the impossible snowflake

it's snowing now.  it was 50 degrees yesterday, but by gum it's snowing today!  welcome to tennessee!

it was raining when i began the errands, sunny when i picked my sister up, raining while we binge-watched Jack Bauer and then snowing when we had to be responsible and part ways. 

i still am torn on the theory that no two snowflakes are exactly the same- i feel like there's gotta be some sort of conditional statement, but maybe not.  part of me thinks that as soon as someone spat that one out, all his scientist friends were like, "thank goodness- now we can stop checking for duplicates."  at last they were able to move on to more important things.  

all i know is that until a very bored person disproves the theory, i'm okay with going along with it.

the past few weeks have been something less than a smooth ride for me.  not my fave.  i've only had two...or three… breakdowns witnessed by other people.  am i getting better or what?!?

the burden was great enough that i felt the intense need to have the prayer support of multiple friends and so i appealed to the social media networks and was met with an overabundance of replies.  i was humbled by the numerous responses and friends who followed up with me later- and all this without me even saying what the prayer request was about! 

the first part of the trial has passed; the next, and longer, part is going to start once i kick myself into action again, rather than stopping in between.  i'm not quite "scared," but i'm more than "nervous."  i'll settle for  "disheartened."  i'm tired.  i'm worn.  i'm not exactly full of hope regarding this particular concern.

but even so, just a few days ago i met with a trusted friend/adviser who is "in the know," and for the first time in a bazillion ages i was able to say, "yeah, i'm exhausted...but maybe a little bit hopeful, too...maybe?"  even just working through the ins and outs of a knotty problem at least put some perspective on it.  it was just as large, or larger, than i had considered, but at least it had some parameters now.

with that and the prayers, i felt some of the weight lift, and even running on less sleep than i'd have liked i waltzed into work for a 12+ hour shift treasuring this small seedling on hope. 

during one of those hours i was bringing some labwork to the front of the unit to be sent out and processed, and i stopped to smile at the whiteboard stating the date, the charge nurse, a welcome to the NICU...and featuring what was clearly supposed to be a snowflake.  a completely impossible snowflake. 

an 8-sided snowflake.

i can't help it.  i'm a homeschool veteran…. i did well by not ever mentioning it until now.  and to be fair, it's a hundred times easier to draw 8- than 6-sided anythings.

but there it was- the happiest octagonal snowflake, not even realizing that there really be no snowflake like it, ever. and there never has been. 

i want to hold on to this impossible bit of hope for as long as i can.  even once i start moving again down this bumpy, twisty road, even when i trip and faceplant on a sidewalk.  this hope that seemed just as likely as an 8-sided snowflake happened. 

i am so grateful for all those who have walked down any part of this road with me, whether for a step, a mile, or around a corner.  a couple "first responders" were ones i wasn't aware still read status updates.  for whatever reason, Jesus let this one be read and let me see once again the bigness of Him through small things like facebook posts and snowflakes.

i hope the beauty of the silent flakes outside last just a while.  i'm not one to cherish frigid cold, but every one of those hexagonal miracles is (this time around) a little reminder that no matter how impossible the circumstances hope can still sprout.  and impossible hopes are the best.