waiting, waiting, waiting... ad infinitum

if you're younger than about 8 years old, you may not even remember much before this most recent christmas. as soon as the calendar page flips, it is no longer "after christmas," but "before christmas" once again. there is no looking back; it's all looking forward again.they can't wait to gaze at their pile of presents while the parents holler at them to get away from the tree, "why do you look?!? why do you always have to look?!?"  "i don't know- i can't help it, alright? i'm sorry!"

most adults remember. "i was there..." they say.. they remember the travel, the long lines in stores, parking lots, highways, airports, bathrooms and restaurants. they remember the sore backs, sore memories, sore arguments, strained relationships, strained budgets, strained voices. everything stretched too thin, like butter over too much bread. the vows to skip the next family reunion. the latest drama. the black sheep who did skip and is noticeably absent. but yes, also (hopefully) some good food, and just enough joy at catching up with awkward relatives that (hopefully) makes it worthwhile.

not sure why, but the second big people flip their calendar pages, we change, too. no more christmas spirit!  no more patience! no more big tips for the server! no more smiling away exasperation at the 9th spilled cup of juicy juice! no more using blinkers when changing lanes, and heaven help whoever makes me miss that left turn light! we go right back to the sort of person we were before we took our last dose of christmas spirit.

during the majority of the advent season, my devotional time revolved around what i had been studying for classes and a couple new testament books i've been working on memorizing the past year or two. once i graduated and christmas left and my calendar page flipped, i went back to where i had been slowly plodding through a year before- jeremiah.  (the prophet, not the bullfrog.)

it struck me that just as people around the world pushed "reset" and began another year of waiting for that brief christmas/advent season, the israelites i was reading about were about to enter their own advent season. during jeremiah's prophetic career, israel has already been conquered by the assyrians, and judah's grace period was coming to a cataclysmic finale.  jeremiah himself winds up captive to those who refuse to believe truth, and he witnesses his own prophecies coming to pass.  jerusalem is sacked, the walls utterly destroyed, the people starved to the point of literal cannibalism. the Temple- the House of Yahweh Himself- is bowled over like a preschooler's block tower and the gems and precious metals picked out, melted down, and carted off to Babylon. trailing behind judah's treasures are chain-linked prisoners- any judean who showed any potential, leaving behind the old, the sick, and the despicably poor and outcasts.

about 70 years later, after the persians defeat the babylonians, king cyrus is led to allow the captives to return. they rebuild jerusalem's wall and a new Temple.

and then they wait.

they read the Law, Prophets and Writings, and wait.

they die, and their children read the Law, Prophets and Writings… and wait.

for 400 years.

you think making your kids wait 1 year for christmas is bad? try telling them there's no christmas until their great-great-great-great-great grandkids come along!

our advent season is the time we remember the waiting of our faith's ancestors. for centuries, they held on to the hope that grew ever dimmer. "history became legend; legend became myth…" who believes a promise that is still unfulfilled after 397 years? that's right: no one. we know the christmas story too well if we condemn the ancient Jews for doubting the rumor of a kid sleeping in a manger becoming their long-awaited Messiah. they'd been hearing boys cry "wolf!" for centuries; only a complete fool would believe this one.

the amazing, blessed, and exhilarating fact is that what the smelly shepherds said was indeed true. that kid sleeping in a manger became their long-awaited Messiah. most of the jews missed it, even to this day. a tiny segment of that once-respected population is still waiting for a Messiah spoken of by jeremiah, isaiah and others 2500 years ago.

our advent season has a two-fold purpose, however. not only do we remember the waiting israel endured for its Anointed One, but we also acknowledge the prophecies that even now in this new decade 2020 are yet to come to pass. Jesus came, yes, just as the prophets foretold. but Jesus will come again, just as He Himself foretold.

the Savior came once to take away the guilt of sin and to inaugurate His Kingdom.

the return of the King will establish that Kingdom that will never end, and welcome in all who have yielded to His sovereignty.

a key difference between the first arrival and the second is that no human being will "miss" His return. not even the dead ones. 

another key difference is that while this second advent season persists, the hopeful followers do not just wait. yes, we read the Law, Prophets, Writings and the New Testament, but we also have a task to do. because when the waiting stops, so does everything else. no more chances for those who don't know that the time of salvation is here and now, not there and tomorrow or next year. for centuries, israel had failed to be the light to the nations it was supposed to be. now it is our job to be that light, from now until the last christmas lightbulb burns out. 

before your calendar flips one more page, why don't you go ahead and write your goals for this waiting period- on every page? don't forget once february comes. that person you were going to invite to a Bible study or coffee date or movie? make a date- write it on the calendar. that memory passage you were going to memorize? make a deadline- a verse a week. get a friend involved to keep you accountable.  make each of those calendar pages count for something eternal. what will King Jesus find you doing when He suddenly returns? wasting time gazing at a dying christmas tree, or waiting expectantly and working enthusiastically for Him?

a picture worth 4 words

a few years ago our church ordered the updated AWANA program materials, which was a blessing and a loss for me, as a large part of my work had now been outsourced. every wednesday, i would show up early in order to get everything organized and set up and photocopied and labeled.  the most time-consuming part, but an intriguing diversion, was to come up with pictures for each week's Bible story.  for some reason, in another classroom in that wing are 2 massive wooden shelves or drawers stuffed with what appears to be every single Bible picture card that any baptist ever drew.  the oldest copyright date i've located predates the Cold War. 

i loved rifling through so many creative expressions of these scenes of David or Nebuchadnezzar or John the Baptist or Moses.  while i don't know what Moses looked like, i'm pretty sure he wasn't white, and i'm very sure he didn't have google eyes.

while i don't have to fight anymore to find an appropriate picture, in that mess of cardstock i actually took my favorite one and now keep it in our Cubbies room with our flashy new google-eyed picture cards.  it was such an inspiration to me, and even now i wonder at it. it's an artist's conception of one of my favorite Bible stories, even though there is no action, no drama, no loud noises or excitement at all.  it's two people, talking.  that's it.

but one of those people is Nicodemus. and the other person is Jesus. 

i identify strongly with Nicodemus on many levels.  i can more than imagine- i can remember- what he was thinking that night.  he was creeping in the shadows to Jesus's house because he would die of shame if anyone knew that someone raised in the church, who'd made a profession of faith and been baptized at 12, who read her NIV Bible every day and knew all the trivia answers… if someone like that still didn't know the basics of that religion?  if they struggled with anger, depression, forgiveness, trust?  if they could quote tons of verses but couldn't life them out? if they'd rather die than go one more day without peace or hope or something bigger than myse- i mean, himself- to live for? oh wait.  that wasn't Nicodemus- that really was me… but Jesus sat down that night and talked to him anyway. no sneer of contempt.  no raised eyebrow or turned up nose. He said, "sure. come on in- let's find a quiet place to chat."

and then that pasty-white, brown-haired, blue-eyed Jesus told Nicodemus the same incredible story that the google-eyed Jesus helped me tell the Cubbies last week. although the editors cleaned it up a bit, the picture card is pretty clear about what's happening to Jesus on that cross. to the left is a giant red "C" with 4 words underneath: "…Christ died for us." 

the 1986 version depicts that proud Pharisee sitting in the dark, hoping none of the members of his Sanhedrin facebook group tags him in a picture with a "heretic" like Jesus. he's aware of what hangs in the balance, though, and he knows it's worth risking a visit to this man who somehow speaks about God like He's real, and close, and personal, and powerful, and wise, and every bit as incredible as the Torah says He is. Nicodemus wants that God- at the very least, he wants to seriously look into it.  he's not ready to ditch the prestigious job, and he can't quite figure out how someone can be "born again," but he also knows there's something different about Jesus.

as i look into options, here and abroad, for sharing that same Good News on a longer-term basis, i've made sheets for each of the Cubbies to take home and share their story or verse with family and friends each week.  i bribed them with hand stamps, but hey…

holding myself accountable to that goal, i was given the opportunity to share the Gospel with a few people myself. a couple of them responded like Nicodemus's Sanhedrin friends did, complete with name-calling, self-righteousness and complete rejection (not unexpected, but my soul hurts for them anyway).  but one responded like Nicodemus. he can't quite let go of the Hinduism he grew up with, but he knows there's something different about Jesus.  he wants a God who listens to prayers, who cares about his burdens, who doesn't require penance for every single individual sin.  he wants to know what's going to happen to him after his life here ends. he wants justice for the evil he sees everywhere humans go. 

the best part is that Jesus gave Nicodemus 4 other words: "For God so loved…"  God loves the self-righteous as much as He loves the Hindu.  which is good, because otherwise i would have been chucked out on my ear. Jesus continued to say, "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life."  that's a promise. a mighty big one, at that.

and it's one that everyone needs to hear, because that promise is to them also.  

there's about a 0% chance that you do not know someone who needs to be told those four words "for God so loved."  someone you know is struggling with doubts and concerns and needs to hear, "Christ died for us."  you may or may not get a response.  that response may or may not be positive.  but just a few words can change a life.  Nicodemus was changed, and he makes an appearance at Jesus' cross with other believers.  i was changed, and i showed up at the cross, too- just a few thousand years later.  you were changed, or you never would have read this far.  

celebrate that.  celebrate the change in your life, because it's mind-blowingly awesome what God did for you. 

then find your "nicodemus" and have a chat with them.  it can all start with a few words.

all the everybodies

tonight's lesson for the Cubbies was really only half a story.  i hate those, because 5 year olds don't take them very well. and even though the lesson was on an issue that applies to everyone, that issue is not a tangible one, and thus hard to wrap little minds around. 

so i had to include a little of the beginning and a little of the end- which worked, because it can be explained using the very same picture card.

totally went off script. 

but then again, i do that on a nearly weekly basis.

in essence, the lesson could be summed up as , "you're a sinner, and so am i," our key verse being Romans 3:23.  [for the parents reading this, yes, the Cubbies get extra hand stamps for every person they tell the lesson/verse to (and that tell one of us teachers).  we hauled in a tall person tonight so their little person could tell them last week's lesson.  the things we will do for a little ink dinosaur…]

the first picture card shows a politically correct vision of heaven, incorporating as many physical elements as possible, but centered on King Jesus on His throne, being worshipped by a number of white-robed people.  because even though it shows heaven, it's really where the story begins.

we were created to be in a perfect, eternal, amazing relationship with Jesus. that's exactly what mankind had at first.  i don't know if Jesus wore His crown every day, strolling through the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve, but He very well may have.  all i know is that it was, indeed, perfect.

well, i also know that right now, it isn't.  i bet you 5 AwanaBucks that you can't easily find a person who genuinely believes that this world is what it should be like.  if any of the people you ask are of any religion, it won't take long for them to tell you the reason, either.

it's sin.

sin happened.  and it's still happening.  and will continue to happen until this world ends.

our verse, Romans 3:23, is our "A Verse," because it reads (on a Cubby level) as, "A stands for "All." all have sinned."  so we compared our picture of heaven to pictures that more closely resemble their daily lives: brothers not sharing, sisters pulling each other's hair and fighting, kids disobeying, having tantrums, etc.

"A" means "all."  "all" means "everybody."  it means all of the everybodies- past, present and future. (every human except Jesus).

"sin" is anything we think, say, or do that breaks God's law.  even when we try, that's a lot of things.  i sinned within an hour of waking up this (late) morning. all the Cubbies admitted they probably had, too.

all except Simeon. he was quite clear on this point.  he'll be applying for sainthood any day, now, i reckon.

and just as breaking our parents' rules had consequences, so does breaking God's rules. our sin means that there is simply no way for us to be with God, because of Who He is. it's as impossible as having a "chunk" of "darkness" hovering over a candle.  

by itself, it's a pretty cruddy story. it leaves us stuck in a broken, decaying planet, cut off from the very Source of Life, Truth and Light Himself and with no hope of reconciliation. the best our ancestors could do was burn some livestock. 

it's not like we do any better.  we just don't kill sheepies.  we go for the "cleaner" sacrifices, like "going to church," or "volunteering at the homeless shelter," or "praying to God/my ancestors/the Virgin Mary," and hope like crazy that these good deeds will tip the scales in our favor.

they won't.

neither will paying tithes, teaching Cubbies, reading the Bible, visiting the Holy Land, quitting smoking, shaking the Pope's hand, voting Republican, home schooling, starting a ministry, _________ <--- fill in the blank with anything you're doing to make God happy.  none of it will work. 

PTL it's not the end of the story.  there was a looooooong time of waiting, but from the first pronouncement of judgement came a promise: someday, a Savior would come.  and some day after that, every person who puts their faith in that Savior will be a part of that picture of heaven. that's a promise.  a good, good promise.

you just gotta believe it.

i'm only taking 1 class this half-semester (i know, right?!?) and it of course is "Evangelism and Missions." one of the books we are supposed to read (or have already read…) gives a wonderfully clear, simple way to present the Gospel and lead the listener to make a decision. i'd already thought of giving the Cubbies incentive to listen, and then actually share, what they'd learned about.  but that, and this class, have also convicted me- who am i sharing with?  i tell you, there's nothing more invigorating than telling the incredible, amazing, jaw-droppingly good news about Jesus to someone who's never heard it, or someone who's never heard it clearly.  i encourage you to give it a go.

who are you sharing with?  if you're not sharing the Gospel, what ARE you sharing that's more important? if you have a Cubby, feel free to use them as an excuse- let them tell your neighbor or friend or coworker the A Verse, and then jump in there and tell them the Good News!

and then let me know, so that your Cubby can get his hand stamp.

"conviction" is furry and wears a blue vest

to quote the King of Rohan, "….so it begins."

tonight marks the beginning of Year 9 of working in the Cubbies' classroom.  we're trying something new, and splitting the class into 2 slightly more manageable-sized groups this year, so good luck to us.

a whole new school year of impressing upon young minds the incredible worth of the Bible.  of telling them stories from that Bible.  of teaching them lessons from it.  of encouraging them to imitate those who follow it.

basically, a year of trying to not be a giant hypocrite.

 

this Bible is one of the most under-appreciated things ever, and i am being extremely foolish every time i neglect it.

our guest speakers for LifeGroups this past week were missionaries with Wycliffe Bible Translators, and it took about 7 seconds to convict the entire congregation.  it went something like this:

"who's got a Bible in their house?"  *almost every hand goes up*

"who's got three or more Bibles in their house?" *a fraction of those hands goes down*

"…. who's read any of those Bibles this week?"  *cricket cricket*

woah.  i'm still reeling 3 days later. yes, i'd read my Bible, but it was honestly more out of guilt than anything else.

this Bible?  this book is what John Hus was burned at the stake for translating and then smuggling out the English texts, so that it could be printed and distributed.

this book transformed Martin Luther's life and inspired him to accidentally trigger the Protestant Reformation.  he spent his long months hiding by translating the New Testament from the original Greek and Hebrew into German, because it was worth his life to put the Scriptures into the hands of the people.

this book is what can get you arrested in China.  it'll get you shot in a number of countries. 

this book is carefully ripped into sections and passed around to believers in underground house churches, so that each member can have even just a bit of it, and then trade.  even the believer that winds up with the Leviticus section weeps with joy and holds it close to their heart as they treasure each word, knowing what will happen if they are caught with those torn pages.

this book is…. it's costing lives.

this book is what i walk past and ignore on days when i feel "too busy." it's what i have 3 cop-no, wait, 4 copies of…hold on- 5!, and can pull off a shelf and read with as little effort as any other book.  it's what i remember a few key pieces of, and ignore the parts that i don't like.

you can't possibly judge me more than i'm judging myself right now.

but here are a few more facts:

the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and marrow, discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. Hebrews 4

the word of God is the sword of the Spirit- the only offensive weapon included in Paul's list of spiritual armor. Ephesians 6

the word of God is Truth- not *a* truth, not just true, but The Truth. John 17

the word of God is what Jesus embodied when He came to rescue us hopeless sinners. John 1

the word of God is life-giving. Deuteronomy 8

the word of God is what "makes us wise unto salvation"- how we discover the way back to a saving relationship with Jesus. 2 Timothy 3

the word of God is the primary way the LORD of hosts chose to reveal Himself to humans, making the word of God worth more than an obligatory 10 minute read every day.

can't read or don't read? no problem: get an audio version, download an app, and get through the whole Bible in 72 hours.

don't understand it or hate it? … please know you are not alone.  you are experiencing what every human experiences when they read Numbers and ask, "why on earth did God think i needed to read this?!?"  but also please remember.  remember these facts that we know.  the Bible is the very word of GOD ALMIGHTY.  it was breathed out by the Holy Spirit, and it is ALIVE. instead of turning away from the Bible, these feelings and frustrations should instead drive us into it more, as we plead and pray with God to reveal to us what He wants us to get out of those verses that make you mad/sad/happy/confused/excited/nervous/etc. 

a friend told me once that she had heard a spiritual leader say that he was going to take a break from reading the Bible, so that he could focus more on living it out.  it seems rote Bible readings had become dull for him, and he was seeking a way to make it more… exciting? real? special? i don't know.

but i do know that that is the WORST idea i've heard, like, ever. how do i know that?  because i read the Bible, and found these examples, among many, many others:

-Moses tells the Israelites to read and meditate on the Scriptures day and night and here and there and everywhere (and in a box, and with a fox and in a house and with a mouse….)

- after they rebuilt the temple, Ezra and Nehemiah have a dedication service where they… read the Law from beginning to end while the people stand in reverence for the entirety.

-when Jesus was tempted by Satan himself, the only things to come out of His mouth are Bible verses.  how did they get there?  by His studying and reading and meditating.  if we are called to live like Jesus, then this is absolutely part of it.

-Peter, Paul and John (and also John) all write repeatedly to their fellow Christians to remember God's words and guard them and preach them and know them. 

it's really hard to do (like, impossible) if you never read it.  you'd never know if your pastor is preaching the truth or drifting if you never read it.  you'll be knocked to your feet next time Satan comes around if you never read it.  you'll never, never, ever be able to live out your faith if you quit reading.

anybody or anything that encourages you to stop reading the Bible (for any period of time) is under evil influence, pure and simple.

if it's dry and dull, you don't quit.

you get a different translation and KEEP GOING.

so my encouragement - mostly to myself- this school year is to do just that:  keep going.

as i ask the Cubbies each wednesday if they learned their weekly Bible verse, i should ask myself, "what verses am i memorizing or meditating on?"

as i try to bring Bible stories alive, do i remember that my reading in the middle of Ezekiel is also living and active, written for me and preserved for me, so that i could know and love God?

as i live out my faith so that when they imitate me i'm not totally embarrassed, do i also tell them that it's because the Bible has changed me?

on days when i just feel like i can't keep going and Satan won't leave my proverbial doorbell alone, do i pick up my sword or do i let it lay (lie?) there?

if i were on a deserted island for 40 days, and could have a Bible OR a double bacon cheeseburger every day, which would i choose?  Jesus chose the Bible.  that's how good it is. 

if you need a partner, either for accountability or just company, as you continue/renew/begin Bible reading, talk to me.  the first verse we're doing is in John- great place to start. let me know how far you've gotten next week.  my conviction came in the form of a cartoon teddy bear with an obnoxiously blue vest; what does yours look like? ha ha- whatever it takes to get us into these Bibles is a blessing.

and if you memorize one of the verses, i might even give you a Cubby sticker ;)

beautiful feet

i am quite often surprised and amused by some of the things our church's band of 4 year olds can come up with to say. very often it's right at (or after) the point where i am tempted to give up in frustration.  but just as often it's a well-timed word that guarantees a good day no matter what comes because it's just too sweet to have anything spoil it.

this wednesday was no different.  one of our most faithful Cubbies entered the room went to his seat but instead of sitting down just looked at me shyly while i organized papers and whatnot.  his mother gave him an encouraging cue- "what did you want to tell your teacher?" and he opened his mouth and said, "you have beautiful feet!"

now, i've heard compliments on hair, jewelry, shirts, smiles, eyes, nails and you name it, but this was a new one. after another encouraging cue, he helped his mother explain that it was related to Isaiah 52:7 which says, "how beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him to brings good news."  good verse. it wasn't our memory verse for that week so i don't know what inspired that conversation, but it made my day.

what made it even more fitting was that our section of Bible stories covers the first Pentecost and the international spread of the early church.  so that night the 15 Cubbies who came heard about how Philip's "beautiful feet" took him for a nice jog through the desert to explain to a stranger from Ethiopia the gospel, because the good news is international and worthy of any level of confusion and exhaustion and persistence and passion that it takes to bring it to those who are ready to hear it. and that means we go wherever God says.  God told Philip, "go to the absolute middle of nowhere, and then run." so he did, and he found one guy.  but that guy went to Ethiopia and told others.  one of our Cubbies shouted out, "hey- i was born in Ethiopia!" and indeed he had been.  his family is also scheduled to move to Paris (the France one, not the Tennessee one) because God told them, "go."  another Cubby is about to head back to China, because God told his parents, "go."  the rest of them were not quite sure who they could tell here, but they will learn.  where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more- here, there and everywhere.

several promotional videos for the Annie Armstrong Easter Offering feature Pr Jorge, who is now back at his hometown of Comerio, Puerto Rico, because God said, "go." the home he ran away from is where God sent him right back to.  the people he stole from he is now giving to and preaching to.  the very same drug dealers he used to associate with for illegal reasons now see a man changed, free, happy, confident- and they want to know why. and so he tells them.  4 months after moving back to PR, a hurricane wiped out all resources for the isolated Comerio.  Jorge and Rebeca felt led to buy a washing machine… even though they had no electricity.  immediately, they received a generator from NAMB's SEND Relief division- and just like that, they had the only electricity in the area, and a way to reach the whole town.  within 6 months, they had an active house church. within a year, a group of SEND volunteers moved them into their permanent home, and set up their church building for the newly ordained Pr Jorge.  all because of their obedience- and the obedience of everyone who gave to the AAEO that provided the generator.  that money generated a lot more than electricity.

https://www.anniearmstrong.com/resource/jorge-rebeca-santiago/

it's all exciting to us, because places like Puerto Rico seem foreign and distant to us.  guess what.  they are neither.  on a map, maybe.  but in every single other respect, not at all.  the "exciting" part is because of the gospel, not the place on the globe where it is being told.  true, after a number of weeks or months or years the excitement wears off, and "new mission" feels "normal," not like a new field ripe for harvest with new converts every day and rapid church growth. 

i'm thinking that's why the North American Mission Board uses Pr Jorge for these videos.  it's easier to get north american churches to give money to people "over there" in cool places with palm trees and iguanas than it is to get them excited about cities like chicago or denver or boston.  but chicago and denver and boston are other pastors' mission fields, too.  God is doing big things in North America, too.  not often as explosive as in Puerto Rico, but just as important.

https://www.anniearmstrong.com/soto/

i had the privilege of working with Jorge and Rebeca last february and then again this past summer.  their joy is contagious, their passion is obvious, and their faith is inspiring. their kids are adorable.  their God is big.

that same big God is changing lives all over north america, too.  pastors, church planters, families, individuals- all those who have heard and responded to their Master's call have uprooted their lives and joined His work in SEND cities across the nation.  (and canada.  Jesus loves them, too!)

in addition to contributing, and more importantly, pray.

every trip i've been on, every place I've been, God has proven repeatedly that He doesn't really need your money.  He wants your obedience, faithfulness, trust.  giving is one way we obey, but the dollar figure is not the point at all. it's praying that puts us in direct contact with the One who does more with $5 and a few faithful followers than any celebrity could with $5,000,000.

i can't say with any degree of certainty where i will go next, or how long i will be there, or what i will do.  but i can say that wherever it is, Jackson or Jamaica, America or Africa, i want to be as faithful as people like Jorge, Rebeca, Timothy, Haley, Ben, Tabitha, Andy, Laura, Emily, Aimee, Casey, Bob, Melissa, Derek, Tony, Karen, Betina, Marcus, David, Nekayeh, Tom, Vijay, and a growing list of people who, just like Philip the Fleet-Footed Philosopher, have beautiful, beautiful feet. 

 

what's in a name

is there any more awkward moment when meeting a friend's new adorable baby and then trying to cover the look of horror that flashes across your face when the mother reveals his name? and i don't mean a normal, or trendy, or old-fashioned kind of name- i mean the name that is a collection of syllables with no recognized meaning or spelling.  or a normal name spelled incorrectly (like, on purpose, incorrectly) or identical to a sibling's name.  or the dad's favorite model of firearm.  or a heretic. yes.  oh, yes. 

names have a huge amount of significance in the Bible. very few of them were accidental or meaningless.  they bestowed blessings, or memorialized the birth or lineage of a child or carried the parents' wishes for his future.  they marked places where extraordinary or special events occurred or told who owned them.  (side note:  i've frequently wondered when reading through the Old Testament what the people did if 2 extraordinary events happened in the same place). but in any case, whether it was to preserve a memory or make a point or even a pun, names weren't generally given for no reason.  so when reading through stories, i've found it adds a layer of  things to think about the use of names and titles the author used- which is part of the inspiration from the Holy Spirit. 

the past few weeks have not been my favorite.  i don't know if i started this new year off much better than i did the last one, and if i said i have any more of my life figured out than back then, i'd be lying.  my favorite spot in front of the altar has been soaked with tears a couple times already, and it's…. yes, i've made it halfway through January.

but in the midst of a list of burdens i have been "blessed" with, i have also made it halfway through the book of Isaiah.  and just when i needed to be met with a reminder, a reminder came, in the form of a wonderful, wonderful story, with some truly spectacular names. 

it's been a favorite story of mine for some time, and on a day when i so needed a "reset," i was met by the same God that the main protagonist was.

travel back in time some 2700 (?) years or so- an age where indoor plumbing was inconceivable, "rich" meant owning 2 whole cloaks, and when the biggest army with chariots were all but guaranteed a victory.  the kingdom of Israel had split generations before into the kingdom of Israel and the kingdom of Judah.  the kingdom of Israel spiraled downward into idolatry and sin of the worst sort and was obliterated by Assyria, the people known for their delight in torture, murder, and insanely cruel practices in warfare.  the smaller kingdom of Judah hangs on, because just enough of their kings have just enough obedience to God and humility that they are simply teetering on the edge of destruction.  enter onto the scene the last king who cared about God, Hezekiah himself.  

after inheriting a kingdom in decline, with imminent doom forecasted by every honest prophet around,  the people within the city walls of Jerusalem awake to the sound they had been dreading: hundreds of chariot wheels and four hundred thousand-ish stomping feet of two hundred thousand-ish soldiers.  Assyria had come, ruled by Sennacherib (see? i told you these names were awesome!) who clearly had enough ego to feast on for a lifetime.  Assyria, because of its incredible army, was able to basically walk up and take over many of Judah's fortified cities. now they had come for the capital city Jerusalem and home of Solomon's Temple where Yahweh, God of Israel, dwelt above the Mercy Seat.  

in a world where every human was aware of the spiritual world, this could not have been worse news for Hezekiah.  every kingdom had its own deities, and it was common belief that if every there were a dispute between two of them, the bigger and better god would win. as Hezekiah hears of city after city being conquered by the approaching Assyrian force, he knows that the odds are not in his favor. not any of the odds.  barring a miracle, they're screwed.  done for.  toasted.

even worse, Assyria knows it, too, and they give all the credit to their god (who, come to find out later, is named Nisroch…. wth?!?!).

while the entire city hunkers down in terror,  the leader, or "the Rabshakeh" of the army (these names just get better and better, don't they?) delivers the ultimatum :  surrender, or die.  he "knows" what his god has helped their army do. he knows his army is superior.  and he also knows how to be a jerk.  to add insult to injury, the Rabshakeh repeatedly refuses to recognize Hezekiah's title of king as well as blaspheming Yahweh by comparing Him to all the other "deities" he has beaten. throughout the entire dialogue, you can see the underhanded insults he sneaks in, as the two sides compare the names of the other gods to Yahweh, and the names of the cities to Jerusalem, the King Sennacherib vs. the King Hezekiah.  

i think the worst part would be that at least 75% of what the Rabshakeh said was true.  on paper, Hezekiah has ZERO to boast about.  half his kingdom HAS been beaten.  Assyria HAS won.  Assyria HAS almost 200,000 soldiers right there.  those other gods LOST.  they were TRAPPED. seriously, what response could you give?

Hezekiah doesn't.  he doesn't reply anything.

he leaves his throne, puts on sackcloth and ashes, and walks straight over to the Temple.  he takes the Rabshakeh's "love letter" and puts it down on the floor in front of his God and says, "your problem now."

"O LORD of Hosts, God of Israel, enthroned above the cherubim, you are the God, you alone, of all the kingdoms of the earth; you have made heaven and earth.  Incline your ear, O LORD, and hear; open your eyes, O LORD, and see; and hear all the words of Sennacherib, which he has sent to mock the living God.  Truly, O LORD, the kings of Assyria have laid waste all the nations and their lands, and have cast their gods into the fire.  For they were no gods, but the work of men's hands, wood and stone.  Therefore they were destroyed.  So now, O LORD our God, save us from his hand, that all the kingdoms of the earth may know that you alone are the LORD" (Isaiah 37:15-20)

in English, the only way to differentiate the names in Hebrew was to play with grammar. so every time the name "LORD" is used in all caps, the Hebrew word is Yahweh- the name He gave to His own people when He established His relationship with them.  Hezekiah's response was to immediately go and tell Yahweh just how lousy things looked from below while he acknowledged the One who had a much higher viewpoint, at the same time as he boldly used the covenant name that identified him with God, and God with His people.  just like a kid in need of a parent, he brings the words that mock and blaspheme and ridicule and hurt, and he physically puts it on the ground in front of him and points to it in the Temple and demands the help from the only One who could save them.

i have several times felt the need to not just pray, but to follow Hezekiah's show and tell example.  there is something liberating about not just saying words, but going through the action- of taking the paper with a diagnosis, or the phone with a harmful text or post, a picture of an unsaved person, a symbol of something you can't let go- and coming to the altar and setting it down before Him.   having done this before, i can testify to the freedom and relief that comes from truly releasing control and submitting to the all-powerful.  i have been facing what feels like an army of lies for too long.  every time it looks like it has retreated, it's only to surge back with reinforcements.  like a stupid Rabshakeh behind my shoulder whispering in my ear,  a nonstop cycle of partial truths and whole lies has been spinning around in my head.  i'm under no illusions that i alone can overcome the proverbial army facing me.  somehow, even though i'm 100% most of it is a lie, some of it isn't.  i have been struck down. i've hit the floor more times i can count.  i've done more wrong than right, and have absolutely no excuse for the wreckage behind me.  "but God…" by myself, there really is no hope. but when i come before the throne of grace and call on the only Name i need, there is an overabundance of hope.

if Hezekiah's prayer is my favorite part of the story, a close second is the ending. after humbly praying for God's salvation, God replies. "watch this," He says.  the next morning, 185,000 Assyrian soldiers are dead. dear old Rabshakeh gets called back home and Sennacherib goes to his own temple to pray to his own god.  seizing an opportunity, his own sons Adrammelech and Sharezer took him out.  i'm sure it had nothing to do with being given such horrible names… or maybe a little.  i wouldn't blame them.  like they were nothing more than an afterthought, God wipes away an army, sends their champion home in shame and puts their blasphemously proud king six feet under.  no name a man gives himself compares to the only true God. His name is Yahweh, Adonai, Immanuel, El-Elyon, God Most High, Lord of hosts.  

"Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; i will protect him, because he knows My name.  when he calls to Me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him; with long life I will satisfy him and show him My salvation" (Psalm 91:14-16).

do you know this name?

the big IF

i hate realizing new areas where i lack discipline, or screw up or disappoint.  i already know it's a long list, and i've even been told the list- not even kidding you.  one of those areas is prayer. to be brutally honest, i rarely enjoy it. maybe i'm doing it wrong, but even still, i must confess that 99.4% of the time it is a struggle and most days of the week it might be right on the top of things to fall off the to-do list. 

it took me an age, but i came to realize one of my major obstacles was that i simply couldn't tell any difference in my prayers.  i love our church's women's prayer group, hearing from the others what's going on in their lives, and taking turns praying for each other… but it's hard to say for the hundredth time that my prayer request is the same as the month before and that i can't see any change in my situation.  especially on those nights when several in the group are celebrating spiritual victories and obstacles overcome.  i've spent most of the past few years fighting just to keep up with daily life.  i know it can't really be true, but when i don't see any tangible evidence it's super hard to back up the claim that prayer is powerful. i was jealous of seeing other people's prayers answered and mine not. they would say they had the same struggles- but daggum, they made it look easy. yup; i was a little green-eyed monster who couldn't see why their "IFs" came true and mine grew stale. that tiny word "IF" that carries so much possibility and hope within. seriously- just think of all the ideas and inventions and plans and mind-blowing, incredible things that have followed someone saying, "IF…" 

i commiserate closely with Martha and Mary who ran to Him with tears running in rivers down their faces as they each questioned Him.  they knew He was able, knew that He loved them, and could fathom no earthly reason why He wouldn't answer their prayer for Lazarus's healing. that word, "IF" just doesn't go away.  IF You had been here, Lazarus wouldn't be dead right now.  IF You had come.  IF we could see things from Your perspective. so many IFs that only become clear on the other side of the grave. so many of the miracles He performed began with an IF, a petition for His mercy as the wounded and poor and outcast and ailing clung to that hope before them of deliverance.

i don't know when this thought hit me like a brick in the face, but since it's right before Easter, everyone who sets foot in a church this week is going to hear about this passage.  and it's about what most would, under most any other circumstance, term an "unanswered prayer." it's an "IF" of epic proportions. even weirder, it's Jesus who's praying.

right after the Last Supper, Jesus goes with his few best friends to the garden of Gethsemane to pray, like they did all the time. they sang, they talked, they bonded.  then Jesus left 8 of them and took the last 3 and told them quite frankly, "I'm scared to death." He asked them to pray, and then went a couple trees away and prayed Himself.  He fell down on His knees and begged God Almighty to find some other way- any other way- to accomplish the task… the task of saving us.

it's not just once.  three separate times He prays the exact same thing.  because He's perfect, He willingly submits to God's will- but still, He prays for that cup to pass away. "IF there is ANY OTHER WAY, make this cup pass." 

every time He went back to check on Peter, James and John He found them dead asleep.  and it's only us who realize later that their eternity (and ours…) was hanging in the balance, and they're snoozing. i don't know about you, but i am immediately humbled by the thought of that prayer.  Jesus didn't have  to do anything.  He could have zapped right back to heaven and rejoined the Father and Holy Spirit and all the celestial beings in eternal perfection and left humanity to its fate. 

and He would have been thoroughly justified in doing so.

the only thing He gained by this, the greatest sacrifice, was us.  you.  me. that church member you secretly can't stand.  your boss who drives you bonkers. the neighbor down the street with the perfectly manicured lawn (…who sneers at yours while her dog pees by your mailbox…). that family member whose special talent is saying the wrong thing in a loud voice.  He took that cup for us.

can you imagine, just for a minute, if Jesus's prayer were answered and that cup just disappeared?

Luke 22:43 mentions an angel that comes to Him during this last, desperate prayer.  i wonder if it's one of the same ones that appears at the end of His first temptation, where He was even given that way out He requested.  The Devil himself offers Jesus the world. "You remember how You made me 'ruler of this world'?  Yeah, IF You bow down and worship me, i'll back off and give this whole place back to you." for Jesus, it's of course an unthinkable way to avoid the Cross. He'd known for ages that the ultimate purpose for those 33 years on this little planet was its redemption, and the Triune God had already designed how that redemption would happen.  but on some level, during that time in the wilderness, Jesus was still tempted.  Satan gave Him a way to take Earth away from his clutches, bypass Calvary altogether and all for the low price of a bow and a word of praise. He literally has an out, right there.

now a couple years later in the Garden, Jesus knows that no matter how many times He prays IF, our only hope is Him. He also knows that the only way to make our IFs possible is through His. 

i'm still not super glad most of the time for the IFs i juggle. but i'm coming to learn (slowly) that i will be grateful later on for each IF- the big ones, the little ones, the confusing ones, the painful ones, the scary ones. when i can't see the answers, it's not His fault- and there are answers (even if they are "no").

so i can pray knowing that each IF has an answer. 

i can pray in hope, just like every other person He ministered to. 

i can pray IF, because He hears and knows and understands. 

and i can pray knowing that "all the promises of God are Yes in Christ," and that not an ounce of that hope in Him is ever misplaced. because their prayer was "unanswered" Martha and Mary could "see the glory of God." and because Jesus's own prayer was "unanswered" we can now see glimpses of that same glory that we will view in full strength later on. if that's what He can do with their IFs, i can't wait to see what will happen with each of ours that we give to Him!