trailblazing with the I AM

i have always known i'm more of a visual/kinesthetic learner than an auditory one.  i still remember the "Aha" moment in AP Biology class, senior year of high school when after reading the textbook and hearing Ms K explain it while looking at the slide, and suddenly i understood DNA, RNA, tRNA, and mRNA with their little amino acids and the process of protein production.  it was like magic.  i loved it.  a week later, i was still one of 2 students who got it. 

the weird thing is that outside the classroom, most of my "Aha" moments….turned out to be false.  after 2,228,985 times of being told something, even a visual learner will "get it."  (unless you were in that AP class and still asking months later to cheat off my test…you know who you are.  i hope you're not reading this.)

i love how Jesus almost always used visuals in His teachings, and how He related huge important things to concepts that His listeners could understand.  these guys had never eaten lunch with God Almighty before- eating pita and hearing "I AM the good shepherd" must have been the biggest "Aha" moment ever to those shepherds. "I AM the light of the world" implies all kinds of things, even in a world with electricity. "Come to me, all who weary and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I AM gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your soul. for My yoke is easy and My burden is light"  make a lot of sense when you're feeling lost and tired and confused and stupid and stuck.

a friend explained what i'm dealing with in a way that's easy to visualize- it's the difference between a footpath in the wilderness vs. a superhighway.  most people's natural thought processes are footpaths to me.  my neurons don't naturally go that route.  they're zooming off the opposite direction at 75 mph, cruise control on and radio rocking.  i'm having to consciously, repeatedly, intentionally re-route everything to get back on course.  taking detours and back roads, forging ways through overgrown trails that are as thoughtless as breathing to people i know.

i'm tired, man.  i'm tired.  it's mentally draining to scrap everything you knew (or thought you knew) and start from the beginning, to learn that every conclusion you'd been led to for years on end was a lie, and -even better- most of the friends and people i look up to recognize it as false because their trail was already cleared, smoothed, paved and painted by the time they were in kindergarten.  it's an interstate highway by this point, complete with rest stops for the weary,  mile markers for the OCD and rehab-ing convicts picking up the litter and mowing the weeds.

it's more of an effort than you might think for me to hear things that contradict my inbred mental pathways.  it's getting easier but it's still not easy.  it's taken massive doses of truth, repeated over and over and over again, to find a few grains that i can latch on to.  even more effort to figure out what to do with those grains, then still more effort to do whatever it is that needs doing.  i am SO glad that i have access to so many sermons and podcasts and helpful books and a wealth of edifying music.  thank you, YouTube.

i was on YouTube tonight looking up the most random song ever that i hadn't heard of in years, and came across what Oprah Winfrey claims in the sermon that turned her life around.

2,228,985- that's how many views this video has.  i am almost ashamed to say one of those views was mine.  it's probably higher now, but i am too scared to check.

Oprah needs to take another U-turn at the next possible moment.

not to name names, but the "pastor's" name rhymes with Bowl Shmovstein.

and for 26 minutes i half-listened to a guy with no seminary experience at all talk about a Bible WITHOUT EVER OPENING IT ONCE. 

what he said sounded "nice."

what he said was false.  like, omg, that's-actually-not-true kind of statements.

he said that the "I am" statements i make to myself will come true. 

he said i get to choose what follows the "I am".

he said that "all through the day, the power of the "I am" is at work."

I'm mentally patting myself on the back right now.  i feel like i dodged a 26-minute bullet to my soul.  honestly, a part of me wishes he were right.  it would be grand if i could say something and have it become true, just because i "invited it into my life."  think how cool it would feel if i chose how those statements about myself ended.

and how powerful i would seem if what i said dominated every waking moment.

but think how scary it is to trade his "I am" statements for the I AM. 

see, when i actually pick up the Bible and read what it says, instead of announcing what i want it to say to me, i find some other statements.

it says that I AM has made statements that always are true.

it says that i've been chosen by I AM and i can choose to follow.

it says that all through the day, the power of I AM is at work.

i don't understand many of I AM's statements- even the ones that sound awesome. i'm not writing this because i have plumbed the depths of knowledge and can divulge the hidden secrets of Scripture- rather the opposite. 

i know surprisingly little, and believe even less- even on a good day.

but i do know some "I am" statements, and what i've been learning is that these are even more powerful than most anything, even Mr Bowl's teeth whitening strips.

the I AM is the one who made stars and starfish and mountains and caves and volcanoes and clouds and camels and dirt and lightening and amoebas.

the I AM is the one who is the same yesterday and today and forever.

the I AM is the head of the Trinity.  good luck with understanding that.

the I AM came down in human form for the sole purpose of manifesting Himself to the world and redeeming His own.

the I AM is a bit more patient with me than i am with myself.

the I AM has a timescale that is utterly different from ours.

the I AM is un-understandable…and this is a good thing.

to be fair, Bowl did say at the end that (after you repeated a few selected words to magically become saved) you should join a "good, Bible-believing church", so not everything he said was false.

he just didn't realize that his whole lifestyle goes kaput if the audience actually followed that piece of advice. 

i have been trapped most of this week on my mental highway, unable to escape onto that way of Truth where i need to be.  it's a bummer. i'm stuck, and the closest i can come to getting un-stuck is this.  but every time i step onto the trail, it gets a little wider, a little easier, a little better.  every time i hear falsehood and counter it with Truth, it's a victory.  every time i can ditch "I am" statements and run to the I AM, it's like the prodigal coming home again.

if you've got lies buzzing around your head like this fly that i'm about to destroy, don't go to Bowl. go to the Book.

you get to choose to follow the I AM, and no matter what size or condition your mental pathway is in, He's there calling for you.  He's probably got a sign for us visual learners, too.