turn at the next possible moment.

not to name names, but the "pastor's" name rhymes with Bowl Shmovstein.

and for 26 minutes i half-listened to a guy with no seminary experience at all talk about a Bible WITHOUT EVER OPENING IT ONCE. 

what he said sounded "nice."

what he said was false.  like, omg, that's-actually-not-true kind of statements.

he said that the "I am" statements i make to myself will come true. 

he said i get to choose what follows the "I am".

he said that "all through the day, the power of the "I am" is at work."

I'm mentally patting myself on the back right now.  i feel like i dodged a 26-minute bullet to my soul.  honestly, a part of me wishes he were right.  it would be grand if i could say something and have it become true, just because i "invited it into my life."  think how cool it would feel if i chose how those statements about myself ended.

and how powerful i would seem if what i said dominated every waking moment.

but think how scary it is to trade his "I am" statements for the I AM. 

see, when i actually pick up the Bible and read what it says, instead of announcing what i want it to say to me, i find some other statements.

it says that I AM has made statements that always are true.

it says that i've been chosen by I AM and i can choose to follow.

it says that all through the day, the power of I AM is at work.

i don't understand many of I AM's statements- even the ones that sound awesome. i'm not writing this because i have plumbed the depths of knowledge and can divulge the hidden secrets of Scripture- rather the opposite. 

i know surprisingly little, and believe even less- even on a good day.

but i do know some "I am" statements, and what i've been learning is that these are even more powerful than most anything, even Mr Bowl's teeth whitening strips.

the I AM is the one who made stars and starfish and mountains and caves and volcanoes and clouds and camels and dirt and lightening and amoebas.

the I AM is the one who is the same yesterday and today and forever.

the I AM is the head of the Trinity.  good luck with understanding that.

the I AM came down in human form for the sole purpose of manifesting Himself to the world and redeeming His own.

the I AM is a bit more patient with me than i am with myself.

the I AM has a timescale that is utterly different from ours.

the I AM is un-understandable…and this is a good thing.

to be fair, Bowl did say at the end that (after you repeated a few selected words to magically become saved) you should join a "good, Bible-believing church", so not everything he said was false.

he just didn't realize that his whole lifestyle goes kaput if the audience actually followed that piece of advice. 

i have been trapped most of this week on my mental highway, unable to escape onto that way of Truth where i need to be.  it's a bummer. i'm stuck, and the closest i can come to getting un-stuck is this.  but every time i step onto the trail, it gets a little wider, a little easier, a little better.  every time i hear falsehood and counter it with Truth, it's a victory.  every time i can ditch "I am" statements and run to the I AM, it's like the prodigal coming home again.

if you've got lies buzzing around your head like this fly that i'm about to destroy, don't go to Bowl. go to the Book.

you get to choose to follow the I AM, and no matter what size or condition your mental pathway is in, He's there calling for you.  He's probably got a sign for us visual learners, too.