all the everybodies

tonight's lesson for the Cubbies was really only half a story.  i hate those, because 5 year olds don't take them very well. and even though the lesson was on an issue that applies to everyone, that issue is not a tangible one, and thus hard to wrap little minds around. 

so i had to include a little of the beginning and a little of the end- which worked, because it can be explained using the very same picture card.

totally went off script. 

but then again, i do that on a nearly weekly basis.

in essence, the lesson could be summed up as , "you're a sinner, and so am i," our key verse being Romans 3:23.  [for the parents reading this, yes, the Cubbies get extra hand stamps for every person they tell the lesson/verse to (and that tell one of us teachers).  we hauled in a tall person tonight so their little person could tell them last week's lesson.  the things we will do for a little ink dinosaur…]

the first picture card shows a politically correct vision of heaven, incorporating as many physical elements as possible, but centered on King Jesus on His throne, being worshipped by a number of white-robed people.  because even though it shows heaven, it's really where the story begins.

we were created to be in a perfect, eternal, amazing relationship with Jesus. that's exactly what mankind had at first.  i don't know if Jesus wore His crown every day, strolling through the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve, but He very well may have.  all i know is that it was, indeed, perfect.

well, i also know that right now, it isn't.  i bet you 5 AwanaBucks that you can't easily find a person who genuinely believes that this world is what it should be like.  if any of the people you ask are of any religion, it won't take long for them to tell you the reason, either.

it's sin.

sin happened.  and it's still happening.  and will continue to happen until this world ends.

our verse, Romans 3:23, is our "A Verse," because it reads (on a Cubby level) as, "A stands for "All." all have sinned."  so we compared our picture of heaven to pictures that more closely resemble their daily lives: brothers not sharing, sisters pulling each other's hair and fighting, kids disobeying, having tantrums, etc.

"A" means "all."  "all" means "everybody."  it means all of the everybodies- past, present and future. (every human except Jesus).

"sin" is anything we think, say, or do that breaks God's law.  even when we try, that's a lot of things.  i sinned within an hour of waking up this (late) morning. all the Cubbies admitted they probably had, too.

all except Simeon. he was quite clear on this point.  he'll be applying for sainthood any day, now, i reckon.

and just as breaking our parents' rules had consequences, so does breaking God's rules. our sin means that there is simply no way for us to be with God, because of Who He is. it's as impossible as having a "chunk" of "darkness" hovering over a candle.  

by itself, it's a pretty cruddy story. it leaves us stuck in a broken, decaying planet, cut off from the very Source of Life, Truth and Light Himself and with no hope of reconciliation. the best our ancestors could do was burn some livestock. 

it's not like we do any better.  we just don't kill sheepies.  we go for the "cleaner" sacrifices, like "going to church," or "volunteering at the homeless shelter," or "praying to God/my ancestors/the Virgin Mary," and hope like crazy that these good deeds will tip the scales in our favor.

they won't.

neither will paying tithes, teaching Cubbies, reading the Bible, visiting the Holy Land, quitting smoking, shaking the Pope's hand, voting Republican, home schooling, starting a ministry, _________ <--- fill in the blank with anything you're doing to make God happy.  none of it will work. 

PTL it's not the end of the story.  there was a looooooong time of waiting, but from the first pronouncement of judgement came a promise: someday, a Savior would come.  and some day after that, every person who puts their faith in that Savior will be a part of that picture of heaven. that's a promise.  a good, good promise.

you just gotta believe it.

i'm only taking 1 class this half-semester (i know, right?!?) and it of course is "Evangelism and Missions." one of the books we are supposed to read (or have already read…) gives a wonderfully clear, simple way to present the Gospel and lead the listener to make a decision. i'd already thought of giving the Cubbies incentive to listen, and then actually share, what they'd learned about.  but that, and this class, have also convicted me- who am i sharing with?  i tell you, there's nothing more invigorating than telling the incredible, amazing, jaw-droppingly good news about Jesus to someone who's never heard it, or someone who's never heard it clearly.  i encourage you to give it a go.

who are you sharing with?  if you're not sharing the Gospel, what ARE you sharing that's more important? if you have a Cubby, feel free to use them as an excuse- let them tell your neighbor or friend or coworker the A Verse, and then jump in there and tell them the Good News!

and then let me know, so that your Cubby can get his hand stamp.

"conviction" is furry and wears a blue vest

to quote the King of Rohan, "….so it begins."

tonight marks the beginning of Year 9 of working in the Cubbies' classroom.  we're trying something new, and splitting the class into 2 slightly more manageable-sized groups this year, so good luck to us.

a whole new school year of impressing upon young minds the incredible worth of the Bible.  of telling them stories from that Bible.  of teaching them lessons from it.  of encouraging them to imitate those who follow it.

basically, a year of trying to not be a giant hypocrite.

 

this Bible is one of the most under-appreciated things ever, and i am being extremely foolish every time i neglect it.

our guest speakers for LifeGroups this past week were missionaries with Wycliffe Bible Translators, and it took about 7 seconds to convict the entire congregation.  it went something like this:

"who's got a Bible in their house?"  *almost every hand goes up*

"who's got three or more Bibles in their house?" *a fraction of those hands goes down*

"…. who's read any of those Bibles this week?"  *cricket cricket*

woah.  i'm still reeling 3 days later. yes, i'd read my Bible, but it was honestly more out of guilt than anything else.

this Bible?  this book is what John Hus was burned at the stake for translating and then smuggling out the English texts, so that it could be printed and distributed.

this book transformed Martin Luther's life and inspired him to accidentally trigger the Protestant Reformation.  he spent his long months hiding by translating the New Testament from the original Greek and Hebrew into German, because it was worth his life to put the Scriptures into the hands of the people.

this book is what can get you arrested in China.  it'll get you shot in a number of countries. 

this book is carefully ripped into sections and passed around to believers in underground house churches, so that each member can have even just a bit of it, and then trade.  even the believer that winds up with the Leviticus section weeps with joy and holds it close to their heart as they treasure each word, knowing what will happen if they are caught with those torn pages.

this book is…. it's costing lives.

this book is what i walk past and ignore on days when i feel "too busy." it's what i have 3 cop-no, wait, 4 copies of…hold on- 5!, and can pull off a shelf and read with as little effort as any other book.  it's what i remember a few key pieces of, and ignore the parts that i don't like.

you can't possibly judge me more than i'm judging myself right now.

but here are a few more facts:

the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and marrow, discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. Hebrews 4

the word of God is the sword of the Spirit- the only offensive weapon included in Paul's list of spiritual armor. Ephesians 6

the word of God is Truth- not *a* truth, not just true, but The Truth. John 17

the word of God is what Jesus embodied when He came to rescue us hopeless sinners. John 1

the word of God is life-giving. Deuteronomy 8

the word of God is what "makes us wise unto salvation"- how we discover the way back to a saving relationship with Jesus. 2 Timothy 3

the word of God is the primary way the LORD of hosts chose to reveal Himself to humans, making the word of God worth more than an obligatory 10 minute read every day.

can't read or don't read? no problem: get an audio version, download an app, and get through the whole Bible in 72 hours.

don't understand it or hate it? … please know you are not alone.  you are experiencing what every human experiences when they read Numbers and ask, "why on earth did God think i needed to read this?!?"  but also please remember.  remember these facts that we know.  the Bible is the very word of GOD ALMIGHTY.  it was breathed out by the Holy Spirit, and it is ALIVE. instead of turning away from the Bible, these feelings and frustrations should instead drive us into it more, as we plead and pray with God to reveal to us what He wants us to get out of those verses that make you mad/sad/happy/confused/excited/nervous/etc. 

a friend told me once that she had heard a spiritual leader say that he was going to take a break from reading the Bible, so that he could focus more on living it out.  it seems rote Bible readings had become dull for him, and he was seeking a way to make it more… exciting? real? special? i don't know.

but i do know that that is the WORST idea i've heard, like, ever. how do i know that?  because i read the Bible, and found these examples, among many, many others:

-Moses tells the Israelites to read and meditate on the Scriptures day and night and here and there and everywhere (and in a box, and with a fox and in a house and with a mouse….)

- after they rebuilt the temple, Ezra and Nehemiah have a dedication service where they… read the Law from beginning to end while the people stand in reverence for the entirety.

-when Jesus was tempted by Satan himself, the only things to come out of His mouth are Bible verses.  how did they get there?  by His studying and reading and meditating.  if we are called to live like Jesus, then this is absolutely part of it.

-Peter, Paul and John (and also John) all write repeatedly to their fellow Christians to remember God's words and guard them and preach them and know them. 

it's really hard to do (like, impossible) if you never read it.  you'd never know if your pastor is preaching the truth or drifting if you never read it.  you'll be knocked to your feet next time Satan comes around if you never read it.  you'll never, never, ever be able to live out your faith if you quit reading.

anybody or anything that encourages you to stop reading the Bible (for any period of time) is under evil influence, pure and simple.

if it's dry and dull, you don't quit.

you get a different translation and KEEP GOING.

so my encouragement - mostly to myself- this school year is to do just that:  keep going.

as i ask the Cubbies each wednesday if they learned their weekly Bible verse, i should ask myself, "what verses am i memorizing or meditating on?"

as i try to bring Bible stories alive, do i remember that my reading in the middle of Ezekiel is also living and active, written for me and preserved for me, so that i could know and love God?

as i live out my faith so that when they imitate me i'm not totally embarrassed, do i also tell them that it's because the Bible has changed me?

on days when i just feel like i can't keep going and Satan won't leave my proverbial doorbell alone, do i pick up my sword or do i let it lay (lie?) there?

if i were on a deserted island for 40 days, and could have a Bible OR a double bacon cheeseburger every day, which would i choose?  Jesus chose the Bible.  that's how good it is. 

if you need a partner, either for accountability or just company, as you continue/renew/begin Bible reading, talk to me.  the first verse we're doing is in John- great place to start. let me know how far you've gotten next week.  my conviction came in the form of a cartoon teddy bear with an obnoxiously blue vest; what does yours look like? ha ha- whatever it takes to get us into these Bibles is a blessing.

and if you memorize one of the verses, i might even give you a Cubby sticker ;)

beautiful feet

i am quite often surprised and amused by some of the things our church's band of 4 year olds can come up with to say. very often it's right at (or after) the point where i am tempted to give up in frustration.  but just as often it's a well-timed word that guarantees a good day no matter what comes because it's just too sweet to have anything spoil it.

this wednesday was no different.  one of our most faithful Cubbies entered the room went to his seat but instead of sitting down just looked at me shyly while i organized papers and whatnot.  his mother gave him an encouraging cue- "what did you want to tell your teacher?" and he opened his mouth and said, "you have beautiful feet!"

now, i've heard compliments on hair, jewelry, shirts, smiles, eyes, nails and you name it, but this was a new one. after another encouraging cue, he helped his mother explain that it was related to Isaiah 52:7 which says, "how beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him to brings good news."  good verse. it wasn't our memory verse for that week so i don't know what inspired that conversation, but it made my day.

what made it even more fitting was that our section of Bible stories covers the first Pentecost and the international spread of the early church.  so that night the 15 Cubbies who came heard about how Philip's "beautiful feet" took him for a nice jog through the desert to explain to a stranger from Ethiopia the gospel, because the good news is international and worthy of any level of confusion and exhaustion and persistence and passion that it takes to bring it to those who are ready to hear it. and that means we go wherever God says.  God told Philip, "go to the absolute middle of nowhere, and then run." so he did, and he found one guy.  but that guy went to Ethiopia and told others.  one of our Cubbies shouted out, "hey- i was born in Ethiopia!" and indeed he had been.  his family is also scheduled to move to Paris (the France one, not the Tennessee one) because God told them, "go."  another Cubby is about to head back to China, because God told his parents, "go."  the rest of them were not quite sure who they could tell here, but they will learn.  where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more- here, there and everywhere.

several promotional videos for the Annie Armstrong Easter Offering feature Pr Jorge, who is now back at his hometown of Comerio, Puerto Rico, because God said, "go." the home he ran away from is where God sent him right back to.  the people he stole from he is now giving to and preaching to.  the very same drug dealers he used to associate with for illegal reasons now see a man changed, free, happy, confident- and they want to know why. and so he tells them.  4 months after moving back to PR, a hurricane wiped out all resources for the isolated Comerio.  Jorge and Rebeca felt led to buy a washing machine… even though they had no electricity.  immediately, they received a generator from NAMB's SEND Relief division- and just like that, they had the only electricity in the area, and a way to reach the whole town.  within 6 months, they had an active house church. within a year, a group of SEND volunteers moved them into their permanent home, and set up their church building for the newly ordained Pr Jorge.  all because of their obedience- and the obedience of everyone who gave to the AAEO that provided the generator.  that money generated a lot more than electricity.

https://www.anniearmstrong.com/resource/jorge-rebeca-santiago/

it's all exciting to us, because places like Puerto Rico seem foreign and distant to us.  guess what.  they are neither.  on a map, maybe.  but in every single other respect, not at all.  the "exciting" part is because of the gospel, not the place on the globe where it is being told.  true, after a number of weeks or months or years the excitement wears off, and "new mission" feels "normal," not like a new field ripe for harvest with new converts every day and rapid church growth. 

i'm thinking that's why the North American Mission Board uses Pr Jorge for these videos.  it's easier to get north american churches to give money to people "over there" in cool places with palm trees and iguanas than it is to get them excited about cities like chicago or denver or boston.  but chicago and denver and boston are other pastors' mission fields, too.  God is doing big things in North America, too.  not often as explosive as in Puerto Rico, but just as important.

https://www.anniearmstrong.com/soto/

i had the privilege of working with Jorge and Rebeca last february and then again this past summer.  their joy is contagious, their passion is obvious, and their faith is inspiring. their kids are adorable.  their God is big.

that same big God is changing lives all over north america, too.  pastors, church planters, families, individuals- all those who have heard and responded to their Master's call have uprooted their lives and joined His work in SEND cities across the nation.  (and canada.  Jesus loves them, too!)

in addition to contributing, and more importantly, pray.

every trip i've been on, every place I've been, God has proven repeatedly that He doesn't really need your money.  He wants your obedience, faithfulness, trust.  giving is one way we obey, but the dollar figure is not the point at all. it's praying that puts us in direct contact with the One who does more with $5 and a few faithful followers than any celebrity could with $5,000,000.

i can't say with any degree of certainty where i will go next, or how long i will be there, or what i will do.  but i can say that wherever it is, Jackson or Jamaica, America or Africa, i want to be as faithful as people like Jorge, Rebeca, Timothy, Haley, Ben, Tabitha, Andy, Laura, Emily, Aimee, Casey, Bob, Melissa, Derek, Tony, Karen, Betina, Marcus, David, Nekayeh, Tom, Vijay, and a growing list of people who, just like Philip the Fleet-Footed Philosopher, have beautiful, beautiful feet. 

 

what's in a name

is there any more awkward moment when meeting a friend's new adorable baby and then trying to cover the look of horror that flashes across your face when the mother reveals his name? and i don't mean a normal, or trendy, or old-fashioned kind of name- i mean the name that is a collection of syllables with no recognized meaning or spelling.  or a normal name spelled incorrectly (like, on purpose, incorrectly) or identical to a sibling's name.  or the dad's favorite model of firearm.  or a heretic. yes.  oh, yes. 

names have a huge amount of significance in the Bible. very few of them were accidental or meaningless.  they bestowed blessings, or memorialized the birth or lineage of a child or carried the parents' wishes for his future.  they marked places where extraordinary or special events occurred or told who owned them.  (side note:  i've frequently wondered when reading through the Old Testament what the people did if 2 extraordinary events happened in the same place). but in any case, whether it was to preserve a memory or make a point or even a pun, names weren't generally given for no reason.  so when reading through stories, i've found it adds a layer of  things to think about the use of names and titles the author used- which is part of the inspiration from the Holy Spirit. 

the past few weeks have not been my favorite.  i don't know if i started this new year off much better than i did the last one, and if i said i have any more of my life figured out than back then, i'd be lying.  my favorite spot in front of the altar has been soaked with tears a couple times already, and it's…. yes, i've made it halfway through January.

but in the midst of a list of burdens i have been "blessed" with, i have also made it halfway through the book of Isaiah.  and just when i needed to be met with a reminder, a reminder came, in the form of a wonderful, wonderful story, with some truly spectacular names. 

it's been a favorite story of mine for some time, and on a day when i so needed a "reset," i was met by the same God that the main protagonist was.

travel back in time some 2700 (?) years or so- an age where indoor plumbing was inconceivable, "rich" meant owning 2 whole cloaks, and when the biggest army with chariots were all but guaranteed a victory.  the kingdom of Israel had split generations before into the kingdom of Israel and the kingdom of Judah.  the kingdom of Israel spiraled downward into idolatry and sin of the worst sort and was obliterated by Assyria, the people known for their delight in torture, murder, and insanely cruel practices in warfare.  the smaller kingdom of Judah hangs on, because just enough of their kings have just enough obedience to God and humility that they are simply teetering on the edge of destruction.  enter onto the scene the last king who cared about God, Hezekiah himself.  

after inheriting a kingdom in decline, with imminent doom forecasted by every honest prophet around,  the people within the city walls of Jerusalem awake to the sound they had been dreading: hundreds of chariot wheels and four hundred thousand-ish stomping feet of two hundred thousand-ish soldiers.  Assyria had come, ruled by Sennacherib (see? i told you these names were awesome!) who clearly had enough ego to feast on for a lifetime.  Assyria, because of its incredible army, was able to basically walk up and take over many of Judah's fortified cities. now they had come for the capital city Jerusalem and home of Solomon's Temple where Yahweh, God of Israel, dwelt above the Mercy Seat.  

in a world where every human was aware of the spiritual world, this could not have been worse news for Hezekiah.  every kingdom had its own deities, and it was common belief that if every there were a dispute between two of them, the bigger and better god would win. as Hezekiah hears of city after city being conquered by the approaching Assyrian force, he knows that the odds are not in his favor. not any of the odds.  barring a miracle, they're screwed.  done for.  toasted.

even worse, Assyria knows it, too, and they give all the credit to their god (who, come to find out later, is named Nisroch…. wth?!?!).

while the entire city hunkers down in terror,  the leader, or "the Rabshakeh" of the army (these names just get better and better, don't they?) delivers the ultimatum :  surrender, or die.  he "knows" what his god has helped their army do. he knows his army is superior.  and he also knows how to be a jerk.  to add insult to injury, the Rabshakeh repeatedly refuses to recognize Hezekiah's title of king as well as blaspheming Yahweh by comparing Him to all the other "deities" he has beaten. throughout the entire dialogue, you can see the underhanded insults he sneaks in, as the two sides compare the names of the other gods to Yahweh, and the names of the cities to Jerusalem, the King Sennacherib vs. the King Hezekiah.  

i think the worst part would be that at least 75% of what the Rabshakeh said was true.  on paper, Hezekiah has ZERO to boast about.  half his kingdom HAS been beaten.  Assyria HAS won.  Assyria HAS almost 200,000 soldiers right there.  those other gods LOST.  they were TRAPPED. seriously, what response could you give?

Hezekiah doesn't.  he doesn't reply anything.

he leaves his throne, puts on sackcloth and ashes, and walks straight over to the Temple.  he takes the Rabshakeh's "love letter" and puts it down on the floor in front of his God and says, "your problem now."

"O LORD of Hosts, God of Israel, enthroned above the cherubim, you are the God, you alone, of all the kingdoms of the earth; you have made heaven and earth.  Incline your ear, O LORD, and hear; open your eyes, O LORD, and see; and hear all the words of Sennacherib, which he has sent to mock the living God.  Truly, O LORD, the kings of Assyria have laid waste all the nations and their lands, and have cast their gods into the fire.  For they were no gods, but the work of men's hands, wood and stone.  Therefore they were destroyed.  So now, O LORD our God, save us from his hand, that all the kingdoms of the earth may know that you alone are the LORD" (Isaiah 37:15-20)

in English, the only way to differentiate the names in Hebrew was to play with grammar. so every time the name "LORD" is used in all caps, the Hebrew word is Yahweh- the name He gave to His own people when He established His relationship with them.  Hezekiah's response was to immediately go and tell Yahweh just how lousy things looked from below while he acknowledged the One who had a much higher viewpoint, at the same time as he boldly used the covenant name that identified him with God, and God with His people.  just like a kid in need of a parent, he brings the words that mock and blaspheme and ridicule and hurt, and he physically puts it on the ground in front of him and points to it in the Temple and demands the help from the only One who could save them.

i have several times felt the need to not just pray, but to follow Hezekiah's show and tell example.  there is something liberating about not just saying words, but going through the action- of taking the paper with a diagnosis, or the phone with a harmful text or post, a picture of an unsaved person, a symbol of something you can't let go- and coming to the altar and setting it down before Him.   having done this before, i can testify to the freedom and relief that comes from truly releasing control and submitting to the all-powerful.  i have been facing what feels like an army of lies for too long.  every time it looks like it has retreated, it's only to surge back with reinforcements.  like a stupid Rabshakeh behind my shoulder whispering in my ear,  a nonstop cycle of partial truths and whole lies has been spinning around in my head.  i'm under no illusions that i alone can overcome the proverbial army facing me.  somehow, even though i'm 100% most of it is a lie, some of it isn't.  i have been struck down. i've hit the floor more times i can count.  i've done more wrong than right, and have absolutely no excuse for the wreckage behind me.  "but God…" by myself, there really is no hope. but when i come before the throne of grace and call on the only Name i need, there is an overabundance of hope.

if Hezekiah's prayer is my favorite part of the story, a close second is the ending. after humbly praying for God's salvation, God replies. "watch this," He says.  the next morning, 185,000 Assyrian soldiers are dead. dear old Rabshakeh gets called back home and Sennacherib goes to his own temple to pray to his own god.  seizing an opportunity, his own sons Adrammelech and Sharezer took him out.  i'm sure it had nothing to do with being given such horrible names… or maybe a little.  i wouldn't blame them.  like they were nothing more than an afterthought, God wipes away an army, sends their champion home in shame and puts their blasphemously proud king six feet under.  no name a man gives himself compares to the only true God. His name is Yahweh, Adonai, Immanuel, El-Elyon, God Most High, Lord of hosts.  

"Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; i will protect him, because he knows My name.  when he calls to Me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him; with long life I will satisfy him and show him My salvation" (Psalm 91:14-16).

do you know this name?

the big IF

i hate realizing new areas where i lack discipline, or screw up or disappoint.  i already know it's a long list, and i've even been told the list- not even kidding you.  one of those areas is prayer. to be brutally honest, i rarely enjoy it. maybe i'm doing it wrong, but even still, i must confess that 99.4% of the time it is a struggle and most days of the week it might be right on the top of things to fall off the to-do list. 

it took me an age, but i came to realize one of my major obstacles was that i simply couldn't tell any difference in my prayers.  i love our church's women's prayer group, hearing from the others what's going on in their lives, and taking turns praying for each other… but it's hard to say for the hundredth time that my prayer request is the same as the month before and that i can't see any change in my situation.  especially on those nights when several in the group are celebrating spiritual victories and obstacles overcome.  i've spent most of the past few years fighting just to keep up with daily life.  i know it can't really be true, but when i don't see any tangible evidence it's super hard to back up the claim that prayer is powerful. i was jealous of seeing other people's prayers answered and mine not. they would say they had the same struggles- but daggum, they made it look easy. yup; i was a little green-eyed monster who couldn't see why their "IFs" came true and mine grew stale. that tiny word "IF" that carries so much possibility and hope within. seriously- just think of all the ideas and inventions and plans and mind-blowing, incredible things that have followed someone saying, "IF…" 

i commiserate closely with Martha and Mary who ran to Him with tears running in rivers down their faces as they each questioned Him.  they knew He was able, knew that He loved them, and could fathom no earthly reason why He wouldn't answer their prayer for Lazarus's healing. that word, "IF" just doesn't go away.  IF You had been here, Lazarus wouldn't be dead right now.  IF You had come.  IF we could see things from Your perspective. so many IFs that only become clear on the other side of the grave. so many of the miracles He performed began with an IF, a petition for His mercy as the wounded and poor and outcast and ailing clung to that hope before them of deliverance.

i don't know when this thought hit me like a brick in the face, but since it's right before Easter, everyone who sets foot in a church this week is going to hear about this passage.  and it's about what most would, under most any other circumstance, term an "unanswered prayer." it's an "IF" of epic proportions. even weirder, it's Jesus who's praying.

right after the Last Supper, Jesus goes with his few best friends to the garden of Gethsemane to pray, like they did all the time. they sang, they talked, they bonded.  then Jesus left 8 of them and took the last 3 and told them quite frankly, "I'm scared to death." He asked them to pray, and then went a couple trees away and prayed Himself.  He fell down on His knees and begged God Almighty to find some other way- any other way- to accomplish the task… the task of saving us.

it's not just once.  three separate times He prays the exact same thing.  because He's perfect, He willingly submits to God's will- but still, He prays for that cup to pass away. "IF there is ANY OTHER WAY, make this cup pass." 

every time He went back to check on Peter, James and John He found them dead asleep.  and it's only us who realize later that their eternity (and ours…) was hanging in the balance, and they're snoozing. i don't know about you, but i am immediately humbled by the thought of that prayer.  Jesus didn't have  to do anything.  He could have zapped right back to heaven and rejoined the Father and Holy Spirit and all the celestial beings in eternal perfection and left humanity to its fate. 

and He would have been thoroughly justified in doing so.

the only thing He gained by this, the greatest sacrifice, was us.  you.  me. that church member you secretly can't stand.  your boss who drives you bonkers. the neighbor down the street with the perfectly manicured lawn (…who sneers at yours while her dog pees by your mailbox…). that family member whose special talent is saying the wrong thing in a loud voice.  He took that cup for us.

can you imagine, just for a minute, if Jesus's prayer were answered and that cup just disappeared?

Luke 22:43 mentions an angel that comes to Him during this last, desperate prayer.  i wonder if it's one of the same ones that appears at the end of His first temptation, where He was even given that way out He requested.  The Devil himself offers Jesus the world. "You remember how You made me 'ruler of this world'?  Yeah, IF You bow down and worship me, i'll back off and give this whole place back to you." for Jesus, it's of course an unthinkable way to avoid the Cross. He'd known for ages that the ultimate purpose for those 33 years on this little planet was its redemption, and the Triune God had already designed how that redemption would happen.  but on some level, during that time in the wilderness, Jesus was still tempted.  Satan gave Him a way to take Earth away from his clutches, bypass Calvary altogether and all for the low price of a bow and a word of praise. He literally has an out, right there.

now a couple years later in the Garden, Jesus knows that no matter how many times He prays IF, our only hope is Him. He also knows that the only way to make our IFs possible is through His. 

i'm still not super glad most of the time for the IFs i juggle. but i'm coming to learn (slowly) that i will be grateful later on for each IF- the big ones, the little ones, the confusing ones, the painful ones, the scary ones. when i can't see the answers, it's not His fault- and there are answers (even if they are "no").

so i can pray knowing that each IF has an answer. 

i can pray in hope, just like every other person He ministered to. 

i can pray IF, because He hears and knows and understands. 

and i can pray knowing that "all the promises of God are Yes in Christ," and that not an ounce of that hope in Him is ever misplaced. because their prayer was "unanswered" Martha and Mary could "see the glory of God." and because Jesus's own prayer was "unanswered" we can now see glimpses of that same glory that we will view in full strength later on. if that's what He can do with their IFs, i can't wait to see what will happen with each of ours that we give to Him!    

passed over

i love the (few, and far between) moments where various unrelated areas of my life align and correspond in ways i can't explain, but that leave little gems of truth sprinkled around like a giant Holy Spiritual sneeze.  it's just the greatest thing ever, running around and snatching them up, savoring them and chasing off to the next.  i wish it happened more often.

as often happens after tuesdays, i woke up today and found another wednesday in progress. which also means that it was time to brace myself against the oncoming tidal wave of Cubby-ness.  as per usual, i made my way into the upstairs room at church a couple hours early in order to gather, prepare, photocopy and set up everything needed to engage 18 small people for 2 hours.  of course, this also included at least one prayer.  i'm not quite vain enough to assume that any good coming out of that time in AWANA is because of me. i've also benefited this past month from hearing multiple sermons from 3 different churches in 3 different states about prayer, that is to be a central goal this year in these churches. it's like the SBC has this big conspiracy to get us all to pray or something… huh. i hope it's working. i'll say it's got me jump-started, at least.

but also happening the past month-ish or so, we've been spending our Cubby story time learning about the beginnings of the Hebrew people, from Abraham to crossing the Red Sea and how God is big and strong enough to keep ALL of His promises ALL the time.  this has led to not only multiple rousing renditions of "My God is So Big" but also a fair number of hysterical quotes and questions from the inquisitive little minds.  for our last story time before Christmas break i was blessed with the task of explaining the ten plagues. i know, i'm still feeling guilty about it. ("Merry Christmas- look, this girl is covered in boils!") the good news is that i was also able to include the positive part of the story- the very first Passover, and the reason why one of Jesus's nicknames is the "Lamb of God." even despite the trauma and total grossness, God's plan for deliverance can be seen throughout.  not only that, but also His holiness, His grace, His bigness and His power.  the Old Testament is chock full of some pretty huge promises that only a big, powerful and loving God could keep. that magnificent display called Passover was only the beginning. 

this week, outside the Cubby's story material, i wound up reading the story of the last Passover- or at least, the last one Christians celebrate.  today it was Mark's account, which includes some heart-wrenching details that get me every time.  i was struck this afternoon by the hint of irony that only Jesus would gotten at the time, when the disciples asked Him where He'd like them to prepare the Passover meal. the very same night that the passover lamb would be killed, the perfect Passover Lamb stood outside the city gates, looking a bit over to the side, where a little hill called Golgotha made a bump by the side of the road, knowing that He would be arrested in a matter of hours.  Peter and John ran off to prepare the meal, and Jesus was spent His last free day with the other disciples, knowing that everything was already in place.

once that seder meal was over and Jesus and the remaining 11 friends were in the Gard of Gethsemane, we read a prayer that i can't think right now of having heard many sermons on.  i've heard a lot about the Lord's Prayer, how to pray, why to pray, what happens when we pray, and the prayers of all kinds of people throughout the Bible… but not many about this one.  or at least the part i noticed this time.  it's one of the few "unanswered" prayers in Scripture.  and by "unanswered" i mean it in the same way others do, which is really "not answered in the way i want it to be."

right there, in the Bible, Jesus (who by this point is in the middle of a full-blown anxiety attack) prays, "Father…make this go away. please don't make me do this." of course, this is all said in perfect faith, and He also says, "Your will be done- if there's no other way, then Your will be done."  but that cup did not go away. there was no other way. if anyone's prayer wasn't going to be answered immediately in the affirmative, who'd guess it would be His? and yet just like with Moses, God had the perfect plan for our deliverance- and it involved the sacrifice of the Lamb.

i've got a few "unanswered" prayers of my own that i took downstairs to my usual place, and made another wet spot on the carpet in front of the altar. i know the prayers of so many biblical characters often seemed to be ignored for long, even when they seemed to be God-honoring or fulfilling promises He'd made.  Abraham waited decades… DECADES… for some of God's words to come true.  the Hebrews were in Egypt for 400 YEARS before they were freed- you know they'd been praying for at least 395 of those for deliverance, yet before the first Passover generations of slaves had prayed and cried, lived and died, asking God why they were being 'passed over' and ignored. Job, Elijah, David, Hannah, Zachariah, Paul… and even Jesus.  they all prayed, for healing or strength or deliverance or children or hope or faith.

so what do we do?  we pray anyway. we pray knowing that every promise will be kept and that the prayers of the faithful are never passed over. they may not be answered in the way we think or hope, but if not, it's only because God's answer is even bigger and better and more beautiful than we knew to think or hope for.  in my tiny, clean, Type A world, i've got answers to my prayers that seem to be all kinds of wonderful and God-glorifying.  but if i pray like Jesus and always, always make His will the ultimate aim, then i can be pretty sure of 2 things: first, that prayer will be answered.  and secondly, it probs won't be what my tiny, but clean, world has room for.  and that's okay. (it doesn't feel like it, but it is).  the Passover Lamb has everything prepared for us; He's got every answer- He IS every answer, and we have Him interceding for us even now, guaranteeing those answers.

i'm not sure how much of the hugeness of Passover sunk in to those 4 year old brains, but maybe someday i'll be surprised- it's happened before.  everyone but Jesus tends to underestimate a kid's ability to hear, understand and trust what's going on, which is utterly amazing when you factor in all the pinching, laughing, poking, shoe-untying, hairband adjusting, crying and bathroom visiting that they are also able to accomplish at the same time.  somehow, God makes Himself known to them- and us.

now if only i can pull off "My God is So Great" like a Cubby, i'll be set.

Covered

this has not been my week.  for several reasons, most of which i shall not tell.  one of those reasons, though, is because of the outcome of a conversation i had with a truly wonderful woman i met whose sole job is to connect poor confused people with the optimal healthcare plan to fit their needs. being a poor confused person, i was thrilled with the opportunity to utilize this resource.  she was kind, straightforward, knowledgeable, fast, wonderful.

guess what.  there IS NO optimal healthcare plan to fit my needs.  after several minutes of questions regarding social security numbers, qualifying factors, pre-existing conditions and whatnot, this is what we came up with.  the marketplace offers 3 levels of coverage, and the middle/average level is more than DOUBLE the monthly cost.  for a WORSE policy.  the insanity of this is still blowing my mind 60 hours later.  

of course, a large factor in that, as if i needed any more reminders, is that i'm single and alone and will be for the foreseeable future.  it would definitely help with affordable insurance (which i thought was Obama's goal in the first place…?), and also counts as something i would need to report to some number or person or else risk losing coverage, blah, blah, and blah.

but whatever it does to insurance policies, household income and the lawn being mowed consistently, the ever-present fact remains that the situation isn't going to change (in all likelihood). if there is a Prince Charming out there, he got lost and is probably too macho to ask for directions.  after about the 9th person in a week asked, i was working on my snarky reply regarding them sponsoring their own Jesus-ed version of the Bachelorette before i discovered to my horror that such a terrible show actually already exists. best/worst part: each of the loser bachelors wins a year-long membership to ChristianMingle.com.  eventually a "season of waiting" transitions to a lifestyle of acceptance.

it's the season of Advent.  a time of waiting, expectation, hope.  the Jews for centuries waited for their Messiah- whatever that meant to them. piecing together dozens of prophecies and names and scattered references to heroes long-dead and not-yet-born is tedious, confusing and draining.  all they knew for sure was that whoever this guy was, he was going to be awesome.  mind-blowingly so.

but after 400 years? i get impatient waiting the 2 minutes for my car to heat up.  if a patient is more than 10 minutes late for, like, anything, i'm about to blow a fuse.  i think America as a whole gave up on the idea of an honest politician decades ago, and we ain't nowhere NEAR 400 years old.

but the Jews held on. they struggled, and some lost faith, but most of them held on to the promises.  lo, and behold, the Messiah did indeed arrive.  and He was absolutely nothing like what they expected or hoped for- although He did still blow their minds on multiple occasions.

our "nerdy" Bible study this week, after about 2 years of working through Isaiah, has finally made it to chapter 61.  i thought it somewhat appropriate that we landed here during Advent, as this is the passage that Jesus used right at the kick-off of His ministry- when all of the promises made to humanity became a living walking reality, from Adam to us. Joy to the World was happening. Salvation had literally walked in the door. it's the passage He reads aloud, looks the synagogue leaders square in the eyeballs and says, "Lo."  it's like the best mic drop moment of the Ancient Near East. the news was too good to seem true- so of course they didn't believe it when He told them flat out that the waiting was OVER.  HE HAD COME.  THE MESSIAH WAS SITTING IN THEIR PEW- AND THEY MISSED IT.

"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the LORD has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in Zion -- to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be call oaks of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he may be glorified.  They shall build up the ancient ruin; they shall raise up the former devastations; they shall repair the ruined cities, the devastations of many generations."

"I will greatly rejoice in the LORD; my soul shall exult in my God, for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.  For as the earth brings forth its sprouts, and as a garden causes what is sown in it to sprout up, so the LORD God will cause righteousness and praise to sprout up before all the nations."

since i've already confessed it publicly multiple times the past few months, i'll say it again:  i'm tired.  i'm not openly mourning, but i'm closer to that than gladness. i'm somewhat faint.  i'm waiting, and not even sure what for. i definitely don't remind myself of an oak of righteousness…maybe a shrub of something, or a potted plant.  i look back on too many pieces of the past and empathize with 1st century Jews who could look back on their whole nation's history and see piles of rubble, slavery, judgement, oppression, brokenness, blindness and imprisonment in the rear view mirror.  yes, moments of relief and blessing, to be sure, but nowhere near enough to balance our self-righteous scales of skewed justice.  i prefer to say "realistic" rather than "cynical", but hoping and waiting don't get the bills paid, dishes washed or laundry folded.  adulting takes all my energy with none left over for daydreams.

and yet, because of that- not in spite of- words like those verses mean just a little more.  seeing a friend healed or released from prison is one thing.  being the one coming out of the hospital bed or jail cell is a completely new thing.  "No more let sins and sorrows grow, no thorns infest the ground! He comes to make His blessings flow far as the curse is found"- those who remember having been too close to the curse sing that part a little louder.  the ultimate punishment has been taken, but this world is still under the curse.  the hymns of Advent were written for us- the broken, the castoffs, the slaves and addicts and forgotten.  society's rejects come to Advent and find their place setting prepared.  the first coming began the marvelous undoing of sin; the second coming will complete it.  which is why we can be tired and mourning and faint (and cynical?) and yet also hope and wait and persevere.  it's the difference between a kid's themed birthday party and that same kid's extravagant wedding ceremony 20 years later.

this right now is the year of the LORD's favor.  the disfavor each of us has earned was turned away and put on Him instead. we have so much more than disjointed verses and hints about a Messiah- we actually have a Messiah who has already come and will come again. we have these promises of gladness, righteousness and praise becoming true and we know that they will only become even more true in the ever after. at some point, the ruins from those before us will be repaired and celebrated for generations afterwards.  our past will be transformed and shine out into the future. even if an earthly prince never shows up,  the Bridegroom has already prepared His outfit and will come to take His Church, headdress and all. 

there are no qualifications or income requirements involved, and no "pre-existing conditions" that can disqualify you.  Jesus already took care of that and covered us  with the "garments of salvation" and "robes of righteousness" in exchange. our job is to receive, wait and hope.  and as we do, righteousness and praise will grow naturally like a forest of well-watered trees and continue through to forever.  and that's the kind of insurance coverage i can get on board with.