the banana peel

i was chatting with a friend today over some tea, and somehow this dog i used to know came up in the convo.  i wish it had not.  this was not my least favorite dog, but it was nowhere close to my Top 10 either.  how this dog survived as long as it did is remarkable.  this was one of those creatures you could describe as "three paws in the grave, and the last one on a banana peel."  the amount of fur it shed was disgustingly impressive, it only moved out of necessity, and there were days when some doggy activities didn't count as a necessity worth moving for.  this dog, however, had a happy spirit that i've rarely seen in a living being with that many health issues.

every time i get through a shift like last night, i'm filled with the same kind of awe. nights like that are a present…gift-wrapped by Hades himself.  i seriously can't remember the last time so many things, so many alarms, so many babies, so many everythings all happened at the same time.  so you kNOW that's when the 3rd computer of the night shuts down, the isolette flashes "System Error 25" instead of working, my patients are crying, others' might be dying, and i am LITERALLY playing "Telephone" with the NNP and I.T. because the phone cord won't reach to the antagonistic computer we had to fix. no one died, but i thought about a lot of bad words, and i'm still praying for some of our patients who aren't out of the woods yet. 

this tea we were sipping was at the house of a more recent friend who has gone through quite a valley herself, and this tea party was hosted in the honor of her lost daughter, who i had only met once in August and was gone a week later.

thoughts and memories like these made me all the more thankful for this thing we call "life," but even more so for the Life that's coming.  i can't fathom how life can be so fragile and short, but yet so durable for decades.  i'd fail if you asked me to explain the kidneys to you.  i can plug in a new isolette, but if the d**n thing keeps alarming and shutting down right when 14 other things and people need my attention, i still can't figure out what to do.  besides prioritize that as LAST. 

but i have learned a few things, from people, circumstances, books, sermons and music.

-life is really like a banana (/banana peel).

it's weird, multi-dimensional, hard to describe, and often hard to handle.  most people get along fine with it, but then again not.  one will fill you up, but sharing it with the right person doesn't leave you any less full. there's never a trash can available when i eat bananas (those rare times), and it's just plain awkward walking around a stringy wad of browning banana-ness to find one.  

- your suffering brings others to God

i've listened to 5 months of sermons in the past 2 weeks, and the most recent centered on Namaan, a pagan idolater who was healed by Jehovah because of the Hebrew slave girl he "owned." even though her family and friends were likely all dead because of this guy, and she was kidnapped and pressed into slave labor through no fault of her own- she still cared enough about her master to tell him of the One she knew could heal him from leprosy.  i'm not that nice, i don't think, but it was nice to hear again the idea that God can do 10,000 things all at once even if i only know about 3 of them (John Piper).  and of the 9,997 other things going on, 9,992 have nothing to do with me (JD Greear). suffering in this life has a purpose whether you know it or not.

-your suffering brings you to God

this past week, i learned that 2 people in my life have cancer.  i immediately thought about that day in late march when i heard the words "you have a mass…. a large one." and then was directed to go to Memphis RIGHT AWAY to speak to an oncological surgeon.  i'd been awake for 24 hours by that point, worked more than 12 of them, and had been feeling rough for more than 300.  i'm just going to say i didn't verbalize any prayers for a little bit.  i could barely think.  all i could do was text a few people and have them pray at first instead. 

but a thing like that will change your prayers.  and increase them, in both intensity and frequency! 

there are other things that i have not yet learned how to appreciate in the same way, but at least for some of those moments i can see ways that i've grown closer to Him because of, not in spite of  those times.  just about the only thing i remember from a Bible study i did on Jonah was that God will never let anything happen to you that would make you trust Him less.  however it works… it works. just let it.

- learn someone's favorite color before their political party

this friend that we lost in August was a bright, cheery personality that i knew for a single day.  she was awesome.  i was finishing up breakfast with her family and some friends when i saw her doing dishes in purple gloves. based on that, her purple slippers and purple curtains- it was a pretty easy conclusion to make. 

there are some things that are more important than huge debates about things that divide us.  if i want to feel like i know somebody as a friend, i'll ask about their favorite color, or hobbies or pets.  even if you disagree strongly about a serious issue, that conversation isn't going to go anywhere if you see them as a target or competition rather than a human being with a brain and heart just like you.

make connections, don't make them impossible.

-everybody's a theologian

every person capable of thought has an opinion or belief about God, whether a deity exists or not, what it is like if it does, and how it interacts with the visible world.  time for everybody to stop treating the subject otherwise.  faith and science intersect in too many points for continued blindness. it's going to continue- i'm not stupid to think otherwise- but it shouldn't.  and given the enormity of the issue's implications, it's worth spending time to figure out what sort of theologian you are.

-time is money, but it doesn't come with a credit card

for almost every home renovation, recipe and health topic out there, you can find at least 29,003 DIY pointers, suggestions, hacks, gizmos, gadgets or guys to help you out.  it all comes down to which you want to keep more of: time or money. 

but while banks are relatively forgiving when it comes to unpaid balances, life is not.  you can't take any of tomorrow early, and you can't keep more than a memory of yesterday.  when the timeline runs out, that's it.  whatever calendar square you're dancing on right now is the one you've got to fill up with what's most important. 

-stop the passive aggression

life is too short.  say what you mean. if you can't say it without being mean, then don't say it.  i promise you won't regret it.  if a song touches you, sing it out- loud and proud.  if it doesn't then maybe it's not worth listening to. being assertive is healthy; being manipulative or forceful or jerky is not.  be open, friendly, honest, fearless.  if you always speak the truth *in love*, you have nothing to truly fear.

-the past is important.  so is the future.

the "stuff" that happens here on earth has a reason, regardless of whether you know it.  at least one reason is that this whole thing we call "life" is really just the preface to more LIFE than could fit in our combined caffeinated imaginations.  we are getting practice for the Life coming up!! when the banana peel gives me a final slip, it's not the end.  it's the end of a few things, like your chance to decide where  you'd like to spend the new forever (hence, the point on theologians), but not the End. it's a brand new beginning that itself has no end.

it's like the song, but not obnoxiously irritating…

there were more.

but then THIS computer shut down, and i have to pack for yet another trip.

i have enjoyed being able to find something each day of November so far to be thankful for, and being able to share them is even better. this banana peel of a life is slipping away, but while it's here, i'm glad i get to share even this little bit with you! 

two birthdays at once!

i'm sitting here in the living room on the largest couch ever, staring at a 6-foot Christmas tree plastered with all the decorations we could get from Goodwill, with strings of lights around the walls that just take this experience to a whole new magical level.

i know people are "supposed" to wait until after Thanksgiving before it's proper to play Christmas music or decorate, but this is plenty close enough for me.  my roomie has friends over to help decorate anyway, so now that the hard work is done we are watching our favorite Christmas flick- Elf.  yup. it's okay to be jealous.

i'm not usually too much into holidays, but there really is something about Christmas. i've heard all about how Jesus couldn't possibly have been born in December, and how the Wise Men couldn't possibly have made it until Jesus was 2 year old and back at home (although i heard the theory that they had a head start and actually were at the stable in Bethlehem. either way, i'm easy), but however the whole thing went down, the point is that- it went down.  it actually happened.  a larger-than-time Being somehow became a human, broke through time and space and landed in the middle of nowhere surrounded by an entire nation of people worn out after 400 years of oppression and spiritual darkness.  Christmas set off  the hugest thing to ever happen to earth.  all so that we could do what we were meant to do- give God the glory He deserves through the relationship soon to be restored.

now that's the kind of birthday that you celebrate every chance you get, even weeks in advance.  if Hobby Lobby can keep their ornaments out on shelves since July, then if we made it almost to Thanksgiving before Elf, i think we're doing pretty well.

now, this year- today in particular- i'm a bit more sentimental towards birthdays, mostly because His birthday is the only reason i'm celebrating my own birthday today as well.

it's been 5 years.  not everybody gets to turn 5 twice, and even fewer remember when they did- either time.  i've got a lot of memories that i'd be okay with not ever remembering, but there's one at least that i hope to hold on to forever.  forever and ever, if i can help it.  it's the one good memory that blots out the others i don't need.  after so many years of struggle and doubt and debate and confusion that were all pointing me straight to my own grave, there were a handful of faithful friends who fought back, quite valiantly, because i wasn't really able to fight.  i was a bit useless, i must say, so i'm glad i was surrounded by people who had all their spiritual armor on. 

so every year, this day in particular, i like to just chill.  and remember.  and say thank you. to the friends, to the family, to the church, all of whom God used to work out a plan as huge on the personal level as the first Christmas was on a world-wide level.  He rocked my world that day, and i just think it's awesome how so many others were able to share in it. so:

To FBCJ (in particular) but my whole Church family (in general):

it's been 5 years since a scared hopeless little lamb  entered the Fold and accidentally became a member of FBCJ. not once have i ever regretted that- there were just other things on my mind that day ;)

this Thanksgiving season, there's not much i'm more thankful for than my church family.  i've been given a biological family, a work family, and a church family, and am blessed to have some people a part of more than one of them. the FBCJ crew is the local subset of a much larger group who are included in my thanks, my memories, my thoughts.

to reiterate what the pastor and several others said last week,

thank you.

thank you for being the ones who listened, prayed, cried, spoke.

thank you for sharing your lives, thoughts, families, Cubbies, food, homes, time, love.

thank you for opening your arms, your doors, your hearts.

for being there when no one else was,

for walking beside me when i couldn't stand

for praying when i had no more words to say,

for always, always, always pointing straight to the Cross

for showing me the Jesus i'd heard of but never seen before, and

and for continuing to do so ever since. 

the end :)