there is so much i
could tell you.
the best answers
always come AFTER the restraining order's been filed…
although even if
that file weren't between us, i don't know if i'd ever be able to actually spit
this out anyway. first of all, because
you wouldn't listen to me (you never did before, anyway). secondly, because i empathize with you more
than i ever cared to admit.
my heart hurts.
for you, and for me.
and for oh, so many more like each of us.
your one and only
fallback excuse to turning your back on religion was the age-old question of
why there was so much suffering in this world if there was any semblance of a
"good" God, as the Bible claims; why God had never pulled a miracle
out of His hat and cured an amputee; why those who rely on prayer are all
exactly like that one fanatic couple who endangered their child's life by
praying instead of going to a hospital.
you've never read
anything thicker than the New York Times, from which you borrow most of your
core beliefs and spout off quotes like you came up with them yourself. you let strangers you've never met do 100% of
your thinking for you, and are completely unable to back up those thoughts with
logic, facts, or even conviction.
you have nothing
left to hold on to but a tangled mess of a life philosophy, so blinded and lost
you have no idea just how blinded and lost you are.
problem: i've been
exactly where you are standing. spoon-fed beliefs that completely contradict
everything you think you see in the world. drowning in a pool of what seems
right, though the pool is more like deadly quicksand than water, and the more
struggling you do to get out of it the lower and lower you sink until you think
you're going insane from the panic.
i admitted to you
that i do not have all the answers, at least not the ones you want. dude, sometimes life just seems to suck,
big-time, and God feels very, very far away, or uncaring, or just plain not
there. which is the conclusion you wound up with.
and yet, i'm coming to the opposite conclusion you
did.
i was given a book-
it was like Christmas all over again!! a
500-page book, so i know you wouldn't ever try to read it. but it put into words everything i tried once
to tell you, and is helping me even now find the answers we both were, or still are, looking for
(referencing "If God is Good; Faith in the Midst of Suffering and
Evil", by Randy Alcorn...and no, i have not messed with APA or MLA
formatting in 3 years and even then cried my way through it. Alcorn, forgive me!). it explains a difficult side of the gospel that is easy to explain away and understand BEFORE you have suffered, but only really and truly comprehended AFTERWARDS. and to think- without suffering at all, we would miss out on it. though suffering is never what we enjoy or ask for or relish the idea of.
"why, God?"
i've asked it so
many times. so very many times; at some points, out of anger, at other times,
struggling with confusion and hurt, or plain old insecurity and curiosity. to be honest, most of the time i don't really
expect a clear answer written in the stars, blazing out for me to see, and i am
10,000% sure that even if i got one, i wouldn't understand it. but somehow, i'm clinging to my belief anyway.
the belief that He's
there. the belief that He's good, despite times and circumstances that you say
indicate He can't be. the belief that He
cares- a lot. more than i know.
i'm clinging to the
belief that THERE IS AN ANSWER, even if i don't know it, or hear it, or
understand it, or like it.
but mostly, i'm just clinging like SuperGlue to
Him. because through all this, the only
sure thing i know is that no matter how i may feel, He's all i've got. which is eternally more than enough.
right now, there are
more than 200 families in Nigeria that are probably asking "why" as
they wait, and wait, and wait for their daughters to come back. more and more
names come, and still many more girls whose names are as of now unknown to us.
People all over the world point to this situation and mock religion, mock God,
mock those of us who pray.
this is the part of
the story where Liam Neeson grabs a gun, a walkie-talkie and a Nigerian-English
Dictionary and busts up the entire trafficking gang and saves every single
child without suffering more than a scrape or two. at least, that's the story we
want. the story we think we need. the story we think God needs to back up His
own reputation and prove Himself.
Dear
Stalker-who-shall-remain-nameless, there is indeed a story happening, and it's
a good one. but chances are it's not what we think. God has no need to bow to our whims, or those
of a madman waving a gun and threatening to destroy God and all His followers.
He knows your name,
and mine. He knows your struggles, and
mine. He's got the whole story of the
universe written down, and it includes the name of each and every star that you
care to count tonight. there is indeed
hope. there is indeed faith. it's all
been promised (cited below, also not in APA format). there's a plan and a
promise- so far beyond our merely human minds.
it's too big to fathom. He's too
big to fathom, calculate, put in a box, control, or change. in unbelievers,
this triggers doubts. in Christians,
it's nothing short of strength, peace and life.
no matter what happens to those girls, God not only
knows every single one of their names, but also the story's end. it most definitely ends with Him being
glorified, us being humbled, evil being conquered, and righteousness prevailing
and filling an entire, brand-new world with peace and joy that is lit up with
the brightest purest light conceivable- its source: God Himself.
yes, i will still pray. you'd better believe i'm gonna keep on
praying- for those girls to somehow be filled to the uttermost with a peace
that only God can provide and that they will be able to rest, physically and
spiritually, knowing that God is near to them in their trouble and is a Rock
with a cleft just the right size for every one of them. i'm praying for those … those horrid men who
think their plan will succeed, that they can boast against God and come out on
top- praying that they will have a change of heart, be rescued from their own
spiritual fetters and find the peace and forgiveness they need in the very God
they are trying to fight.
and i'm praying for you. by name, because i know it and so does God.
and for all those
like you, searching for- or fighting against- the God you're not even sure
exists, numbing yourselves to the honest questions your hearts are asking by
absorbing fluffy, non-substantial, brain- and soul-numbing lies to avoid the
difficult, but only, path to hope not only for this life but for the next
one.
If you are a praying
believer, I'm going to ask you to join with me in praying for these girls, by
name. Follow the link just below to see
this list. This is such an amazing and
personal way to be involved, by communicating with the One who's in total
control and just offer up the name of these individual children. praying for
their safety. praying for their families.
praying that they, their captors, we, and the entire world see God, see
God glorified.
"Seek the LORD
while he may be found; call upon him while he is near;
let the wicked
forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts;
let him return to
the LORD, that he may have compassion on him, and to our God, for he will
abundantly pardon.
'For my thoughts are
not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways', declares the LORD. 'For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are
my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
For as the rain and
the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth,
making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the
eater, so shall my word be that goes forth from
my mouth: it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I
purpose, and it shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.
For you shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing, and all
the trees of the field shall clap their hands.
Instead of thorn
shall come up the cypress; instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle; and it shall make a name for the LORD, an everlasting
sign that shall not be cut off."
-Isaiah 55:6-13
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