round-about encouragement, from me to you

i am so blasted proud of myself right now.  so proud, i'm even writing about it now.  there's just something incredibly satisfying about sitting down in my super-comfortable chair seeing the living room floor clear and clean, knowing the dishes are done and i've got several meals made and ready to go.  and also that the upstairs is.. mostly clean ;)  that migraine that's been teasing me for three days finally came last night so i could drug myself into a stupor and then wake up at 8 am and get going.  the one good thing about my migraines is that i do sleep better on drugs ;)

i only have 2 books going right now, which is weird for me.  i'm kinda at a standstill- like i can't continue with the first two until i start another one (or two) first, but i don't know  which one, so every day i just sit down and look at my books and then smile.  

i've also got a couple candles lit now that are creating quite a pleasant, quiet ambiance here.  a bit calming and comforting. Fat Floyd departed for HamsterLand yesterday for some unknown reason and his presence will be missed, but it's not the first pet i've ever lost and i hadn't gotten to know him as well so the emotional trauma is much lessened.  i feel like some rain would be appropriate- a good thunderstorm.  it did take over a year after "The Tornado" (as it is referred to in Jackson) before i could enjoy thunderstorms again, but now one would be nice.  i might also break the humidity, which is approaching 5000% and driving the heat index up to levels which fog my glasses over just by thinking about it. that, and there's not much that can compare to the grandeur of a big ole' cumulonimbus floating over head shooting sparks of electricity everywhere that causes the actual air to all but explode and then implode on itself and make such a racket you just have to smile. 

after this next week i will be done with the less-exciting part of orientation at the hospital, and then i can finally switch to 12-hr days.  this whole 8am-5pm every weekday thing is destroying me.  i have a new-found respect for anyone on earth who can pull that off, because i sure can't!!  i have no idea how i've been able to get through the past few weeks… well no.  i do know.  i think it's one more confirmation that Jackson is where i'm supposed to be right now.  the thought of actually getting patients this week or next is about as intimidating as anything on earth, but it's not like God dragged me through nursing school to drop me now, which is a comfort.

i've heard several times from good people that God never gives us more than we can handle.  if they're feeling witty, they add Mother Theresa's "i just wish He didn't trust me so much" line afterwards. 

so. not. true.

just from personal experience i know that i definitely had tons more than i can handle.  20 years of stuff i couldn't handle, and had built up to the point where i was crumbling and about to be crushed.  throw nursing school on top of that mess, and you have an idea of what i mean.  i had been trying to handle it, and everyone in Jackson saw how well that idea turned out...not a pretty picture.  BUT when i finally did crash, God was right there saying something along the lines of, "Are you exhausted yet?  Here, lemme grab that 20-ton emotional baggage off your hands.  I've been waiting for you." 

He gave me plenty more than i could handle- but not more than He could handle FOR ME.  and you won't ever find a biblical character who got very far on their own, either.  so while i wait around for the thunderstorms, i'm going to keep on trusting their maker for the strength and presence of mind not to do anything incredibly stupid to my patients. 

that was a really round-about way to get to anything meaningful.  but really, i've wanted to say that so many times to people, but i couldn't because most of those times they were trying to encourage ME.  either way, be encouraged all of you who are hoping in Someone stronger than yourself to carry you through whatever is facing you.  He always wins!! :)