with some fish on the side...

2015 is ending, which means so is my time to come up with a whole new set of resolutions to not meet in 2016!!  if you tweak it a bit, then i met one of my three goals for this year, and i'm really glad, especially since i didn't start working on it until about August, when i realized the other two just weren't realistically going to happen.  gotta pick your battles, huh?

this year was both more exciting and less fulfilling than i dreamed it would be.  from the travels to India, Brazil, Florida and North Carolina to the new nephew, new co-workers and new roommates, i've had at least one year's worth of adventure, for which i am grateful.  the parts that i wanted to have change and didn't- well, i am hoping i learn to be more grateful for them, too.

even with all the changes, one thing i don't want is to forget the good and drift back into the same old routine.  i currently don't know what else i should do, but i want to be ready for whatever big changes are in store during this new year, and not be caught off guard when Jesus shows Himself.  i already share too many character flaws with Peter.

one of my first questions when working through the last chapter in John was, of course, about my favorite fisherman Peter.  first of all, there's something awesome about the Peter-John connection.  that kind of brother love is rare, and it has always seemed to me like it's deeper than that of John and his real brother James. 

but John 21 shares a moment that feels like it belongs in a secret diary.  that may have been the first place it was written/chiseled before John shared it with all civilization.

the moment starts a couple days after Jesus comes back from the dead, just like He said He would, and shocks the sandals off His friends. 

….

and then Peter says, "let's go fishing."

really, Peter?  really?!?

his best friend, his champion, his Christ that he confessed earlier and then denied, his everything… He just came back from the dead- and Peter wants to go fishing.  it's literally less than 2 weeks later.

i can't blame him too much.  the grand epiphany hasn't happened yet, and he's still trying to figure things out.  Rome wasn't conquered, taxes are still high, the racism is still a daily topic of conversation in the marketplace along with the latest outbreak of leprosy, and Peter isn't sure how Jesus factors into the world situation yet. 

so he goes back to what he is sure about- his boat, his fish, and his best mates.

and just like several chapters previous, they catch nothing.  a whole night on the sea, and not a flipper to show for it. 

Jesus, who knows everything, shows up just as the sun does and asks if they caught any fish for breakfast. with the negative response, He gives them the same answer He gave them chapters ago- the one that makes no sense and would make any decent fisherman roll his eyes- to simply throw the net over the over side.  duh, Peter.  of course, just like chapters ago, the net is immediately filled with fish that just couldn't hop in there fast enough.

Peter still doesn't get it.  John is the one who remembers and reminds Peter, "hey- it's Jesus!" without a thought, Peter grabs his gear and jumps overboard, desperate to not be apart from Jesus for another second.

once they're all together on the seashore, they see that Jesus did not need any of their fish and he has a scrumptious breakfast already grilling on a fire.

a charcoal fire, if Peter notices.   less than a week ago, Peter was in the cold dark and warming himself by a charcoal fire, where before a handful of witnesses he adamantly denies knowing Jesus.  twice.  by the third time, he's angry and scared and cussing out loud that he's never seen Jesus. now again, Peter is sitting in the low light, cold and soaking wet and facing Jesus. 

i love how there's no judging, no yelling, no swearing or punching or slamming.  nobody other than Jesus could so gently and gracefully take out the proverbial elephant in the room. 

"Peter… do you love me?"

three times He asks.  twice Peter answers "Yeah, sure!"… by the third time, he realizes what his Friend is talking about.  and he remembers.  and so for the third time, he humbly and repentantly reaffirms his devotion to the only One worthy. 

and that's that.  Jesus makes His point, forgives His friend, and makes a second point all at once. 

without joining the scholars debating words and making points, arguments, theologies and commentaries on one or two words, i will say that my commentary did have a paragraph on Jesus's first question, "Do you love Me more than these?"  nobody is entirely sure what "more than these" means, but  given that there are fish everywhere in the story, and what Jesus says afterward, i agree with the folks saying "fish." 

as Peter is restored and forgiven, he hears his call again.  three times Jesus asks him to show his love by feeding and tending His sheep.  Jesus asks him to stop going back to the fish. 

"Follow Me." 

that's it.

"Follow Me.  yes, it's confusing and weird and unpopular. no, you don't have much idea yet how to do it.  but I gave My life for you, and I want you to be willing to give your life to Me.  Fishing is a part of your past; if you love Me more than you love fish, your career, your money, then you'll drop your nets and Follow Me."

as they walk side by side down the beach watching the sunrise, Peter takes the opportunity to ask about his best buddy John and God's plan for him. 

"Peter… none of your beeswax. Follow Me!"

i'm hoping that this will be a year where i learn better to follow Him, whatever the cost and wherever it leads.  if i love Him more than my career and image and paycheck and nursing and art and friends, then i should be willing to drop my badge and go.  i may not have disowned Him publicly, but i've made enough mistakes and opened my mouth when i shouldn't and struggled to have faith in bummer circumstances. i don't want to regress.  i don't want to give up and go back to a "safe" but Jesus-less boat if He's on the shore. i want to ditch the fish, regardless of who comes along or stays behind. i don't want to settle for a normal anything when He's out there calling me to something extraordinary. 

Welcome, 2016!!