a picture worth 4 words

a few years ago our church ordered the updated AWANA program materials, which was a blessing and a loss for me, as a large part of my work had now been outsourced. every wednesday, i would show up early in order to get everything organized and set up and photocopied and labeled.  the most time-consuming part, but an intriguing diversion, was to come up with pictures for each week's Bible story.  for some reason, in another classroom in that wing are 2 massive wooden shelves or drawers stuffed with what appears to be every single Bible picture card that any baptist ever drew.  the oldest copyright date i've located predates the Cold War. 

i loved rifling through so many creative expressions of these scenes of David or Nebuchadnezzar or John the Baptist or Moses.  while i don't know what Moses looked like, i'm pretty sure he wasn't white, and i'm very sure he didn't have google eyes.

while i don't have to fight anymore to find an appropriate picture, in that mess of cardstock i actually took my favorite one and now keep it in our Cubbies room with our flashy new google-eyed picture cards.  it was such an inspiration to me, and even now i wonder at it. it's an artist's conception of one of my favorite Bible stories, even though there is no action, no drama, no loud noises or excitement at all.  it's two people, talking.  that's it.

but one of those people is Nicodemus. and the other person is Jesus. 

i identify strongly with Nicodemus on many levels.  i can more than imagine- i can remember- what he was thinking that night.  he was creeping in the shadows to Jesus's house because he would die of shame if anyone knew that someone raised in the church, who'd made a profession of faith and been baptized at 12, who read her NIV Bible every day and knew all the trivia answers… if someone like that still didn't know the basics of that religion?  if they struggled with anger, depression, forgiveness, trust?  if they could quote tons of verses but couldn't life them out? if they'd rather die than go one more day without peace or hope or something bigger than myse- i mean, himself- to live for? oh wait.  that wasn't Nicodemus- that really was me… but Jesus sat down that night and talked to him anyway. no sneer of contempt.  no raised eyebrow or turned up nose. He said, "sure. come on in- let's find a quiet place to chat."

and then that pasty-white, brown-haired, blue-eyed Jesus told Nicodemus the same incredible story that the google-eyed Jesus helped me tell the Cubbies last week. although the editors cleaned it up a bit, the picture card is pretty clear about what's happening to Jesus on that cross. to the left is a giant red "C" with 4 words underneath: "…Christ died for us." 

the 1986 version depicts that proud Pharisee sitting in the dark, hoping none of the members of his Sanhedrin facebook group tags him in a picture with a "heretic" like Jesus. he's aware of what hangs in the balance, though, and he knows it's worth risking a visit to this man who somehow speaks about God like He's real, and close, and personal, and powerful, and wise, and every bit as incredible as the Torah says He is. Nicodemus wants that God- at the very least, he wants to seriously look into it.  he's not ready to ditch the prestigious job, and he can't quite figure out how someone can be "born again," but he also knows there's something different about Jesus.

as i look into options, here and abroad, for sharing that same Good News on a longer-term basis, i've made sheets for each of the Cubbies to take home and share their story or verse with family and friends each week.  i bribed them with hand stamps, but hey…

holding myself accountable to that goal, i was given the opportunity to share the Gospel with a few people myself. a couple of them responded like Nicodemus's Sanhedrin friends did, complete with name-calling, self-righteousness and complete rejection (not unexpected, but my soul hurts for them anyway).  but one responded like Nicodemus. he can't quite let go of the Hinduism he grew up with, but he knows there's something different about Jesus.  he wants a God who listens to prayers, who cares about his burdens, who doesn't require penance for every single individual sin.  he wants to know what's going to happen to him after his life here ends. he wants justice for the evil he sees everywhere humans go. 

the best part is that Jesus gave Nicodemus 4 other words: "For God so loved…"  God loves the self-righteous as much as He loves the Hindu.  which is good, because otherwise i would have been chucked out on my ear. Jesus continued to say, "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life."  that's a promise. a mighty big one, at that.

and it's one that everyone needs to hear, because that promise is to them also.  

there's about a 0% chance that you do not know someone who needs to be told those four words "for God so loved."  someone you know is struggling with doubts and concerns and needs to hear, "Christ died for us."  you may or may not get a response.  that response may or may not be positive.  but just a few words can change a life.  Nicodemus was changed, and he makes an appearance at Jesus' cross with other believers.  i was changed, and i showed up at the cross, too- just a few thousand years later.  you were changed, or you never would have read this far.  

celebrate that.  celebrate the change in your life, because it's mind-blowingly awesome what God did for you. 

then find your "nicodemus" and have a chat with them.  it can all start with a few words.

overcome

it's been almost a full year that i started reading through the book of John and being Type A i've determined that i must stay here until the new year.  the Type B part doesn't have any problem with this.  i've seen things i never saw before, found treasure troves in the most unexpected places, and now i'm not even sure i could move on once january does makes its appearance.

all this, plus a new year's resolution to start memorizing more, plus recent events, plus a super phone app that makes memorizing a challenge i gladly accept mean that when i need them the words are there. 

i don't pay for tv services.  so not worth it, especially when facebook is faster and just as accurate.  and free.

but overnight thousands of lives were changed in Europe, just like has happened in too many other countries, and a new tidal wave of fear, anger and grief hit the shores of America. 

suddenly, profile pictures are covered with red, white and blue stripes, hashtags light up screens and even some atheists i know are "praying for Paris." but one picture i scrolled past caught my eye because i knew the overlaying quote, and the broader context.

"But take heart; I have overcome the world."

it's like magic, isn't it?  the chapter break comes at just the right point, almost making you stop and read it again.  and again.

"But take heart.  I have overcome the world."

i have no idea who first posted that on social media or if they had any idea of the context. that quote is from Jesus.

Jesus said that.

Jesus said that as he was physically walking from the borrowed upper room to the borrowed tomb, via a garden, a jury and a cross.  Judas Iscariot had just run out on them, the other 11 completely lost in confusion.  they finished their Passover feasting and Jesus, knowing everything past, present and future suggests an evening stroll to their favorite nearby hangout spot in the Garden of Gethsemane. 

one of my favorite pastors once said that you oughta pay attention to someone's last words.  if there's any place to say what's really important, deep deep down, that you want so desperately for someone to remember, that's what you're going to say when you know the end is coming.

that's what Jesus is doing right here.  Chapters 14 through 17 are Jesus's last chance to reinforce everything vital that He's been trying to get them to understand for the past couple years.  and He's doing it quite calmly so far, given that He knows what's going on and they don't.

not a word is written here about their reactions to His discourse here, but from past chapters, i'd bet a nickel that it was pretty similar to His other bold statements: most of them sitting (or walking) in stupefied silence until Peter recovers enough to open his mouth and start rambling nonsense. 

it could be that Peter didn't really recover from this one until after Judas showed up.  i don't think i would, either. 

mostly because the majority of this section at first read is bad news. really bad.  this is Jesus's "get ready" speech.

"you've seen what they've done; you're gonna see what they're about to do...you're next. they hate Me.  they're gonna hate you. I'm leaving; you're gonna miss Me. you're going to leave Me, deny Me, desert Me.  things are bad- they're going to get worse."

four chapters of this! four chapters of bad news as they casually stroll through the darkening streets of the city crammed full of celebrating Jews.  four chapters of increasingly depressing information that is completely out of place for a festive holiday season. 

kinda like right now.

even though i'm sitting here in a Panera sipping cooling coffee out of a seasonally-decorated cup (not red…), i have been at a loss for words reading small tidbits of news as it flies over from Paris.  this, on top of what we already know from a dozen other countries.  just like Jesus promised.

in a silent show of solidarity, i am currently wearing a t-shirt with a flaming red arabic N on it. the fact does not escape me that this would get me killed in all those dozen other countries.  just like Jesus promised.

families are being torn apart.  lives are being lost.  fanatics are holding hostages, selling humans and ransacking villages in the name of their religion. just like Jesus promised.

this is probably why Jesus wasn't interrupted.  how do you respond to this? how could He say all this so calmly like He was commenting on the robe sale at the tailor's place?

it's because of what else He promised.

that He's going to make a place for you and for me- a place where He is- where we will someday be with Him forever.

that He is the Way, the Truth and the Life.  He is the visible face of the Immortal, Invisible God.

that every single prophecy about Him from the beginning of time would be fulfilled- the ones we like, and the ones we don't like or understand. 

that we would not be alone, because the Helper was coming.

that if we abide in Him, we can ask whatever we wish in His name and it will be done for us. 

that a peace is coming unlike any peace we've known before, that cannot be duplicated or forged or destroyed or stolen or erased or damaged.

that our sorrow will be turned to joy, and that this joy would overflow, and that this joy would never, ever be taken away.

that we should take heart, because He has overcome the world.

and then Jesus Christ does something that i have read dozens of times and still haven't gotten over:

He prays for us.

He prays for His disciples… and then He prays for US.

"When Jesus had spoken these words, He lifted up His eye to heaven and said, "Father the hour has come; glorify Your Son that Your Son may glorify You, since You have given Him authority over all flesh, to give eternal life to all whom You have given Him.  And this is eternal life, that they know You the One true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent. I glorified You on earth, having accomplished the work that You gave Me to do. And now, Father, glorify Me in Your presence with the glory that I had with You before the world existed.

I have manifested Your name to the people whom You gave me out of the world. Yours they were, and You gave them to Me, and they have kept Your word. Now they know that everything You have given Me is from You. For I have them the words that You gave Me, and they have received them and have come to know in truth that I came from You; and they have believed that You sent Me. I am praying for them. I am not praying for the world but for those whom You have given Me, for they are Yours.  All Mine are Yours, and Yours are Mine, and I am glorified in them. And I am no longer in the world, but they are in the world, and I am coming to You. Holy Father, keep them in Your name, which You have given Me, that they may be one, even as We are one.  While I was with them, I kept them in Your name, which You have given Me.  I have guarded them, and not one of them has been lost except the son of destruction, that the Scriptures might be fulfilled.  But now I am coming to You, and these things I speak in the world, that they may have My joy fulfilled in themselves.  I have given them Your word, and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world.  I do not ask that You take them out of the world, but that You keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth.  As You sent Me into the world, so I have sent them into the world.  And for their sake I consecrate Myself, that they also may be sanctified in truth.

I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word, that they may all be one, just as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You have sent Me.  the glory that You have given Me I have given to them, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that You sent Me and loved them even as You loved Me.  Father, I desire that they also, whom You have given Me, may be with Me where I am, to see My glory that You have given Me because You loved Me before the foundation of the world. O Righteous Father, even though the world does not know You, I know You, and these know that You have sent Me.  I made known to them Your name, and I will continue to make it known, that the love with which You have loved Me may be in them, and I in them."

 Jesus is literally minutes away from arrest and torture, but He takes this time to pray for us.  the Holy Trinity is having a conversation about us, and i love how the Helper nudged John and helped him write it down, after 'bringing to his remembrance all that He had spoken'.  (just like Jesus promised!)

i don't know everything that's going to happen.  we knew Islam was spreading all over Europe, that governments are closing their eyes, hearts and borders, and that the attacks will only continue as long as we do nothing.  we knew that Christianity was losing ground in this country and probably won't gain any back.

but i also know that i can't read those four chapters in John without being strangely calm.  because every prediction of heartache is met with a promise that far surpasses the trials coming our way.

we grieve this shameful nonsense occurring on a near-daily basis.  we mourn so many lives lost because they chose to follow the Way, Truth and Life.  those are my family members- my brothers and sisters- that are being murdered.  we support the victims and their loved ones any way we can.

but we do it all knowing that if those promises were kept, we can trust that ALL the promises He made are guaranteed us as well. 

we can lose heart when the task at hand dwarfs those available to help, when we see the enormous need and have so little to offer by ourselves.  when our neighbors are on the other side of the world and we don't even know how to begin the job of bearing their burdens with them.  Asia, South America, know that we are praying for you.

we take heart because the Helper is coming- has come.

we sometimes lose heart when we see each new report of torture and murder, as terrorist organizations indiscriminately wipe out pastors, farmers, wives, children, neighbors, churches, homes, entire villages as the world steps back.  Africa, Asia, know that we are praying for you.

we take heart because His hope and His healing are coming.

we'd lose heart if all we read was the newspaper.  some days you can't even read the comics without putting them down depressed.  this world is a mess. a gut-wrenching, tear-jerking mess. Europe, Syria, China, Korea, Ukraine, Russia, India, Iraq...brothers and sisters everywhere… please know we are praying for you.  we are praying that you remain steadfast, keeping your eyes on your King, your hope in your first citizenship in Heaven, your life in His hands, and your soul under His pinions.  take heart, because you are not alone- not even close to it. you have so many promises to stand on, each one a rock in the wall of protection surrounding you.

take heart- because He has overcome this world.

follow the yellow brick Romans Road-...then do as they do

for some reason that i've already forgotten (it was a really great one), my roomie and i decided to put off chores for another night and watch Aladdin, because  childhood is always better second time around- when we can choose our own bedtimes.  and since the Genie got us on a Robin Williams kick we found another gem on Netflix- Jumanji, which i have never watched all the way through.  at one point in there, as monsoons, terrorist flowering vines, rhino stampedes, pelicans, creepy monkeys and a psycho hunter pour forth from this poor old house, the crazy monkeys run past a movie store (that in one scene you see is an adult store with XXX-rated movies for sale…) and see the Wicked Witch of the West's flying monkeys having a pow-wow and they decide to join in.

i do not know why this movie would be in an adult store, or if there is simply a second video store.  do not ask me. 

but wherever it is sold, i love the movie.  it took a while, after surviving a REAL tornado, but once the PTSD went away i actually appreciated it more.

 

after doing just about everything you're NOT supposed to do in a 'nader scenario, she whacks herself unconscious, wakes up in a brightly colored alternate reality/dream world, and says… "i don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto."

she's a genius, that one.

then she just jumps right on in with the shenanigans of the Munchkins, joins the parade and becomes best friends with a crack-happy Glinda.  once the party and song are over, she realizes that now she's got to DO something.  but what?

well, duh- clearly follow the yellow brick road. 

which one?

the one that the song ended with you standing on.  it's like it knew or something…

she is standing on the exact spot where it begins.  and then she inches along, tip-toeing around every curve of the spiral and then on down towards the Emerald city, step by step.  

we're about to complete yet another year of Cubbies tomorrow night, where the 2-6 teachers will attempt to demonstrate to the parents how much these 3-5 year olds have learned.

it's gonna be great.  i hope i don't cry.  if there are tears on my face, it's either because i'm proud they actually did what they were supposed to (stand in a line and say 2 short verses) or because i'm laughing at what i'm anticipating being the outcome (…. not what we practiced…).  

one song about the joys of being a Cubby.

one "A" verse. ("A" stands for "All." All have sinned.  Romans 3:23)

one "C" verse. ("C" stands for "Christ." Christ died for us. Romans 5:8)

that's it.

having emerged from the Jumangi-Jungle of Thistly Theology only in the past handful of years, i sympathize with Dorothy, wondering where in the world to go, and how in the world to get there, and then what in the world to do.

well, silly, you do like the Cubbies, sing a ridiculously happy song, and then walk on down the Romans Road.

sounds crazy, but it's true.

it's what we've done every week with our Cubbies. 

it's what we've done every mission trip i've been on.

it's what we do with non-Christians.

it's what we *should* do with Christians.

you start at the very beginning, and you go from there. 

it's simple enough that kids can understand it. 

it's SO simple that ONLY those with the attitude of a kid CAN get it.

i told a friend today that i often feel… stupid.  the word is stupid.

i was given a friggin' ton of Bible-knowledge growing up.  even though 99.110% of it was tainted and twisted into non-truth, the Bible-knowledge is something that too many don't have.  but now i have to completely reconstruct an entire theology.  the only way i can see to do that is to figuratively speaking throw out EVERYTHING and only take back in what is really true.  it's not an easy task.  it's not overwhelmingly fun.  it feels stupid.  there are so many things i only understand on the level of these Cubbies.  so much that i am literally AND figuratively on a 4-year-old level.  i see Christians my age raising families, teaching LifeGroups, witnessing all over Jackson, writing books and poems and songs, celebrating all these miraculous truths of the Gospel.

and then there's me.  and i'm like, "i'm… i'mma gonna play over here with your kids. probs tell 'em a story about Jesus.  then feed them graham crackers and send them back to you."

our LifeGroup has been going through Romans for the past few months which i have just loved.  it's the theology for 4 year olds, but on a post-grad intellectual level.  it's Paul giving the Romans the low-down on Christianity, starting at the very, very beginning, then spiraling outwards.  it's the early AD-edition of Christianity for Dummies.  best thing ever. 

because even Paul the Apostle says in there, "i'm speaking in human terms because of your natural limitations."

basically: you feel stupid.  but you're a human, so it's okay.  here's what humans need to know: Romans Road- SHA-BAM!! 

           nailed.

                       it.

Jesus said it first.  be a kid.  don't be a smart-aleck.  be a kid.  they do stupid things, they ask stupid questions, they have stupid-short attention spans. but those lil' Munchkins GET IT.  and they GET ME. 

i wonder if He got as excited over His disciples as we do if we can get all 18 pre-Ks to stand in a semi-straight line. 

every time Simon Peter opened his mouth to put his foot in…  (Teacher, TIE MY SHOE RIGHT NOW!)

every fight He had to stop over who was the "best" disciple… (Teacher, i -*sniffle* -didn't win- *sniffle sniffle*- the raaaaaace!!!- *sustained howling cry*)

every time someone interrupted His nap or personal time because of a new crisis… Jesus- WAKE UP!!  WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIEEEEEEEE!!! ("Teacher… i needed to use the potty 10 minutes ago."  "okay- you may go." … "i did, Teacher."  …….oh.)

even something as simple as a potty break can turn into a drama-laden adventure with a kid. they get the simplest questions completely wrong.  the one time we asked them to color outside the lines was the one time they didn't, and so the craft didn't work, because only the crayon outside the lines showed the outline of the cross that was removed-  the cross they all colored so dutifully minding the lines.  they go astray a lot; we gave up on "Simon Says" because they all try so hard to follow ALL the rules every time that they get confused at NOT obeying the Teacher when she gives an order. they don't know who Simon is, but by gum Teacher said to JUMP!!  -but if Teacher says, "we're done coloring- it's story time now" their whole world comes to a screeching halt. 

those are the ones Romans was written for. i'll catch up to the brainiacs one day, but until then you can find me spinning in circles on the playground, getting dirty and building theology as we build 4-course dinners with Play-Doh.  any Munchkins out there who want to join in, you sure can- as long as you learn the songs ;)

i just said the "C" word... (Coffee Corner Conversations, episode 3)

so i ran into yet another creeper, who just left a few minutes ago.

i PROMISE this one has a good ending!!

i'm pretty sure this buddy needs help. of multiple types, intensities and flavors.

if each of his needs were a color, Picasso could just go crazy on a canvas and he'd wind up with a fairly accurate visual rendering of this guy's mentality.

after seeing "Arnav" greet me and then leave, this guy immediately lit into him, dubbed him a "creeper," and dove headfirst straight into his view of personalities, the reason so many people are mean and "unhappy," his confusion as to why i didn't see Arnav as creepy, and how he came to his enlightened philosophy based on his broad expanse of learning.  because he doesn't work ("it makes people unhappy," he said... because this piece of work is such a charmer, right? 'not' working isn't really workin' for him)

i told him, using very short sentences and zero eye contact that this man was a doctor, i have known/seen/spoken to him a few times over several months, that i work in a hospital and have seen the whole spectrum of personalities, and that i know a creeper when i see one.

i did not say "I SEE ONE RIGHT NOW" although this was clearer than Saran wrap before the man even opened his mouth to the coffee girl at the counter.

i did not ask for a conversation.

i did not imply my desire to continue talking through action, thought, or word.

...but he asked why i disagreed.

and my favorite thing to do with that question is to answer it. 

and the short answer to why i'm not unhappy, and love my job, and don't see the immediate connection between joy and money like he does….

well the short answer uses the "C" word.

i simply stated that i have lived most of my life as a non-Christian, but now live it as a Christian, and that has made all the difference.

that's all it took-that one, little "C" word.

this dude… oh, Mylanta!…

with him doing most of the talking, not stopping to let me have a word in, barely stopping to breathe- we uncovered his whole philosophical view, his perspective on religion, how religion ("and faith", he added, after i objected to his non-differentiation) caused 9-11-01, how Republicans caused every other evil under the sun (he doesn't work, remember- it makes people unhappy), and somehow he managed to work in just about every common cuss word in the English vocabulary multiple times. 

this took a remarkably short amount of time.  probably because his brain was running short on oxygen… i question how long his cerebrum has been in this state, to be honest. like i said: "Picasso."

he even grabbed my Bible and said he was gonna disprove my religion using a verse in Isaiah (which he never found) as he avoided the question i asked (like, how often he's read the Bible/how much knowledge he has concerning Jesus) and kept jabbering away, mocking me and my inability to keep up with him and his objections and that the questions "would only get harder- come on, now, sweetheart!"  

BunnyTrail: to all his fellow creepers out there, feel free to never call me sweetheart.  like, ever.  don't do it.  or i may have to punch you in the face, in the spirit of Christian love and charity of course.

it was at this point that i told him to just write down every contradiction he knew of in the Bible, hoping that would keep him occupied for a bit.

because he was actually becoming overly excited, with a nearly aggressive physical behavior and a raised voice. 

he went outside to get his list- apparently he had one already prepared.

at this point, the coffee girl leaned over the counter where i was sitting and asked if he was bothering me, that he came frequently and that she was concerned.  she told two other employees or managers and i explained to all three of them my past experience with Creeper #1, and that what had irritated this one was that i had told him i was a Christian...and that if he didn't back off soon that they should feel free to intervene. it really did seem that he was ready to chill out and back down- and while Jesus said a lot about love, He also said to "be wise as serpents, and harmless as doves." 

modern-day translation: be nice, yes, but please don't be stupid. 

so the four of us agreed to watch each other's backs.  since 2 of them had headsets and were across the store but both staying in direct line of sight from me and each other, it kinda felt like we had a covert op going on. 

my hands were literally shaking as i awaited his return.  i prayed with my eyes on the door.  the only verses that came to mind charged me to "be ready, in season and out of season," and also to not fear or plan out wordy arguments because words would be given me as i needed them.

Creeper #2 had a change of heart during his long absence, returned, and calmly apologized for his behavior.  he said he'd had too much coffee and got excited about his belief system.

(excited?  dude, if you hadn't calmed down or had taken one step closer i was gonna call my cop buddy and file another report!)

and then he sat down again.

and then he kept talking, but in a much more relaxed manner.

and coffee girl even sat down for a couple minutes- whether because she was keeping an immediate eye on us or because she was interested, i don't know.

but i delivered to him the same question i delivered to Creeper #1… and yet again, he was unable to answer it.

if the closest to religion he can come is Buddhism,

if there is no God,

no afterlife,

if evolution is an actual fact,

if humans are nothing more than highly evolved monkeys…

who cares, and WHY CARE?

well, the "obvious" "answer" is that being "nice" is "better" than being "mean."

the problem is that evolution leaves you with diddly-squat. all those words in quotation marks have no basis, no meaning, no justification with no God.  there IS no standard of right or wrong.  there IS NO RIGHT OR WRONG IF THERE IS NO GOD.

the means of Darwin's great evolution theory is what he termed "survival of the fittest."  the strong surviving.  the weak dying. the "good" traits reproducing and the "bad" ones weeded out of the gene pool.

well, in human terms, this means that the big bullies should be rewarded, not put in time-out.

the gun owners should walk into a bank, take the money and spend it frivolously on whatever makes them happy.

the Homeowners Association reps should totally just take out their neighbors and anyone else they don't like or think is a "worse" gardener than they are.

the smart people should overcome the dummies.

the strong men should take advantage of the women.

the poor should go die…

we should ignore Nepal's earthquake, Chile's volcano, abortion, sick babies, the AIDS crisis in Africa.

that's what evolution leaves you with. if you have trouble reading those statements, it's because you have an eternal soul that recognizes there is something "off" there.

he fidgeted and squirmed, started many sentences and finished none of them, tried to save face- and did a pretty good job of it- but realized neither of us could change the other's mind, gathered his huge stack of magazines and books proclaiming the liberty of an atheistic and cuss-word-filled life and left. 

after i politely refused to give him my name, he got a little offended and then refused my two book suggestions i had written down on a post-it note.  if i "won't give my name to a 'creeper,' he can't accept any information from a brainwashed crazy."  i forget the actual word he used instead of "crazy," but the rest of that quote is verbatim.

i told him i'd pray for him. 

"i know you like to have the last word but… don't bother," was his emphatic retort.

"you can't stop me." i replied with a smile.  i think we left on good terms as he laughed at my sense of humor and smile, called me sweetheart again, and departed. i hope so, because eventually he's gonna find the post-it note in between two of his books... i really do like having the last word!!! :P

i don't think even in liberal, anti-religion New York i have encountered someone so immediately offended at my faith.  someone so hostile they respond with anger, scorn, and language that would make any high schooler proud.  

and even legitimately concerned as i was -(for anyone within hearing range of this guy, for me being cornered in my chair, … for his own sanity- literally…)   - i was glad. 

i was glad that through this experience, i was able to tell 4 more people that I was a Christian.  that i had legitimate concerns with the questions evolution can't answer and that faith can.  that there is one humble person in a Captain America t-shirt and jeans who is not afraid to say the truth and face the questions hurled back.  even if i can't whip out the perfect answer in PowerPoint format and 3 Bible references to prove each slide.  i'm not CS Lewis or Ravi Zacharias, after all.  

i'm just me.  but i do have the Truth and i will tell anyone who asks.  it's not like i've never been cussed out before, or never had the same questions they do, or am ashamed of who i am now.

and that by gum, that panicked prayer i threw up to Heaven worked. whether he swallowed a Xanax from his car or if the Holy Spirit intervened directly- either way, he came back into the store a changed person, and i can only hope now that he left changed, too. however many brain cells he spends questioning his value system, he and a couple employees here hopefully have a couple things to think about now. 

so do i. 

this is nowhere near the post i had planned on writing.  in my perfect little universe, that conversation would never happened. the store manager is probably wishing it hadn't happened, too.

which is why i have a big, perfect God who runs the big universe,  and who has an answer - IS the Answer- to every hurting, questioning, angry soul out there.

i'm so glad i'm a ["C" word]!!!

Arnav, Aslan and the Ultimate Father-Abba (Coffee Corner Conversations, #2)

the most recent conversation i've had, in my favorite (only) "coffee corner" in my favorite (only) local bookstore was with a kind Muslim of the non-creeper variety. he's got  double handful of mixed up beliefs about Jesus and the Bible, but for a Muslim he's less mixed up than i originally gave him credit for. 

his pseudonym is "Arnav" simply because a Google searched website said it was the #1 Indian boy name last year.  and it has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?

of course, with these two faiths side by side sipping cappuccinos, the hinge of the whole 2.5 hour chat was Jesus, His death and resurrection, and hell.  Arnav's belief of "hell" is much more like the concept of purgatory, a time of penance for wrong beliefs and actions before eventual release to heaven, where he says all souls and spiritual beings will someday find themselves.  if God is loving, he claims, then He could never condemn someone to Hell, even for the worst of crimes.  to make his point, he told me his favorite mini parable, retold here:

two men are sitting by a fire discussing eternity as a woman walks by with her child. the first man asks the second if that mother could ever find it in herself to push her child into the flames.  the second immediately rejects the thought of something to repulsive.  the first man replies, "neither could God ever throw one of His children into hell."

short. sweet.  persuasive.

i'm still not good at finding the right words quickly to respond, and it took me a couple days to figure out what about that bothered me so much.  because what he said was true.  God does love His children beyond what we can fathom. 

but it's what he didn't say- that's the catch.

God loves His children.  we'll put that as a fact right here.

God does not chuck His children into eternal fires, just like that mother wouldn't throw her kid into that fire.

if i were the woman walking by the fire, i would put down my basket, take the kid's hand and march right up to Guy #1 and tell him something. firmly.

i would tell him never to question the love of a true mother for her kid. never. just don't do it.  but i would also tell him to NEVER, EVER QUESTION WHAT I WOULD DO  IF ANYTHING THREATENED THAT CHILD.  you had better believe if some football-player type jerk walked up with a knife, or even just a perverted look on his face directed at my kid, i would TAKE HIM OUT.  i would beat the ever-lovin' snot out of him, and i would fight him all the way into the fire until the threat was eliminated.  i would not take his hand and hold it in the heat for a minute, ask him nicely if he had learned his lesson, and then let him walk away.  i'm sorry, but there is no Purgatory for that one.

animals from every Kingdom, Phylum, Class and Order have representatives that are naturally endowed with a maternal instinct, a self-sacrificial, immediate, natural, thoughtless, response to a threat to her offspring. 

any intelligent human who has gone on a hike ever, knows there are a few key rules: bug spray, how to ID poison ivy, bring a map and a buddy, and FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, IF YOU SEE A BEAR CUB YOU RUN LIKE HECK IN THE OTHER DIRECTION.  

the wrath of a mother bear is not a force to be reckoned with, but a force you hope to never face down, because between Mama Bear and Iron Man…. i'm putting money on Mama Bear.

in response to my friendly Muslim's parable, i put forth my own (well, someone else's).  it's the story of Taken.

this movie, featuring Liam Neeson, is the story of just how far a father will go to get his kidnapped child back. let me tell you, it's pretty freakin' far.  when he overhears the kidnappers take off with his kid and then challenge him from a continent away, his response sends shudders up the backs of the movie viewers-

i don't know who you are. i don't know what you want.  if you are looking for a ransom, i can tell you i don't have money.  what i do have are a very particular set of skills. skills i've acquired over a very long career...if you let my daughter go now, that will be the end of it.  i will not look for you. i will not pursue you.

but if you don't, i will look for you. 

and i will find you. 

and i will kill you.

then he proceeds, in a very Liam Neeson-like manner, to blast through buildings, vehicles, boats, parties, meetings, gangs, construction sites, hooker-houses, and homes until he arrives face to face with the last man standing between him and his daughter. 

all the other challengers are dead. 

i don't know what foolishness made that idiot stand and put a knife to the girl's throat.

but he died, too.

what i love about this movie is that there is absolutely no doubt in anyone's mind while watching this movie that Neeson WILL succeed.  and there is no pity for the evildoers.  nothing but righteous indignation for Liam as he fulfills his promise with firmness, dexterity, and a fair amount of cussing (he's pretty ticked…).

what i love even more is that later on in his career, Liam would also go on to become the new voice of Aslan, the Lion King of Narnia. 

especially this Easter weekend, as Christians around the world celebrate the best holiday ever, we see the real story put before us that Narnia is the parable OF. 

the story of just how far a parent will go to rescue his child.

the story of a child, taken from his parent, trapped, ensnared, lost, hopeless, tired, starving, wretched, weak, alone and on the brink of death and eternal damnation-

...waiting

...silence..

...nothing- then!!

-who is suddenly, miraculously, completely, eternally, firmly, loudly, always-and-forever saved, redeemed, snatched from the clutches of evil and brought away from the danger of the flame and instead placed in a soft green meadow to rest while the Parent "deals with" the threat. 

there's "that moment" in The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe - what a great moment!-  when you can just about hear Aslan's voice echoing from that dusty wardrobe- "GET YOUR HAND OFF MY KID, YOU EVIL WITCH!!!"

i heard it again even tonight, as i was listening to part of the Maundy Thursday service.  this service traces Jesus' journey from the Last Supper, through that dinner, the betrayal, His earnest prayer to not suffer what He was about to suffer, His friends leaving Him alone and denying Him, His betrayer approaching and handing Him off to soldiers, His mocking and beatings, the Cross, the one-way trip up a small hill outside the city where people dumped their trash…

at each step, you're watching, knowing that your soul is hanging in the balance- either He takes the punishment… or you do.

at each step, you're hearing it thinking- "oh snap… He's gonna quit.  i'm not worth that."

and at each step, He says, "yes you are." and He takes another step. 

you want to know how far a parent will go to get His kid back?

the answer is "to hell and back."

He took that Cross, He went through Hell and He came back.

i know there's an eternal Hell where souls go forever. 

i know because it's technically where i belong.

i know because it's also where He went so that i wouldn't.

...and since He's the only one who's done that, i'm going to take His authoritative word on the subject.

Hell is there to show both His eternal love for His children that He saves from judgement, and eternal justice for those who willfully despise  Him and His sacrifice, reject His offer of forgiveness and mercy without price and instead choose to bear their own crosses to Hell...only they can't come back.

hard to hear if you think you're Iron Man, but if you're the cub standing behind Aslan the Protector, it's the most blessed and peaceful message. 

if you are horrified by the idea of Hell, it's probably because you're in your metal outfit and think you're safe- but you question that force in front of you.

this is a good thing.  definitely question that force.

...then admit defeat.  you cannot win. give up now- please.

but Aslan is roaring for you, too.  He defeated the evil forever, not just for Eustace, but for you, too.  He challenged Hell and soundly defeated it in a showdown that reverberated throughout all the realms of nature even to the supernatural heights.  the sun forgot to shine, fabric fell apart, rocks shuddered under people's feet, and dead people forgot they were supposed to stay in their graves and NOT go running through the streets on Passover effectively making everyone they shook hands with "unclean" according to the religious law of the day.  yes, there is SO much irony there.  the people of faith were forever cleansed from sin, while the people of the written law were yapping about ceremonial uncleanness because their great-great uncle just touched them while wearing graveclothes.

to my Muslim friend Arnav, i hope he hears Aslan's roar someday, and comes to know personally the Eternal Living God who calls to him as a parent calls a child home for dinner, and who his children refer to as "Abba."  the Father you may never have known in this life is waiting for you to come home to Him.  He can take your Hell- He's been there and won.  let Him take it, and give you in exchange a white robe and peace under His loving, watchful eye where no threat stands a chance.  His victory roar is also His promise.

i hope you hear it, too.

it's  beautiful roar, as long as it's for you.

sticks and stones and dead men's bones

I love those moments when a thought just pops up, a question just burns in your brain, or a revelation suddenly arises that makes you smile.  these moments, for me anyway, are rare, which i guess is part of why they're so special.

good glory, i hope this makes sense to whoever reads it.

I was considering again moments from my past and how in so many ways, for so many years i was nothing more than a modern-day Pharisee.  my early life revolved around following rules, codes, standards and policies that would make any Saul of Tarsus proud.  we would have had to add a whole second row of tassels on our robes, and heaven forbid we not tithe every single penny we received from our weekly allowance, which when we were 5 years old, was 25 cents.  so we were also good at math- which is a given (i forget which tab "homeschool" fits under- i think either "standards" or "codes"- but included was the Thou Shalt Succeed decree.  failure was not an option). we were filled with guilt if we forgot to tithe, do our morning devotions (because to do it in the evenings, or even after breakfast was classified as "wrong"), or even have too much Apple Cinnamon Cheerios with our plain Cheerios.  like the front-row Pharisees of old, we were generally applauded by peers and looked up to in our teeny tiny Christian community as being role-models. 

and also like the front-row Pharisees of old, i was even more tangled than those tassels, caught up in the little things but missing the big picture.  missing it entirely.  everything good about the Gospel buried under the rulebooks. plagued by doubt, fear of failure, shame, the need to please others, justification through the Law of Moses.  and the Law of Mom.  i'm not even sure which one i held in higher regard, to be honest.

so, just like the front-row Pharisees, i turned into a blind and bitter "Christian," with no answers for the situations i was trying to fix but couldn't.

in one of the last discourses Jesus gave in Jerusalem, in that last week before his impending execution, Jesus suddenly goes off on those front-row Pharisees, ripping to shreds their rules, codes, standards and policies.  he calls them children of hell.  a brood of vipers. hypocrites. blind guides. 

whitewashed tombs. absolutely stunning on the outside, gorgeous rocks, gardens, plants, probably markers or nameplates to remember their loved ones locked away inside.  on the inside, well, there are the loved ones' bones.  corruption. decay.  germs galore. a stench to turn even this nurse's stomach.

…

umm.  yeah.  Jesus said that. to the front-row, super-spiritual religious elites.  a tomb. a pretty vessel chock full of DEATH.

you're probably looking for the encouraging part now, right?  good- here it is.

i just went back and confirmed the timing on this speech of his, and when i flipped back and forth a couple times between Matthew 23 and John 10 and 11, you see something pretty cool.

immediately before the Triumphant Entry, something absolutely epic happens.

he receives word that one of his best friends in the town of Bethany (2 miles away from Jerusalem, and one of Jesus' stopping points) in on his deathbed and Jesus' healing is required immediately. 

so Jesus….doesn't go.  he waits. for 2 whole days.

Lazarus, unknown to the messenger, is probably already dead before Jesus hears of this, because by the time Jesus shows up the mourning is in full swing and the body has already been cleaned, prepared and locked in the grave for 4 days.

Lazarus's sisters, Mary and Martha, both have separate conversations with Jesus on his arrival.  Jesus asks to see Lazarus's body, and Mary, full of grief, confusion, impeccable common sense, says, "Eww. Jesus, that's gross."

Martha had already run out to meet him, and also to question why he refused to come earlier to save them from this incredible pain. 

Jesus then takes this fantastic opportunity to boot her faith up several levels and tells her :

"your brother will rise again."

Martha said to him, "i know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day."

Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die."(John 11: 23-27)

then He walks right up to that beautiful tomb full of a dead man's bones, convinces several hesitant guys to roll the stone away, and then demands that those dead man's bones get up and walk on out.  and they do. 

the Resurrection had come.

a short amount of time later, that Resurrection was in the Jews' religious center- Jerusalem, speaking to a synagogue's worth of tombs, calling them what they were, angry at their sin, condemning it, calling it out.

but just as importantly, offering life to any of those dead bones who would step out and receive it.  

He's shouting out: HEY!! you're DEAD!  but true life is LITERALLY RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!!

i have very little doubt that many of those Pharisees hearing that speech hadn't heard about Lazarus.  a bunch of them were likely there at the tomb and had witnessed firsthand what happens when Jesus gets too close to graves and talks to them.  those who weren't there, were told immediately by those who were (John 11:45-47).  the whole episode at Lazarus' re-birthday was meant to bring the spiritually dead to a new spiritual life, just as his speech to them in Jerusalem days later, with this miracle fresh in their minds. 

i remember that day when, -after months of wrestling together through these incredibly difficult issues and circumstances surrounding me, shedding tears and prayers, talking and listening- my pastor and i had reached a point where he called my salvation into question, citing as proof the guilt, anger, self-righteousness and pride that had become so evident.  and i suddenly, immediately felt the immense burden of sin- MY sin- that i'd never realized before.   i looked down that night at my shaking hands wringing out another tissue and envisioned the blood dripping off them, the spiritual death i'd caused, how far i had strayed.  how much sin could be covered up and made to look oh-so-spiritual.  how the mask of religious piety was nothing more than a death mask, hiding the corpse of a soul lurking underneath.  i was a whitewashed tomb, choking on all the crud that filled me up.

but that calling-out wasn't just a judgment.  it was an invitation. this tomb's bones were finally ready to be introduced to the Resurrection and to be summoned from the depths of the grave, out into the light.  i knew the theology and was kinda ticked by Jesus' timing, just like Martha.  i had so many questions i wanted answers to, just like Mary. i had a stone-cold heart and eyes blinder than a bat, just like a Pharisee. 

but the Resurrection had come.  to me.  called me by name.  and i changed from a Pharisee, a Saul, a tomb, into a Lazarus, a Mary, a Martha with eyes opened now to a whole new life.

cool things happen when Jesus talks to rocks. and if there are any other front-row Pharisees out there, i hope you hear him calling you out of your tombstone, too.

your Resurrection is here.  it's calling.  are you going to remain inside your whitewashed tomb or are you going to step out when you hear your Resurrection and Life beckoning you?