the sad sage

i had the great privilege the other day to join my fiancé in an atypical conversation with a deist who i'm willing to bet has a very high IQ. before the server had even brought the bread and salad i was roped into the discussion the guys had going before we met up: the origin and potential end of the universe. umm, yeah. by the arrival of the steaks, we could add quarks, black holes, spirits, the apocalypse, the purpose of man, the exclusivity of Christianity vs hinduism, the crusades, scientific theory, the similarities and differences between the major world religions, and the weird tesseract-like layer of pure energy enveloping the sun that supposedly could power the world for like, a billion-jillion years. [and also whether or not nik copied my order because he realized my choice of steak was superior, or if he really had independently decided on the exact same meal. i hold the former, he the latter.]  because we weren't done with the discussion, we split a massively unhealthy dessert so we could finish talking…exactly where we began, but so full of food that i couldn't slouch and breathe at the same time.

 

and while it was a true privilege, i walked (or rather, waddled) out of the restaurant fighting off waves of frustration- and wonder, oddly enough. it's been a hot minute since i've met a person who not only believes in nothing that can't be explained a mathematical formula, but who also doesn't care at all. he gets the physical world. he thinks he has a grasp on the world religions. computer code? nailed it. steve jobs? stephen hawking? loves 'em. but for himself, life is a giant shrug. does he have purpose? eh, probs. *shrug*. is there something not strictly physical about a person? dunno. *shrug*.  what does he think about the possibility of eternity, and what that could mean for him? huh. guess i'll find out when i get there. *shrug*. he's content to focus on his career right now and worry about the afterlife later. he's got places to go and good things to do now.

 

a rising number of individuals from this generation have embraced this sort of thinking, though. take this friend's thought process, add some eastern-style clothing and a yoga mat, and you've got just enough religion to make these busy people feel safe without inconveniencing them with concepts like absolute Truth. i mean, if all these super-spiritual ideas come from old, dead, bald guys with single names- like, "confusious" and "ghandi" and "buddha," it must be wise enough to live by, right?  it all sounds 100% legit… until you process what you're being told.  

 

i've got a scratch-off poster of 100 really cool books to read ("cool" here applicable only for major nerds).  it includes everything from harry potter to the time machine to the origin of the species to the fireman to watership down. 

 

***bunny trail: harry potter- loved the series of wholesome, family-oriented characters with a wonderful moral compass, leaders worth following, and followers who know the value of friendship, loyalty, honesty and respect. time machine- amusing and fun. the origin of the species- darwin seems to think if he uses enough science words then most everyone would rather accept the theory than be bothered to suffer through more than a chapter or two. he's not wrong. the fireman- the absolute worst book to read during a global pandemic that kills people almost at random, causing most of society to shut down, about a global pandemic that kills people almost at random, causing most of society to shut down (the cool part being that instead of coughing, the victims of this pandemic spontaneously combust). watership down- bunnies galore. it's like a hug for the soul. read this one.***

 

with my library book app charged up, i began one that sounded fascinating- mahatma ghandi's "my experiments with truth"- his autobiography. i love hearing from leaders of other cultures and countries, especially ones who project wisdom, justice and some level of spirituality.

i was too far in to quit (and determined to complete the scratch off poster), but i wish i could have. it's depressing. for all his wisdom, justice and spirituality, after 300+ pages there is only one "truth" that ghandi was hardcore, dead-set, steadfastly sure of in this life. wanna know what it is? vegetarianism. i wish so bad i were lying.

 

is there a God? well, there's some kind of god/life force in all of us; this force has no name or specific characteristics, but it definitely/probably hears prayers and keeps me from temptation to eat meat or even drink milk.

which exclusive religion is true? eh, they're all true; i shall teach all my friends' kids to follow whatever god/life force they want, to be hard-working, and to not eat meat or even drink milk.

what "is" good or bad, or right or wrong? being mean to any living thing is bad and wrong; therefore i shall be good and right by never eating meat or milk. and also most grains. and spices. and eggs.  i shall eat bananas and walnuts all my days.

is there an afterlife? i sure hope so. even more days to eat bananas and walnuts.

 

this man who was so kind and respectful and honest to a fault never finds the truth he's looking for. he spouted words, phrases, ideas from the Bible and hindu teachings… but seemed to contradict both faiths; he wouldn't go for hinduism because he frankly didn't know anything about it, and he shied away from Christianity because it was boring. really. that was his reason. but since he was kind and respectful and honest and vegetarian, he has earned his place as a role model, leader, sage.

i feel it is worth actually saying that in many ways, he was indeed a role model, leader and sage. he gave his life to improving race relations, easing the suffering of the mistreated lower classes, feeding the hungry, educating the poor, giving them a voice in their country's government, practicing self-control in all things, and holding himself to very high moral standards. he was probably the first, and also last, truly honest lawyer who actually didn't lie to, for, or about any judge, witness or other lawyer. he promoted freedom of religion, openly (yet respectfully) spoke out against horribly unjust government practices, and led by example in all things.

 

but he never found truth.

he never reached the point of "satyagraha" (reliance on/pursuit of truth) where he felt he was pure enough. he prayed to "God," but was fully convinced that "there is no God but Truth." and he was still searching for it. his fasting hadn't helped. his impressive legal practices hadn't helped. his long list of excellent, kind, noble, peaceful, (vegetarian), generous, wise deeds… hadn't helped. 

 

what kills me, and what made me want to stop reading was when i saw just how close he was to the true Truth.  about 2/3 through his book, i read this:

 

"i hold today the opinion as i held then. to my mind the life of a lamb is no less precious than that of a human being. i should be unwilling to take the life of a lamb for the sake of the human body. i hold that, the more helpless a creature, the more entitled it is to protection by man from the cruelty of man. but he who has not qualified himself for such service is unable to afford to it any protection. i must go through more self-purification and sacrifice before i can hope to save these lambs from this unholy sacrifice. today i think i must die pining for this self-purification and sacrifice. it is my constant prayer that there may be born on earth some great spirit, man or woman, fired with divine pity, who will deliver us from this heinous sin, save the lives of the innocent creatures, and purify the temple."

 

and he did. ghandi died still pining for the Lamb who gave His life freely- it wasn’t taken- in order to not just purify the Temple, but to purify us and make US the new Temple. we have been delivered from every heinous sin, because God in His unfathomable, divine, "reckless" love caused to be born on earth that Holy Deliverer Jesus Christ. He didn't save innocent creatures, because innocent creatures have no need of saving. "Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners, of whom i am the foremost" (1 Timothy 1:15). we are sinners, whose even "tiniest" of sins is an affront to God's holiness and incompatible with His character. perfection simply cannot be with even a slight imperfection without becoming itself imperfect. no matter how much ghandi (or you, or i) fasts or how little he lies, or how much he donates to the poor, he will never be perfect and thus literally cannot be in the presence of a perfect God. only a perfect sacrifice can make that possible. and that sacrifice is Jesus.

 

ghandi's prayer had already been answered, and ghandi refused to believe it.

the absolute worst part is that ghandi has now spent 72 years of atoning for his lack of perfection- and he still has an eternity. he will never be perfect enough to save even a little lamb, much less himself or another human.

in the world's opinion, if there is a heaven, then ghandi is definitely there and probably has one of the biggest mansions of all.

however, one thing ghandi got (mostly) right was that God is Truth. and the truth is that those who are not delivered from their heinous sins by the Lamb must themselves pay the penalty, which is eternal separation from God.

that's where ghandi is right now- he's in hell. that's where all the self-sufficient "nice people" who did "good" things are- they are in hell.

that's where my newest acquaintance will go if he chooses to continue his current plan of walking into eternity with zero concern. he will go to hell.

 

i made it to the end of the book, at last.

and if you are reading this, you made it to the end of this post.

i learned quite a bit from ghandi, but i hope somehow i'm not the only one.  my prayer is that his life and message might compel someone to find what the sad sage never did. if it's my new friend, or you, or your friend- whoever it is who finds the Truth will be blessed indeed.

How to be Awesome

i don't know if anyone on this planet has taken longer to make it through the Book of Luke than I have.  of course, most people haven't ever even thought of trying to in the first place.

i'm finally getting near the end.  we're moments from the climax.   SO excited!

the Christmas festivities are over, memories and joy still fresh in our minds, and now i'm reading through the story of those moments that He came here for.  that huge moment we just sang, read, heard, and partied about- the Immortal becoming a mortal, Heaven meeting earth in the wildest manner- was all leading up to this even huger moment: the first, last and only innocent mortal becomes the guilty, the Captain becomes Expendable Crewman, the King becomes lowest of the low, the world as we know it turns upside down and inside out and even the natural elements shake, rattle and roll in protest, tossing newly un-dead people out of their graves, the sun forgetting to shine, earthquakes cracking the ground open, curtains splitting top to bottom. now that ought to raise your blood pressure a bit!

i'd been reading pretty slowly, maybe a section or two at a time, which could be 2 verses or 20, depending on how much dear Dr. Luke had to say.  but this last bit he's been going faster, shooting out bits and pieces as fast as his little quill can go 'cause he just can't help himself.  i think he's getting excited too because he knows what's coming.

he's retelling a story he's heard bunches of times, reliving that epic weekend and wishing that he could have been there with his journal and sketchbook. 

it's the Jews' biggest holiday, full of merrymaking, songs, family get-togethers,  in-law jokes, memories, gift-giving, travel and traffic jams, tradition, and worship of the best kind.  a time to be together and spend time with those closest to you, remembering the past and always looking forward to the future. 

sound familiar? it should. you just survived it ;)

so Jesus is there despite all the intra-national chaos He's caused, with His very closest friends- just 12.  well, 11 really, but there's a black sheep in every group (just most really aren't quite this black). 

and He, like usual, drops a major bomb on the scene, and turns the party into a panic scene.  if they'd been paying attention, they would have recalled His mentioning this before, but they weren't so they didn't.  but they sure noticed when He took the tradition to a whole new level , introduced a new spin on the Passover, and started talking quite frankly about dying and then coming back to life.

can you just imagine the "hugeness" of this moment?

all these things suddenly "click" in their heads, and like any other rational human being who just figures all this out, they completely freak. their best friend, future King who's going to kick out Rome, who can instantly cure anything, the smartest and wisest and fairest of all, the fulfiller of all their hopes and dreams- he's going to get murdered very soon, one of their best friends was a treacherous son of the Devil, and yet Jesus was unflustered. 

and then because Luke wasn't there, he just keeps on documenting what happened next…

ten seconds.  well, maybe it took more than that. 

but only one verse.

one. verse. later.

and these grown men are animatedly discussing who's going to be the Next Great Thing.  Jesus is sitting right there, Judas had just walked out, EVERYONE'S ETERNITY IS HANGING IN THE BALANCE, and He's watching them go from the having worst kind of emotional pain to bullies-  in the span of one verse. 

these friends suddenly turn into...well, childish jerks.  once they figured out who the Worst one was, Judas, now they all had to figure out their own rankings and who was the Greatest and would be named Team Captain once Jesus was gone. they'd been together for a few years, some of them were brothers and best friends for decades and so there was a wealth of ammo they could use on each other.  i wonder what Jesus' facial expression was as he listened to them try to prove to each other why they were each better than all the others. 

i don't know how long that whole convo went on before He spoke.  in my head i can see Him, just starting to talk.  not raising His voice.  not standing on His reclining pillow and making a toast.  not even begging anyone's pardon or asking to be excused to say something.  just starting to talk.  and then one or two noticed and turned their attention, so that the other nine or ten did, too.  part of me wonders if their host was around the corner eavesdropping on what this guy has to say.  everyone who was an Israelite knew this man was a sensation and attracted discussion, debate and chaos like never before- and this guy gets to host Him for the Passover!!!  well, what a story he had to tell his friends and curious neighbors later!!

and then, just like He's so good at, Jesus took all their lofty dreams, goals, aspirations, and Disciple of the Year Awards and flushed 'em.  ripped 'em to ribbons.

and replaced them with something entirely different, and entirely better.

zoom in on Peter, as he hears Jesus tell him that the leader is a servant, the Captain is the foot soldier, the CEO is the janitor. a few small sentences, and the whole definition of "Awesome" is redefined.

and Peter?  well, Peter just looks down, a bit embarrassed, and what does he see?

he sees his feet.  the feet that just minutes before had been washed and dried by the one he himself had openly confessed to  be the Lord Jesus Christ a while back- and had received his own name "Peter" at that same time. 

i have one little bitty post-it note in this section of my Bible.  right after graduating college i was "promoted" to the adult LifeGroup, which had been working through the book of Luke for possibly longer than i have been, and one statement stuck out and i just had to jot it down and never forget it.  so i did, and i haven't. 

one little quote:

"Jesus didn't tell us to be The Greatest.

Jesus told us to be Great."

and then He showed us how.  every day, for years with His disciples, and then one night with one paragraph.

He tells us, "here's how to be Awesome": 

you're winning that argument you're so "right" about? be quiet and forgive the "wrong" person.

you see nasty, dirty, smelly, arthritic feet with ingrown toenails and warts?  wash them, and give them a pedicure.

you see dirty dishes in the sink when it's "their turn"?  wash them anyway, and take out the trash while you're at it.

you see a WWII vet having lunch at Chili's?  pay his tab.

you see an antagonistic neighbor who has no friends because he's argued them all away having lunch all by himself at Chili's?  pay his tab, too, and tell the waiter to send him one of those wickedly delicious chocolate brownie desserts with ice cream and drizzle.

actually, He went a bit farther. 

"Peter, I just told you I was gonna DIE. 

that's not the END of Me being your Captain- it's the CLIMAX. 

YOU GUYS DON'T REPLACE ME, YOU FOLLOW ME.

I healed the blind, I played with kids at the playground, I blew the mind of that tax collector's world, I had lunch at that demon-possessed hooker's house with all her demon-possessed hooker friends- you know, you were there with Me, too, when those lives changed!! you saw the mute men speak, and you saw the Pharisees silenced. you shook hands with those newly-cleansed lepers, you witnessed that moment when a blind man saw the color "green" for the very first time, the first steps of a grown man no longer a cripple.

NONE of those moments were as incredible as the moments coming up. I rocked all their worlds; I'm about to rock yours.

THIS IS HOW YOU BE AWESOME. 

you die.  you follow my example, all the way to the Cross.

i'm going to die.  and then rise again, Captain of all Captains.

you're going to fail.  you're going to fail quite epically, in fact, and soon.  tonight.

but you're going to rise again and be a… brother.  not a Second in Command, or King, or Time's Person of the Year.  you don't get a badge or a crown or a cape. but failure though you are, you get my seal of approval. 

I prayed for you.

you are Mine. Satan asked for you; I said No.  I am telling him No, all the way up Golgotha.

THIS IS HOW YOU BE AWESOME.

…

follow Me."

the cool thing is when you keep reading Luke and you see it all happen.  Jesus dies...and then rises again.

Peter struggles.  Peter fails.  Peter turns back, follows Jesus and becomes a different kind of leader.

now it's my turn.

i struggled and failed at least as badly as Peter, but my Leader succeeded.

i walked around Calvary, but my Leader leads me UP Calvary.

my hands dripping with guilt are clean because my Leader's hands dripped with His own blood shed for mine.

my turn to look at my feet, cleansed with His forgiveness. 

my hands, cleansed by His love. 

my soul, with no other mark than His own Seal of Approval.

and my turn to get those feet following the Leader up path to Awesomeness. 

wanna come, too? please do- you're welcome to join me :)