sorry, but something about seeing a best friend/peer get married at age 21 has set off this ridiculously sappy and emotional mood that has persisted far longer than rhyme or reason could explain, even if they put their wispy heads together for a week to figure it out. and that makes alot more sense if you've seen The Phantom Tollbooth- that movie with Milo and the chill watch dog Tock who go on the freakiest roadtrip ever to find the two sisters, Rhyme and Reason who live in a transparent castle in the sky and Milo saves the whole freakish world from faceless demons like the Terrible Trivium by finally thinking. and then he wakes up in his living room.
but i am not doing drugs. i have, however, been doing thinking. alot of it. tryin' to figure out where my life is headed, if it's the right direction, how i'll know for sure-sure, and if i really should have gotten the other color of cell phone cover.
Bunny Trail #1: i have the ugliest phone ever. but it was the most similar to the one i had before, so i kinda had to get it. besides, all the other capable americans have moved on to touchscreens. if you know nothing else about me, please be assured of this: me+touchscreen= imminent doom for all electronics within 10 leagues.
(Bunny Trail #1-B: how long is a league anyway?)
but anyway, the only three colors of phone covers were the ugliest, brightest flourescent shades of pink, blue and purple. i can not handle pink. NOT. the blue one was about to make me hate all shades of blue forever and always, so i couldn't do it. i already hate the color purple, but this hideous shade wouldn't blind me like the pink, so now i own a Barney-purple phone cover.)
Main Topic again: but since it seems that i will not be getting married in the near (potentially farrrrrrrr) future, i need something to do. yes, i work, but i feel like that's not it. for some reason i have the nagging sense that there is something out there for me to do, and once i figure out what it is everything on earth will either make sense or not matter at all. (math goes in the "does not matter" category). while my career is a mission of sorts, and does demand alot of time and effort, and is something i love doing (alot), there's something else… i just don't know what. i have a couple of ideas that i'm excited about. every christian oughta have a way to reach out to others- that above all else. if you don't tell that person about Jesus...what? are ya going to assume someone else will/should instead? without him, THEY'RE DEAD. they've got nothing to lose and eternity to gain, and it can all happen if you open your mouth/life/home/wallet/eyes to a little risk.
(Bunny Trail #2: some of the most heartening words i've heard regarding the administration of CPR to a patient: "they're already dead- whatever you do can't make them any worse...so do something!" and at least you know you tried.
to continue this thought, i spent yesterday and today becoming certified in both BLS (basic life support-your typical CPR and stuff) and ACLS (advanced cardiovascular life support-bringing monitors, medications, therapies and all kinds of nonsense into the deal). considering i work on a cardiac floor and was also paid for learning this, i was really happy about it. but i also got sore. come to find out, doing CPR for 10 minutes straight...twice in a row... really works out the abs and back. i've saved at least 20 plastic dummy lives these two days, and in the group sessions twice i wound up doing compressions for several minutes straight. even the instructors were impressed, which is good, but… i hurt. i've got to start doing push-ups or something, or my patients might be disappointed later. but somewhere between the lactic acid burn in my shoulders and counting 30 compressions for 2 breaths, times 5 for a set, i looked down and said "well daggum, push like that was a non-christian!" and i did, friends, i did- until the sweat rolled down and my spine was about to give way. no giving up after that!
Main Topic again: see? that was more like a bunny cul-de-sac because it came back around to what i had been saying...sort of :)
to tie it all together, i want to be more intentional with people, especially those with less than me (not just materially either- physically, emotionally, metaphysically, spiritually, etc...all those "ally"s). too much is at stake for me to be lazy and stay comfortable in my little hole without doing something about all those hurting hearts out there. i don't know about you, but there are so many people that i see everywhere...and i just look at their faces and think, "you're sad." i can see anger, despair and confusion chiseled into their physical facial expressions, or they'll walk away and i can feel the painful residue of their presence. it's weird...it really is. can't explain it at all. but i can't stand waiting for some other christian to do what takes 2 seconds and a little bit of faith...and sometimes a lot of gut, too. but if i can take a smidgen of their burden away, or better yet- show them to the one who can take the whole kitten caboodle- how in heaven or earth could i say no? "they're already dead- do SOMETHING!!"
and there is no good way to tie in a strong ending. partly because i'm watching the last disc of Lord of the Rings with a roommate and was suddenly overcome with such a tummy-wrenching hunger than i had to eat some ritz crackers and peanut butter, and then a cinnamon graham cracker. i have assuaged the pangs, and also spread some love, joy and many many crumbs on this section of the living room. and there's not much spiritual about this mess :)
so what are you still reading this for?!? go do something amazing for God, and let me know how it turns out!! i really do want to hear about it :)
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