still waiting... what a surprise!

 

i was never much into all the personality tests like myers-briggs and such- until i was introduced a few years ago to the enneagram. it's a little too true, and scary accurate. i'm a 5w6, and that means i don't much like surprises, unless it's during a period when surprises could be expected to occur, such as a holiday or birthday. i'm such a 5 that i don't let the computer put my solitaire cards up automatically, so that i can put the suits up in the "right" order myself. there's a chance i have a problem.

(bunny trail: i have just now- at this moment- realized i've never told nik that, and i can already hear him laughing in the future if he reads this. nik, stop it!!)

 

so i guess you can tell what 2020 has done to my mental constitution.

 

back when we were upset over being separated for easter, our naïve little selves were thinking fondly of gathering instead for summer vacation or the fourth of july, or labor day… or halloween… or thanksgiving… and now christmas.  nik and i moved from a quaran-dating relationship to a quarangagement one, to a quaran-wedding-planning one (which is a total blast; i highly recommend that whole experience as a character development activity). on top of a stupid germ playing cat's cradle with every relationship in the world, we checked facebook with growing trepidation not knowing what new potential disaster was wreaking havoc with what country or state. in a cruel twist of irony, the year that americans re-learned just how important teachers and nurses are was the year that national teacher's week  and national nurse's week were basically overlooked by the nation, because the nation was locked up at home and not looking at anyone else, just in case covid19 was spread by vision. murder hornets, hurricanes, a continent on fire, whatever the heck was happening in the sahara, tigers and kings and carol-didn’t-do-it, not to mention the most abnormal presidential election in our history as a country. the good news is that all politicians still lie, so at least we can hold on to that.

 

but we've been waiting for so long to return to "normal" that our past normal is basically gone. nobody is going to think about a hug or handshake the same way again. even if everyone were vaccinated tomorrow, this cure the world has been awaiting can't undo what the virus has done. there is no social strata unmarked by covid, not a single hour of media output that doesn't include it, no family or business or organization that hasn't had to adapt.

 

i heard this song (again) this holiday season on one of my christmas music cds in my car. i hit repeat twice because each time the words hit a little deeper. 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zF952rzG3Yk

  

[on the high probability that the link doesn't work.... go to youtube and listen to "how many kings" by downhere].

seriously- just listen to the words and then actually consider them.

most jews around 3 bc would sniff their noses at our "problems" and rant about theirs. they didn't even get elections! or netflix! or vaccines! or toilet paper! well, actually, they could really empathize with some of us on that. oh- and lying politicians.

they waited.

for centuries.

they waited so long, a lot of them had actually forgotten what it was they were supposed to be waiting for.

they were waiting for a King. a Savior. the Anointed One.

 

and then He came. but it was so out of the blue that absolutely nobody would have known about it for decades without heavenly messengers bursting into the physical realm to scare the pants off some shepherds and declare the news themselves.

a King? just born… now? lying in a what now?!?

yup. a manger. a feed box. probs has cows nudging Him with their big noses. that's the One you've been hearing about for 400 years- ha ha! you thought He'd never come, didn't you? surprise!!

(bunny trail: when did pants become a "thing"?)

 

i don't fully get why non-religious people celebrate christmas at all. there's no conceivable reason that is grounded in anything solid. i also don't get why non-christians celebrate christmas. who cares about a baby born 2000 years ago? the only reason we celebrate is because this baby was special. this baby was a King, a Savior, the Anointed One. completely, utterly unexpected- but still predicted by prophets ages beforehand. tiny, dependent, unspectacular- but still with unimaginable destiny.

this little One would spend the next 33 years or so surprising everyone He came in contact with. there was not a single part of daily life He couldn't affect, not many conversation topics He would avoid, no social circle He wouldn't join if invited.

 

on this side of history, we make light of the christmas story, and think how silly that whole generation was for not recognizing Jesus for who He was. back then? back then, every year was a potential 2020, with droughts, famines, wind storms, poverty, diseases galore and not a single cure for anything, and of course, lying politicians who also murdered people on a fairly regular basis. their newsfeeds weren't any more encouraging than ours.

 

maybe we should do what the shepherds did, and just marvel.

imagine heaven- go ahead.  the lights, the beauty, the brightness, the angels, the joy, the absolute perfection of everything in sight.

now imagine voluntarily walking right back out of the pearly gates and trading that perfection for… 2020, covid and all. yeah… nopety nope nope.

 

that's what Jesus did.

 

the King Who spent eternity in glory left His throne behind, to be confined to a place in time and space, entering a limited dimension- for us.

the Lord Who created galaxies with angels singing in the background, crafted a perfect planet for us humans stepped into His own creation now marred by sin- for us.

the God Who adapts reality with a word let Himself be mocked, scorned, abused, beaten, harassed, tortured, and murdered- for us. He poured out His very lifeblood for the sake of the very same ones who spilled it.

 

no other religion or philosophy even has a category for that kind of event. why?

because it makes zero sense. it's more than a surprise, it's insanity! the extent to which God went, in order to let us back into His holy presence is mind-blowing. every other faith (or non-faith) has a code, a ruler, a list of minimum expectations, that its followers have to know, follow, do, measure up to, in order to enter paradise (or its equivalent).  there are no surprises (at least, not here on earth) because the people know the extent to which they have to go.  

 

our God - the One True God- walked that entire distance for us. His path goes the whole way from heaven straight through to satan's front door. the way to God had been given to the jews so that they could take that message to the world. instead they hoarded it, hid it, forgot it, and finally rejected it. Jesus came to clear the way again. His arrival on the scene sent shock waves through the ancient world. why? because they were thinking the same words of the song, just different.  no real King would step down from a throne for humans. no real Lord would abandon the heavens for us. no "greats" would consider taking a human body.

no real God would pour out His heart to romance a world that is torn all apart.

no real God could do that for…. me… could He?

would a heavenly Father send His Son to this sinful world, knowing that His earthly life would end on a cross, after hours of incredible physical, emotional, and spiritual torture and agony? how could a Deity undo the horrific mess of sin that truly was pandemic- affecting every part of the natural world.

 

this One did.

 

because that's what it took to bridge the infinite gulf between sinners and God. and God was the only One who could go that far.

that's why non-religious people still celebrate christmas on some level. because inside they are asking the same questions as the ancients, not knowing that the answers are all, "yes." we celebrate because we know that "yes"- we know that God has done what no other god could do, that He went farther than a sinful human could go, and that even if everyone else has gotten tired of waiting and hoping, that's okay.  the waiting is over! the Savior is already here!

that's why all christians now are the heralds of truth- we declare that the Messiah ("Anointed One") has come "once to bear the sins of many, and that He will come a second time, not to deal with sin but to save those who are eagerly waiting for Him" (Heb 9:28).

 

so yes, christians are waiting… again…

but this time we wait knowing the end of this story- we don't have to worry about surprises there (but before that, probs a lot of them)! the timing will be a surprise, but not the ultimate outcome. so we wait eagerly this time- expectantly, hopefully, joyfully. whatever plagues and pandemics and politicians happen between now and then, we celebrate with the angels the One we've been waiting for. 

 

merry christmas, everybody :) 

the sad sage

i had the great privilege the other day to join my fiancé in an atypical conversation with a deist who i'm willing to bet has a very high IQ. before the server had even brought the bread and salad i was roped into the discussion the guys had going before we met up: the origin and potential end of the universe. umm, yeah. by the arrival of the steaks, we could add quarks, black holes, spirits, the apocalypse, the purpose of man, the exclusivity of Christianity vs hinduism, the crusades, scientific theory, the similarities and differences between the major world religions, and the weird tesseract-like layer of pure energy enveloping the sun that supposedly could power the world for like, a billion-jillion years. [and also whether or not nik copied my order because he realized my choice of steak was superior, or if he really had independently decided on the exact same meal. i hold the former, he the latter.]  because we weren't done with the discussion, we split a massively unhealthy dessert so we could finish talking…exactly where we began, but so full of food that i couldn't slouch and breathe at the same time.

 

and while it was a true privilege, i walked (or rather, waddled) out of the restaurant fighting off waves of frustration- and wonder, oddly enough. it's been a hot minute since i've met a person who not only believes in nothing that can't be explained a mathematical formula, but who also doesn't care at all. he gets the physical world. he thinks he has a grasp on the world religions. computer code? nailed it. steve jobs? stephen hawking? loves 'em. but for himself, life is a giant shrug. does he have purpose? eh, probs. *shrug*. is there something not strictly physical about a person? dunno. *shrug*.  what does he think about the possibility of eternity, and what that could mean for him? huh. guess i'll find out when i get there. *shrug*. he's content to focus on his career right now and worry about the afterlife later. he's got places to go and good things to do now.

 

a rising number of individuals from this generation have embraced this sort of thinking, though. take this friend's thought process, add some eastern-style clothing and a yoga mat, and you've got just enough religion to make these busy people feel safe without inconveniencing them with concepts like absolute Truth. i mean, if all these super-spiritual ideas come from old, dead, bald guys with single names- like, "confusious" and "ghandi" and "buddha," it must be wise enough to live by, right?  it all sounds 100% legit… until you process what you're being told.  

 

i've got a scratch-off poster of 100 really cool books to read ("cool" here applicable only for major nerds).  it includes everything from harry potter to the time machine to the origin of the species to the fireman to watership down. 

 

***bunny trail: harry potter- loved the series of wholesome, family-oriented characters with a wonderful moral compass, leaders worth following, and followers who know the value of friendship, loyalty, honesty and respect. time machine- amusing and fun. the origin of the species- darwin seems to think if he uses enough science words then most everyone would rather accept the theory than be bothered to suffer through more than a chapter or two. he's not wrong. the fireman- the absolute worst book to read during a global pandemic that kills people almost at random, causing most of society to shut down, about a global pandemic that kills people almost at random, causing most of society to shut down (the cool part being that instead of coughing, the victims of this pandemic spontaneously combust). watership down- bunnies galore. it's like a hug for the soul. read this one.***

 

with my library book app charged up, i began one that sounded fascinating- mahatma ghandi's "my experiments with truth"- his autobiography. i love hearing from leaders of other cultures and countries, especially ones who project wisdom, justice and some level of spirituality.

i was too far in to quit (and determined to complete the scratch off poster), but i wish i could have. it's depressing. for all his wisdom, justice and spirituality, after 300+ pages there is only one "truth" that ghandi was hardcore, dead-set, steadfastly sure of in this life. wanna know what it is? vegetarianism. i wish so bad i were lying.

 

is there a God? well, there's some kind of god/life force in all of us; this force has no name or specific characteristics, but it definitely/probably hears prayers and keeps me from temptation to eat meat or even drink milk.

which exclusive religion is true? eh, they're all true; i shall teach all my friends' kids to follow whatever god/life force they want, to be hard-working, and to not eat meat or even drink milk.

what "is" good or bad, or right or wrong? being mean to any living thing is bad and wrong; therefore i shall be good and right by never eating meat or milk. and also most grains. and spices. and eggs.  i shall eat bananas and walnuts all my days.

is there an afterlife? i sure hope so. even more days to eat bananas and walnuts.

 

this man who was so kind and respectful and honest to a fault never finds the truth he's looking for. he spouted words, phrases, ideas from the Bible and hindu teachings… but seemed to contradict both faiths; he wouldn't go for hinduism because he frankly didn't know anything about it, and he shied away from Christianity because it was boring. really. that was his reason. but since he was kind and respectful and honest and vegetarian, he has earned his place as a role model, leader, sage.

i feel it is worth actually saying that in many ways, he was indeed a role model, leader and sage. he gave his life to improving race relations, easing the suffering of the mistreated lower classes, feeding the hungry, educating the poor, giving them a voice in their country's government, practicing self-control in all things, and holding himself to very high moral standards. he was probably the first, and also last, truly honest lawyer who actually didn't lie to, for, or about any judge, witness or other lawyer. he promoted freedom of religion, openly (yet respectfully) spoke out against horribly unjust government practices, and led by example in all things.

 

but he never found truth.

he never reached the point of "satyagraha" (reliance on/pursuit of truth) where he felt he was pure enough. he prayed to "God," but was fully convinced that "there is no God but Truth." and he was still searching for it. his fasting hadn't helped. his impressive legal practices hadn't helped. his long list of excellent, kind, noble, peaceful, (vegetarian), generous, wise deeds… hadn't helped. 

 

what kills me, and what made me want to stop reading was when i saw just how close he was to the true Truth.  about 2/3 through his book, i read this:

 

"i hold today the opinion as i held then. to my mind the life of a lamb is no less precious than that of a human being. i should be unwilling to take the life of a lamb for the sake of the human body. i hold that, the more helpless a creature, the more entitled it is to protection by man from the cruelty of man. but he who has not qualified himself for such service is unable to afford to it any protection. i must go through more self-purification and sacrifice before i can hope to save these lambs from this unholy sacrifice. today i think i must die pining for this self-purification and sacrifice. it is my constant prayer that there may be born on earth some great spirit, man or woman, fired with divine pity, who will deliver us from this heinous sin, save the lives of the innocent creatures, and purify the temple."

 

and he did. ghandi died still pining for the Lamb who gave His life freely- it wasn’t taken- in order to not just purify the Temple, but to purify us and make US the new Temple. we have been delivered from every heinous sin, because God in His unfathomable, divine, "reckless" love caused to be born on earth that Holy Deliverer Jesus Christ. He didn't save innocent creatures, because innocent creatures have no need of saving. "Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners, of whom i am the foremost" (1 Timothy 1:15). we are sinners, whose even "tiniest" of sins is an affront to God's holiness and incompatible with His character. perfection simply cannot be with even a slight imperfection without becoming itself imperfect. no matter how much ghandi (or you, or i) fasts or how little he lies, or how much he donates to the poor, he will never be perfect and thus literally cannot be in the presence of a perfect God. only a perfect sacrifice can make that possible. and that sacrifice is Jesus.

 

ghandi's prayer had already been answered, and ghandi refused to believe it.

the absolute worst part is that ghandi has now spent 72 years of atoning for his lack of perfection- and he still has an eternity. he will never be perfect enough to save even a little lamb, much less himself or another human.

in the world's opinion, if there is a heaven, then ghandi is definitely there and probably has one of the biggest mansions of all.

however, one thing ghandi got (mostly) right was that God is Truth. and the truth is that those who are not delivered from their heinous sins by the Lamb must themselves pay the penalty, which is eternal separation from God.

that's where ghandi is right now- he's in hell. that's where all the self-sufficient "nice people" who did "good" things are- they are in hell.

that's where my newest acquaintance will go if he chooses to continue his current plan of walking into eternity with zero concern. he will go to hell.

 

i made it to the end of the book, at last.

and if you are reading this, you made it to the end of this post.

i learned quite a bit from ghandi, but i hope somehow i'm not the only one.  my prayer is that his life and message might compel someone to find what the sad sage never did. if it's my new friend, or you, or your friend- whoever it is who finds the Truth will be blessed indeed.

the big IF

i hate realizing new areas where i lack discipline, or screw up or disappoint.  i already know it's a long list, and i've even been told the list- not even kidding you.  one of those areas is prayer. to be brutally honest, i rarely enjoy it. maybe i'm doing it wrong, but even still, i must confess that 99.4% of the time it is a struggle and most days of the week it might be right on the top of things to fall off the to-do list. 

it took me an age, but i came to realize one of my major obstacles was that i simply couldn't tell any difference in my prayers.  i love our church's women's prayer group, hearing from the others what's going on in their lives, and taking turns praying for each other… but it's hard to say for the hundredth time that my prayer request is the same as the month before and that i can't see any change in my situation.  especially on those nights when several in the group are celebrating spiritual victories and obstacles overcome.  i've spent most of the past few years fighting just to keep up with daily life.  i know it can't really be true, but when i don't see any tangible evidence it's super hard to back up the claim that prayer is powerful. i was jealous of seeing other people's prayers answered and mine not. they would say they had the same struggles- but daggum, they made it look easy. yup; i was a little green-eyed monster who couldn't see why their "IFs" came true and mine grew stale. that tiny word "IF" that carries so much possibility and hope within. seriously- just think of all the ideas and inventions and plans and mind-blowing, incredible things that have followed someone saying, "IF…" 

i commiserate closely with Martha and Mary who ran to Him with tears running in rivers down their faces as they each questioned Him.  they knew He was able, knew that He loved them, and could fathom no earthly reason why He wouldn't answer their prayer for Lazarus's healing. that word, "IF" just doesn't go away.  IF You had been here, Lazarus wouldn't be dead right now.  IF You had come.  IF we could see things from Your perspective. so many IFs that only become clear on the other side of the grave. so many of the miracles He performed began with an IF, a petition for His mercy as the wounded and poor and outcast and ailing clung to that hope before them of deliverance.

i don't know when this thought hit me like a brick in the face, but since it's right before Easter, everyone who sets foot in a church this week is going to hear about this passage.  and it's about what most would, under most any other circumstance, term an "unanswered prayer." it's an "IF" of epic proportions. even weirder, it's Jesus who's praying.

right after the Last Supper, Jesus goes with his few best friends to the garden of Gethsemane to pray, like they did all the time. they sang, they talked, they bonded.  then Jesus left 8 of them and took the last 3 and told them quite frankly, "I'm scared to death." He asked them to pray, and then went a couple trees away and prayed Himself.  He fell down on His knees and begged God Almighty to find some other way- any other way- to accomplish the task… the task of saving us.

it's not just once.  three separate times He prays the exact same thing.  because He's perfect, He willingly submits to God's will- but still, He prays for that cup to pass away. "IF there is ANY OTHER WAY, make this cup pass." 

every time He went back to check on Peter, James and John He found them dead asleep.  and it's only us who realize later that their eternity (and ours…) was hanging in the balance, and they're snoozing. i don't know about you, but i am immediately humbled by the thought of that prayer.  Jesus didn't have  to do anything.  He could have zapped right back to heaven and rejoined the Father and Holy Spirit and all the celestial beings in eternal perfection and left humanity to its fate. 

and He would have been thoroughly justified in doing so.

the only thing He gained by this, the greatest sacrifice, was us.  you.  me. that church member you secretly can't stand.  your boss who drives you bonkers. the neighbor down the street with the perfectly manicured lawn (…who sneers at yours while her dog pees by your mailbox…). that family member whose special talent is saying the wrong thing in a loud voice.  He took that cup for us.

can you imagine, just for a minute, if Jesus's prayer were answered and that cup just disappeared?

Luke 22:43 mentions an angel that comes to Him during this last, desperate prayer.  i wonder if it's one of the same ones that appears at the end of His first temptation, where He was even given that way out He requested.  The Devil himself offers Jesus the world. "You remember how You made me 'ruler of this world'?  Yeah, IF You bow down and worship me, i'll back off and give this whole place back to you." for Jesus, it's of course an unthinkable way to avoid the Cross. He'd known for ages that the ultimate purpose for those 33 years on this little planet was its redemption, and the Triune God had already designed how that redemption would happen.  but on some level, during that time in the wilderness, Jesus was still tempted.  Satan gave Him a way to take Earth away from his clutches, bypass Calvary altogether and all for the low price of a bow and a word of praise. He literally has an out, right there.

now a couple years later in the Garden, Jesus knows that no matter how many times He prays IF, our only hope is Him. He also knows that the only way to make our IFs possible is through His. 

i'm still not super glad most of the time for the IFs i juggle. but i'm coming to learn (slowly) that i will be grateful later on for each IF- the big ones, the little ones, the confusing ones, the painful ones, the scary ones. when i can't see the answers, it's not His fault- and there are answers (even if they are "no").

so i can pray knowing that each IF has an answer. 

i can pray in hope, just like every other person He ministered to. 

i can pray IF, because He hears and knows and understands. 

and i can pray knowing that "all the promises of God are Yes in Christ," and that not an ounce of that hope in Him is ever misplaced. because their prayer was "unanswered" Martha and Mary could "see the glory of God." and because Jesus's own prayer was "unanswered" we can now see glimpses of that same glory that we will view in full strength later on. if that's what He can do with their IFs, i can't wait to see what will happen with each of ours that we give to Him!    

Hark it, you Baptist!

things that never get smaller:

-healthcare insurance coverage prices

-sin

-women's purses

-apparently, the universe

things that never get larger

-children's level of wide-eyed amazement at things that adults are simply too busy to give more than a passing thought to.

like Christmas.

it can't get larger because it's already maxed out, and it only shrinks as they "mature."

i was walking through the front yard of a friend (because it's shorter than walking all the way around to the walkway) and the strap of my favorite, $3 Brasilian purse snapped.  that night was when i realized my standards have changed when it comes to purses.  back when i first started carrying a purse and bought a real, adult purse, the one i got appealed to me and was just the perfect size.  it held everything i needed it to.

that list of things i need to have held in a purse has expanded, and now that i must go back to this purse, it is no longer big enough. this is a crisis of epic proportions, and necessitates the purchase of a purse that can hold everything i need for a nuclear war evacuation crisis. if the trend continues, and this purse break, i'll just have to upgrade to a suitcase.

the full list of necessities is too long to bother with.  it's like the Christmas list of things to do, most of which has already been eliminated as "sooo not happening."  i actually did a christmas card/letter, which was as adult-ish and organized as i could get this year. there is only so much i can get together before i snap.  sadly, the snapping of my mood happened a few hours after the snapping of the purse. i tried so hard, but i couldn't push it any more. 

there are some times and seasons that are harder for me to get on board with.  holidays are one of those times and seasons.  i'm psyched out for all you guys surrounded by happiness,  happy family members and happy foods and your favorite ad-free Pandora stations. that's not even sarcastic- i really am.  but i have no real concept of that.  that happiness fluctuates, flickers and then fizzes out.  it takes all my energy to keep it going, and once it's gone- that's it.

i'm tired of waiting for things to change, to get better, for people to stop being jerks, for walls to be torn down instead of built, for children to stop dying, for innocents to stop paying the price for evildoers, for money to grow on ficus trees, for Chip and Joanna Gains to come redo my house … the list goes on.  but i'm tired of waiting.  it's been years since i had any semblance of a happy holiday with my family all together.  don't even bother giving me the "no family is perfect" speech.  duh.  i know that.  but some have deeper ruts and potholes than others.  i'm so, so, so grateful for the 2 or 3 families that "adopt" me each holiday, and for a job where i can work and get paid to do what i love and be around my work family for the times i can't be with anyone else.  but even still, i spent most of the holiday time waiting- for the holiday time to end.  i'm sitting in Panera, which is jam-packed and hotter than a sauna, and i'm the only one sitting alone.  (and the 3 year old sitting facing me next table over has a scary-hideous doll.  i might even have nightmares over that thing.)  3 people i know have run over to say hi, then left because they are with friends and family and barely remember anything about me- which gets super-awkward super-quickly. 

i digress.  waiting for all those things to change seems pointless.  it's impossible to fathom any of those changes occurring.  that's what that is- a list of impossibilities. 

and then i went to church.

i love stories that start (or continue) that way.

i think it's become the new "thing" for pastors to choose some of the least appealing Bible verses ever and create sermons that expound on their usefulness and rich meaning hiding in those unending verses on ritual laws, sacrifices and genealogies.  if you tell me Matthew chapter 1 is your favorite passage, i'm going to call you a liar to your face next time i see it.  not that i'm knocking this new "thing." in fact, it may only be because this sunday was the third, fourth or twentieth time i've heard a sermon on Matthew chapter 1 that i did get something new out of it.

confession moment: i lost Jesus Points when i inwardly rolled my eyes as the pastor read every. single. name. in. all. 17. verses.  all of them. Saint Matthew did not even record all of them, either, i don't think.  i hate how grateful i am for that. i'm a bad Baptist- sorry.

but then i listened.  i listened to another list of impossibilities.

there are 47 names total, if i counted right, listed in verses 1-17. this doesn't count 14+ other persons referred to, but not named (Judah's brothers -11, Jeconiah's brothers- 2+, and Bathsheba). of those 47 names, i can easily count at least 15 inconsistencies, improbabilities or impossibilities.  and that's only Joseph's side of the genealogy, and only the names and situations i'm familiar with.

1. let's start with Abraham.  this guy is a fossil. one foot in the grave, the other on a 99-year old banana peel and -BAM!- he's a brand new dad.

2. Isaac.  technically, Abraham's second-born son who carried the promise despite a half-brother who could have sought revenge, and his dad's incredible wealth, and a near run-in with his dad's knife on an altar, involving a father-son retreat, a whole lot of questions, and a divinely appointed/visually impaired (?) ram.

3. Jacob. another second-born son, a class-act jerk/liar with a death threat…frankly, he just about deserved it. he got away with a limp, and an awareness of how close he came to being murdered slowly and painfully.

4. Judah.  son of Leah, who Jacob married BY ACCIDENT.  the scammer got scammed, big-time.  and the girl whose dad thought of as too ugly to find a husband (not even kidding you) became the mother of Judah, whose name means "praised one" because this time she said "this time i will praise Yahweh." instead of seeking favor from men, who clearly had morals anywhere but where they were supposed to be, she gained joy from the One who sees not as man sees.

5. Perez.  ummm, eww.  so he was born, it was gross, don't read this to children, moving on.

6. Boaz.  his mom was a hooker who was graciously spared the death sentence placed on every single other soul in her city (except for the family she begged mercy for).  not only was she granted her life, but also a family within God's chosen people and a prominent spot in Jesus's family line.

7. Obed.  his mom was a chick with major resolve and loyalty… from MOAB.  Moabites were not known for their faithfulness to Yahweh or their morals.  intermarriage was not supposed to happen, but this one did and was blessed beyond belief.

8. David.  greatest, coolest, most popular king of all began his days as a shepherd.  the runt of the litter (he had, like, 7 thousand brothers.  or 7.  either way.) and was practically forgotten by his dad.  good thing he was a hottie, or he'd have nothing- NOTHING- going for him.

9. Solomon.  also not the best family-friendly story, but nonetheless used by God. an awfully unholy relationship meant he was born.  later on, following his dad's example, he won zero "world's best dad" mugs. trophies and plaques from round the world, but his home life was a mess of rather epic proportions.

10. Bathsheba. not even mentioned, probably a Hittite and possibly a pagan.  it is unclear how much of the affair was her fault, but after losing the resulting son, God gave her another one- Solomon, the wisest and richest king of all time, everywhere.

11. Uriah. i know, i know.  he's not even part of the lineage.  he *was* one of King David's best friends, had super-high rank in the legendary "Mighty Men"- until Dave decided to sleep with Bathsheba his wife, have him straight-up murdered and not think twice about it.  i love how even though he had no genetic contribution, it's his name mentioned, not Bathsheba.  he was faithful to his king, his country, and likely also Yahweh- faithful to the death and honorable to the end.  and his name is here, hundreds of years later.

12. Rehoboam.  an idiot who destroyed the empire Solomon built.  his dad was in the grave all of ten seconds before the bad decision-making began and he alienated 95% of his subjects, who subsequently rejected him. for some odd reason, he was not assassinated.

13. Hezekiah. spared miraculously from death by Sennacherib and the full might of the Assyrian army, then spared miraculously from death by illness.  stories like his are awesome, and rare.  read it. fun fact:  one of the most well-known prophecies regarding Jesus's birth (likely) came during that invasion of Assyria, when every Israelite was shaking in his sandals and puking from sheer terror.  Micah 5:2-5a says:

 "But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah, who are too little to be among the clans of Judah, from you shall come forth for me one who is to be ruler in Israel, whose coming forth is from of old, from ancient days.  Therefore he shall give them up until the time when she who is labor has given birth; then the rest of his brothers shall return to the people of Israel.  And he shall stand and shepherd his flock in the strength of the Lord, in the majesty of the name of the Lord his God.  and they shall dwell secure, for now he shall be great to the ends of the earth.  and he shall be their peace."

Micah 5:1 and 5:5b-6 both mention sieges and Assyrians and swords and scary things.

14. Babylon.  instead of simply killing the entire royal line after the Babylonian captivity, Jechoniah survives and so does his family line.  captivities are perfect times for bad things to happen, for people to get murdered, for rebellions to be squashed and for God to show His hand in incredible ways by not having any of those things happen.  the Babylonians were not a much better option than the Assyrians, but neither could defeat Yahweh's plan.

15. may as well bring it up, even though everybody knows it. Mary.  she was only half-way married, according to what i've heard of ancient betrothal customs of the day.  there was a legal contract (Step 1), but the actual wedding ceremony (Step 2) had not happened yet.  one source i read stated that because of this, the whole oops-Mary-is-pregnant thing was only a small scandal, instead of the full-blown, front-page news story it could have been, but still.  God said "it's time for Christmas" and He found Mary.  the fact that she had no idea what she was doing had no bearing on the situation.  God did know what He was doing, and she submitted.

*** 

the shepherds sitting on a hill that lonely night of unknown exactness were also tired of waiting.  they were bored out of their skulls, playing chess for the millionth time with each other, hopefully with their sheepies safe in the paddock for the night.  taking turns watching for stray wolves or bears or IRS agents, they all saw the most unexpected guy.   

he was shiny.

he was in the sky.

and he was SINGING.

and then all his shiny, singing buddies showed up too.

their waiting was over. 400 years of a whole lot of NOTHING, and now the time foretold had come.  and instead of busting into the royal palace bedrooms and priests' compounds and even the Holy Temple, the Herald Angels came to the shepherds, and they Harked. 

there's at least 15 reasons why Hark the Herald Angels Sing is basically my favorite Christmas song of all time forever.

1-14 are because that sight, on that night, is so incredibly incredible is blows my mind to smithereens and makes my pulse go up and my eyes tear up and.. and.. i can't understand how anyone can hear that song and not jump up and down and go tearing up and down the sanctuary aisles.  EVEN THE BAPTISTS.

like, COME ON NOW.  THERE ARE ANGELS SINGING RIGHT OVER YOUR HEADS. 

SHOUTING, " JESUS IS HERE!!!!  HE'S  FINALLY, FINALLY HERE!!! "

JOIN THEM!!!! 
WHY ARE YOU STILL SITTING?!?!

reason 15 is that there are few other hymns that contain so much theology from Genesis to Revelation that speak to what most humans feel, if you can bear to sing past the second verse (…when did churches stop doing that?).   because this post isn't long enough, i'm going to put all the verses here.  you may not have another chance this Christmas season, and that is a travesty.

Hark! the herald angels sing, "Glory to the newborn King!"

Peace on earth and mercy mild, God and sinner reconciled.

Joyful, all ye nations rise- join the triumph of the skies

with angelic hosts proclaim, "Christ is born in Bethlehem!"

Christ, by highest heaven adored, Christ the everlasting Lord:

late in time behold him come, offspring of the virgin's womb.

veiled in flesh the God-head see, hail the incarnate deity

pleased as man with men to dwell, Jesus our Emmanuel!

hail the heaven-born prince of Peace, hail the Son of Righteousness!

Light and Life to all He brings, risen with healing in His wings.

mild He lays His glory by, born that man no more may die;

born to raise the sons of earth, born to give them second birth.

come Desire of Nations, come, fix in us Thy humble home.

Rise, the woman's conquering seed- bruise in us the serpent's head!

Adam's likeness now efface, stamp Thy image in its place!

Second Adam from above, reinstate us in Thy love.

Hark! the herald angels sing, "glory to the newborn King!"

the social rejects of the day were the first to get the baby shower invitations. the poor ones, the bottom of the totem poles, the victims of a screwed up society who had even worse political scenery than we do-  God must thrive on possibilifying impossibilities, because the whole Bible's full of it.  somehow, out of a chronically depressing situation, hope came. no parties were thrown, no family get-togethers, no lunatics destroying the marketplaces with their insane bargain-hunting. 

the shepherds just had to go.  they may have washed up and changed shirts (if they had a spare), but probs not.  they had no gift but the gift of their simple, joyful acceptance of the fact that their Savior had come, and their delicious odor.  it fit in well with the barnyard scene.

if your life is full of impossible hopes and dreams, you are in good company. 

if you are lonely, and hopeful- or maybe unhopeful

or fearful, surrounded by enemies and under siege from all sides

or looking at your family/living situation and wondering what the snap is going on

or just waiting. waiting with your tissues in hand and your heart on the line

or aching for that healing

or still wounded by that serpent and his curse, suffering from the fact that we trace our lineage to Adam, through murderers, hookers, rapists, terrorists, rebels, and every other sort of sinner just like me.

Hope came, and it is coming again.  Emmanuel really is with us, even when we don't feel Him.  the Second Adam is doing everything the first one couldn't.  someday soon, the impossibilities will be no longer.

i do not have the voice of an angel, nor can i levitate above your head and shine.

what i can do is cry.  i'm shedding tears this Christmas because of several deep-cutting impossibilities that are weighing me down this season.  i'm not okay now, so you just need to be okay with that.  don't try to fix it- just let me feel this now.  don't worry- i know what's coming. the angels are coming again, and so is Christ, by heaven's highest adored, Christ the Everlasting Lord with more Light, Life and Healing that i can fathom.

some of these tears are tears of Hope.  i can almost hear those herald angels still, and that song is a beautiful, beautiful one.

and i just wanna keep harking for a little while longer.

a lament for Orlando

ugh.

i just really feel the need to tell the world that i have a sinus infection.

it's hard enough for me to think some things through, but when you've got gelatinous boogers twanging on all your brain cells, it really does something to things like cerebral functioning, temperament and personal tissue preferences.  there are some thing you just shouldn't get store brand when you are sick.  1-ply (anything)= hatred. 

our mission team to Brazil hadn't even made it past Washington DC before every tv in the airport was throwing us a barrage of updates and opinions and news conference clips regarding the latest massacre, this time in Orlando.

i had feared this very thing- the transition between a week of seeing what God is doing in other countries and in the lives of our friends (and ourselves)… and coming back to America, where things like politics, work drama, societal obligations, errands and the cat all compete for my attention.  

and then i went to a Bible study.

after a great dinner, we sat around an irregularly shaped coffee table and opened our notebooks, clicked our pens and flipped our Bibles to the… saddest and most depressing and mournful book EVER.

Lamentations, man.  Lamentations.  

it is exactly what it sounds like.  it is a collection of the prophet's (historically, and therefore here, Jeremiah's) laments.  his whines. his groans. his poetically penned complaints. no, really- every chapter is written as an alphabetic acrostic. he's got skill, even in grief.

you might say, like i have before, "why on earth?"  why would that ever be included in the Bible?  why was he so frickin' upset? why didn't God tell him to hush up?

and also, "why should i care? how can that ever make me feel better?"

here's why.  just bear with me and my snot-saturated brain for a bit.

here's the layout of this situation that was all up in Jeremiah's face:

he was a part of the nation of Israel, which had for all practical purposes split into Israel (10-ish tribes) and Judah  (1-ish tribes, depending on land, of which the Levites didn't get any, and also the fact that Ephraim and Manasseh were both from the same son of Israel. yeah, i know.  there's really 13 tribes, but one of the 12 sons got a double share, and then one son inherited the priesthood instead of land, so everything shakes out alright). 

anyway, ALL the tribes had… failed.  epically.  this was the origin of the "you had ONE job!!" line.  their ONE JOB was to show how great their God was.  they didn't even have to "do" much.  HE WAS RIGHT THERE.  LITERALLY. PHYSICALLY. VISIBLY. RIGHT. THERE. every nation had seen and heard and wondered at the HUGE things this "Yahweh" was doing. there was a temple where His presence resided, 24/7.  seriously, all the Jews had to do was point.

every time they forgot Him, He gave another gracious reminder of His eternal, all-powerful presence.  then they were good for about 6 months.  possibly a generation, if they were truly impressed.

He made a covenant with them.  "follow these rules, be different from the pagans, and I will love, cherish, protect, bless, multiply, thrill, fulfill you. break the covenant, and I will punish you."

they agreed.

then they forgot. 

then they flat-out ditched Him.  turned their backs on the Deity that brought them through fire and water, and started praying to carved rocks and chiseled wooden pillars.

the One thing that set them apart as a people was the one thing they spurned.  they looked across to the Moabites and Amorites and Ammonites and Hittites and Hivites and Philistines (and yes, they sound like congested people named them all)- and they said, "eh- that's not so bad. it's just a little different. no way would God really have a problem with me doing this."

enter the prophets.

this tiny little subset of Jews were called individually to alert their fellow men of the coming danger.

because God did, and does care.  it's not ultimately about the "things" the people were doing.  it's simply because He is HOLY. He is so much greater and better and stronger and more perfect than our minds can fathom that He can not be around sin, much the same way that light simply cannot ever coexist around darkness.  even a little candle will shatter gloom.  the very nature of light, or holiness, is such that it is forever separated from darkness, or unrighteousness. it's why He made that covenant.  it's why He made the sacrificial system and a non-deadly way for His chosen people to come near Him, live in His presence, speak to Him "as a man speak to his friend" like Moses. it's why He said, "don't be like them" - because they were… they were evil, folks. evil. before you blame God for taking out those nations, research "Molech"-just not during lunch.  and every time His people chose evil over Him, He patiently waited, He nudged, He reminded, He spoke through prophets- everything to get their attention first.  He did everything before punishing- if that's not love, i don't know what is.

well, they didn't listen to Jeremiah, just like they didn't listen to any of the other prophets.

and because God is holy and just and always keeps every single promise, He held to the covenant.  He left His temple. and punishment came.

and Jeremiah wept.

this is not the "oh boy, this hurts" crying.

this is the hopeless, despairing, pain-beyond-words-or-tears-or-breath crying. 

the armies were coming.  the cities were under siege. the chosen people were literally starving to the point of cannibalism. and they still chose to seek favor and help from their carved rocks and chiseled wooden pillars, rather than receive the forgiveness freely offered by God through the prophets. 

guys, i was convicted. and this ain't the germs talkin'.

working through such a depressing 22 verses hurt. it still does.  if my throat weren't sore, i might be weeping right now.

this nation- my nation- has forgotten and rejected God as surely as Israel did all those thousands of years ago.  i know America isn't God's chosen people, but even His Church within America seems to be floundering a bit.  our ONE JOB is to display God and His love, mercy, justice, forgiveness, power, glory… His HOLINESS. i need to be as broken as Jeremiah over the state of this country and what it is costing our souls. i am surrounded by lost, hurting, spiritually confused people and i... i have been called by God to be a witness. and i have failed.  i have retreated.  i have caved to pressure.  and now i see judgement on its way, and i should be weeping a whole lot more than i have been.

the thing with the prophets, and God's judgements, and all that stuff nobody likes to talk about it that it is just impossible to have a true concept of His holiness and a warped concept of sin.  they go hand in hand.  to minimize one is to minimize the other.  you can't take God seriously and in the next breath say, "my sin's not so bad."  because sin is a direct affront to His holiness.  more than that, to wave off sin is to show straight-up contempt for Jesus' sacrifice.  the epitome of love, mercy, grace, justice, humility, perfection- and sinners blow it off.  "my sin's not so bad; thanks for the gesture, Jesus, but i'm a pretty decent person and i don't need your sacrifice."  when we itemize sin, when we compare ourselves, when we apply our own standards to ourselves and hold it up to God like it's some great accomplishment...all of it...all of it takes the camera off God and focuses on us.  try as we might, our souls are never gonna be a pretty picture apart from Christ. we've deluded ourselves into thinking we can dress up the outside and be okay.

i have heard many times that a main deterrent to Christianity is that while Jesus and His teachings are pleasant, God and His punishments-particularly of the ancient non-Israelite nations- are simply intolerable.  they shout "God is love" as if they really understood that phrase and stalk off in anger.  could you appreciate a God who didn't take Himself seriously, who didn't punish wrong, who broke His word and was so small and weak that human brains could completely understand Him? no, really- think about that for a sec before you answer. they ignore the atrocities those people were committing, in flagrant disobedience to God, and say Love wouldn't punish it. God IS Love- but His perfect Love is included as a part of His majestic HOLY character.

they, just like the ancient Israelites, have forgotten His holiness. we as Christians have snuck into the background and hidden from these hard questions because we don't always know the answers- we have forgotten, too.

it hasn't happened overnight.  the Jews didn't collectively wake up one Tuesday and say, "Hey- here's an idea.  let's ask that Asherah pole for some rain, good crops and many many children."  but what was once "wrong" became "weird." before too long, "weird" became "different." soon after, "different" turned into "acceptable/normal/okay/celebrated".

but unlike Jeremiah, we aren't weeping.  we've become callused to words like "abortion" or "Obama" or…

or "lie" and "pride" and "gossip" and oh yes, i just said all that.

we've downsized our "little" sins. we've blamed those who struggle with the "big" sins.  we've got them all ranked and ordered, so we know just how upset we should be. 

the problem is that ALL OF THIS takes our focus off God.  if we were doing our job and upholding His holiness, i think several things would happen.

-we would recognize that our sins are every bit as bad as anyone's from Orlando, whether inside the club or outside. murderer, hater, liar, thief, gay, glutton, abuser, gossip/slanderer...if you sped on your way to work, you broke the law.  if you can't even handle state laws, how on earth do you reckon you're just fine with God's laws? quit calling a wicked gunman "God's judgement on gays" unless you're ready for God's judgement on your sin, too.  NO!! just no. man, that makes me so mad- i almost feel like my fever's coming back.  STOP IT!!

-we Christians would recognize our part in America, and that we share some of the blame for these atrocious sins happening every day across the nation while we creep back into our tiny little comfort zones and block it out. we need to speak out, fight evil, uphold righteousness, be involved in this country and do more than we are to represent Christ.

-we would get over our pride and reach out. reach out to everyone. even if 99% of the ones you reach out to choose to remain trapped in their blindness, if you hold that flame up someone might just see their way to the path leading to eternal Life. BE THE CHURCH.  the Church is the Holy Spirit's dwelling place, the arms and feet and eyes and heart of Jesus.  BE THAT. not the loudmouths who so full of anger and pride that they can't recognize the hurting souls all around them.

-we would weep.  we would weep for our families, our friends, our coworkers and our neighbors who don't/can't/won't see God and His truth.  we would weep for our LGBT community and the sin committed against them.  yes, i think that lifestyle is wrong and outside God's will, but God is lovingly waiting for them, not targeting them.  no, God was not caught off-guard by the massacre; even though it was wrong, it is a part of God's plan that uses people's evil to show His contrasting holiness.

because the whole point of the Gospel is that because of God's holiness and our utter inability to perfectly maintain His standards, there was a Plan already in motion.  He wants to be with us.  He wants us to love Him. so He took a "risk" a gave us free will to follow… or to flop.

God knew we'd flop.  He knew that sheep and goat sacrifices were not a long-term solution to our daily sins.  so to maintain His holiness, keep His covenant and punish sin- but ALSO to not destroy the objects of His affection (that's us, people)- He sent Jesus. 

those who accept His sacrifice are forgiven.  that's it.  clean slate. there is no "ranking" of sinners or penance to be paid.

those who refuse it will take the punishment themselves.  the Jews got a taste of it- the temple forsaken by God, they were left alone and destitute. hopeless and without anyone to even hear their parched cries. 

the Gospel is a word of hope, however.

even though the critics, and many Christians… and i… forget, even something as tragic as a massacre is not outside God's plan.  His greatest victories often come through the most troubling of crises.  our lack of understanding does not negate His omnipotence,  or His ability to turn the whole situation around for good.  this is a dark time for us, for our nation and specifically now for our LGBT community. we as Christians ARE GOD'S TEMPLE that is not forsaken, the visible presence of God- and we have ONE JOB.  let's do it! let's fall down and weep with those who weep.  let's proclaim the news of hope like Jeremiah.  let's hold up a flame and light the way to the Cross, where His holiness is fully satisfied, were darkness disappears, where Hope is eternal and where all God's chosen people find the comfort, love, forgiveness and peace that can only come from Him.

the song of the Rock

i've always felt a pull towards the idea of missions, especially foreign missions.  i love traveling. i love adventures. i love the sights, sounds, feels and tastes.  i simply adore the camaraderie of  serving with a team, meeting goals and needs, serving side by side fellow Christians of every nationality.  it's a small piece of heaven; i want every slice i can get.

for some reason (okay, let's call it what it is: SIN) it's always been a thousand times easier to find a stranger in a foreign land and share the Gospel than it is to grab the elbow of my neighbor and share this mind-blowingly good news. 

it's Easter, friends.  this week our extended family members all over the world are celebrating the climax of Christianity.  this is it!  Easter weekend is the single reason we all have hope, love, a future, a family, forgiveness.  the TOMB is EMPTY! THAT ROCK MOVED, FOLKS!! if ever there was a time to celebrate life, it's now.  if ever there was an opportunity to share Christ that was handed to you on a silver, diamond-studded platter, it's now.

it's also the time when the whole nation is "sharing" and "liking" posts, making new hashtags and changing their profile pictures to the flag of Belgium.  social media is exploding with news about, and prayers for, the victims, their families, their country… OUR country, every country! the death toll rises, names are being released, and once again anyone with a trace of spirituality is praying to whatever or whoever they think might be listening.  instead of celebrating life, thousands are mourning death.

the exciting, and scary, thing about all of this is that we've gotten our cue.  we missed it-again- but we get a second (or ten thousandth) chance.

every word i read or hear about missions fills me with both hope and shame. hope at the idea of giving as much time as God allows to serving Him in a place still waiting.   shame, because… i'm surrounded by people HERE and NOW who don't know, don't care, don't know to care and live day to day waiting for a "something." and yet i, and so many Christians, live day to day with our mouths closed.  without the glamour and thrill of a passport stamp, the concept of bringing up faith, religion or an afterlife is deemed as  inappropriate and socially unacceptable. 

and yet...

and yet, there's a world out there crying out for answers and mercy.

for a hope that lasts longer than a paycheck.

for a life that is free of pain, guilt, death, gore, sickness, bullets and bombs.

for a ruler that… is not quite like any current (or past) dictator, king or president.

we have it.  we have all of that.

because we have HIM.

HE is it.  our Hope that "enters once for all" into the true temple "not made with human hands" with a better sacrifice than all the goats and sheep in creation- Himself.

He is our Life- the source of all Life, and the way to a Life that will never end and that makes this earthly life as pale and transient as morning fog.

He is the Ruler that will never be unjust, protects all His own and whose term in office never ends.  no currency except faith.  no taxes except joyful praise. no end at all, except of sin and all its consequences. 

this is the song that never ends; it just goes on and on, my friends! it started just outside an empty hole in the ground, and will continue for all eternity, growing ever louder as we all join our voices.

we have it- all of it.

not only that, but we also have a direct order from our Ruler to bring as many others into this Kingdom as possible. He hears these cries, and has told us to show them the Answer.

the ancient Jews celebrated the Passover every single year, to serve as a reminder of their salvation.  they were even told how to share the meaning of their festival, so they would be prepared with an answer every time someone asked them what on earth they were doing.

as great as that holiday was… we celebrate the best of all Passovers- the final one, where our Lamb paid the final price and paved the way to God Himself, open to all who accept it.  we also each have an answer, a testimony, a true drama, a personal story to share every single time someone asks us what on earth we are doing.

i promise you this- you will honk some people off.  they will tell you that are an idiot, and worse.  they will tell you to shut up. they may end friendships, cost you business, hurt deeply.  your story may mean nothing to whoever you are talking to. Jesus Himself was told off by the  "religious elite." His answer: if the people won't, the rocks will.  the Good News will not be silenced.  it WILL be told- the only difference is the "how."  i haven't done my part.  i want to start- before my garden border stones start singing and put me to ultimate shame.

but i also promise that there is someone in your immediate vicinity that will hear and respond.  whether or not you ever hear about it, someone is broken and in desperate need of a Healer.  you knowing or taking credit is soooo not the point.  the personal cost is also not the point. whatever cost to you, Christ's was eternally greater. take a leap of faith and have your answer ready. there is nobody less worthy of the Gospel than you; there is nobody more worthy of the Gospel than any ISIS leader.  everyone needs to hear. and if we don't share, the rocks themselves will instead.  please don't give them our job. it's our time to rise up together and share Easter joy!

if you remember the point in your life when the message finally sunk in,  let that give you the strength to be that joy to someone else. 

let this Easter be a vivid reminder of what is at stake.   let His hope fill you with both joy and courage.  make this the best Easter of your life, and the first true Easter for someone else.  silence those rocks-ready, set, go!