phylactovirus 11:18

i love learning. i think the best part of graduating from Union's MCS program is that i no longer have to write papers, but the worst part is that now i have to create the opportunities to learn on my own, rather than having someone smarter and wiser say, "hey- this textbook/article/essay/sermon/TEDTalk is awesome and you will be a better person for having experienced it."

i went to a music recital at Union tonight with another church member, who introduced me to everyone around as "a Union grad, times 2!" and so i got to experience yet again the facial expressions when each person found out my master's degree has absolutely nothing to do with my bachelor's.

it means i'm a giant nerd. i love big books. i love reading assignments. i love discussion groups and questions and interactions, just like i love patient care and needles and vital signs and IVs.  i have accepted my role, the same way i accepted both degrees- with a flippin' giant smile.

of course, the absolutely best thing about my favorite ginormous book…

[rabbit trail conversation starter: since when is "ginormous" a legit word? whose job is it to update microsoft's autocorrect to recognize it as correctly spelled, and not put the little squiggly red line under it?]

anyway…. the absolutely best thing about my favorite ginormous book is that no matter how many times you read it, there is always more to learn. (either that, or i'm an idiot who forgets the same things each time, and realizes them again upon re-reading it).  i'm sure personal context is a factor as well. the bigger factor is that this book's words are living and active.  they are not dusty and mildewed like ancient archives in a medieval castle. they are not stale like those maple-flavored cheerios i don't like and that have since turned to styrofoam. they are alive. they have relevance to people today, just as they did thousands of years ago. 

another "of course," you can't possibly look at a screen for more than 7.2 seconds without hearing about covid-19. as if it were the only thing of relevance to humankind, this strain of respiratory disease has captured the attention of the globe, causing normally (supposedly) rational people to lose their minds and buy every last roll of toilet paper in their ZIP code.

[rabbit trail conversation starter: what. the. heck. it's a respiratory disease.]

because for some reason it wasn't happening before, suddenly people are washing their hands, covering their coughs and staying home when they are sick. (this is where the entire medical community simultaneously retches and rolls its collective eyes). somehow, what decades of flu seasons haven't done, coronovirus-19 has accomplished. people are paying attention to their hands, their heads, what they do, where they go, who they listen to.

i'm nearing the end of 2 kings in my self-study, and am right about 3 kings after 10-ish tribes get demolished and chained and hauled off to Assyria because of a mile-long list of abominations and evils. i'm also about 3 kings before the same fate comes to the remaining 2-ish tribes. right in the middle there is king josiah.  great-grandson of hezekiah (one of my favorite kings), he starts off strong and finishes well. but most of that, i'm fairly positive, is because something even more astonishing than a virus popped up out of nowhere and brought a royal young leader to his knees.

his priests were doing their spring cleaning, which hadn't been done (properly, anyway) for a number of years, because josiah's dad and grandad were… well, they bring to mind phrases like, "evil beyond compare." they were colossal failures, and took delight in murder, intrigue, child sacrifice, the occult, demon/idol/spirit worship, and more. so it's fair to say that the Temple had been somewhat neglected for about 75 years (massaseh reigned 55 years, amon reigned 2, and then josiah reigned 18 before this point).

but during the cleaning and repairing of the Temple, hilkiah the priest comes across a Book. he is so excited he rushes to find shaphan the king's secretary and tell him, "dude, i found a Book." (2 kings 22:8, my words). these priests, who serve the Living God, and not the pagan idols, immediately recognize the treasure they are holding in their hands. they throw down their dusters, lysol and brooms and make the discovery known to the king, and the entire Book is read to him. and for the first time, the nation of judah is paying attention to their hands, their heads, what they do, where they go, who they listen to…

…because some of the words that made josiah's blood drain from his face were these: "you shall therefore lay up these words of Mine in your heart and in your soul, and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes… see, I am setting before you today a blessing and a curse: the blessing, if you obey the commandments of the LORD your God, which I command you today, and the curse, if you do not obey the commandments of the LORD you God, but turn aside from the way that I am commanding you today, to go after other gods that you have not known" (Deuteronomy 11:18, 26-28). 

by the time of Jesus, the jewish religious elite had taken these words so seriously that many of them literally tied little boxes- phylacteries- containing Bible verses to their hands and foreheads. even though it turned into a source of snobbish pride and comparison for many (the equivalent to comparing cars and houses was comparing numbers and sizes of their forehead boxes), it was a tangible reminder of those commands that God's people were to follow. what commands? the command to serve only the One True God, to love Him with everything they have, say, do; the commands to treat others with love and justice and mercy; the commands the Living Word to their children; the commands for how to have holy, righteous, glorious relationships and jobs and families and societies; the commands to saturate their lives with those living words- basically, the commands to do the exact opposite of what the past 3 or 4 generations of hebrews had done.

and how do you keep those commands? it's not by guessing. it's not by having "a sincere heart." it's not by meditating on positive thoughts, or even listening to those happy prosperity gospel preachers on tv. it's definitely not by shoving your Bible on a shelf for 75 years.

no, i am not recommending that you replace your soap with a box of Bible verses.

for the love of all that is righteous, wash your filthy hands and leave some toilet paper and sanitizer for other people, too. (you do realize that to not get sick, you need other people to also not be nasty and to wash their hands as well, right?) don't be ridiculous.

but i am saying that as long as society is all but shutting down for a while for a virus that can harm your physical body, you take the extra free time to pay attention to this other issue that can definitely damage your immortal soul.

there is absolutely no way to follow God, keep His commands, worship Him as He should be, or to raise a family well, or to serve God at your job or hobbies, if you ignore His Word. there just isn't. God, in His infinite wisdom and grace, chose to reveal Himself to us in these written Words, and promised Life everlasting to the ones who paid attention to them. if you hate reading, there a zillion apps that will read it to you for free. if you genuinely care about your soul, you will find the time, the motivation, the willpower, to do it. no, your salvation is not earned in any way by physically reading the Bible. but salvation is found there- in Jesus the Living Word, and in Him alone.

it's not all roses and sunshine. josiah was immediately convicted when he realized his own sin, and that of the people he was leading. he tore his robes and lamented. david was convicted like few we read about- and yet the Living Word kept drawing him back. the psalms he wrote tell just how much he relied on the Living Word that he met in the Bible, because even though he was reminded often of his sin, he was reminded also of the God who forgives even sinners like himself who turn to Him in true repentance, the God who breathes Life into dead bodies, makes bread for thousands fall from heaven every day for decades, and sent His own Son to bear the curse that was meant for us.

i'm telling you, even though conviction sucks like a vacuum, this Living Word will breathe into a life such vitality that one wonders if they were truly living before encountering Him.  Jesus Himself is the Living Word, the "Word made flesh," and the life He gives is one that no virus can affect in the least.

the banana peel

i was chatting with a friend today over some tea, and somehow this dog i used to know came up in the convo.  i wish it had not.  this was not my least favorite dog, but it was nowhere close to my Top 10 either.  how this dog survived as long as it did is remarkable.  this was one of those creatures you could describe as "three paws in the grave, and the last one on a banana peel."  the amount of fur it shed was disgustingly impressive, it only moved out of necessity, and there were days when some doggy activities didn't count as a necessity worth moving for.  this dog, however, had a happy spirit that i've rarely seen in a living being with that many health issues.

every time i get through a shift like last night, i'm filled with the same kind of awe. nights like that are a present…gift-wrapped by Hades himself.  i seriously can't remember the last time so many things, so many alarms, so many babies, so many everythings all happened at the same time.  so you kNOW that's when the 3rd computer of the night shuts down, the isolette flashes "System Error 25" instead of working, my patients are crying, others' might be dying, and i am LITERALLY playing "Telephone" with the NNP and I.T. because the phone cord won't reach to the antagonistic computer we had to fix. no one died, but i thought about a lot of bad words, and i'm still praying for some of our patients who aren't out of the woods yet. 

this tea we were sipping was at the house of a more recent friend who has gone through quite a valley herself, and this tea party was hosted in the honor of her lost daughter, who i had only met once in August and was gone a week later.

thoughts and memories like these made me all the more thankful for this thing we call "life," but even more so for the Life that's coming.  i can't fathom how life can be so fragile and short, but yet so durable for decades.  i'd fail if you asked me to explain the kidneys to you.  i can plug in a new isolette, but if the d**n thing keeps alarming and shutting down right when 14 other things and people need my attention, i still can't figure out what to do.  besides prioritize that as LAST. 

but i have learned a few things, from people, circumstances, books, sermons and music.

-life is really like a banana (/banana peel).

it's weird, multi-dimensional, hard to describe, and often hard to handle.  most people get along fine with it, but then again not.  one will fill you up, but sharing it with the right person doesn't leave you any less full. there's never a trash can available when i eat bananas (those rare times), and it's just plain awkward walking around a stringy wad of browning banana-ness to find one.  

- your suffering brings others to God

i've listened to 5 months of sermons in the past 2 weeks, and the most recent centered on Namaan, a pagan idolater who was healed by Jehovah because of the Hebrew slave girl he "owned." even though her family and friends were likely all dead because of this guy, and she was kidnapped and pressed into slave labor through no fault of her own- she still cared enough about her master to tell him of the One she knew could heal him from leprosy.  i'm not that nice, i don't think, but it was nice to hear again the idea that God can do 10,000 things all at once even if i only know about 3 of them (John Piper).  and of the 9,997 other things going on, 9,992 have nothing to do with me (JD Greear). suffering in this life has a purpose whether you know it or not.

-your suffering brings you to God

this past week, i learned that 2 people in my life have cancer.  i immediately thought about that day in late march when i heard the words "you have a mass…. a large one." and then was directed to go to Memphis RIGHT AWAY to speak to an oncological surgeon.  i'd been awake for 24 hours by that point, worked more than 12 of them, and had been feeling rough for more than 300.  i'm just going to say i didn't verbalize any prayers for a little bit.  i could barely think.  all i could do was text a few people and have them pray at first instead. 

but a thing like that will change your prayers.  and increase them, in both intensity and frequency! 

there are other things that i have not yet learned how to appreciate in the same way, but at least for some of those moments i can see ways that i've grown closer to Him because of, not in spite of  those times.  just about the only thing i remember from a Bible study i did on Jonah was that God will never let anything happen to you that would make you trust Him less.  however it works… it works. just let it.

- learn someone's favorite color before their political party

this friend that we lost in August was a bright, cheery personality that i knew for a single day.  she was awesome.  i was finishing up breakfast with her family and some friends when i saw her doing dishes in purple gloves. based on that, her purple slippers and purple curtains- it was a pretty easy conclusion to make. 

there are some things that are more important than huge debates about things that divide us.  if i want to feel like i know somebody as a friend, i'll ask about their favorite color, or hobbies or pets.  even if you disagree strongly about a serious issue, that conversation isn't going to go anywhere if you see them as a target or competition rather than a human being with a brain and heart just like you.

make connections, don't make them impossible.

-everybody's a theologian

every person capable of thought has an opinion or belief about God, whether a deity exists or not, what it is like if it does, and how it interacts with the visible world.  time for everybody to stop treating the subject otherwise.  faith and science intersect in too many points for continued blindness. it's going to continue- i'm not stupid to think otherwise- but it shouldn't.  and given the enormity of the issue's implications, it's worth spending time to figure out what sort of theologian you are.

-time is money, but it doesn't come with a credit card

for almost every home renovation, recipe and health topic out there, you can find at least 29,003 DIY pointers, suggestions, hacks, gizmos, gadgets or guys to help you out.  it all comes down to which you want to keep more of: time or money. 

but while banks are relatively forgiving when it comes to unpaid balances, life is not.  you can't take any of tomorrow early, and you can't keep more than a memory of yesterday.  when the timeline runs out, that's it.  whatever calendar square you're dancing on right now is the one you've got to fill up with what's most important. 

-stop the passive aggression

life is too short.  say what you mean. if you can't say it without being mean, then don't say it.  i promise you won't regret it.  if a song touches you, sing it out- loud and proud.  if it doesn't then maybe it's not worth listening to. being assertive is healthy; being manipulative or forceful or jerky is not.  be open, friendly, honest, fearless.  if you always speak the truth *in love*, you have nothing to truly fear.

-the past is important.  so is the future.

the "stuff" that happens here on earth has a reason, regardless of whether you know it.  at least one reason is that this whole thing we call "life" is really just the preface to more LIFE than could fit in our combined caffeinated imaginations.  we are getting practice for the Life coming up!! when the banana peel gives me a final slip, it's not the end.  it's the end of a few things, like your chance to decide where  you'd like to spend the new forever (hence, the point on theologians), but not the End. it's a brand new beginning that itself has no end.

it's like the song, but not obnoxiously irritating…

there were more.

but then THIS computer shut down, and i have to pack for yet another trip.

i have enjoyed being able to find something each day of November so far to be thankful for, and being able to share them is even better. this banana peel of a life is slipping away, but while it's here, i'm glad i get to share even this little bit with you! 

i am no longer

it's been a while since i wanted my words to heard so clearly. there is such a burden on my mind and i'm afraid that if readers misunderstand me, super-bad reactions and things might happen.  so track with me, and ask questions before making assumptions or jacking your blood pressure up to IV metoprolol levels, please. that'd be awesome.

i have very dear, very close friends on both sides of the ongoing conversation the media is having.  we just now celebrated Memorial Day- a chance to remember that blood, sweat, and countless tears were shed to protect each American's undying right to have their own voice be heard, as long as it stays in an appropriate context.  if we forget our history, we are doomed to repeat it.  i think we're doomed, but still…

i think my struggle here is that i completely agree with both sides. 

but i also completely disagree with both sides.  and so i'm confused.  and hurting. yet strangely okay, as long as i remember my own history.  (key point right here).

*if you keep reading, please not that i have cited extensive sections of Paul's letter to the Romans, because i think his argument makes the case really very well.  these sections are in italics and indented, if you don't have time to read them now.  any bold type/emphasis is mine. two parallel trains of thought, so it might be easier to only read my text, then Romans 2-8 separately.*

i was literally just talking a couple weeks ago with a friend about the Duggars, and what the world would do when they all found out that they are not, in fact, the perfect family with no problems and no sin and no tears and nothing swept under any of their carpets.

and then it happened. 

just like it always does (always, always), sin that had hidden for so long reared its ugly head, and it's like every single TLC fan took a collective gasp in disbelief.  almost by accident, yet also by divine design, we learned that a teenager, raised by parents who are religious to the point of extreme, did some remarkably stupid things- sick things, really.

key point right here: what Josh Duggar did was wrong.  however sick and twisted he thought it was at the time, it was WAY more so.  he was a teenager, and we all know teens can be so stupid at times that we wonder how this human race has made it this far.  and we know that everyone involved knew beyond doubt that it was wrong because of the lengths everyone went to keep it quiet.  counseling for all involved?  great!  manual labor as punishment? excellent!  serious chats with law enforcement officers?  i'm all about that. 

here's where i'm divided. 

the Duggar fans cite all the above as proof that he's good to go, cheer him on for coming clean, say the parents did all they should have, and are thankful that he has changed his ways and is now the good leader of his own household. 

the non-Duggar fans point out that hiding this until the statute of limitations comes into play is kinda cheating the law, talking to a police officer with (huge, very huge) sins of his own probably wasn't the *best* idea, and that no amount of private counseling and manual labor is enough to blot out the "X" on his soul. 

i'm divided because… well, because ALL this, ALL OF IT, is (i believe right now) 10000000% true. all of it.

here's why:  i am that person everybody is pointing and staring at. 

i am that sinner.

i am that convict.

i am a murderer. an adulteress.  a liar, a cheat, a thief.

the only reason it's Josh's name and not mine  on everyone's "trending now" tagline is because he's on a tv show and i'm not.

99% of those active in my life know only about the past few years of my life.  they know (most of them) how old i am, how many siblings i have, that i no longer am a New Yorker, that i am a nurse.  they have either worked with me, lived near me or gone to church or college with me.  they all know the part of me that is excellent material for a family-friendly show- because we all know how pleasant life as a night-shift nurse is... BAAHAHAHA!! 

no but really, i don't care.  i wouldn't trade it for (just about) anything.

but there are a few, a very few, who know a bit more.  because they were there and actively involved when i came clean.

i remember, still so vividly, when i was finally able to look down and see the blood dripping from my own two hands, physically nauseous and dizzy from seeing my guilt, the pain i had caused, the wrongdoing i'd been involved it.  i could see my sin for what it truly was, and it was hideous.

there was a choice right then- or rather a collection of them- summed up in the one choice of "what in the flaming heck am i going to do?!?"

i could sweep it back under the carpet, limit it to the far reached fringes of memory, try some detergent to rid me of the stains and never speak of it again.  but no matter who knew or didn't, i could still feel the heat from the flames i was leaning over the

brink of.  i could see the "X" that no cleaning agent or bucket of tears could fully cleanse…. they could only smudge it a little.

so many people are angry that there's nothing the law can do now.  stupid statute of limitations- how dare they clear his record?  how dare those he hurt forgive him?  how dare he ever be happy again- there's no way he changed, there's no way his wife should stay with him, and there's no way he can ever be defined as anything but a scummy troll for the rest of his days!

well, from all i've learned, heard and read, there is no law, no moral code, no religion in this world that puts you in the right and Josh Duggar in the wrong.

the American penal system?  if you're going to complain that the law cleared him, then go to the police station right now and offer to pay the ticket price for every single time you've gone even 1 mph over the speed limit. every stick of gum you didn't pay for, intentionally or not. every stop sign you didn't completely stop for. the American law is trapped in so many double standards it can't see straight.  if a pregnancy is "wanted" by the woman yet lost in a car accident or miscarriage, then it's a child we mourn.  but if it's not wanted, it's just some tissue to be sucked out and tossed in the biohazard disposal container.  those who quietly follow a particular, non-popular religion are "intolerant," but those who target them, sue them, force them out of business, mock and slander them are only "fighting for their rights"?

you're really gonna trust in that kind of penal system to clear you, yet condemn him- and call that fair justice?

edited note: WHAT I AM NOT SAYING is that if you go 35 in a 30 mph zone, you deserve the same punishment in the American courts as a violator of children- the single most hated criminal, even to every other criminal.  flawed though it is, the American law provides punishments that seek to fit the crime, and i believe they should be kept, upheld to the fullest measure, and in many cases are way more lenient than i would be, and what other countries currently are.

WHAT I AM SAYING is that we have courts for that, and unless you are a certified judge or on a jury, your job is not to cast blame, until you also accept and make up for your own acts that, however "small" or "insignificant" are still illegal.  in this one situation with the Duggars, his crime is horrendous, but the legal system's hands are tied, so to speak.  the fact that the statute of limitations has expired is sketchy to say the least, but it is a fact.  it is also a fact that his victims have chosen to forgive him and asked that for their own sake the police file be done away with.  i believe the true hypocrites are those who grudgingly admit the victims' forgiveness, claim Jesus' forgiveness for themselves, even say there is God's forgiveness for the Duggars, yet refuse to forgive him themselves, though they do not know him personally at all and only what the media tells them. 

I AM SAYING that there are two laws at work- the American law, and God's law.  both have an answer to this, but from my experiences (which are more than you are thinking right now, i'm almost sure), God's law is the only flawless one that provides both justice to satisfy the red-faced screamers out there, and also appropriate amounts of perfect grace.

Buddhism, Hinduism, even many forms of cultural faiths don't say you're off the hook- they just give you all the retrys you want to get "life" right.  innumerable reincarnations until you're finally "good enough" to reach blissful nothingness.  (not even to ask where the "bliss" is, if there's nothing there…)

stick with that, and all you can say is that maybe JD needs a few more go-arounds than you.  can't really complain about him more than that.

none of these options is good enough though.  don't even kid yourself.  i think every single American, deep inside, is torn because we all have a craving for true justice.  there's a reason we only really like the crime shows that depict most or all of the "bad guys" being convicted and locked up for the rest of their lives- or heading straight to Death Row with no chance at an appeal. 

but we're also torn because deep inside, we also know it's not quite as cut-and-dry as those 43 minutes.  many of those convicts outwardly live lives at least as good as we ourselves do, and we know that if those "bad guys" are guilty (...which they are…) then so are we (…. uh-oh…). 

Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgement on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things. We know that the judgement of God rightly falls on those who practice such things. Do you suppose, O man- you who judge those who practice such things and yet do them yourself- that you will escape the judgement of God? Or do you presume upon the riches of His kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance? But because of your hard and impenitent heart you are storing up wrath for yourself on the day of wrath when God's righteous judgement will be revealed.

He will render to each one according to his works: to those who by patience in well-doing see for glory and honor and immortality, He will give eternal life; but for those who are self-seeking and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, there will be wrath and fury...For God shows no partiality.

Romans 2:1-11

here's why:  i am that person everybody is pointing and staring at. 

i am that sinner.

i am that convict.

i am a murderer. an adulteress.  a liar, a cheat, a thief.

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through Him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spriit who has been given to us.

Romans 5:1-5

but we don't usually think about it outside those 43 minutes, do we?  nope.  we let that one case, with that one wrongdoing, completely define that one human being.  we're treating the real-life Duggar just as if he's just another tv-show character, but not holding ourselves to the same standards. 

here's why:  i am that person everybody is pointing and staring at. 

i am that sinner.

i am that convict.

i am a murderer. an adulteress.  a liar, a cheat, a thief.

my verdict was clear: guilty, whatever law you held me to.

my choice:  what is going to define my life?

i could have gone that route- i could choose to be defined by one act long ago, that left blood dripping from my hands.  those ugly moments from my life, those memories i can't be rid of, the faces of the ones i've hurt.

but i chose to be defined by one act much longer ago.

one act where Someone different, with hands dripping - not with someone else's blood but His own- took the stand and pled "Guilty" in my stead. 

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person- though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die- but God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 

Romans 5:6-8

here's why:  He was that person everybody was pointing and staring at. 

He was that sinner.

He was that convict.

He was a murderer. an adulterer.  a liar, a cheat, a thief.

Since, therefore, we have now been justified by His blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God.  For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of His Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by His life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

Romans 5:9-11

He himself was completely innocent, but He took those sins and literally made them His own, thereby literally making Himself guilty.  then He paid the price.  

Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned- for sin indeed was in the world before the law was given, but sin is not counted where there is no law.  Yet death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over those whose sinning was not like the transgression of Adam, who was a type of the One who was to come.

Romans 5:12-14

so where is the justice?  where is the justice for Duggar's victims? for all those wronged in ways that make the bile rise in our throats, our throats that are crying out in anger and indignation at the tragedies that happen at the hands of evil people? 

But the free gift is not like the trespass. For if many died through one man's trespass, much more have the grace of God and the free gift by the grace of that one man Jesus Christ abounded for many.  And the free gift in not like the result of that one man's sin.  For the judgement following one trespass brought condemnation, but the free gift following many trespasses brought justification.  For if, because of one man's trespass, death reigned through that one man, much more will those who receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man Jesus Christ.

Romans 5:15-17

some of the most healing words i received from a godly influence in my life were these:  the promise that despite the way it looks from our earthly perspective, there is true justice. 

EVERY SIN WILL BE REPAID.  those who accept forgiveness know that their sin has been taken by Jesus who met true justice with true humility and true love.

everyone else?  they will pay the price themselves.

one way or the other, every sin will be repaid, to the last measure.

Therefore, as one trespass led to condemnation for all men, so one act of righteousness leads to justification and life for all men.  For as by the one man's disobedience the many were made sinners, so by the one Man's obedience the many will be made righteous. Now the law came in to increase the trespass, but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more, so that, as sin reigned in death, grace also might reign through righteousness leading to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Romans 5:18-21

here's why:  they each are "that person" everybody is pointing and staring at. 

they are that sinner.

they are that convict.

they are that murderer,  adulteress, liar, cheat and thief.

if you had any idea of the true justice coming, you wouldn't complain that some merely mortal judge let a creep get off "scotfreo*"  in this life.  because he won't in the next when he faces the Eternal One.   

* the Old English language from which we get the term "scot-free," meaning "free, or exempt, from royal tax."

there is only one Law that makes for both ultimate Justice and ultimate Forgiveness. 

What then shall we say? That the law is sin?  By no means! Yet if it had not been for the law, I would not have known sin.  For I would not have known what it is to covet if the law had not said, "You shall not covet." But sin, seizing an opportunity though the commandment, produced in me all kinds of covetousness.  For apart from the law, sin lies dead.  I was once alive apart from the law, but when the commandment came, sin came alive and I died. The very commandment that promised life proved to be death to me.  For sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, deceived me and through it killed me.  So the law is holy, and the commandment is holy and righteous and good.

Romans 7:7-12

it's the law that means that i can say that Josh Duggar's actions were completely of the Evil One, yet i can say i forgive him because i have been forgiven.  he has either taken God's forgiveness openly offered to us all, of he will face more justice than we can stomach the thought of later on.  i don't have to judge him now, because i've already been judged, and God is Judge of all, not me.  i am every inch the sinner he is, and to condemn him is to condemn myself. 

yes, people- PLEASE CONVICT LAWBREAKERS and uphold all the measures of justice we can.  correct wrongdoing, repay what is stolen to the best of our ability.  to the courtroom judge, i say do your duty without prejudice.  jury, seek the truth and hold citizens accountable.

What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it/ Do you not now that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into His death? We were buried therfore with Him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.

[…]

What then? Are we to sin because we are not under the law but under grace? By no means! Do you not know that that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness? But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed, and, having been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness. I am speaking in human terms because of your natural limitations. For just as you once presented your members as slaves to impurity and to lawlessness leading to more lawlessness, so now present yourselves as slaves to righteousness leading to sanctification.

Romans 6:1-4, and 15-19

but do it knowing that outside the courtroom (and a few times within) there is a place for grace, mercy, forgiveness.  [a lot of] people do [eventually] change, and a horrible, stupid teenager doesn't [always] make a terrible, stupid adult.

For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death.  But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life.  For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 6:20-23

here's why:  I AM NO LONGER that person everybody is pointing and staring at. 

I AM NO LONGER that sinner.

I AM NO LONGER that convict.

I AM NO LONGER a murderer. or an adulteress.  or a liar, or a cheat, or a thief.

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.  For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do.  By sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.

[…]

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him graciously give us all things?  Who shall bring any charge against God's elect?  It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died-more than that, who was raised- who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.  Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, "For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered."

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. 

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:1-4, and 31-39

amen.  hallelujah, amen!

sticks and stones and dead men's bones

I love those moments when a thought just pops up, a question just burns in your brain, or a revelation suddenly arises that makes you smile.  these moments, for me anyway, are rare, which i guess is part of why they're so special.

good glory, i hope this makes sense to whoever reads it.

I was considering again moments from my past and how in so many ways, for so many years i was nothing more than a modern-day Pharisee.  my early life revolved around following rules, codes, standards and policies that would make any Saul of Tarsus proud.  we would have had to add a whole second row of tassels on our robes, and heaven forbid we not tithe every single penny we received from our weekly allowance, which when we were 5 years old, was 25 cents.  so we were also good at math- which is a given (i forget which tab "homeschool" fits under- i think either "standards" or "codes"- but included was the Thou Shalt Succeed decree.  failure was not an option). we were filled with guilt if we forgot to tithe, do our morning devotions (because to do it in the evenings, or even after breakfast was classified as "wrong"), or even have too much Apple Cinnamon Cheerios with our plain Cheerios.  like the front-row Pharisees of old, we were generally applauded by peers and looked up to in our teeny tiny Christian community as being role-models. 

and also like the front-row Pharisees of old, i was even more tangled than those tassels, caught up in the little things but missing the big picture.  missing it entirely.  everything good about the Gospel buried under the rulebooks. plagued by doubt, fear of failure, shame, the need to please others, justification through the Law of Moses.  and the Law of Mom.  i'm not even sure which one i held in higher regard, to be honest.

so, just like the front-row Pharisees, i turned into a blind and bitter "Christian," with no answers for the situations i was trying to fix but couldn't.

in one of the last discourses Jesus gave in Jerusalem, in that last week before his impending execution, Jesus suddenly goes off on those front-row Pharisees, ripping to shreds their rules, codes, standards and policies.  he calls them children of hell.  a brood of vipers. hypocrites. blind guides. 

whitewashed tombs. absolutely stunning on the outside, gorgeous rocks, gardens, plants, probably markers or nameplates to remember their loved ones locked away inside.  on the inside, well, there are the loved ones' bones.  corruption. decay.  germs galore. a stench to turn even this nurse's stomach.

…

umm.  yeah.  Jesus said that. to the front-row, super-spiritual religious elites.  a tomb. a pretty vessel chock full of DEATH.

you're probably looking for the encouraging part now, right?  good- here it is.

i just went back and confirmed the timing on this speech of his, and when i flipped back and forth a couple times between Matthew 23 and John 10 and 11, you see something pretty cool.

immediately before the Triumphant Entry, something absolutely epic happens.

he receives word that one of his best friends in the town of Bethany (2 miles away from Jerusalem, and one of Jesus' stopping points) in on his deathbed and Jesus' healing is required immediately. 

so Jesus….doesn't go.  he waits. for 2 whole days.

Lazarus, unknown to the messenger, is probably already dead before Jesus hears of this, because by the time Jesus shows up the mourning is in full swing and the body has already been cleaned, prepared and locked in the grave for 4 days.

Lazarus's sisters, Mary and Martha, both have separate conversations with Jesus on his arrival.  Jesus asks to see Lazarus's body, and Mary, full of grief, confusion, impeccable common sense, says, "Eww. Jesus, that's gross."

Martha had already run out to meet him, and also to question why he refused to come earlier to save them from this incredible pain. 

Jesus then takes this fantastic opportunity to boot her faith up several levels and tells her :

"your brother will rise again."

Martha said to him, "i know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day."

Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die."(John 11: 23-27)

then He walks right up to that beautiful tomb full of a dead man's bones, convinces several hesitant guys to roll the stone away, and then demands that those dead man's bones get up and walk on out.  and they do. 

the Resurrection had come.

a short amount of time later, that Resurrection was in the Jews' religious center- Jerusalem, speaking to a synagogue's worth of tombs, calling them what they were, angry at their sin, condemning it, calling it out.

but just as importantly, offering life to any of those dead bones who would step out and receive it.  

He's shouting out: HEY!! you're DEAD!  but true life is LITERALLY RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!!

i have very little doubt that many of those Pharisees hearing that speech hadn't heard about Lazarus.  a bunch of them were likely there at the tomb and had witnessed firsthand what happens when Jesus gets too close to graves and talks to them.  those who weren't there, were told immediately by those who were (John 11:45-47).  the whole episode at Lazarus' re-birthday was meant to bring the spiritually dead to a new spiritual life, just as his speech to them in Jerusalem days later, with this miracle fresh in their minds. 

i remember that day when, -after months of wrestling together through these incredibly difficult issues and circumstances surrounding me, shedding tears and prayers, talking and listening- my pastor and i had reached a point where he called my salvation into question, citing as proof the guilt, anger, self-righteousness and pride that had become so evident.  and i suddenly, immediately felt the immense burden of sin- MY sin- that i'd never realized before.   i looked down that night at my shaking hands wringing out another tissue and envisioned the blood dripping off them, the spiritual death i'd caused, how far i had strayed.  how much sin could be covered up and made to look oh-so-spiritual.  how the mask of religious piety was nothing more than a death mask, hiding the corpse of a soul lurking underneath.  i was a whitewashed tomb, choking on all the crud that filled me up.

but that calling-out wasn't just a judgment.  it was an invitation. this tomb's bones were finally ready to be introduced to the Resurrection and to be summoned from the depths of the grave, out into the light.  i knew the theology and was kinda ticked by Jesus' timing, just like Martha.  i had so many questions i wanted answers to, just like Mary. i had a stone-cold heart and eyes blinder than a bat, just like a Pharisee. 

but the Resurrection had come.  to me.  called me by name.  and i changed from a Pharisee, a Saul, a tomb, into a Lazarus, a Mary, a Martha with eyes opened now to a whole new life.

cool things happen when Jesus talks to rocks. and if there are any other front-row Pharisees out there, i hope you hear him calling you out of your tombstone, too.

your Resurrection is here.  it's calling.  are you going to remain inside your whitewashed tomb or are you going to step out when you hear your Resurrection and Life beckoning you?