unpopular opinion: i don... nope, i can't even type it here

one of the translators said it was 99°f today, and i believe it! each day has felt a little toastier than the one before, but that might just be me. 

this morning i got a turn to do a school visit, so after just a couple blood pressures i joined a few others to a local elementary school that opened its doors to us to share the gospel. some of the kids remembered the others from last year's visit, which is simply precious.

 because I enjoy watching the others in their element, i accepted the huge bag of gospel bracelets when kathy asked who would do those. we had 4 or 5 little gospel related gifts for the kids, and she'd need her arms free to snap all the pictures and talk to the kids. then i learned "do the bracelets" didn't mean "pass them out." it meant "do the whole gospel bracelet talk." thank goodness i was feelin' froggy- i grabbed tra out of the backpack and off we went! i appreciated the pre-k students sitting in front, as they are much more my comfort zone than the older kids, but my comfort zone also comes short of the 300 CHILDREN assembled in the courtyard, plus teachers. good glory. but it was a fabulous time, and i realized how much i've missed telling kids that most wonderful story. man, that felt good. we survived the stampede of kids that crashed over us in their efforts to each be the absolute first one to get all the bracelets, pencils, and cards. we got back to the church during the lunch break, after which we had 3 or 4 more rounds of visitors to the clinic. 

tonight was the "traditional" ( at least for our fbcj team) pizza dinner that is one of the most highly anticipated evenings of the annual missions trip. pizza after pizza, brought out and given to whoever wants a slice of whichever kind. pr dan made 3 laps around the (very) long table to see which kinds everyone else was eating. you've never seen him this happy if you've never seen him inside a brasilian pizzaria, let me tell you! 

don't ask me about my opinions on brasilian pizza, or i may get banned from any more mission trips. i *will* say that this place's pizza was the best of any i can remember. it was in fact pretty good. and it's hard to find better eating companions than mission partners you've been serving and sweating with for days. that kind of thing builds a certain bond, for sure. 

ways 2 praise: 

*it seems like we had about our busiest day yet at the clinic! another couple dozen individuals even said they'd made decisions to become Christians. 

*our translators have never let us down, and this group is not different. they are absolutely wonderful, servant-hearted, energetic and just plain fun. they have given up so much of their time to serve, and jump right in to help with anything that needs doing. 

we were also accompanied by a handful of church members who kept things organized, cooked lunch for us each day, helped with the flip flops and sunglasses, and generally did all the little "things". what an immense help they have been!! 

ways 2 pray:

* tomorrow is our last day of clinic, which will be packing up around 3 (although we will run out of sunglasses before that). pray that we finish strong!

* pray for bethesda church. this has been a difficult area for them to grow in, and yet they are! it will take time for them to follow up with those who have come through here this week; pray that they are able to water those seeds planted.

monday update... too tired for creative titles 😉

Well sunday was a DaY! 

a day that started with sleeping in a bit ;) some of us paid for it by eating what was left of the breakfast buffet at the hotel, but it was quite refreshing. 

morning service at the church began at 0930, and it was already quite warm. i guess for a change of pace we were outside under an awning, and without the breeze we might well have melted away! since morning services tend to be more casual (similar to our sunday evenings), instead of a proper sermon, pr rodrigo exhorted the congregation to remain faithful to their first love and obedient to their commission: to make disciple-making disciples. of the 13 chapels pioneer missions built last year, almost none have done much growth. this is a trend that is growing all over brasil, pr tony told me when i asked him. this church family is going against the flow, however: last year when fbcj build this chapel for them, they had 36 members. now they have 50! 

lunch together in and around the chapel was hot, bright, and delightful. almost like they knew we were about to head to the hotel, they pulled out the ice cream and reeled us all back in 😂🤣😂

the evening service we decided to do something extra special, so pr tony grabbed the mic and sent the kids to the side area, directed the women inside the chapel, and told the guys to stay put. kathy, caitlin, beverly, and mary had all the gift bags and handprint banners and paints ready to go. i helped linda and marlene set up their vision for the women's meeting. we had put together little bags with some simple feminine gifts like lotions, bracelets, etc., and handmade jewelry was laid out for them to "shop" for after linda and i shared some testimony and words of encouragement. i generally loathe being the object of attention, but i guess I did okay 😊. there were about 40 women who came, so that's a pretty good turnout! 

today (monday) was another full day of service! marlene and i got our blood pressure cuffs going and slipped into a good little rhythm there! the church members nurse came for a bit, which was great because  something was giving me another (?!?) sinus headache, so i needed to step away for a bit. i don't know the total, but i think we hit 50 visits! 

the restaurant across the street from our hotel knows us by now, and after another delicious dinner we followed pr dan and the translators to an ice cream/frozen yogurt place 2 blocks away. a great finish to a great day!

ways 2 praise:

*about 50 more seeds were planted! this area has a high percentage of catholics, and i think it's hard to tell exactly what they mean or truly believe when they say they'd like to pray for salvation (i.e., they may think they're already saved, or think they'll make a better impression if they say yes, or treat it like saying another hail mary prayer, etc), but they heard the gospel.

* kathy, caitlin, and a couple others were able to give the gospel bracelet presentation to a school today: 200 children all at once! they said it was a busy, hot, noisy, but wonderful time

ways 2 pray: 

*brasilian pastors are struggling much like american pastors, with high levels of stress and depression. pr tony said he knew of 3 suicides of Christian pastors in just the past year or so (i think). 

*we are sending the children's ministry peeps out again tomorrow to another school while we do another day of sunglasses and blood pressure clinics at the church.

81 seeds!

i don't think we hit pr dan's goal of 100 visitors but we got pretty close! at last count we had 81, but marlene is going to confirm all our totals tonight. 

i will have to let you know tomorrow, as i have been ordered to bed until this stupid headache goes away. whether it's from the schedule and time zone change, the heat, the work, or all of it combined, i'll never know but my head is trying not to explode right now and i took the painkillers about 11 seconds before my stomach asked to join the party (thankfully, it decided not to). 

but headache aside, we had a great day!! dan, tony, and rodrigo and a few church members got us all ordered and organized and at our stations. we'd left the hotel before 0730 (which is 0430 jackson time, fyi), so we were ready by 0800! it took a bit for our first visitors to come; something things tend to be fairly universal across cultures- waking up early on a saturday morning is a crazy idea. but we were there when they did come! everyone started at the evangelism tent and got a personal explanation of the gospel. then they were directed inside the church to choose a pair of reading glasses or sunglasses along with a handmade eyeglass case (made by our very own marlene!!). next was our blood pressure and accucheck station and then flip flops! marlene was running a second blood pressure machine beside me, and in the afternoon we were joined by a church members who was also a nurse. she and i both were able to counsel a few visitors and make some recommendations- a few of them a bit more earnestly and urgently- and answer some questions. we were also able to remind them that bethesda church members would be following up with them to pray for them and ask how they were doing. second to the gospel, the only other important thing i wanted to reinforce was that they were genuinely cared for by this church. this area seems to be more middle-class than other towns we've been to, so i was unsurprised than many of them were already aware of and medicated for high blood pressure and other such things. (many more lower-class areas are farther from clinics, less good insurance, and fewer opportunities to get appointments or meds). so we had 81 or so follow-up cards, but i'm not sure how many kids were outside, getting their hair cutting or face painted. 

there was a little lull in the flow around 1600, but we finished our last visitor at 1710. 

it was a full, wonderful day, even with the headache 😁

ways 2 praise: 

*81 people on a first day is great. several indicated they wanted to return to the church, even tomorrow!

* what a blessing for church members to come be involved! our new nurse friend even got to meet a neighbor, giving another connection for relationship 

ways 2 pray:

* pray for bethesda church, as they worship tomorrow and as they follow up with those who came today. it can get discouraging at times, when many people say "yes" to things at first, but forget about or juat reject church and God and anything religious once they get home.

* pray for the 81 (and more) seeds that were planted. with so many being catholic (or at least nominally "catholic), there is likely less of a felt need for a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. no matter how long it takes, pray these seeds bear fruit

*pray for our team, both the american and brasilian parts. besides my headache (which is thankfully fading even now), one american is fighting a sinus infection, and the heat is draining, especially on a few of our retired members. 

*just pray some more. i've been reading a book on missions in muslim-dominated areas, and time after time it proves how foundational, how vital, how absolutely and definitively essential prayer is for *any* mission work. none of this "work" we do here is worth a hill of beans without Holy Spirit doing His work.

it takes all types

if you are in jackson where it's reportedly 30° f, please enjoy that for us, because it's closer to 36°c here.

yet somehow, the airlines have discovered how to recreate the arctic inside their giant flying tubes, so i made excellent use of the fuzzy blanket i stashed away. best $6 i've ever spent. 

and though they seriously need to lay off the air conditioning, the entertainment and food were far better than i expected. 

bunny trail: my non-conversational travel companion acted like she didn't know much english, but somehow has enough of a handle on the language to seemingly enjoy and pay attention to a documentary (?) on.... carpet. the history of a very small carpet company, and their innovative carpets with special carpet fibers and a thrilling board meeting synopsis. i can't even. the entertainment value here came from watching her watching this, of her own volition, for a very long time. 

we have eaten, we have showered, we have now come back from the church where we organized all 13+ bags of supplies. the real fun starts tomorrow! we will spend the majority of the day at the church which is hosting its big ole' event. we've got reading glasses, we've got physical therapists demonstrating stretches, we've got blood pressures and blood sugar checks, we've got hair cutting, face painting and story telling, and flip flops out the wazoo! but first and foremost, there is the gospel, given 1 - 1 (or 1- 5), to every person who comes. church members will be present, helping, hosting, greeting, being that crucial connecting point between an outsider and the church.

ways 2 praise:

* it does a heart good to see old friends again. it's been 5 or 6 years since i've been in brasil, but there was much joy in greeting tony gray and rodrigo and his family again. 

* all the bags came!! this is not something i ever take for granted 

ways 2 pray:

* the day of evangelism and ministry/clinics tomorrow is expected to have a big turnout. this is a fabulous opportunity for locals to come to the church, hear the gospel, and meet church members. if you have never been to church before, it's super intimidating even if you *do* go with a friend. pray for these connections to form, for non believers to feel the love of Jesus, and want to come back!

* pray we all hold up okay in this boiling heat 🥵 and do our roles well tomorrow (and every day). we have a diverse team joining with bethesda; Jesus knows why each one of us is here and who we are each supposed to interact with. pray we remain faithful and obedient throughout the whole trip

lala flies again!

#didntseethiscoming , but i'm in brasil again! 

Less than 2 months ago i was approached with an opportunity to return to brasil on our church's annual mission trip, due to unforseen conflicts for another team member. As God still has us "on hold" regarding longer-term mission plans, i smiled sweetly and said i'd talk to nik... and then forgot to for a week. When i admitted i'd love to, but had some things i'd need God to solve, He did.  

Turns out there were at least 4 people praying like crazy for this to work out. [if you were wondering, i was not one of those people.] i knew that if God wanted this to happen, He'd open the right doors. i needed this to be His desire.

ways to pray:

*bethesda baptist church, for which fbcj built a chapel for last year, as we join them for a week to boost their ministry and encourage their members

*each of us 13 members, as God works in us, and through us, for His glory and our good.

ways to praise: 

*i was given this unlooked-for opportunity, and was able to meet a need (something about the banker really praying for someone else to run the blood pressure/glucose clinic...)

*we have made it to janauba! after about a billion hours of travel spread over a day and a half, we are here (and considering the circumstances, I'd say we smell and look pretty good!)

**update** we have made it to the hotel, and now have access to showers 🤣😂🤣

one foot on the Truth, the other on a banana peel

 i've never been a roller coaster person, despite my desire to be.

some time in my early teens, i went with some friends to a roller coaster park, and one girl i liked hanging out with was willing to go with me on the smallest, least dramatic roller coaster available to "ease into" the fun. there are only a few things i remember about it:

1. it was called "the mousetrap."

2. it was unreassuringly creaky and clanky, and (in my opinion) unnecessarily jerky and whiplash-y.

3. as i was envisioning a future of paralysis from neck injury, my friend was sitting next to me as comfortably as if she were on a sofa… reciting a few Psalms that she had memorized for just such an occasion. it was stunning, amusing, shocking… annoying… amazing, really.

i'm finishing a 5-part series about martin luther on a newfound history podcast, and one of the more interesting aspects is that the hosts are atheists. ikr?!? overall, they give a better description of the reformation than I feared, although they've kept strictly to only one of the 5 "solas:" sola scriptura ("only scripture").  in total, they are: sola fida, sola gratia, solus Christus, sola scriptura, soli Deo gloria. in meaning, they state that salvation is through faith alone, by grace alone, in Christ alone, as in the Scripture alone, for God's glory alone.

bunny trail: back when such a thing was possible, my mom majored in latin. she knows all the reasons for sola vs. soli vs solus, and had she lived in martin luther's time, i bet his Bible translation would have been finished even earlier and perfectly proofread. i have zero talent for language, except american english. i don't even do english-english, because sorry-not-sorry we won that war, king george.

the one "sola" they've stuck with makes sense, because it's really the only "tangible" concept there that you could expect an atheist to explain. in addition, the Scriptures contain the others for the most part, so i can give them partial credit without difficulty.

i believe they are mistaken on some aspects of the story, like some (most of) of his motives, and the reason for his resolve is never explored. which is bonkers, when you go a mile in luther's crocs and think through the implications of what this lonely until-then obscure guy did and said. leaving out the "why" is a major logical "whoopsie."

then they take that logical slippery slope like an unhitched roller coaster car. 

down a greased track. 

in a lightning storm.

somehow- couldn't tell ya how- but somehow, they wind up at the conclusion that martin luther- the guy who set off the protestant reformation and basically changed the trajectory of a major branch of Christianity- that martin luther!!- is just like one of those liberal "pro-palestine" protesters. yup. they said that.

bunny trail: i hate political bunny trails, but i really thought they'd hold out longer. key difference between them and martin luther? luther actually accomplished something- but that's just my limited analysis.

the podcasters, being the religious-roller-coaster daredevils they are, [cut the brake line and whip around a hairpin turn and] declare martin luther is a radical who cast off the oppressive regulations of the religious authorities so he could "live his truth." they [fly down that deconstruction track as they disengage all safety mechanisms and] hypothesize that atheism is the natural conclusion to the protestant reformation, because if luther could trash everything the catholic church produced except the Bible, why not chuck that, too? luther was "living his truth," and so should we! 

[**gruuuchkkkniunckkngkkkngkngkngk**  that's the sound of the roller coaster car veering around a corner and shooting off the track's end, grinding to a halt in a pile of twisted, sparking metal. the podcasters go airborne, floating through the atmosphere on their own fanciful theories. they haven't yet landed.]

luther was not "living his truth." he had read the Bible and discovered The Truth. "I AM the Way, the Truth, and the Life," Jesus said (john 14:6). martin poured over the Bible from beginning to end, laboring meticulously to wring out the meaning of words like "grace" and "propitiation" and "faith." he knew somewhere in that mountain of church writings, doctrines, and practices lay the answers he so desperately needed. after digging through the top layers of grass and dirt, sand and loose gravel, he hit the bedrock. finally, a place he could stand, a place that could support the tremendous weight of the gospel of Jesus Christ. this gospel is the pearl of great price. the buried treasure the rich man sells his entire estate for in order to buy the otherwise useless field. for him, and for luther, this was worth e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.  his job, his reputation, his friends, his family, his time, his strength, his every heartbeat.

any faith you build on dirt or sand won't stand up to more than 2 puffs and a huff from the big bad wolf.

but on a layer of bedrock? you couldn't have a harder, more solid foundation under you. "on this rock I will build My Church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it" (matt 16:18, emphasis added). "this rock" is understood within protestantism to refer to the gospel, peter's confession that Jesus was the Christ, the Son of the Living God.

that's what luther realized. "i cannot and will not recant anything, for to go against conscience is neither right nor safe. here i stand- i can do no other. so help me, God."

this, after encountering the Truth about God's holy wrath intersected by His redeeming grace.

this, in response to his religious and political authorities, who had consolidated power and turned faith into a spiritual one-a-day tablet ["available for a price. discounts applied at register. one indulgence per customer per confession. may not be combined with any other relic sale or promotion"].

bunny trail: so. many. questions. about those indulgences. what was the return policy? what if you bought one for someone who'd already gotten one the previous year from a different relative? what did you do with it? how long did they take to work? what if it got lost or destroyed?

this, knowing his life was at stake.

this, knowing he'd be accused of disrespect, heresy, offensiveness, stupidity, recklessness, and who knows what else.

there are some things in which, in all practicality, it is impossible to *not* take a stand on. to say you are *not taking a stand* is in itself taking a stand. standing on very shaky dirt and sand, but still.

the gospel of Jesus Christ is one of those things. the Bible containing that gospel is thus necessarily one of those things.  either it's true, or it's not. the very second you add or subtract to the Bible and its gospel, you are just strapping yourself into another roller coaster cart behind my atheist buddies. yeah, that one- with no lap bar and the bent axle. good luck.

another quote i found, also attributed to martin luther, is this: "the truth of the matter is rather as Christ says: 'he who is not with me is against Me.' He does not say, 'he who is not with Me is not against Me either, but merely neutral.' " i've visited multiple churches in the past while that are trying (unsuccessfully) to find that gray area of both sound doctrine and societal acceptance. they're trying the podcaster's idea of discarding the Bible, and they will wind up in the same place- nowhere. or rather, nowhere good.

i've been blessed not only by much more theologically sound podcasts, but mostly by multiple returns to the sacred refuge of that glorious gospel. no matter who or what tries to offer me a watered-down version, i can't take it. every manner of spiritual and political authority is making power-grabs all over the freaking place, now trying to offer up a politically correct, utterly inoffensive, store-brand religious one-a-day.

i don't have all the answers; neither did good ole doc luther. but we have far more than enough to give me confidence in the holy, inerrant, Word of God. i stand firmly in the gospel of Jesus Christ. i believe His words. i trust His promises. He is the propitiation for my sins, and i trust Him fully for my salvation and have the Holy Spirit as a "guarantee of the inheritance" in heaven until the day i get there. this gospel is "old-fashioned." it is "weird" and apparently, "on the wrong side of history." it is most definitely not "cool." but it's true, and I'm staking my entire eternity on that simple fact.

bunny trail: when did history start having "sides"? and where is the edge, or corner, or fold? who makes that decision? seriously!

this, because i've encountered the Truth in an undeniable, unavoidable way. i had the smallest possible glimpse of my sin from the Truth's perspective, and then nearly drowned in the flood of that same Truth's redeeming grace. that encounter is one the reality of which i simply cannot deny or avoid, and it demands that i respond accordingly.

this, knowing i'll be (or have already been) accused of disrespect, heresy, offensiveness, stupidity, all manner of phobias and "anti-"s, and i don't know what else.

what i do know is that however many loop-de-loops and twists this roller coaster of life blasts me through, there's an absolutely safe ending: standing before the heavenly throne, praising my Savior and God without restraint and without end. 

"there is one gospel on which i stand 

for all eternity.

it is my story, my Father's plan:

the Son has rescued me.

oh what a gospel, oh what a peace,

my highest joy and my deepest need!

now and forever He is my light;

i stand in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

there is one gospel to which i cling.

all else i count as loss.

for there, where justice and mercy meet,

He saved me on the cross.

no more i boast in what i can bring,

no more i carry the weight of sin.

for He has brought me from death to life;

i stand in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

there is one gospel where hope is found;

the empty tomb still speaks.

for death could not keep my Savior down,

He lives, and i am free!

now on my Savior i fix my eyes,

my life is His and His hope is mine.

for He has promised i, too, will rise;

i stand in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

and in this gospel the Church is one,

we do not walk alone.

we have His Spirit as we press on

to lead us safely home.

and when in glory still i will sing

of this old story that rescued me.

praise to my Savior, the King of Life,

i stand in the gospel of Jesus Christ."

 

"there is one gospel," words and music by jonny robinson and rich thompson

return to sender

rather than wearing something old, new, borrowed and blue for my wedding, i took the opportunity to write a letter of appreciation to each of my old, new, borrowed and blue families, each named after its representative subset. my "old" family is my church family, being represented by a group of folks i lovingly refer to as "my old people." these hoary-headed church members are simply a delight to be around, and i always look forward to sharing their company around a table for wednesday night dinners. in exchange, they shared their joy, their stories, their wisdom, their encouragement, their experience- in short, it was not a fair trade by any means. they were totally ripped off.

at some point in the past year-ish (?) our church began a more intentional push to return some blessing to our elder members, especially those who are home-bound, sick, or living alone, by setting out cards, envelopes, and a list of their names so that we could write them notes of encouragement. if we learned anything in 2020, it was how soul-deadening that level of isolation can be (and also to wash your filthy disgusting hands, but that's another soapbox… ).

anyway, i know personally several of those names, and recognized several others, so i grabbed a members list and a pile of cards, used the excuse to buy cool new pens, and i began my "experiment."  i'd try to write a set number each week, and as soon as i heard anyone was calling the church to inquire about what weirdo was stalking them with random cards, i'd stop- or at least sign someone else's name (JK!  jk….)

bunny trail: this is what enneagram 5s do. we call new ventures "experiments" so that if it turns out to be a colossal failure we don't have to blame ourselves.

it was awkward at first. because seriously, who does this anymore? what do i say to someone i haven't seen in person for months, or more, or who is decades older, who i don't have much in common with? like, "hey, how are you- i just spent an hour cleaning crayon off every surface in the living room." i doubted anyone would care very much. but maybe they'd still like to remember what it was like to chase toddlers around, or look up the Bible verse i stuck in there, or smile at the animal stamp i stuck in the corner (i just had to. these stamps are too darn cute to not be put on absolutely everything i can).

but then something weird happened. a lady i'd never, ever spoken directly to found me one sunday and said a teary-eyed thank you. the next wednesday 2 women that i did know quite well said the same- one had a mother who received a card; the second was a widow who happened to get her card around the same time of year her husband died. a 94-year old hobbled down the long children's wing to find me, tell me some of her life story and give me a hug. (and then another elderly fellow said how much he appreciated the christmas card, because now he knew who the heck had been writing these cards, so it worked!)

but then something else happened. i got an email from the church secretary saying she didn't send one of the cards because the recipient had just passed away.

and its happened twice more. my "old people" leaving me before i was quite ready to say goodbye- i'd barely said hello to one of them. i was reminded of one of my memory verses, hebrews 12:1- "since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witness…" that cloud is a bit larger now, and heavy with their love, joy, and faithfulness. ms. clara- she was the first to write a letter of congratulations after my engagement, from her nursing home, no less. she had absolutely pure white hair, enabling her to wear NEON shirts and look AWESOME. mr. lynn- he came every week by the college students' pew, asking each of us if we were staying around after graduation. he was ecstatic when he found out i was. his wife, ms pat- she is getting a card this week. she sang in the choir, and smiled big enough for the entire soprano section. ms. janice took the plunge and joined facebook, tracking and commenting on my posts faithfully until covid called her heavenward. mr morris, ms sandy, ms mollie… ms pat is the only one here i can still write to.

and then this week happened.

i knew it was off to a bad start when i woke up to nik asking what to do with the kiddo who wandered into the work room covered in cute baby barf and asked for mo doos? cuppeese? (more juice? cup please?).  as i flushed away my entire day's plans, i received news that someone close to me had a possibly bad medical issue, a sister had tornado watches in effect, and that i would never be able to have that video call to my grandad i was planning.

i was nowhere near as consistent with calling him as i've been with these letters. i knew that he closely followed us on facebook, and thought of him with every post i've made, but it's not the same as a two-way conversation where he can share, too. this is more of a loss than anyone who didn't know him could understand. more than 90 years old, his mind was remarkably intact and every conversation with him brought forth more memories, stories, humorous anecdotes, and thoughts.

once the barfing baby stopped, i was able to clean (eVeRyThINg) up, sit down, and breathe. since i'd already written my week's homebound letters, i've decided to write one more, even though this one won't get mailed, either.

dear grandad,

hey- how are you? i just spent a day cleaning baby barf smell off every surface in … basically the whole house. it's a good thing your great grandkid is so cute. i remember when we first told you she was on her way, and the loss i felt when two days later my monday crumbled with news of grandmother's death. i was glad for the 4-day weekend that let us travel to you for her funeral. well, what do you know? two days after hearing about how you were doing, my monday crumbled.

except not really. it shook a bit, but stayed upright. this 4-day weekend won't let me come say the "official" goodbye, but i feel like we've sent those same thoughts back and forth already. i treasure the picture of you meeting bugaboo for the first time, and the joy on both of your faces. that "hello" memory is so much better than any "goodbye" memory i could get now at your funeral.

i kinda knew. i'm bummed, but not surprised. in fact, my first instinctive reaction was, "finally" (wait before you judge me)! my second was, "i still had that one question for him."

i won't get an answer, but i may as well ask anyway. besides, i already have a couple new ones for you.

first, of course, is "how is grandmother?" i already know the first place you ran to was that heavenly throne and the One who sits upon it. there is no way for you to describe Him, which is why i'm not asking about it. the apostle john did his best, and we all see how that turned out; i doubt even as good a storyteller as you could do better. there aren't words to express the emotions you must have gone through when your faith became sight and your immortal eyes were hit with that blaze of Glory. i imagine that's where you found her. i want so badly to know how she looks and how she's been spending this first part of eternity. was she able to watch you join a heavenly music band for a song or two? did you share a laugh about ditching that walker you both used, before you ran hand in hand down some heavenly sidewalk?

tell me about your "mansion," would you? when i said goodbye to your old home last april, i remember wondering at how small it was- practically a cottage, really. in all my memories it's several times larger! i could hear in every word you spoke that the house was getting smaller and smaller to you, too. just like my "old people," i watched you live out your faith day by day, making excellent use of your time on earth, but increasingly eager to leave it. once grandmother left, no place on earth would ever be "home." that little house was practically a mansion to us- mostly because of the enormous amount of love you and grandmother cram-jammed into it, and i'm just curious what i'll see when i finally get to visit you again.

of much less importance, but still: i have GOT to hear the story behind that freakishly gigantic safety pin on your little shelf of knick-knacks. we'd talked about you telling me about each one as i asked over calls or texts… but somehow we never got around to those. i'm having one of those cliché "ah, what i wouldn't give for one more conversation" moments. i just loved basically every story you ever told (especially the medical ones), and even small or simple every day moments had shades of legend when you told them. and let's be real- a 5 inch safety pin is not an everyday item; i refuse to believe the background story is anything less than hysterical. it's my fault for not just asking ages ago.

as long as i'm asking imaginary questions in an imaginary letter, i'll toss this one in, too: ARE THERE DINOSAURS UP THERE?!? no, but really!! if there's a new heaven and a new earth, and the first one was perfect (at least for a few verses), i'm hoping the new perfect earth has them as well. and if there are dinosaurs, are there cats- cats that look like the ones we've known here? maybe only the ones we liked…. i know animals don't have souls, and there will be perfect joy and peace in heaven, Jesus is all we need… but man, having a pet dinosaur to ride in heaven would be basically the coolest thing ever.

don't judge me. okay, maybe judge me a little bit.

i've got a bunch of your day lilies planted here. there are some on each side of the house, to maximize my chances of not killing most of them. now i just need to put some kind of garden border around them, to maximize the lawn guy's chances of not killing the rest. so far, most of them grew back, even after being mowed down a few times. i'm hoping, hoping it works out, and that they will be a reminder for many, many years to come.

a reminder to ask questions, write letters, learn from and listen to the people close to us, because we are never guaranteed another day to do so.

a reminder that every day is precious and we are called to be good stewards of our time and relationships.

a reminder that beyond this life is another one, a far better one, a life where the day lilies last as long as, well, that never-ending day.

a reminder to "lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely," so i can "run the race set before [me], looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of [my] faith," to someday join my "no-longer-old people" at the finish line.

a reminder that in the midst of that "great cloud of witnesses" there is now yet another one: one i miss seeing here a little, but look forward to seeing again a lot. once i spend a few thousand years with Jesus, i'm gonna take my pet dino for a walk past your mansion and we'll have eternity to catch up.

tell grandmother i say "hello."