confessions of a horrible "southern housewife"

 it's that time of year again: yep, the beginning. 

 

new year resolutions are a common conversation starter, self-help and diet books fly off shelves, and [dozens of] gyms see a brief spike in attendance. the joy and charity of the christmas season come to a screeching halt, to be replaced by a period of intense frustration, busy-ness and criticism that is somehow spun as a good thing. the "acceptable" standards of beauty, wealth, education, fashion, health, politics- you name it- are literally broadcast across the nation by which each individual "should" judge themselves. if it's a thing you "should" have, it'll be on sale. if it's a belief you should have, the book is released this week. if you "need" to change or do anything, you will see commercials, ads, billboards and people you know telling you just how far you are "behind the Joneses." we, as a collective, have become trained to find every deficiency in ourselves possible, and somehow choose only the worst 2 or 3 to "fix" in a calendar year. and we all do this, each knowing in the back of his mind that there's a slim chance any true change will occur; we will be the same messed up "failures" in december that we are in january (and don't you dare ask a friend how their resolutions are coming any point after valentine's day at the latest).

 

i've seen more than enough hgtv shows to know that i do not, nor ever will, meet anyone's standards for a stereotypical "southern" housewife. i know there's a pretty high chance i could work my way up to that level, were it demanded of me, but it would take ages, and i would *not* be fit for society with how tired and bitter i would have become.

i also know that my application to Southern Housewife School would be laughed at if a gpa were replaced with dusting frequency or a pot roast recipe. dust bunnies? let's try dust giraffes or dust mastodons. it's been on my to-do list for such a long time that i don't even write it down anymore, because i know myself too well.

and that's just one standard i "fail" to live up to. i haven't even gotten to the standards for beauty, savings account, car model, political knowledge, citizenship, or marriage. i can now add parenting standards to the list, in case i wasn't tempted to feel bad enough about who i am.

 

so what's a person to do?!? well, there's good news and bad news. 

the good news is that the answer is crazy-easy.   

the bad news is that the answer is so easy it's nearly impossible.

to sum up in an easy-to-remember way: "make like a tree and leaf."  yup. that's it. be like a tree. a little tree- a vine, even.

 

to explain:

 

i had a friend who went through a period of substantial change in her life- physically, financially, mentally. it was excellent for her. near the end of that period, i saw her reading a self-help book; it was apparently not as good as the last one she'd read that left her similarly disappointed and un-self-helped. so i referred her to one of my own favorite "self-help" books, and to one small section in particular.

 

this particular small section tells the anecdote of another single-ish woman who is very familiar with every new year's resolution-er.  she knows because she has failed at…. dern near everything by this point, truly. her life sucks. she's lonely, she can't keep a relationship, is not flush with cash, and meets nobody's standards of anything ever.

as she is running an errand one hot day, she meets a stranger hanging out who is oddly conversational.

 

stranger: hey- wanna sit and have a drink with Me?

her: sure- let's talk about religion and politics and let me go about my day.

stranger: I'd rather talk about all of your failed new year resolutions and how exhausted you are by your life that's as worn out as your shoes. clearly, promising yourself to "exercise more" every year is not working, and you can't even get a decent guy to date.

her: … no but really, religion and politics is way less embarrassing. and why would you remind me of those resolutions? it's april...

stranger: but what if I told you that I could fix every last one of those "failures" and make your tattered life look and feel more like brand-new and never-ending, and that all you had to do was ask me?

her: keep talking….

(refer to John 4)

 

you have to read a couple more chapters before this stranger spills more of His secret to a few other unpopular societal embarrassments. what is the secret? "make like a vine and leaf."

He even says, "you are a vine. act like it."

(refer to John 15)

 

what does a vine do? well, not much.  it's attached to the ground, so it can't travel to the gym or organic food section in kroger. it's attached to its little fence or trellis so it can't maneuver toward the sunshine, flash its expensive new gadget in your face, or flex muscles to squeeze out its little grapes or berries.  it might be able to compare itself to other vines nearby, but whatever standards of height, branch length, leaf green-ness, fruit size or hydration levels this poor vine does/doesn't meet… there's zilch it can do about it. this vine is utterly dependent on God- for everything.

the vine just… is. the roots go down, the vine goes up, and the leaves go out.

 

am i saying that we shouldn’t care about anything? nope. 

or that we ignore to-do lists and familial or societal responsibilities? not at all. 

do we never consider our lives and if there are adjustments or maybe even radical changes we should make? no.

 

but what i am saying is that those changes shouldn't be in response to comparing ourselves to others, or others' ideas of what our own lives should look like. if we make changes, they should be toward the True Vine's example.  the standards we are judged by are those of the Vinedresser- *not* the other vines. those standards are related to the fruit each vine produces.  and we all know that a vine can't even decide to do that- it's up to the Vinedresser to make sure each vine gets enough water and sunshine and space and nutrients.

as soon as we recognize our utter inability to "fix" ourselves, we realize that we have been given the freedom to… live. we live and grow as best we can with the circumstances God places us in, and then…. we live.

 

the stranger, who is Jesus (surprise!) tells that poor, exhausted, lonely, sinful woman that her only requirement is to ask. if she asks Him to provide, renew, change, sanctify her life, He will. that's literally all He tells her.and it's all He tell us. when we look to Him, and say, "fix it... i just can't," He does!

it takes longer than 12 months, but it also lasts a hekuvalot longer than the 3 weeks i foresee my gym 's parking lot being so full.

 

it is also heaps less depressing.

because i know already that me and my sanity don't and can't survive the scrutiny of the multitudes of excellent proper southern housewives. i admire their abilities- to the point of envy, sometimes. but i also know that my Vinedresser has given me other standards and conditions. He saw fit to bring a baby into this household with dust monsters on the ceiling fans and crazy cats on the floors. He provided our budget and house and neighborhood and diets and health situations, and He wants us to use those as best we can. He's super not-concerned with how we would handle anyone else's life, or how they would handle ours. and if He's not worrying about it, neither should we.

 

if we abide ('live") in Him, He will make sure that we bear fruit that meets all of His standards- no self-contempt necessary!

 

make this the year you stop the self-flagellation and grow in God's sunshine- let Him grow some amazing, eternal changes in your life.  replace the dreary weariness with a peace that surpasses understanding, and praise the God who loves us complete failures so much that He "fixes" us into His own glorious image. now that's something I can celebrate every year!

abidin' my time

thinking about it right now, this week is a first for me.  i've never just up and taken a week off work with no specific plans.  but after 4 straight weeks of working at least 1 overtime shift, i'm worn out.  and since my sister and i hadn't had time to make plans… i just kept the time off.  that time is now over half gone, but i've caught up on sleep, my blood pressure's gone back down and i've been able to do fun things like stain the new deck, start painting the front hallway and take in a stray kitten who is a 550 gram walking skeleton, but the cutest skeleton you've ever seen.  she's been to the vet, eaten as much as the 11 pound cat and hopefully will be booger-free once her antibiotics are done.

i've only had to turn down 2 requests for work.  it was hard both times. i love my job, too much if that's possible.  i like being busy, i love doing things, i love seeing good spread and knowing i had a part in it.  i am by nature a problem-solver, and broken things that i can't fix are hard for me to accept.  i hate hearing statistics that say non-Christians give more, do more and do it faster and bigger than churches and religious organizations.  even if they're not all true, or twisted, i have this burning aching desire to find a million dollars and go on a thousand mission trips- all while running a house full of cats, working full time overnight hours and even the inside of a gym once in a while.  we have yet another mission team serving in South Africa right now, one headed to Memphis next month, 5 missionary families we support and at least 3 missions in Jackson.  i want to do all of them.

beyond impossible, it's insane.

so…. what, then?  God tells us to do good… and this world is in such desperate need of good that it's exhausting to even think about the enormity of the mission given to us. the new testament is chock full of parables and commands and lessons on  bearing fruit, making disciples, loving everyone everywhere all the time.  like, my mind is whirling faster than a spinning top.  how?  how on earth can i get it all done?!?!

is your pulse rising yet? mine is.

and then….

then i heard just what i needed to hear. our Bible study group is working through James this summer and chapter 2 again explains how faith without works is dead and beyond useless. and again, we were all drawn to the needs we saw and felt drawn to participate in.  the "doing" had become the main focus in about 2 seconds.  we know that works have nothing to do with salvation, but that they draw a clear line between genuine faith and the fake stuff.  and if i needed more confirmation that i was forgetting a key part of the deal, i came across this entertaining sermon as well:

 http://www.summitrdu.com/message/you-cant-do-it-but-he-can/

flip back a few pages to the tail end of the book of John, who knew James.  i'd pay a booger-load of money to be able to hear the conversations they must have had.  John had the heavy privilege of hearing Jesus's most intimate sermon ever, the night before He was arrested. right about the point where His disciples were probably going dizzy in the head from all He's said, He brings everything together and sums it up with three little words: "Abide in Me."

that's it.

not, "Pull out your planners and wallets and smartphones" or, "here are My top 10 ministry choices, ready, set, go"  or even a "good luck."  all He says is "Abide in Me."

but the ministries that need volunteers and donations? "Abide in Me."

or the refugees that need food and water and homes? "Abide in Me."

but… but what about those missionaries who's funding got cut?  "Abide in Me."

and the homeless here?  with the poor and under-educated and ex-cons shunned by others? and the environment and abandoned kitties and the polar bears?  WHO'S GOING TO SAVE THE POLAR BEARS?!?!?

 "Abide in Me."

those few brief sentences outline His whole plan for us.  He's the vine and we are the branches.  now, if you, unlike me, did NOT have rosebushes larger than a minivan (no lie) that you had to prune back to the ground, you may not know what branches do.  it's not a whole lot.  they abide.  even on a cellular level, branches are like tubes that water pushes up through from the roots and the vine.  the nutrients go straight through from the bottom, and then, as long as the branch is attached, all kinds of blooming and fruit happen on the top.  the only prerequisite is that the branch abide.  it's a rather passive word, 'abide.'  so little  to 'do' and plan and … that's the beauty of it. He does it all.  we're the channels, and if we abide, the fruit of His Spirit will spring out the ends of branches faster than the hungry, aching world can devour it.  there's nothing He can't do, and there's everything we can't if we're reading calendars and budgets instead of His word. not that we should never do anything, especially when we are called out to do His work, but that we should recognize that it's His work, not ours.

i'm putting "abiding" at the top of my to-do list.  yes, there are still things that need to happen, and the stay-cation is more than half over, so i'll be back at work soon.  but that, and everything else in my life, will be a billion times more productive if i keep my eyes on Him.  abiding in Him, there's no time for all this stress.

He's got it all under control.

even the polar bears.

"Jesus, please take my flamingoes..."

i'd love to say that this is my favorite time of year.

so i will- this is my favorite time of year.

and i only lied a little bit! 

parts of this time of year are my favorite, but some parts are not. i like the extra smiles that come with the holiday season.  i like how there's a special little spark inside people that prompts a giving attitude, increased generosity, reconciliation and, of course, good food and folks to share it with.

however, i do not like the cold weather, the early sunset and the impossibility of finding a good pair of jeans that fit.  guys have no idea. none at all.

i'm also not a huge fan of most family-related occasions.  being over 500 miles away from most family members means that i either get "adopted" by a church family for a day or else i sign up to work, where at least i can be with my "work family." working in a hospital means i encounter the full range of family situations on a daily basis, and as much as i dislike it i know where some of my family lies on that sliding scale of instability.  the holiday season seems to exist solely to remind me of this and makes celebrating a bit harder at times.  last week felt like an emotional workout trying to force myself to become excited.  i almost succeeded for a while!

this thanksgiving provided me and my sister an opportunity to do something we've never done before and go have an adventure in the great state of Florida.  too many other relatives had too much going on for us to get together this year, so we looked up Disney World on mapquest, loaded the car and booked it on an overnight road trip.  we photo-documented just about everything and had a fantastic time seeing what a little bit of magic and whole lot of money can build.

 

the best of what we saw, however, could never be replicated as well, no matter how far science takes us. you can commercialize however much you want, but the real eye-catchers were not made of plastic.  while "White Christmas" blared over speakers and glittery pixie dust covered the gift stores, we walked past gorgeous flowers, palm trees, ponds, rivers, animals and all kinds of people.  trained dolphins leapt 10 feet in the air, and wild manatees rested while we snorkeled over their heads buried in the mud.  a barracuda tried to make friends with me.  an evil-looking eel tried to steal my soul. a pelican almost choked to death swallowing a live fish that refused to give up. we went on a water ride BEFORE visiting the 30-degree penguin environment. we pondered why on earth flamingo/es sleep with one foot up.  and then we wondered why we had never wondered that before. for real.

bunny trail #1: lept? leapt? leaped? how many of these are correct?!? my spell-check recognizes none of them.

bunny trail #2:  plural of flamingo is...? and is this American English (which isn't either) vs. British English? and how many debates can we have over the validity of Webster's new addition of culterally made-up words like "ginormous" and "facebooking"?

coming back, i was faced again with some realities that i enjoyed being away from.  there's a dearth of Christmas music on the radio, and i could really use some James Penguin right now.  there's been some unrest in my heart and i struggled to figure it out until i got a step closer yesterday. 

it's the second week of Advent, a time of preparation and celebration in anticipation of the Hope of Nations. 

my devotions have led me to the end of John- the resurrection, Peter's restoration and call, and yet another Baptist-style fellowship by the sea.

Jesus's birth, and Jesus's resurrection.

the two biggest events in all of human history before me, and i felt empty. 

well, not empty.  i was full, but not of Christmas cheer. 

i was short-sighted; blinded by something in the way.

one of the little irritations about road trips is the frequent "ping" sound that i hear as one by one little bugs crash-land on the windshield.  driving overnight means my vision isn't obscured at all, but i still hear each one.  once the sun comes up i can see every little splotch that causes fuzzy blurs in my periphery when i focus on the road ahead.

this time, it felt like more than a bug.  this wasn't a "fuzzy blur" on my emotional windshield.  i could barely see anything.  it was bigger than a bug- more like a bird. 

and i'm not talking 'bout a little goldfinch.

by "bird" i mean a big ole' FLAMINGO.  feathers, bill, legs and wings- the whole dern thing had kamikazed down and obliterated  my entire field of vision.  i had to squint through the downy under-feathers and between knobby knees just to see the second Advent candle being lit. 

the candle of Peace. 

the confusion mounted to frustration.  i can get rid of bug-splatter with a few swipes of the wipers. 

i cannot, however, get rid of flamingo-splatter.

yes, i literally said a prayer asking Jesus to remove the flamingo.  (not out loud, you weirdo!!  good grief- i was in church!)

i felt better, not because the flamingo had moved yet, but because i knew that the Peace was still there even though i can't really see it now.  and that i knew the one who could clean up flamingo/es better than anyone. 

and also because of the mental image. i know the trip to Florida had a part in it, but still… i don't feel convicted in giving credit to the One who created flamingos in the first place for also giving me a slightly more humorous way of looking at the problem. 

through the tangle on my windshield i can see several more flamingo/es headed my way.  i'm so glad i've got Animal Control on speed dial. (i figure as long as i've got a great analogy, i should take it as far as i can!)

underneath all the wrappings and ribbons and commercialized consumerism lies a calm reality.  the truth of the season is that Hope showed up in a dirty barn- not a palace or White House or Wall Street,-during a time of uncertainty, fear, instability and hopelessness.  an unlikely hero in a less-than-resorty locale with an impossible mission. the prayer on my heart right now is that as He takes care of my flamingo/es, He will also take care of yours, that the God-made Peace and Hope of this Advent season sparkle through brighter than the man-made pixie dust (creepy how that sounds…) and that the highway ahead of you is clear.  these problems are temporary; the solution is eternal, and it's on its way and nothing can stop it. 

overcome

it's been almost a full year that i started reading through the book of John and being Type A i've determined that i must stay here until the new year.  the Type B part doesn't have any problem with this.  i've seen things i never saw before, found treasure troves in the most unexpected places, and now i'm not even sure i could move on once january does makes its appearance.

all this, plus a new year's resolution to start memorizing more, plus recent events, plus a super phone app that makes memorizing a challenge i gladly accept mean that when i need them the words are there. 

i don't pay for tv services.  so not worth it, especially when facebook is faster and just as accurate.  and free.

but overnight thousands of lives were changed in Europe, just like has happened in too many other countries, and a new tidal wave of fear, anger and grief hit the shores of America. 

suddenly, profile pictures are covered with red, white and blue stripes, hashtags light up screens and even some atheists i know are "praying for Paris." but one picture i scrolled past caught my eye because i knew the overlaying quote, and the broader context.

"But take heart; I have overcome the world."

it's like magic, isn't it?  the chapter break comes at just the right point, almost making you stop and read it again.  and again.

"But take heart.  I have overcome the world."

i have no idea who first posted that on social media or if they had any idea of the context. that quote is from Jesus.

Jesus said that.

Jesus said that as he was physically walking from the borrowed upper room to the borrowed tomb, via a garden, a jury and a cross.  Judas Iscariot had just run out on them, the other 11 completely lost in confusion.  they finished their Passover feasting and Jesus, knowing everything past, present and future suggests an evening stroll to their favorite nearby hangout spot in the Garden of Gethsemane. 

one of my favorite pastors once said that you oughta pay attention to someone's last words.  if there's any place to say what's really important, deep deep down, that you want so desperately for someone to remember, that's what you're going to say when you know the end is coming.

that's what Jesus is doing right here.  Chapters 14 through 17 are Jesus's last chance to reinforce everything vital that He's been trying to get them to understand for the past couple years.  and He's doing it quite calmly so far, given that He knows what's going on and they don't.

not a word is written here about their reactions to His discourse here, but from past chapters, i'd bet a nickel that it was pretty similar to His other bold statements: most of them sitting (or walking) in stupefied silence until Peter recovers enough to open his mouth and start rambling nonsense. 

it could be that Peter didn't really recover from this one until after Judas showed up.  i don't think i would, either. 

mostly because the majority of this section at first read is bad news. really bad.  this is Jesus's "get ready" speech.

"you've seen what they've done; you're gonna see what they're about to do...you're next. they hate Me.  they're gonna hate you. I'm leaving; you're gonna miss Me. you're going to leave Me, deny Me, desert Me.  things are bad- they're going to get worse."

four chapters of this! four chapters of bad news as they casually stroll through the darkening streets of the city crammed full of celebrating Jews.  four chapters of increasingly depressing information that is completely out of place for a festive holiday season. 

kinda like right now.

even though i'm sitting here in a Panera sipping cooling coffee out of a seasonally-decorated cup (not red…), i have been at a loss for words reading small tidbits of news as it flies over from Paris.  this, on top of what we already know from a dozen other countries.  just like Jesus promised.

in a silent show of solidarity, i am currently wearing a t-shirt with a flaming red arabic N on it. the fact does not escape me that this would get me killed in all those dozen other countries.  just like Jesus promised.

families are being torn apart.  lives are being lost.  fanatics are holding hostages, selling humans and ransacking villages in the name of their religion. just like Jesus promised.

this is probably why Jesus wasn't interrupted.  how do you respond to this? how could He say all this so calmly like He was commenting on the robe sale at the tailor's place?

it's because of what else He promised.

that He's going to make a place for you and for me- a place where He is- where we will someday be with Him forever.

that He is the Way, the Truth and the Life.  He is the visible face of the Immortal, Invisible God.

that every single prophecy about Him from the beginning of time would be fulfilled- the ones we like, and the ones we don't like or understand. 

that we would not be alone, because the Helper was coming.

that if we abide in Him, we can ask whatever we wish in His name and it will be done for us. 

that a peace is coming unlike any peace we've known before, that cannot be duplicated or forged or destroyed or stolen or erased or damaged.

that our sorrow will be turned to joy, and that this joy would overflow, and that this joy would never, ever be taken away.

that we should take heart, because He has overcome the world.

and then Jesus Christ does something that i have read dozens of times and still haven't gotten over:

He prays for us.

He prays for His disciples… and then He prays for US.

"When Jesus had spoken these words, He lifted up His eye to heaven and said, "Father the hour has come; glorify Your Son that Your Son may glorify You, since You have given Him authority over all flesh, to give eternal life to all whom You have given Him.  And this is eternal life, that they know You the One true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent. I glorified You on earth, having accomplished the work that You gave Me to do. And now, Father, glorify Me in Your presence with the glory that I had with You before the world existed.

I have manifested Your name to the people whom You gave me out of the world. Yours they were, and You gave them to Me, and they have kept Your word. Now they know that everything You have given Me is from You. For I have them the words that You gave Me, and they have received them and have come to know in truth that I came from You; and they have believed that You sent Me. I am praying for them. I am not praying for the world but for those whom You have given Me, for they are Yours.  All Mine are Yours, and Yours are Mine, and I am glorified in them. And I am no longer in the world, but they are in the world, and I am coming to You. Holy Father, keep them in Your name, which You have given Me, that they may be one, even as We are one.  While I was with them, I kept them in Your name, which You have given Me.  I have guarded them, and not one of them has been lost except the son of destruction, that the Scriptures might be fulfilled.  But now I am coming to You, and these things I speak in the world, that they may have My joy fulfilled in themselves.  I have given them Your word, and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world.  I do not ask that You take them out of the world, but that You keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth.  As You sent Me into the world, so I have sent them into the world.  And for their sake I consecrate Myself, that they also may be sanctified in truth.

I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word, that they may all be one, just as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You have sent Me.  the glory that You have given Me I have given to them, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that You sent Me and loved them even as You loved Me.  Father, I desire that they also, whom You have given Me, may be with Me where I am, to see My glory that You have given Me because You loved Me before the foundation of the world. O Righteous Father, even though the world does not know You, I know You, and these know that You have sent Me.  I made known to them Your name, and I will continue to make it known, that the love with which You have loved Me may be in them, and I in them."

 Jesus is literally minutes away from arrest and torture, but He takes this time to pray for us.  the Holy Trinity is having a conversation about us, and i love how the Helper nudged John and helped him write it down, after 'bringing to his remembrance all that He had spoken'.  (just like Jesus promised!)

i don't know everything that's going to happen.  we knew Islam was spreading all over Europe, that governments are closing their eyes, hearts and borders, and that the attacks will only continue as long as we do nothing.  we knew that Christianity was losing ground in this country and probably won't gain any back.

but i also know that i can't read those four chapters in John without being strangely calm.  because every prediction of heartache is met with a promise that far surpasses the trials coming our way.

we grieve this shameful nonsense occurring on a near-daily basis.  we mourn so many lives lost because they chose to follow the Way, Truth and Life.  those are my family members- my brothers and sisters- that are being murdered.  we support the victims and their loved ones any way we can.

but we do it all knowing that if those promises were kept, we can trust that ALL the promises He made are guaranteed us as well. 

we can lose heart when the task at hand dwarfs those available to help, when we see the enormous need and have so little to offer by ourselves.  when our neighbors are on the other side of the world and we don't even know how to begin the job of bearing their burdens with them.  Asia, South America, know that we are praying for you.

we take heart because the Helper is coming- has come.

we sometimes lose heart when we see each new report of torture and murder, as terrorist organizations indiscriminately wipe out pastors, farmers, wives, children, neighbors, churches, homes, entire villages as the world steps back.  Africa, Asia, know that we are praying for you.

we take heart because His hope and His healing are coming.

we'd lose heart if all we read was the newspaper.  some days you can't even read the comics without putting them down depressed.  this world is a mess. a gut-wrenching, tear-jerking mess. Europe, Syria, China, Korea, Ukraine, Russia, India, Iraq...brothers and sisters everywhere… please know we are praying for you.  we are praying that you remain steadfast, keeping your eyes on your King, your hope in your first citizenship in Heaven, your life in His hands, and your soul under His pinions.  take heart, because you are not alone- not even close to it. you have so many promises to stand on, each one a rock in the wall of protection surrounding you.

take heart- because He has overcome this world.