the wonder

 there are some things you "know."

and then there are things that you know.

and things that you "know" that you don't know yet, but will.

 

quintessential example: parenthood

it's no duh that suddenly having a new tiny person in the household changes everything. absolutely everything. there is zero percent of your life that is untouched by this status change. now, I "knew" this before march.

but then march came, and with it, the wonder that is called parenthood. that's when I knew. 

 

comparison: remember that one time senator walsh put her foot in her mouth and implied that nurses sit around and play cards all day? yeah. the myriad memes that arose from that comment caused millions of people to chuckle who knew that nurses also probably do work sometimes, but brought an uproar of bellowing laughter from nurses because they knew what they spent their shift doing. 

 

I'm on the second side of all the parenting memes now. can't say I don't enjoy it though. it's not only been encouraging, but also enlightening. and also a little embarrassing. I've heard a billion times (because it's true) that your kid will reveal to you all kinds of things you didn't know about yourself. what I didn't hear is that this unfortunate behavior starts MUCH earlier than I thought, like by 6 months. can't walk, can't talk, can't feed or dress herself, but lil' bugaboo is now thoroughly convinced that there is no book, toy, song, food, or animal that compares to the flat, black rectangle I carry around with me. I know this is only the beginning, but that definitely shamed me into spending less time on my phone when she is around. 

 

more positively, I have also regained a sense of simple wonder. how would I define "wonder"? well, now I would describe wonder as everything expressed by a baby encountering grass for the first time. she could not take her eyes off the long green blades all around her. she held her hands in front of her and kept running them through those tiny leaves, so fascinated that she was oblivious to me, even as I was holding her. and it was grass- GRASS, for pete's sake! but it's incredible to watch, because it gives me an excuse to get down on her level- literally- and be excited about things like spoons, flower petals, bath water splashes, and toes. 

 

at some point she's going to get all mature and boring and just walk on through the fallen leaves without slowing down. it might be another 30 years before she remembers how cool grass is. 

 

I'm guessing that it will get harder every year, but there are some things I don't ever want her to lose her wonder at- christmas, for example. how incredible is it: an omnipotent Deity who is larger than time, confines Himself to a human body. He reduces Himself to the humblest of all persons and spends His first night in a box full of goat food, because Airbnb wasn't a thing yet. (even if it had been, joseph wasn't made of denarii. he ain't affording all those charges!!) the sky over sheep-filled fields exploded with heavenly beings who sent a pile of shepherds- humans created in the image of God- to gaze in wonder at God, who had just been born in the image of man. God made good on His ancient promise to deliver humanity from the soul-crushing weight of sin.

 

we grow up "knowing" about life on this world, until we come to know true Life that continues in heaven for eternity. God, Who knows everything, chose to limit Himself for a time to "knowing," experiencing in a physical body things like scraped knees, stomach bugs, wrestling matches with brothers, hugs from a mother, family vacations, homework, splinters, bullies… 

 

I want this kid of mine to only grow more amazed at this miracle. the look of quiet, happy awe that she had when she saw her fake little christmas tree is the look I want her to give to Jesus when she comes to know Him. and I want that to be soon. I want her to only "know" things I came to know in my circuitous route to Him. 

 

dear bugaboo, that promise God made to adam and eve just after the first screw-up has been fulfilled, so that His second promise to you could come true as well. that's why we celebrate christmas. look at those twinkle lights on that fake little tree and know that the True Light is here to draw you to Himself. open the presents and remember that the eternal Presence is with you, just for the asking. so ask, that you may receive! keep your wonder- feed it, care for it, and let it grow unrestrained at this marvel. 

 

know about christmas, know Christ, and celebrate accordingly, with the same joy as the angels. 

 

 

the sad sage

i had the great privilege the other day to join my fiancé in an atypical conversation with a deist who i'm willing to bet has a very high IQ. before the server had even brought the bread and salad i was roped into the discussion the guys had going before we met up: the origin and potential end of the universe. umm, yeah. by the arrival of the steaks, we could add quarks, black holes, spirits, the apocalypse, the purpose of man, the exclusivity of Christianity vs hinduism, the crusades, scientific theory, the similarities and differences between the major world religions, and the weird tesseract-like layer of pure energy enveloping the sun that supposedly could power the world for like, a billion-jillion years. [and also whether or not nik copied my order because he realized my choice of steak was superior, or if he really had independently decided on the exact same meal. i hold the former, he the latter.]  because we weren't done with the discussion, we split a massively unhealthy dessert so we could finish talking…exactly where we began, but so full of food that i couldn't slouch and breathe at the same time.

 

and while it was a true privilege, i walked (or rather, waddled) out of the restaurant fighting off waves of frustration- and wonder, oddly enough. it's been a hot minute since i've met a person who not only believes in nothing that can't be explained a mathematical formula, but who also doesn't care at all. he gets the physical world. he thinks he has a grasp on the world religions. computer code? nailed it. steve jobs? stephen hawking? loves 'em. but for himself, life is a giant shrug. does he have purpose? eh, probs. *shrug*. is there something not strictly physical about a person? dunno. *shrug*.  what does he think about the possibility of eternity, and what that could mean for him? huh. guess i'll find out when i get there. *shrug*. he's content to focus on his career right now and worry about the afterlife later. he's got places to go and good things to do now.

 

a rising number of individuals from this generation have embraced this sort of thinking, though. take this friend's thought process, add some eastern-style clothing and a yoga mat, and you've got just enough religion to make these busy people feel safe without inconveniencing them with concepts like absolute Truth. i mean, if all these super-spiritual ideas come from old, dead, bald guys with single names- like, "confusious" and "ghandi" and "buddha," it must be wise enough to live by, right?  it all sounds 100% legit… until you process what you're being told.  

 

i've got a scratch-off poster of 100 really cool books to read ("cool" here applicable only for major nerds).  it includes everything from harry potter to the time machine to the origin of the species to the fireman to watership down. 

 

***bunny trail: harry potter- loved the series of wholesome, family-oriented characters with a wonderful moral compass, leaders worth following, and followers who know the value of friendship, loyalty, honesty and respect. time machine- amusing and fun. the origin of the species- darwin seems to think if he uses enough science words then most everyone would rather accept the theory than be bothered to suffer through more than a chapter or two. he's not wrong. the fireman- the absolute worst book to read during a global pandemic that kills people almost at random, causing most of society to shut down, about a global pandemic that kills people almost at random, causing most of society to shut down (the cool part being that instead of coughing, the victims of this pandemic spontaneously combust). watership down- bunnies galore. it's like a hug for the soul. read this one.***

 

with my library book app charged up, i began one that sounded fascinating- mahatma ghandi's "my experiments with truth"- his autobiography. i love hearing from leaders of other cultures and countries, especially ones who project wisdom, justice and some level of spirituality.

i was too far in to quit (and determined to complete the scratch off poster), but i wish i could have. it's depressing. for all his wisdom, justice and spirituality, after 300+ pages there is only one "truth" that ghandi was hardcore, dead-set, steadfastly sure of in this life. wanna know what it is? vegetarianism. i wish so bad i were lying.

 

is there a God? well, there's some kind of god/life force in all of us; this force has no name or specific characteristics, but it definitely/probably hears prayers and keeps me from temptation to eat meat or even drink milk.

which exclusive religion is true? eh, they're all true; i shall teach all my friends' kids to follow whatever god/life force they want, to be hard-working, and to not eat meat or even drink milk.

what "is" good or bad, or right or wrong? being mean to any living thing is bad and wrong; therefore i shall be good and right by never eating meat or milk. and also most grains. and spices. and eggs.  i shall eat bananas and walnuts all my days.

is there an afterlife? i sure hope so. even more days to eat bananas and walnuts.

 

this man who was so kind and respectful and honest to a fault never finds the truth he's looking for. he spouted words, phrases, ideas from the Bible and hindu teachings… but seemed to contradict both faiths; he wouldn't go for hinduism because he frankly didn't know anything about it, and he shied away from Christianity because it was boring. really. that was his reason. but since he was kind and respectful and honest and vegetarian, he has earned his place as a role model, leader, sage.

i feel it is worth actually saying that in many ways, he was indeed a role model, leader and sage. he gave his life to improving race relations, easing the suffering of the mistreated lower classes, feeding the hungry, educating the poor, giving them a voice in their country's government, practicing self-control in all things, and holding himself to very high moral standards. he was probably the first, and also last, truly honest lawyer who actually didn't lie to, for, or about any judge, witness or other lawyer. he promoted freedom of religion, openly (yet respectfully) spoke out against horribly unjust government practices, and led by example in all things.

 

but he never found truth.

he never reached the point of "satyagraha" (reliance on/pursuit of truth) where he felt he was pure enough. he prayed to "God," but was fully convinced that "there is no God but Truth." and he was still searching for it. his fasting hadn't helped. his impressive legal practices hadn't helped. his long list of excellent, kind, noble, peaceful, (vegetarian), generous, wise deeds… hadn't helped. 

 

what kills me, and what made me want to stop reading was when i saw just how close he was to the true Truth.  about 2/3 through his book, i read this:

 

"i hold today the opinion as i held then. to my mind the life of a lamb is no less precious than that of a human being. i should be unwilling to take the life of a lamb for the sake of the human body. i hold that, the more helpless a creature, the more entitled it is to protection by man from the cruelty of man. but he who has not qualified himself for such service is unable to afford to it any protection. i must go through more self-purification and sacrifice before i can hope to save these lambs from this unholy sacrifice. today i think i must die pining for this self-purification and sacrifice. it is my constant prayer that there may be born on earth some great spirit, man or woman, fired with divine pity, who will deliver us from this heinous sin, save the lives of the innocent creatures, and purify the temple."

 

and he did. ghandi died still pining for the Lamb who gave His life freely- it wasn’t taken- in order to not just purify the Temple, but to purify us and make US the new Temple. we have been delivered from every heinous sin, because God in His unfathomable, divine, "reckless" love caused to be born on earth that Holy Deliverer Jesus Christ. He didn't save innocent creatures, because innocent creatures have no need of saving. "Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners, of whom i am the foremost" (1 Timothy 1:15). we are sinners, whose even "tiniest" of sins is an affront to God's holiness and incompatible with His character. perfection simply cannot be with even a slight imperfection without becoming itself imperfect. no matter how much ghandi (or you, or i) fasts or how little he lies, or how much he donates to the poor, he will never be perfect and thus literally cannot be in the presence of a perfect God. only a perfect sacrifice can make that possible. and that sacrifice is Jesus.

 

ghandi's prayer had already been answered, and ghandi refused to believe it.

the absolute worst part is that ghandi has now spent 72 years of atoning for his lack of perfection- and he still has an eternity. he will never be perfect enough to save even a little lamb, much less himself or another human.

in the world's opinion, if there is a heaven, then ghandi is definitely there and probably has one of the biggest mansions of all.

however, one thing ghandi got (mostly) right was that God is Truth. and the truth is that those who are not delivered from their heinous sins by the Lamb must themselves pay the penalty, which is eternal separation from God.

that's where ghandi is right now- he's in hell. that's where all the self-sufficient "nice people" who did "good" things are- they are in hell.

that's where my newest acquaintance will go if he chooses to continue his current plan of walking into eternity with zero concern. he will go to hell.

 

i made it to the end of the book, at last.

and if you are reading this, you made it to the end of this post.

i learned quite a bit from ghandi, but i hope somehow i'm not the only one.  my prayer is that his life and message might compel someone to find what the sad sage never did. if it's my new friend, or you, or your friend- whoever it is who finds the Truth will be blessed indeed.

phylactovirus 11:18

i love learning. i think the best part of graduating from Union's MCS program is that i no longer have to write papers, but the worst part is that now i have to create the opportunities to learn on my own, rather than having someone smarter and wiser say, "hey- this textbook/article/essay/sermon/TEDTalk is awesome and you will be a better person for having experienced it."

i went to a music recital at Union tonight with another church member, who introduced me to everyone around as "a Union grad, times 2!" and so i got to experience yet again the facial expressions when each person found out my master's degree has absolutely nothing to do with my bachelor's.

it means i'm a giant nerd. i love big books. i love reading assignments. i love discussion groups and questions and interactions, just like i love patient care and needles and vital signs and IVs.  i have accepted my role, the same way i accepted both degrees- with a flippin' giant smile.

of course, the absolutely best thing about my favorite ginormous book…

[rabbit trail conversation starter: since when is "ginormous" a legit word? whose job is it to update microsoft's autocorrect to recognize it as correctly spelled, and not put the little squiggly red line under it?]

anyway…. the absolutely best thing about my favorite ginormous book is that no matter how many times you read it, there is always more to learn. (either that, or i'm an idiot who forgets the same things each time, and realizes them again upon re-reading it).  i'm sure personal context is a factor as well. the bigger factor is that this book's words are living and active.  they are not dusty and mildewed like ancient archives in a medieval castle. they are not stale like those maple-flavored cheerios i don't like and that have since turned to styrofoam. they are alive. they have relevance to people today, just as they did thousands of years ago. 

another "of course," you can't possibly look at a screen for more than 7.2 seconds without hearing about covid-19. as if it were the only thing of relevance to humankind, this strain of respiratory disease has captured the attention of the globe, causing normally (supposedly) rational people to lose their minds and buy every last roll of toilet paper in their ZIP code.

[rabbit trail conversation starter: what. the. heck. it's a respiratory disease.]

because for some reason it wasn't happening before, suddenly people are washing their hands, covering their coughs and staying home when they are sick. (this is where the entire medical community simultaneously retches and rolls its collective eyes). somehow, what decades of flu seasons haven't done, coronovirus-19 has accomplished. people are paying attention to their hands, their heads, what they do, where they go, who they listen to.

i'm nearing the end of 2 kings in my self-study, and am right about 3 kings after 10-ish tribes get demolished and chained and hauled off to Assyria because of a mile-long list of abominations and evils. i'm also about 3 kings before the same fate comes to the remaining 2-ish tribes. right in the middle there is king josiah.  great-grandson of hezekiah (one of my favorite kings), he starts off strong and finishes well. but most of that, i'm fairly positive, is because something even more astonishing than a virus popped up out of nowhere and brought a royal young leader to his knees.

his priests were doing their spring cleaning, which hadn't been done (properly, anyway) for a number of years, because josiah's dad and grandad were… well, they bring to mind phrases like, "evil beyond compare." they were colossal failures, and took delight in murder, intrigue, child sacrifice, the occult, demon/idol/spirit worship, and more. so it's fair to say that the Temple had been somewhat neglected for about 75 years (massaseh reigned 55 years, amon reigned 2, and then josiah reigned 18 before this point).

but during the cleaning and repairing of the Temple, hilkiah the priest comes across a Book. he is so excited he rushes to find shaphan the king's secretary and tell him, "dude, i found a Book." (2 kings 22:8, my words). these priests, who serve the Living God, and not the pagan idols, immediately recognize the treasure they are holding in their hands. they throw down their dusters, lysol and brooms and make the discovery known to the king, and the entire Book is read to him. and for the first time, the nation of judah is paying attention to their hands, their heads, what they do, where they go, who they listen to…

…because some of the words that made josiah's blood drain from his face were these: "you shall therefore lay up these words of Mine in your heart and in your soul, and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes… see, I am setting before you today a blessing and a curse: the blessing, if you obey the commandments of the LORD your God, which I command you today, and the curse, if you do not obey the commandments of the LORD you God, but turn aside from the way that I am commanding you today, to go after other gods that you have not known" (Deuteronomy 11:18, 26-28). 

by the time of Jesus, the jewish religious elite had taken these words so seriously that many of them literally tied little boxes- phylacteries- containing Bible verses to their hands and foreheads. even though it turned into a source of snobbish pride and comparison for many (the equivalent to comparing cars and houses was comparing numbers and sizes of their forehead boxes), it was a tangible reminder of those commands that God's people were to follow. what commands? the command to serve only the One True God, to love Him with everything they have, say, do; the commands to treat others with love and justice and mercy; the commands the Living Word to their children; the commands for how to have holy, righteous, glorious relationships and jobs and families and societies; the commands to saturate their lives with those living words- basically, the commands to do the exact opposite of what the past 3 or 4 generations of hebrews had done.

and how do you keep those commands? it's not by guessing. it's not by having "a sincere heart." it's not by meditating on positive thoughts, or even listening to those happy prosperity gospel preachers on tv. it's definitely not by shoving your Bible on a shelf for 75 years.

no, i am not recommending that you replace your soap with a box of Bible verses.

for the love of all that is righteous, wash your filthy hands and leave some toilet paper and sanitizer for other people, too. (you do realize that to not get sick, you need other people to also not be nasty and to wash their hands as well, right?) don't be ridiculous.

but i am saying that as long as society is all but shutting down for a while for a virus that can harm your physical body, you take the extra free time to pay attention to this other issue that can definitely damage your immortal soul.

there is absolutely no way to follow God, keep His commands, worship Him as He should be, or to raise a family well, or to serve God at your job or hobbies, if you ignore His Word. there just isn't. God, in His infinite wisdom and grace, chose to reveal Himself to us in these written Words, and promised Life everlasting to the ones who paid attention to them. if you hate reading, there a zillion apps that will read it to you for free. if you genuinely care about your soul, you will find the time, the motivation, the willpower, to do it. no, your salvation is not earned in any way by physically reading the Bible. but salvation is found there- in Jesus the Living Word, and in Him alone.

it's not all roses and sunshine. josiah was immediately convicted when he realized his own sin, and that of the people he was leading. he tore his robes and lamented. david was convicted like few we read about- and yet the Living Word kept drawing him back. the psalms he wrote tell just how much he relied on the Living Word that he met in the Bible, because even though he was reminded often of his sin, he was reminded also of the God who forgives even sinners like himself who turn to Him in true repentance, the God who breathes Life into dead bodies, makes bread for thousands fall from heaven every day for decades, and sent His own Son to bear the curse that was meant for us.

i'm telling you, even though conviction sucks like a vacuum, this Living Word will breathe into a life such vitality that one wonders if they were truly living before encountering Him.  Jesus Himself is the Living Word, the "Word made flesh," and the life He gives is one that no virus can affect in the least.

a picture worth 4 words

a few years ago our church ordered the updated AWANA program materials, which was a blessing and a loss for me, as a large part of my work had now been outsourced. every wednesday, i would show up early in order to get everything organized and set up and photocopied and labeled.  the most time-consuming part, but an intriguing diversion, was to come up with pictures for each week's Bible story.  for some reason, in another classroom in that wing are 2 massive wooden shelves or drawers stuffed with what appears to be every single Bible picture card that any baptist ever drew.  the oldest copyright date i've located predates the Cold War. 

i loved rifling through so many creative expressions of these scenes of David or Nebuchadnezzar or John the Baptist or Moses.  while i don't know what Moses looked like, i'm pretty sure he wasn't white, and i'm very sure he didn't have google eyes.

while i don't have to fight anymore to find an appropriate picture, in that mess of cardstock i actually took my favorite one and now keep it in our Cubbies room with our flashy new google-eyed picture cards.  it was such an inspiration to me, and even now i wonder at it. it's an artist's conception of one of my favorite Bible stories, even though there is no action, no drama, no loud noises or excitement at all.  it's two people, talking.  that's it.

but one of those people is Nicodemus. and the other person is Jesus. 

i identify strongly with Nicodemus on many levels.  i can more than imagine- i can remember- what he was thinking that night.  he was creeping in the shadows to Jesus's house because he would die of shame if anyone knew that someone raised in the church, who'd made a profession of faith and been baptized at 12, who read her NIV Bible every day and knew all the trivia answers… if someone like that still didn't know the basics of that religion?  if they struggled with anger, depression, forgiveness, trust?  if they could quote tons of verses but couldn't life them out? if they'd rather die than go one more day without peace or hope or something bigger than myse- i mean, himself- to live for? oh wait.  that wasn't Nicodemus- that really was me… but Jesus sat down that night and talked to him anyway. no sneer of contempt.  no raised eyebrow or turned up nose. He said, "sure. come on in- let's find a quiet place to chat."

and then that pasty-white, brown-haired, blue-eyed Jesus told Nicodemus the same incredible story that the google-eyed Jesus helped me tell the Cubbies last week. although the editors cleaned it up a bit, the picture card is pretty clear about what's happening to Jesus on that cross. to the left is a giant red "C" with 4 words underneath: "…Christ died for us." 

the 1986 version depicts that proud Pharisee sitting in the dark, hoping none of the members of his Sanhedrin facebook group tags him in a picture with a "heretic" like Jesus. he's aware of what hangs in the balance, though, and he knows it's worth risking a visit to this man who somehow speaks about God like He's real, and close, and personal, and powerful, and wise, and every bit as incredible as the Torah says He is. Nicodemus wants that God- at the very least, he wants to seriously look into it.  he's not ready to ditch the prestigious job, and he can't quite figure out how someone can be "born again," but he also knows there's something different about Jesus.

as i look into options, here and abroad, for sharing that same Good News on a longer-term basis, i've made sheets for each of the Cubbies to take home and share their story or verse with family and friends each week.  i bribed them with hand stamps, but hey…

holding myself accountable to that goal, i was given the opportunity to share the Gospel with a few people myself. a couple of them responded like Nicodemus's Sanhedrin friends did, complete with name-calling, self-righteousness and complete rejection (not unexpected, but my soul hurts for them anyway).  but one responded like Nicodemus. he can't quite let go of the Hinduism he grew up with, but he knows there's something different about Jesus.  he wants a God who listens to prayers, who cares about his burdens, who doesn't require penance for every single individual sin.  he wants to know what's going to happen to him after his life here ends. he wants justice for the evil he sees everywhere humans go. 

the best part is that Jesus gave Nicodemus 4 other words: "For God so loved…"  God loves the self-righteous as much as He loves the Hindu.  which is good, because otherwise i would have been chucked out on my ear. Jesus continued to say, "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life."  that's a promise. a mighty big one, at that.

and it's one that everyone needs to hear, because that promise is to them also.  

there's about a 0% chance that you do not know someone who needs to be told those four words "for God so loved."  someone you know is struggling with doubts and concerns and needs to hear, "Christ died for us."  you may or may not get a response.  that response may or may not be positive.  but just a few words can change a life.  Nicodemus was changed, and he makes an appearance at Jesus' cross with other believers.  i was changed, and i showed up at the cross, too- just a few thousand years later.  you were changed, or you never would have read this far.  

celebrate that.  celebrate the change in your life, because it's mind-blowingly awesome what God did for you. 

then find your "nicodemus" and have a chat with them.  it can all start with a few words.

Hark it, you Baptist!

things that never get smaller:

-healthcare insurance coverage prices

-sin

-women's purses

-apparently, the universe

things that never get larger

-children's level of wide-eyed amazement at things that adults are simply too busy to give more than a passing thought to.

like Christmas.

it can't get larger because it's already maxed out, and it only shrinks as they "mature."

i was walking through the front yard of a friend (because it's shorter than walking all the way around to the walkway) and the strap of my favorite, $3 Brasilian purse snapped.  that night was when i realized my standards have changed when it comes to purses.  back when i first started carrying a purse and bought a real, adult purse, the one i got appealed to me and was just the perfect size.  it held everything i needed it to.

that list of things i need to have held in a purse has expanded, and now that i must go back to this purse, it is no longer big enough. this is a crisis of epic proportions, and necessitates the purchase of a purse that can hold everything i need for a nuclear war evacuation crisis. if the trend continues, and this purse break, i'll just have to upgrade to a suitcase.

the full list of necessities is too long to bother with.  it's like the Christmas list of things to do, most of which has already been eliminated as "sooo not happening."  i actually did a christmas card/letter, which was as adult-ish and organized as i could get this year. there is only so much i can get together before i snap.  sadly, the snapping of my mood happened a few hours after the snapping of the purse. i tried so hard, but i couldn't push it any more. 

there are some times and seasons that are harder for me to get on board with.  holidays are one of those times and seasons.  i'm psyched out for all you guys surrounded by happiness,  happy family members and happy foods and your favorite ad-free Pandora stations. that's not even sarcastic- i really am.  but i have no real concept of that.  that happiness fluctuates, flickers and then fizzes out.  it takes all my energy to keep it going, and once it's gone- that's it.

i'm tired of waiting for things to change, to get better, for people to stop being jerks, for walls to be torn down instead of built, for children to stop dying, for innocents to stop paying the price for evildoers, for money to grow on ficus trees, for Chip and Joanna Gains to come redo my house … the list goes on.  but i'm tired of waiting.  it's been years since i had any semblance of a happy holiday with my family all together.  don't even bother giving me the "no family is perfect" speech.  duh.  i know that.  but some have deeper ruts and potholes than others.  i'm so, so, so grateful for the 2 or 3 families that "adopt" me each holiday, and for a job where i can work and get paid to do what i love and be around my work family for the times i can't be with anyone else.  but even still, i spent most of the holiday time waiting- for the holiday time to end.  i'm sitting in Panera, which is jam-packed and hotter than a sauna, and i'm the only one sitting alone.  (and the 3 year old sitting facing me next table over has a scary-hideous doll.  i might even have nightmares over that thing.)  3 people i know have run over to say hi, then left because they are with friends and family and barely remember anything about me- which gets super-awkward super-quickly. 

i digress.  waiting for all those things to change seems pointless.  it's impossible to fathom any of those changes occurring.  that's what that is- a list of impossibilities. 

and then i went to church.

i love stories that start (or continue) that way.

i think it's become the new "thing" for pastors to choose some of the least appealing Bible verses ever and create sermons that expound on their usefulness and rich meaning hiding in those unending verses on ritual laws, sacrifices and genealogies.  if you tell me Matthew chapter 1 is your favorite passage, i'm going to call you a liar to your face next time i see it.  not that i'm knocking this new "thing." in fact, it may only be because this sunday was the third, fourth or twentieth time i've heard a sermon on Matthew chapter 1 that i did get something new out of it.

confession moment: i lost Jesus Points when i inwardly rolled my eyes as the pastor read every. single. name. in. all. 17. verses.  all of them. Saint Matthew did not even record all of them, either, i don't think.  i hate how grateful i am for that. i'm a bad Baptist- sorry.

but then i listened.  i listened to another list of impossibilities.

there are 47 names total, if i counted right, listed in verses 1-17. this doesn't count 14+ other persons referred to, but not named (Judah's brothers -11, Jeconiah's brothers- 2+, and Bathsheba). of those 47 names, i can easily count at least 15 inconsistencies, improbabilities or impossibilities.  and that's only Joseph's side of the genealogy, and only the names and situations i'm familiar with.

1. let's start with Abraham.  this guy is a fossil. one foot in the grave, the other on a 99-year old banana peel and -BAM!- he's a brand new dad.

2. Isaac.  technically, Abraham's second-born son who carried the promise despite a half-brother who could have sought revenge, and his dad's incredible wealth, and a near run-in with his dad's knife on an altar, involving a father-son retreat, a whole lot of questions, and a divinely appointed/visually impaired (?) ram.

3. Jacob. another second-born son, a class-act jerk/liar with a death threat…frankly, he just about deserved it. he got away with a limp, and an awareness of how close he came to being murdered slowly and painfully.

4. Judah.  son of Leah, who Jacob married BY ACCIDENT.  the scammer got scammed, big-time.  and the girl whose dad thought of as too ugly to find a husband (not even kidding you) became the mother of Judah, whose name means "praised one" because this time she said "this time i will praise Yahweh." instead of seeking favor from men, who clearly had morals anywhere but where they were supposed to be, she gained joy from the One who sees not as man sees.

5. Perez.  ummm, eww.  so he was born, it was gross, don't read this to children, moving on.

6. Boaz.  his mom was a hooker who was graciously spared the death sentence placed on every single other soul in her city (except for the family she begged mercy for).  not only was she granted her life, but also a family within God's chosen people and a prominent spot in Jesus's family line.

7. Obed.  his mom was a chick with major resolve and loyalty… from MOAB.  Moabites were not known for their faithfulness to Yahweh or their morals.  intermarriage was not supposed to happen, but this one did and was blessed beyond belief.

8. David.  greatest, coolest, most popular king of all began his days as a shepherd.  the runt of the litter (he had, like, 7 thousand brothers.  or 7.  either way.) and was practically forgotten by his dad.  good thing he was a hottie, or he'd have nothing- NOTHING- going for him.

9. Solomon.  also not the best family-friendly story, but nonetheless used by God. an awfully unholy relationship meant he was born.  later on, following his dad's example, he won zero "world's best dad" mugs. trophies and plaques from round the world, but his home life was a mess of rather epic proportions.

10. Bathsheba. not even mentioned, probably a Hittite and possibly a pagan.  it is unclear how much of the affair was her fault, but after losing the resulting son, God gave her another one- Solomon, the wisest and richest king of all time, everywhere.

11. Uriah. i know, i know.  he's not even part of the lineage.  he *was* one of King David's best friends, had super-high rank in the legendary "Mighty Men"- until Dave decided to sleep with Bathsheba his wife, have him straight-up murdered and not think twice about it.  i love how even though he had no genetic contribution, it's his name mentioned, not Bathsheba.  he was faithful to his king, his country, and likely also Yahweh- faithful to the death and honorable to the end.  and his name is here, hundreds of years later.

12. Rehoboam.  an idiot who destroyed the empire Solomon built.  his dad was in the grave all of ten seconds before the bad decision-making began and he alienated 95% of his subjects, who subsequently rejected him. for some odd reason, he was not assassinated.

13. Hezekiah. spared miraculously from death by Sennacherib and the full might of the Assyrian army, then spared miraculously from death by illness.  stories like his are awesome, and rare.  read it. fun fact:  one of the most well-known prophecies regarding Jesus's birth (likely) came during that invasion of Assyria, when every Israelite was shaking in his sandals and puking from sheer terror.  Micah 5:2-5a says:

 "But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah, who are too little to be among the clans of Judah, from you shall come forth for me one who is to be ruler in Israel, whose coming forth is from of old, from ancient days.  Therefore he shall give them up until the time when she who is labor has given birth; then the rest of his brothers shall return to the people of Israel.  And he shall stand and shepherd his flock in the strength of the Lord, in the majesty of the name of the Lord his God.  and they shall dwell secure, for now he shall be great to the ends of the earth.  and he shall be their peace."

Micah 5:1 and 5:5b-6 both mention sieges and Assyrians and swords and scary things.

14. Babylon.  instead of simply killing the entire royal line after the Babylonian captivity, Jechoniah survives and so does his family line.  captivities are perfect times for bad things to happen, for people to get murdered, for rebellions to be squashed and for God to show His hand in incredible ways by not having any of those things happen.  the Babylonians were not a much better option than the Assyrians, but neither could defeat Yahweh's plan.

15. may as well bring it up, even though everybody knows it. Mary.  she was only half-way married, according to what i've heard of ancient betrothal customs of the day.  there was a legal contract (Step 1), but the actual wedding ceremony (Step 2) had not happened yet.  one source i read stated that because of this, the whole oops-Mary-is-pregnant thing was only a small scandal, instead of the full-blown, front-page news story it could have been, but still.  God said "it's time for Christmas" and He found Mary.  the fact that she had no idea what she was doing had no bearing on the situation.  God did know what He was doing, and she submitted.

*** 

the shepherds sitting on a hill that lonely night of unknown exactness were also tired of waiting.  they were bored out of their skulls, playing chess for the millionth time with each other, hopefully with their sheepies safe in the paddock for the night.  taking turns watching for stray wolves or bears or IRS agents, they all saw the most unexpected guy.   

he was shiny.

he was in the sky.

and he was SINGING.

and then all his shiny, singing buddies showed up too.

their waiting was over. 400 years of a whole lot of NOTHING, and now the time foretold had come.  and instead of busting into the royal palace bedrooms and priests' compounds and even the Holy Temple, the Herald Angels came to the shepherds, and they Harked. 

there's at least 15 reasons why Hark the Herald Angels Sing is basically my favorite Christmas song of all time forever.

1-14 are because that sight, on that night, is so incredibly incredible is blows my mind to smithereens and makes my pulse go up and my eyes tear up and.. and.. i can't understand how anyone can hear that song and not jump up and down and go tearing up and down the sanctuary aisles.  EVEN THE BAPTISTS.

like, COME ON NOW.  THERE ARE ANGELS SINGING RIGHT OVER YOUR HEADS. 

SHOUTING, " JESUS IS HERE!!!!  HE'S  FINALLY, FINALLY HERE!!! "

JOIN THEM!!!! 
WHY ARE YOU STILL SITTING?!?!

reason 15 is that there are few other hymns that contain so much theology from Genesis to Revelation that speak to what most humans feel, if you can bear to sing past the second verse (…when did churches stop doing that?).   because this post isn't long enough, i'm going to put all the verses here.  you may not have another chance this Christmas season, and that is a travesty.

Hark! the herald angels sing, "Glory to the newborn King!"

Peace on earth and mercy mild, God and sinner reconciled.

Joyful, all ye nations rise- join the triumph of the skies

with angelic hosts proclaim, "Christ is born in Bethlehem!"

Christ, by highest heaven adored, Christ the everlasting Lord:

late in time behold him come, offspring of the virgin's womb.

veiled in flesh the God-head see, hail the incarnate deity

pleased as man with men to dwell, Jesus our Emmanuel!

hail the heaven-born prince of Peace, hail the Son of Righteousness!

Light and Life to all He brings, risen with healing in His wings.

mild He lays His glory by, born that man no more may die;

born to raise the sons of earth, born to give them second birth.

come Desire of Nations, come, fix in us Thy humble home.

Rise, the woman's conquering seed- bruise in us the serpent's head!

Adam's likeness now efface, stamp Thy image in its place!

Second Adam from above, reinstate us in Thy love.

Hark! the herald angels sing, "glory to the newborn King!"

the social rejects of the day were the first to get the baby shower invitations. the poor ones, the bottom of the totem poles, the victims of a screwed up society who had even worse political scenery than we do-  God must thrive on possibilifying impossibilities, because the whole Bible's full of it.  somehow, out of a chronically depressing situation, hope came. no parties were thrown, no family get-togethers, no lunatics destroying the marketplaces with their insane bargain-hunting. 

the shepherds just had to go.  they may have washed up and changed shirts (if they had a spare), but probs not.  they had no gift but the gift of their simple, joyful acceptance of the fact that their Savior had come, and their delicious odor.  it fit in well with the barnyard scene.

if your life is full of impossible hopes and dreams, you are in good company. 

if you are lonely, and hopeful- or maybe unhopeful

or fearful, surrounded by enemies and under siege from all sides

or looking at your family/living situation and wondering what the snap is going on

or just waiting. waiting with your tissues in hand and your heart on the line

or aching for that healing

or still wounded by that serpent and his curse, suffering from the fact that we trace our lineage to Adam, through murderers, hookers, rapists, terrorists, rebels, and every other sort of sinner just like me.

Hope came, and it is coming again.  Emmanuel really is with us, even when we don't feel Him.  the Second Adam is doing everything the first one couldn't.  someday soon, the impossibilities will be no longer.

i do not have the voice of an angel, nor can i levitate above your head and shine.

what i can do is cry.  i'm shedding tears this Christmas because of several deep-cutting impossibilities that are weighing me down this season.  i'm not okay now, so you just need to be okay with that.  don't try to fix it- just let me feel this now.  don't worry- i know what's coming. the angels are coming again, and so is Christ, by heaven's highest adored, Christ the Everlasting Lord with more Light, Life and Healing that i can fathom.

some of these tears are tears of Hope.  i can almost hear those herald angels still, and that song is a beautiful, beautiful one.

and i just wanna keep harking for a little while longer.

the song of the Rock

i've always felt a pull towards the idea of missions, especially foreign missions.  i love traveling. i love adventures. i love the sights, sounds, feels and tastes.  i simply adore the camaraderie of  serving with a team, meeting goals and needs, serving side by side fellow Christians of every nationality.  it's a small piece of heaven; i want every slice i can get.

for some reason (okay, let's call it what it is: SIN) it's always been a thousand times easier to find a stranger in a foreign land and share the Gospel than it is to grab the elbow of my neighbor and share this mind-blowingly good news. 

it's Easter, friends.  this week our extended family members all over the world are celebrating the climax of Christianity.  this is it!  Easter weekend is the single reason we all have hope, love, a future, a family, forgiveness.  the TOMB is EMPTY! THAT ROCK MOVED, FOLKS!! if ever there was a time to celebrate life, it's now.  if ever there was an opportunity to share Christ that was handed to you on a silver, diamond-studded platter, it's now.

it's also the time when the whole nation is "sharing" and "liking" posts, making new hashtags and changing their profile pictures to the flag of Belgium.  social media is exploding with news about, and prayers for, the victims, their families, their country… OUR country, every country! the death toll rises, names are being released, and once again anyone with a trace of spirituality is praying to whatever or whoever they think might be listening.  instead of celebrating life, thousands are mourning death.

the exciting, and scary, thing about all of this is that we've gotten our cue.  we missed it-again- but we get a second (or ten thousandth) chance.

every word i read or hear about missions fills me with both hope and shame. hope at the idea of giving as much time as God allows to serving Him in a place still waiting.   shame, because… i'm surrounded by people HERE and NOW who don't know, don't care, don't know to care and live day to day waiting for a "something." and yet i, and so many Christians, live day to day with our mouths closed.  without the glamour and thrill of a passport stamp, the concept of bringing up faith, religion or an afterlife is deemed as  inappropriate and socially unacceptable. 

and yet...

and yet, there's a world out there crying out for answers and mercy.

for a hope that lasts longer than a paycheck.

for a life that is free of pain, guilt, death, gore, sickness, bullets and bombs.

for a ruler that… is not quite like any current (or past) dictator, king or president.

we have it.  we have all of that.

because we have HIM.

HE is it.  our Hope that "enters once for all" into the true temple "not made with human hands" with a better sacrifice than all the goats and sheep in creation- Himself.

He is our Life- the source of all Life, and the way to a Life that will never end and that makes this earthly life as pale and transient as morning fog.

He is the Ruler that will never be unjust, protects all His own and whose term in office never ends.  no currency except faith.  no taxes except joyful praise. no end at all, except of sin and all its consequences. 

this is the song that never ends; it just goes on and on, my friends! it started just outside an empty hole in the ground, and will continue for all eternity, growing ever louder as we all join our voices.

we have it- all of it.

not only that, but we also have a direct order from our Ruler to bring as many others into this Kingdom as possible. He hears these cries, and has told us to show them the Answer.

the ancient Jews celebrated the Passover every single year, to serve as a reminder of their salvation.  they were even told how to share the meaning of their festival, so they would be prepared with an answer every time someone asked them what on earth they were doing.

as great as that holiday was… we celebrate the best of all Passovers- the final one, where our Lamb paid the final price and paved the way to God Himself, open to all who accept it.  we also each have an answer, a testimony, a true drama, a personal story to share every single time someone asks us what on earth we are doing.

i promise you this- you will honk some people off.  they will tell you that are an idiot, and worse.  they will tell you to shut up. they may end friendships, cost you business, hurt deeply.  your story may mean nothing to whoever you are talking to. Jesus Himself was told off by the  "religious elite." His answer: if the people won't, the rocks will.  the Good News will not be silenced.  it WILL be told- the only difference is the "how."  i haven't done my part.  i want to start- before my garden border stones start singing and put me to ultimate shame.

but i also promise that there is someone in your immediate vicinity that will hear and respond.  whether or not you ever hear about it, someone is broken and in desperate need of a Healer.  you knowing or taking credit is soooo not the point.  the personal cost is also not the point. whatever cost to you, Christ's was eternally greater. take a leap of faith and have your answer ready. there is nobody less worthy of the Gospel than you; there is nobody more worthy of the Gospel than any ISIS leader.  everyone needs to hear. and if we don't share, the rocks themselves will instead.  please don't give them our job. it's our time to rise up together and share Easter joy!

if you remember the point in your life when the message finally sunk in,  let that give you the strength to be that joy to someone else. 

let this Easter be a vivid reminder of what is at stake.   let His hope fill you with both joy and courage.  make this the best Easter of your life, and the first true Easter for someone else.  silence those rocks-ready, set, go!

i am no longer

it's been a while since i wanted my words to heard so clearly. there is such a burden on my mind and i'm afraid that if readers misunderstand me, super-bad reactions and things might happen.  so track with me, and ask questions before making assumptions or jacking your blood pressure up to IV metoprolol levels, please. that'd be awesome.

i have very dear, very close friends on both sides of the ongoing conversation the media is having.  we just now celebrated Memorial Day- a chance to remember that blood, sweat, and countless tears were shed to protect each American's undying right to have their own voice be heard, as long as it stays in an appropriate context.  if we forget our history, we are doomed to repeat it.  i think we're doomed, but still…

i think my struggle here is that i completely agree with both sides. 

but i also completely disagree with both sides.  and so i'm confused.  and hurting. yet strangely okay, as long as i remember my own history.  (key point right here).

*if you keep reading, please not that i have cited extensive sections of Paul's letter to the Romans, because i think his argument makes the case really very well.  these sections are in italics and indented, if you don't have time to read them now.  any bold type/emphasis is mine. two parallel trains of thought, so it might be easier to only read my text, then Romans 2-8 separately.*

i was literally just talking a couple weeks ago with a friend about the Duggars, and what the world would do when they all found out that they are not, in fact, the perfect family with no problems and no sin and no tears and nothing swept under any of their carpets.

and then it happened. 

just like it always does (always, always), sin that had hidden for so long reared its ugly head, and it's like every single TLC fan took a collective gasp in disbelief.  almost by accident, yet also by divine design, we learned that a teenager, raised by parents who are religious to the point of extreme, did some remarkably stupid things- sick things, really.

key point right here: what Josh Duggar did was wrong.  however sick and twisted he thought it was at the time, it was WAY more so.  he was a teenager, and we all know teens can be so stupid at times that we wonder how this human race has made it this far.  and we know that everyone involved knew beyond doubt that it was wrong because of the lengths everyone went to keep it quiet.  counseling for all involved?  great!  manual labor as punishment? excellent!  serious chats with law enforcement officers?  i'm all about that. 

here's where i'm divided. 

the Duggar fans cite all the above as proof that he's good to go, cheer him on for coming clean, say the parents did all they should have, and are thankful that he has changed his ways and is now the good leader of his own household. 

the non-Duggar fans point out that hiding this until the statute of limitations comes into play is kinda cheating the law, talking to a police officer with (huge, very huge) sins of his own probably wasn't the *best* idea, and that no amount of private counseling and manual labor is enough to blot out the "X" on his soul. 

i'm divided because… well, because ALL this, ALL OF IT, is (i believe right now) 10000000% true. all of it.

here's why:  i am that person everybody is pointing and staring at. 

i am that sinner.

i am that convict.

i am a murderer. an adulteress.  a liar, a cheat, a thief.

the only reason it's Josh's name and not mine  on everyone's "trending now" tagline is because he's on a tv show and i'm not.

99% of those active in my life know only about the past few years of my life.  they know (most of them) how old i am, how many siblings i have, that i no longer am a New Yorker, that i am a nurse.  they have either worked with me, lived near me or gone to church or college with me.  they all know the part of me that is excellent material for a family-friendly show- because we all know how pleasant life as a night-shift nurse is... BAAHAHAHA!! 

no but really, i don't care.  i wouldn't trade it for (just about) anything.

but there are a few, a very few, who know a bit more.  because they were there and actively involved when i came clean.

i remember, still so vividly, when i was finally able to look down and see the blood dripping from my own two hands, physically nauseous and dizzy from seeing my guilt, the pain i had caused, the wrongdoing i'd been involved it.  i could see my sin for what it truly was, and it was hideous.

there was a choice right then- or rather a collection of them- summed up in the one choice of "what in the flaming heck am i going to do?!?"

i could sweep it back under the carpet, limit it to the far reached fringes of memory, try some detergent to rid me of the stains and never speak of it again.  but no matter who knew or didn't, i could still feel the heat from the flames i was leaning over the

brink of.  i could see the "X" that no cleaning agent or bucket of tears could fully cleanse…. they could only smudge it a little.

so many people are angry that there's nothing the law can do now.  stupid statute of limitations- how dare they clear his record?  how dare those he hurt forgive him?  how dare he ever be happy again- there's no way he changed, there's no way his wife should stay with him, and there's no way he can ever be defined as anything but a scummy troll for the rest of his days!

well, from all i've learned, heard and read, there is no law, no moral code, no religion in this world that puts you in the right and Josh Duggar in the wrong.

the American penal system?  if you're going to complain that the law cleared him, then go to the police station right now and offer to pay the ticket price for every single time you've gone even 1 mph over the speed limit. every stick of gum you didn't pay for, intentionally or not. every stop sign you didn't completely stop for. the American law is trapped in so many double standards it can't see straight.  if a pregnancy is "wanted" by the woman yet lost in a car accident or miscarriage, then it's a child we mourn.  but if it's not wanted, it's just some tissue to be sucked out and tossed in the biohazard disposal container.  those who quietly follow a particular, non-popular religion are "intolerant," but those who target them, sue them, force them out of business, mock and slander them are only "fighting for their rights"?

you're really gonna trust in that kind of penal system to clear you, yet condemn him- and call that fair justice?

edited note: WHAT I AM NOT SAYING is that if you go 35 in a 30 mph zone, you deserve the same punishment in the American courts as a violator of children- the single most hated criminal, even to every other criminal.  flawed though it is, the American law provides punishments that seek to fit the crime, and i believe they should be kept, upheld to the fullest measure, and in many cases are way more lenient than i would be, and what other countries currently are.

WHAT I AM SAYING is that we have courts for that, and unless you are a certified judge or on a jury, your job is not to cast blame, until you also accept and make up for your own acts that, however "small" or "insignificant" are still illegal.  in this one situation with the Duggars, his crime is horrendous, but the legal system's hands are tied, so to speak.  the fact that the statute of limitations has expired is sketchy to say the least, but it is a fact.  it is also a fact that his victims have chosen to forgive him and asked that for their own sake the police file be done away with.  i believe the true hypocrites are those who grudgingly admit the victims' forgiveness, claim Jesus' forgiveness for themselves, even say there is God's forgiveness for the Duggars, yet refuse to forgive him themselves, though they do not know him personally at all and only what the media tells them. 

I AM SAYING that there are two laws at work- the American law, and God's law.  both have an answer to this, but from my experiences (which are more than you are thinking right now, i'm almost sure), God's law is the only flawless one that provides both justice to satisfy the red-faced screamers out there, and also appropriate amounts of perfect grace.

Buddhism, Hinduism, even many forms of cultural faiths don't say you're off the hook- they just give you all the retrys you want to get "life" right.  innumerable reincarnations until you're finally "good enough" to reach blissful nothingness.  (not even to ask where the "bliss" is, if there's nothing there…)

stick with that, and all you can say is that maybe JD needs a few more go-arounds than you.  can't really complain about him more than that.

none of these options is good enough though.  don't even kid yourself.  i think every single American, deep inside, is torn because we all have a craving for true justice.  there's a reason we only really like the crime shows that depict most or all of the "bad guys" being convicted and locked up for the rest of their lives- or heading straight to Death Row with no chance at an appeal. 

but we're also torn because deep inside, we also know it's not quite as cut-and-dry as those 43 minutes.  many of those convicts outwardly live lives at least as good as we ourselves do, and we know that if those "bad guys" are guilty (...which they are…) then so are we (…. uh-oh…). 

Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgement on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things. We know that the judgement of God rightly falls on those who practice such things. Do you suppose, O man- you who judge those who practice such things and yet do them yourself- that you will escape the judgement of God? Or do you presume upon the riches of His kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance? But because of your hard and impenitent heart you are storing up wrath for yourself on the day of wrath when God's righteous judgement will be revealed.

He will render to each one according to his works: to those who by patience in well-doing see for glory and honor and immortality, He will give eternal life; but for those who are self-seeking and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, there will be wrath and fury...For God shows no partiality.

Romans 2:1-11

here's why:  i am that person everybody is pointing and staring at. 

i am that sinner.

i am that convict.

i am a murderer. an adulteress.  a liar, a cheat, a thief.

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through Him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spriit who has been given to us.

Romans 5:1-5

but we don't usually think about it outside those 43 minutes, do we?  nope.  we let that one case, with that one wrongdoing, completely define that one human being.  we're treating the real-life Duggar just as if he's just another tv-show character, but not holding ourselves to the same standards. 

here's why:  i am that person everybody is pointing and staring at. 

i am that sinner.

i am that convict.

i am a murderer. an adulteress.  a liar, a cheat, a thief.

my verdict was clear: guilty, whatever law you held me to.

my choice:  what is going to define my life?

i could have gone that route- i could choose to be defined by one act long ago, that left blood dripping from my hands.  those ugly moments from my life, those memories i can't be rid of, the faces of the ones i've hurt.

but i chose to be defined by one act much longer ago.

one act where Someone different, with hands dripping - not with someone else's blood but His own- took the stand and pled "Guilty" in my stead. 

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person- though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die- but God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 

Romans 5:6-8

here's why:  He was that person everybody was pointing and staring at. 

He was that sinner.

He was that convict.

He was a murderer. an adulterer.  a liar, a cheat, a thief.

Since, therefore, we have now been justified by His blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God.  For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of His Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by His life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

Romans 5:9-11

He himself was completely innocent, but He took those sins and literally made them His own, thereby literally making Himself guilty.  then He paid the price.  

Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned- for sin indeed was in the world before the law was given, but sin is not counted where there is no law.  Yet death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over those whose sinning was not like the transgression of Adam, who was a type of the One who was to come.

Romans 5:12-14

so where is the justice?  where is the justice for Duggar's victims? for all those wronged in ways that make the bile rise in our throats, our throats that are crying out in anger and indignation at the tragedies that happen at the hands of evil people? 

But the free gift is not like the trespass. For if many died through one man's trespass, much more have the grace of God and the free gift by the grace of that one man Jesus Christ abounded for many.  And the free gift in not like the result of that one man's sin.  For the judgement following one trespass brought condemnation, but the free gift following many trespasses brought justification.  For if, because of one man's trespass, death reigned through that one man, much more will those who receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man Jesus Christ.

Romans 5:15-17

some of the most healing words i received from a godly influence in my life were these:  the promise that despite the way it looks from our earthly perspective, there is true justice. 

EVERY SIN WILL BE REPAID.  those who accept forgiveness know that their sin has been taken by Jesus who met true justice with true humility and true love.

everyone else?  they will pay the price themselves.

one way or the other, every sin will be repaid, to the last measure.

Therefore, as one trespass led to condemnation for all men, so one act of righteousness leads to justification and life for all men.  For as by the one man's disobedience the many were made sinners, so by the one Man's obedience the many will be made righteous. Now the law came in to increase the trespass, but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more, so that, as sin reigned in death, grace also might reign through righteousness leading to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Romans 5:18-21

here's why:  they each are "that person" everybody is pointing and staring at. 

they are that sinner.

they are that convict.

they are that murderer,  adulteress, liar, cheat and thief.

if you had any idea of the true justice coming, you wouldn't complain that some merely mortal judge let a creep get off "scotfreo*"  in this life.  because he won't in the next when he faces the Eternal One.   

* the Old English language from which we get the term "scot-free," meaning "free, or exempt, from royal tax."

there is only one Law that makes for both ultimate Justice and ultimate Forgiveness. 

What then shall we say? That the law is sin?  By no means! Yet if it had not been for the law, I would not have known sin.  For I would not have known what it is to covet if the law had not said, "You shall not covet." But sin, seizing an opportunity though the commandment, produced in me all kinds of covetousness.  For apart from the law, sin lies dead.  I was once alive apart from the law, but when the commandment came, sin came alive and I died. The very commandment that promised life proved to be death to me.  For sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, deceived me and through it killed me.  So the law is holy, and the commandment is holy and righteous and good.

Romans 7:7-12

it's the law that means that i can say that Josh Duggar's actions were completely of the Evil One, yet i can say i forgive him because i have been forgiven.  he has either taken God's forgiveness openly offered to us all, of he will face more justice than we can stomach the thought of later on.  i don't have to judge him now, because i've already been judged, and God is Judge of all, not me.  i am every inch the sinner he is, and to condemn him is to condemn myself. 

yes, people- PLEASE CONVICT LAWBREAKERS and uphold all the measures of justice we can.  correct wrongdoing, repay what is stolen to the best of our ability.  to the courtroom judge, i say do your duty without prejudice.  jury, seek the truth and hold citizens accountable.

What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it/ Do you not now that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into His death? We were buried therfore with Him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.

[…]

What then? Are we to sin because we are not under the law but under grace? By no means! Do you not know that that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness? But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed, and, having been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness. I am speaking in human terms because of your natural limitations. For just as you once presented your members as slaves to impurity and to lawlessness leading to more lawlessness, so now present yourselves as slaves to righteousness leading to sanctification.

Romans 6:1-4, and 15-19

but do it knowing that outside the courtroom (and a few times within) there is a place for grace, mercy, forgiveness.  [a lot of] people do [eventually] change, and a horrible, stupid teenager doesn't [always] make a terrible, stupid adult.

For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death.  But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life.  For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 6:20-23

here's why:  I AM NO LONGER that person everybody is pointing and staring at. 

I AM NO LONGER that sinner.

I AM NO LONGER that convict.

I AM NO LONGER a murderer. or an adulteress.  or a liar, or a cheat, or a thief.

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.  For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do.  By sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.

[…]

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him graciously give us all things?  Who shall bring any charge against God's elect?  It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died-more than that, who was raised- who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.  Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, "For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered."

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. 

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:1-4, and 31-39

amen.  hallelujah, amen!