with some fish on the side...

2015 is ending, which means so is my time to come up with a whole new set of resolutions to not meet in 2016!!  if you tweak it a bit, then i met one of my three goals for this year, and i'm really glad, especially since i didn't start working on it until about August, when i realized the other two just weren't realistically going to happen.  gotta pick your battles, huh?

this year was both more exciting and less fulfilling than i dreamed it would be.  from the travels to India, Brazil, Florida and North Carolina to the new nephew, new co-workers and new roommates, i've had at least one year's worth of adventure, for which i am grateful.  the parts that i wanted to have change and didn't- well, i am hoping i learn to be more grateful for them, too.

even with all the changes, one thing i don't want is to forget the good and drift back into the same old routine.  i currently don't know what else i should do, but i want to be ready for whatever big changes are in store during this new year, and not be caught off guard when Jesus shows Himself.  i already share too many character flaws with Peter.

one of my first questions when working through the last chapter in John was, of course, about my favorite fisherman Peter.  first of all, there's something awesome about the Peter-John connection.  that kind of brother love is rare, and it has always seemed to me like it's deeper than that of John and his real brother James. 

but John 21 shares a moment that feels like it belongs in a secret diary.  that may have been the first place it was written/chiseled before John shared it with all civilization.

the moment starts a couple days after Jesus comes back from the dead, just like He said He would, and shocks the sandals off His friends. 

….

and then Peter says, "let's go fishing."

really, Peter?  really?!?

his best friend, his champion, his Christ that he confessed earlier and then denied, his everything… He just came back from the dead- and Peter wants to go fishing.  it's literally less than 2 weeks later.

i can't blame him too much.  the grand epiphany hasn't happened yet, and he's still trying to figure things out.  Rome wasn't conquered, taxes are still high, the racism is still a daily topic of conversation in the marketplace along with the latest outbreak of leprosy, and Peter isn't sure how Jesus factors into the world situation yet. 

so he goes back to what he is sure about- his boat, his fish, and his best mates.

and just like several chapters previous, they catch nothing.  a whole night on the sea, and not a flipper to show for it. 

Jesus, who knows everything, shows up just as the sun does and asks if they caught any fish for breakfast. with the negative response, He gives them the same answer He gave them chapters ago- the one that makes no sense and would make any decent fisherman roll his eyes- to simply throw the net over the over side.  duh, Peter.  of course, just like chapters ago, the net is immediately filled with fish that just couldn't hop in there fast enough.

Peter still doesn't get it.  John is the one who remembers and reminds Peter, "hey- it's Jesus!" without a thought, Peter grabs his gear and jumps overboard, desperate to not be apart from Jesus for another second.

once they're all together on the seashore, they see that Jesus did not need any of their fish and he has a scrumptious breakfast already grilling on a fire.

a charcoal fire, if Peter notices.   less than a week ago, Peter was in the cold dark and warming himself by a charcoal fire, where before a handful of witnesses he adamantly denies knowing Jesus.  twice.  by the third time, he's angry and scared and cussing out loud that he's never seen Jesus. now again, Peter is sitting in the low light, cold and soaking wet and facing Jesus. 

i love how there's no judging, no yelling, no swearing or punching or slamming.  nobody other than Jesus could so gently and gracefully take out the proverbial elephant in the room. 

"Peter… do you love me?"

three times He asks.  twice Peter answers "Yeah, sure!"… by the third time, he realizes what his Friend is talking about.  and he remembers.  and so for the third time, he humbly and repentantly reaffirms his devotion to the only One worthy. 

and that's that.  Jesus makes His point, forgives His friend, and makes a second point all at once. 

without joining the scholars debating words and making points, arguments, theologies and commentaries on one or two words, i will say that my commentary did have a paragraph on Jesus's first question, "Do you love Me more than these?"  nobody is entirely sure what "more than these" means, but  given that there are fish everywhere in the story, and what Jesus says afterward, i agree with the folks saying "fish." 

as Peter is restored and forgiven, he hears his call again.  three times Jesus asks him to show his love by feeding and tending His sheep.  Jesus asks him to stop going back to the fish. 

"Follow Me." 

that's it.

"Follow Me.  yes, it's confusing and weird and unpopular. no, you don't have much idea yet how to do it.  but I gave My life for you, and I want you to be willing to give your life to Me.  Fishing is a part of your past; if you love Me more than you love fish, your career, your money, then you'll drop your nets and Follow Me."

as they walk side by side down the beach watching the sunrise, Peter takes the opportunity to ask about his best buddy John and God's plan for him. 

"Peter… none of your beeswax. Follow Me!"

i'm hoping that this will be a year where i learn better to follow Him, whatever the cost and wherever it leads.  if i love Him more than my career and image and paycheck and nursing and art and friends, then i should be willing to drop my badge and go.  i may not have disowned Him publicly, but i've made enough mistakes and opened my mouth when i shouldn't and struggled to have faith in bummer circumstances. i don't want to regress.  i don't want to give up and go back to a "safe" but Jesus-less boat if He's on the shore. i want to ditch the fish, regardless of who comes along or stays behind. i don't want to settle for a normal anything when He's out there calling me to something extraordinary. 

Welcome, 2016!!

"Jesus, please take my flamingoes..."

i'd love to say that this is my favorite time of year.

so i will- this is my favorite time of year.

and i only lied a little bit! 

parts of this time of year are my favorite, but some parts are not. i like the extra smiles that come with the holiday season.  i like how there's a special little spark inside people that prompts a giving attitude, increased generosity, reconciliation and, of course, good food and folks to share it with.

however, i do not like the cold weather, the early sunset and the impossibility of finding a good pair of jeans that fit.  guys have no idea. none at all.

i'm also not a huge fan of most family-related occasions.  being over 500 miles away from most family members means that i either get "adopted" by a church family for a day or else i sign up to work, where at least i can be with my "work family." working in a hospital means i encounter the full range of family situations on a daily basis, and as much as i dislike it i know where some of my family lies on that sliding scale of instability.  the holiday season seems to exist solely to remind me of this and makes celebrating a bit harder at times.  last week felt like an emotional workout trying to force myself to become excited.  i almost succeeded for a while!

this thanksgiving provided me and my sister an opportunity to do something we've never done before and go have an adventure in the great state of Florida.  too many other relatives had too much going on for us to get together this year, so we looked up Disney World on mapquest, loaded the car and booked it on an overnight road trip.  we photo-documented just about everything and had a fantastic time seeing what a little bit of magic and whole lot of money can build.

 

the best of what we saw, however, could never be replicated as well, no matter how far science takes us. you can commercialize however much you want, but the real eye-catchers were not made of plastic.  while "White Christmas" blared over speakers and glittery pixie dust covered the gift stores, we walked past gorgeous flowers, palm trees, ponds, rivers, animals and all kinds of people.  trained dolphins leapt 10 feet in the air, and wild manatees rested while we snorkeled over their heads buried in the mud.  a barracuda tried to make friends with me.  an evil-looking eel tried to steal my soul. a pelican almost choked to death swallowing a live fish that refused to give up. we went on a water ride BEFORE visiting the 30-degree penguin environment. we pondered why on earth flamingo/es sleep with one foot up.  and then we wondered why we had never wondered that before. for real.

bunny trail #1: lept? leapt? leaped? how many of these are correct?!? my spell-check recognizes none of them.

bunny trail #2:  plural of flamingo is...? and is this American English (which isn't either) vs. British English? and how many debates can we have over the validity of Webster's new addition of culterally made-up words like "ginormous" and "facebooking"?

coming back, i was faced again with some realities that i enjoyed being away from.  there's a dearth of Christmas music on the radio, and i could really use some James Penguin right now.  there's been some unrest in my heart and i struggled to figure it out until i got a step closer yesterday. 

it's the second week of Advent, a time of preparation and celebration in anticipation of the Hope of Nations. 

my devotions have led me to the end of John- the resurrection, Peter's restoration and call, and yet another Baptist-style fellowship by the sea.

Jesus's birth, and Jesus's resurrection.

the two biggest events in all of human history before me, and i felt empty. 

well, not empty.  i was full, but not of Christmas cheer. 

i was short-sighted; blinded by something in the way.

one of the little irritations about road trips is the frequent "ping" sound that i hear as one by one little bugs crash-land on the windshield.  driving overnight means my vision isn't obscured at all, but i still hear each one.  once the sun comes up i can see every little splotch that causes fuzzy blurs in my periphery when i focus on the road ahead.

this time, it felt like more than a bug.  this wasn't a "fuzzy blur" on my emotional windshield.  i could barely see anything.  it was bigger than a bug- more like a bird. 

and i'm not talking 'bout a little goldfinch.

by "bird" i mean a big ole' FLAMINGO.  feathers, bill, legs and wings- the whole dern thing had kamikazed down and obliterated  my entire field of vision.  i had to squint through the downy under-feathers and between knobby knees just to see the second Advent candle being lit. 

the candle of Peace. 

the confusion mounted to frustration.  i can get rid of bug-splatter with a few swipes of the wipers. 

i cannot, however, get rid of flamingo-splatter.

yes, i literally said a prayer asking Jesus to remove the flamingo.  (not out loud, you weirdo!!  good grief- i was in church!)

i felt better, not because the flamingo had moved yet, but because i knew that the Peace was still there even though i can't really see it now.  and that i knew the one who could clean up flamingo/es better than anyone. 

and also because of the mental image. i know the trip to Florida had a part in it, but still… i don't feel convicted in giving credit to the One who created flamingos in the first place for also giving me a slightly more humorous way of looking at the problem. 

through the tangle on my windshield i can see several more flamingo/es headed my way.  i'm so glad i've got Animal Control on speed dial. (i figure as long as i've got a great analogy, i should take it as far as i can!)

underneath all the wrappings and ribbons and commercialized consumerism lies a calm reality.  the truth of the season is that Hope showed up in a dirty barn- not a palace or White House or Wall Street,-during a time of uncertainty, fear, instability and hopelessness.  an unlikely hero in a less-than-resorty locale with an impossible mission. the prayer on my heart right now is that as He takes care of my flamingo/es, He will also take care of yours, that the God-made Peace and Hope of this Advent season sparkle through brighter than the man-made pixie dust (creepy how that sounds…) and that the highway ahead of you is clear.  these problems are temporary; the solution is eternal, and it's on its way and nothing can stop it.