on the brink of an adventure!

this is my last night in Jackson for a couple weeks (just over 2, unless something strange happens), and i gotta say…

this is the part where i wig out.

the reality of the impending adventure hit me like a semi truck monday night.

by tuesday night, my pulse and respiratory rate were consistently elevated.

by tonight (wednesday), stress hit peak levels and my entire body responded much like you'd expect it to after being hit by a semi truck.

for the past two weeks so many people have been almost daily passing on their prayers and blessings and excitement to me and i am rather humbled. 

and now i am humbly begging for more.  (after the Summary of my Day/background story to the prayer requests and praise :) )

today has been one heck of a day. mistake #1 was thinking i could wake up before noon and somehow be okay.  soooo not true. we started off alright, but it definitely took me 4 tries to leave the house with all 5 things i needed to bring with me.  like the car keys, for one.

1615 is when the migraine happened.

1705 is when the migraine skipped a stage and went straight to the puking.  i haven't puked in 4 1/2 years.  but a brief psychoanalysis of myself and the immediate after-effects proved it was stress-migraine related and not contagious or requiring me to flee the premises.

1735 is when the Cubbies showed up.

just in case i die of malaria overseas, i love that i have tonight as a memory.  and that my stomach somehow retained the double-dose of Excedrin so that i could be there to HAVE this memory ;)

the lesson i was able to teach centered on Christ as our shepherd- the one who guides, provides, and protects His sheep, every single one of them, no matter where they wander off to.  and it was preceded by a simple, humble, touching prayer led by another co-leader but participated in by a whole herd of little Cubbies.  Cubbies who grasp even just a bit, but who eagerly try to grasp more, ask questions before and during story time or even snack time, and blow my mind with their simple faith every week.  sometimes i wonder if i have as much faith as they do or if i've buried some of it.  after game time, when the game teacher usually has them shout out the Cubbies' "motto" ("Jesus loves me!") he told them to sing it instead- just to see what happened.  at least half of them caught on and sang a rousing-yet-totally-uncoordinated rendition including the chorus.  

my pulse was still high as i walked out the building and is only climbing.

i'm putting this post on this blog for a couple reasons, one of them being that as technologically challenged as i am, there are continuing difficulties in getting the other blog to post onto facebook or twitter or the internet.   (however, i'd prefer that this blog be kept completely separate from twitter if at all possible, so if you don't mind, don't tweet this out to everyone you know-just keep it to facebook.  that'd be awesome.)

i am full of praise:

-i have some wonderful 4 year olds. i friggin' love them. i learn so much by teaching them, and also seeing the progress of last year's Cubbies who against my instructions insisted on growing older and moving up to the Sparks class, and can now write words and read and… it's crazy.

Tra and LaLa started as just a way to connect these little minds to missions, and now they connect me to these kids as well- as well as connect me to many other people, young and old that i can share Jesus with.

-they have some wonderful parents/family members, who are my church family members. i friggin' love them, too.  from the very beginning of this journey a whole whopping 5-6 weeks ago, they and many others have supported this endeavor in multiple ways, always above and beyond anything i have needed or asked for or thought of.

-i have a wonderful opportunity to share with other people that they have a Good Shepherd who loves them more than they can imagine. 

-i have a Good Shepherd who knows His sheep and finds them when they go astray and brings them back to the fold, no matter how broken, scared and crazy-lost they've gotten themselves.

i am also full of freaked-out-ness:

-i have a pile of emotional baggage that i have been fighting with for what seems like years (mostly because it's been… years :P ). another suitcase got thrown on top of the pile this week. and it's definitely over Delta's 50 pound weight-limit.

-i have a couple of friends going through incredible amounts of pain.  i can do nothing for them.  it is not my story to tell, but it is weighing on me heavily and i need all kinds of prayers send their way.  the Holy Spirit knows their address and will forward it on, if you wouldn't mind sending a message of hope and healing.

-i have… zero boldness and confidence right now.  it may be my stomach and nerves talking, but boldness and confidence are what i desire.  maybe an extra dose of faith.  i think faith is a large part of the difference between "boldness and confidence" and "stupidity and recklessness."

-i have 2 50-ish pound suitcases filled with donated toothbrushes, tums and tylenol, wound care supplies, vitamins and cough drops.  our group of 30-something people is about to encounter thousands of people in thousands of situations- every one of them needs their Good Shepherd.  and our team needs to be willing to follow the Shepherd, trusting that He will lead us to exactly the right places and people in exactly the right time, no matter how crazy or not-our-plan-ish it looks.  the Type A part of me is struggling quite a bit with this :P

this trip will be good. it will have eternal effects. and i am ridiculously excited to see what is in store for us!  i think once i am on the plane the twitching and tachycardia will stop, too (or at least back off a bit). 

as long as i have WiFi access, i plan on keeping people stateside updated using this WordPress blog:

golalago.wordpress.com

and figuring out how to make it more accessible to all those who want to stay up-to-date on things- so feel free to share it, re-post it, tag or hashtag it, or reply/message me if the links fail like they did last week :P  my phone's got Viber, which i also have little experience with but if you text me during LifeGroup time/mornings, chances are pretty good i'll be able to reply ;)

until i see you again and can share in more detail about this trip, my prayers for you are largely modeled after Philippians (in particular chapter 1, except for the imprisonment part ;) ) and Ephesians 3:14-21. 

thank you.

God bless you.

ready.

set.

go!

How to be Awesome

i don't know if anyone on this planet has taken longer to make it through the Book of Luke than I have.  of course, most people haven't ever even thought of trying to in the first place.

i'm finally getting near the end.  we're moments from the climax.   SO excited!

the Christmas festivities are over, memories and joy still fresh in our minds, and now i'm reading through the story of those moments that He came here for.  that huge moment we just sang, read, heard, and partied about- the Immortal becoming a mortal, Heaven meeting earth in the wildest manner- was all leading up to this even huger moment: the first, last and only innocent mortal becomes the guilty, the Captain becomes Expendable Crewman, the King becomes lowest of the low, the world as we know it turns upside down and inside out and even the natural elements shake, rattle and roll in protest, tossing newly un-dead people out of their graves, the sun forgetting to shine, earthquakes cracking the ground open, curtains splitting top to bottom. now that ought to raise your blood pressure a bit!

i'd been reading pretty slowly, maybe a section or two at a time, which could be 2 verses or 20, depending on how much dear Dr. Luke had to say.  but this last bit he's been going faster, shooting out bits and pieces as fast as his little quill can go 'cause he just can't help himself.  i think he's getting excited too because he knows what's coming.

he's retelling a story he's heard bunches of times, reliving that epic weekend and wishing that he could have been there with his journal and sketchbook. 

it's the Jews' biggest holiday, full of merrymaking, songs, family get-togethers,  in-law jokes, memories, gift-giving, travel and traffic jams, tradition, and worship of the best kind.  a time to be together and spend time with those closest to you, remembering the past and always looking forward to the future. 

sound familiar? it should. you just survived it ;)

so Jesus is there despite all the intra-national chaos He's caused, with His very closest friends- just 12.  well, 11 really, but there's a black sheep in every group (just most really aren't quite this black). 

and He, like usual, drops a major bomb on the scene, and turns the party into a panic scene.  if they'd been paying attention, they would have recalled His mentioning this before, but they weren't so they didn't.  but they sure noticed when He took the tradition to a whole new level , introduced a new spin on the Passover, and started talking quite frankly about dying and then coming back to life.

can you just imagine the "hugeness" of this moment?

all these things suddenly "click" in their heads, and like any other rational human being who just figures all this out, they completely freak. their best friend, future King who's going to kick out Rome, who can instantly cure anything, the smartest and wisest and fairest of all, the fulfiller of all their hopes and dreams- he's going to get murdered very soon, one of their best friends was a treacherous son of the Devil, and yet Jesus was unflustered. 

and then because Luke wasn't there, he just keeps on documenting what happened next…

ten seconds.  well, maybe it took more than that. 

but only one verse.

one. verse. later.

and these grown men are animatedly discussing who's going to be the Next Great Thing.  Jesus is sitting right there, Judas had just walked out, EVERYONE'S ETERNITY IS HANGING IN THE BALANCE, and He's watching them go from the having worst kind of emotional pain to bullies-  in the span of one verse. 

these friends suddenly turn into...well, childish jerks.  once they figured out who the Worst one was, Judas, now they all had to figure out their own rankings and who was the Greatest and would be named Team Captain once Jesus was gone. they'd been together for a few years, some of them were brothers and best friends for decades and so there was a wealth of ammo they could use on each other.  i wonder what Jesus' facial expression was as he listened to them try to prove to each other why they were each better than all the others. 

i don't know how long that whole convo went on before He spoke.  in my head i can see Him, just starting to talk.  not raising His voice.  not standing on His reclining pillow and making a toast.  not even begging anyone's pardon or asking to be excused to say something.  just starting to talk.  and then one or two noticed and turned their attention, so that the other nine or ten did, too.  part of me wonders if their host was around the corner eavesdropping on what this guy has to say.  everyone who was an Israelite knew this man was a sensation and attracted discussion, debate and chaos like never before- and this guy gets to host Him for the Passover!!!  well, what a story he had to tell his friends and curious neighbors later!!

and then, just like He's so good at, Jesus took all their lofty dreams, goals, aspirations, and Disciple of the Year Awards and flushed 'em.  ripped 'em to ribbons.

and replaced them with something entirely different, and entirely better.

zoom in on Peter, as he hears Jesus tell him that the leader is a servant, the Captain is the foot soldier, the CEO is the janitor. a few small sentences, and the whole definition of "Awesome" is redefined.

and Peter?  well, Peter just looks down, a bit embarrassed, and what does he see?

he sees his feet.  the feet that just minutes before had been washed and dried by the one he himself had openly confessed to  be the Lord Jesus Christ a while back- and had received his own name "Peter" at that same time. 

i have one little bitty post-it note in this section of my Bible.  right after graduating college i was "promoted" to the adult LifeGroup, which had been working through the book of Luke for possibly longer than i have been, and one statement stuck out and i just had to jot it down and never forget it.  so i did, and i haven't. 

one little quote:

"Jesus didn't tell us to be The Greatest.

Jesus told us to be Great."

and then He showed us how.  every day, for years with His disciples, and then one night with one paragraph.

He tells us, "here's how to be Awesome": 

you're winning that argument you're so "right" about? be quiet and forgive the "wrong" person.

you see nasty, dirty, smelly, arthritic feet with ingrown toenails and warts?  wash them, and give them a pedicure.

you see dirty dishes in the sink when it's "their turn"?  wash them anyway, and take out the trash while you're at it.

you see a WWII vet having lunch at Chili's?  pay his tab.

you see an antagonistic neighbor who has no friends because he's argued them all away having lunch all by himself at Chili's?  pay his tab, too, and tell the waiter to send him one of those wickedly delicious chocolate brownie desserts with ice cream and drizzle.

actually, He went a bit farther. 

"Peter, I just told you I was gonna DIE. 

that's not the END of Me being your Captain- it's the CLIMAX. 

YOU GUYS DON'T REPLACE ME, YOU FOLLOW ME.

I healed the blind, I played with kids at the playground, I blew the mind of that tax collector's world, I had lunch at that demon-possessed hooker's house with all her demon-possessed hooker friends- you know, you were there with Me, too, when those lives changed!! you saw the mute men speak, and you saw the Pharisees silenced. you shook hands with those newly-cleansed lepers, you witnessed that moment when a blind man saw the color "green" for the very first time, the first steps of a grown man no longer a cripple.

NONE of those moments were as incredible as the moments coming up. I rocked all their worlds; I'm about to rock yours.

THIS IS HOW YOU BE AWESOME. 

you die.  you follow my example, all the way to the Cross.

i'm going to die.  and then rise again, Captain of all Captains.

you're going to fail.  you're going to fail quite epically, in fact, and soon.  tonight.

but you're going to rise again and be a… brother.  not a Second in Command, or King, or Time's Person of the Year.  you don't get a badge or a crown or a cape. but failure though you are, you get my seal of approval. 

I prayed for you.

you are Mine. Satan asked for you; I said No.  I am telling him No, all the way up Golgotha.

THIS IS HOW YOU BE AWESOME.

…

follow Me."

the cool thing is when you keep reading Luke and you see it all happen.  Jesus dies...and then rises again.

Peter struggles.  Peter fails.  Peter turns back, follows Jesus and becomes a different kind of leader.

now it's my turn.

i struggled and failed at least as badly as Peter, but my Leader succeeded.

i walked around Calvary, but my Leader leads me UP Calvary.

my hands dripping with guilt are clean because my Leader's hands dripped with His own blood shed for mine.

my turn to look at my feet, cleansed with His forgiveness. 

my hands, cleansed by His love. 

my soul, with no other mark than His own Seal of Approval.

and my turn to get those feet following the Leader up path to Awesomeness. 

wanna come, too? please do- you're welcome to join me :)