Thank you, Private Ryan

i think it's been about 2 years since i've seen Saving Private Ryan.

if you're an American old enough to understand the concept of freedom, i highly recommend it. it's one of the best WWII visuals out there and says what i wish i could say better than i could ever say it.

on the bridge, where too many young people just died, instant friendships formed then ended in hours, families ripped apart, faces turned to memories- it rips your soul out and twists it up.

that last line from Tom Hanks…

"Earn this. Earn it."

I took the trash out to the dumpster and made it back inside in time to hear it.  following the story in my head as i walked, i stood a second to look.  right on the edge of the dumpster, about to spill to the ground was a pile of 5 cases of beer.

good thing we haven't forgotten what today was about, huh?

i wonder what the veterans are thinking about today. 

i don't know if we really can earn what we've been given. we received it, we use it-not nearly to its fullest potential, but we use it, we celebrate it… but how?

there are few, but there are still people alive who remember Normandy not from a textbook, who have gold or silver stars hanging up, folded flags, uniforms, badges and medals… if i met one, what could i say?  "hey, thanks for giving your life for my liberty.  i'm so proud to be free because i can drink beer on a monday?"

no. just..no.

i want my life to count for something.  i want to make this world better.

i want to see a people rise up who actually believe in something enough to make it happen, or to not shame those who step up and pay the cost. 

the next war will probably go the nuclear or bioterrorism route in about 10 seconds. we're past the rifles and sticky bombs, the time when hand to hand combat made the struggle close, unavoidably personal.  every single person who wore one of those dog tags knew they probably wouldn't enjoy the freedom they were fighting to keep- but they fought anyway, saying, "yes, freedom is worth yet another life- mine."  afterwards, we can see the final price tag- it's astounding.

my freedom is worth way too many lives for it to be wasted on a few beer cans. 

even more than the vets, though, there's Someone else who i want to please.  who went beyond infinity and made the ultimate sacrifice and turned the whole war around. 

because frankly, we were losing so badly it wasn't even a war.

freedom and life was at stake.  millions of lives, literally.  drowning in an ocean of sin and chaos, there was no hope.  until He decided to make it personal.  unavoidably so. he broke into the time-space continuum, got right up in Satan's face and said, "she's mine, and that freedom is worth yet another life-MINE."  knowing the cost, even more than we ever could, He said it was worth it.

He didn't say, "earn this." because He knew we never could, and i don't plan on trying to. 

but i refuse to waste it. there are some gifts that are just too large, and there's nothing you can do but say, "thank you.  thank you so much."  to say or do more would be pathetically insufficient, but to do nothing is unthinkably ungrateful.

i want today to be my "thank you."  in a way, it IS our thank-you; it's up to each of us individuals what we want to express.  what are you doing with your gift? would you really want a WWII veteran to see it? 

thank you, veterans and current  soldiers. for your giving, your serving, your sacrifices great and small and in-between.

thank you to all those who are defending my right to work, to live, to worship without fear, to speak. some of you are in courtrooms, some are in offices, some are in churches, some are simple Americans and some are super-important Americans with badges and security officers and big white houses.

i hope we never forget.

thank you, Savior.  for your giving and serving and sacrifice that makes every other sacrifice pale in comparison. you gave freedom to those who can't pay for it, your served those who had no right to even carry your dirty sandals, you shined a light so bright even a blind hopeless screw-up like me could finally see the way to You. 

i know i will never forget.

today is my "thank you."

Dear Stalker,

there is so much i could tell you.

the best answers always come AFTER the restraining order's been filed…

although even if that file weren't between us, i don't know if i'd ever be able to actually spit this out anyway.  first of all, because you wouldn't listen to me (you never did before, anyway).  secondly, because i empathize with you more than i ever cared to admit.

my heart hurts.

for you, and for me. and for oh, so many more like each of us.

your one and only fallback excuse to turning your back on religion was the age-old question of why there was so much suffering in this world if there was any semblance of a "good" God, as the Bible claims; why God had never pulled a miracle out of His hat and cured an amputee; why those who rely on prayer are all exactly like that one fanatic couple who endangered their child's life by praying instead of going to a hospital.

you've never read anything thicker than the New York Times, from which you borrow most of your core beliefs and spout off quotes like you came up with them yourself.  you let strangers you've never met do 100% of your thinking for you, and are completely unable to back up those thoughts with logic, facts, or even conviction.

you have nothing left to hold on to but a tangled mess of a life philosophy, so blinded and lost you have no idea just how blinded and lost you are.

problem: i've been exactly where you are standing. spoon-fed beliefs that completely contradict everything you think you see in the world. drowning in a pool of what seems right, though the pool is more like deadly quicksand than water, and the more struggling you do to get out of it the lower and lower you sink until you think you're going insane from the panic.

i admitted to you that i do not have all the answers, at least not the ones you want.  dude, sometimes life just seems to suck, big-time, and God feels very, very far away, or uncaring, or just plain not there. which is the conclusion you wound up with.

and yet, i'm coming to the opposite conclusion you did.

i was given a book- it was like Christmas all over again!!  a 500-page book, so i know you wouldn't ever try to read it.  but it put into words everything i tried once to tell you, and is helping me even now find the answers we both were, or still are, looking for (referencing "If God is Good; Faith in the Midst of Suffering and Evil", by Randy Alcorn...and no, i have not messed with APA or MLA formatting in 3 years and even then cried my way through it.  Alcorn, forgive me!). it explains a difficult side of the gospel that is easy to explain away and understand BEFORE you have suffered, but only really and truly comprehended AFTERWARDS. and to think- without suffering at all, we would miss out on it. though suffering is never what we enjoy or ask for or relish the idea of.

"why, God?"

i've asked it so many times. so very many times; at some points, out of anger, at other times, struggling with confusion and hurt, or plain old insecurity and curiosity.  to be honest, most of the time i don't really expect a clear answer written in the stars, blazing out for me to see, and i am 10,000% sure that even if i got one, i wouldn't understand it. but somehow, i'm clinging to my belief anyway.

the belief that He's there. the belief that He's good, despite times and circumstances that you say indicate He can't be.  the belief that He cares- a lot. more than i know.

i'm clinging to the belief that THERE IS AN ANSWER, even if i don't know it, or hear it, or understand it, or like it.

but mostly, i'm just clinging like SuperGlue to Him.  because through all this, the only sure thing i know is that no matter how i may feel, He's all i've got.  which is eternally more than enough. 

right now, there are more than 200 families in Nigeria that are probably asking "why" as they wait, and wait, and wait for their daughters to come back. more and more names come, and still many more girls whose names are as of now unknown to us. People all over the world point to this situation and mock religion, mock God, mock those of us who pray.

this is the part of the story where Liam Neeson grabs a gun, a walkie-talkie and a Nigerian-English Dictionary and busts up the entire trafficking gang and saves every single child without suffering more than a scrape or two. at least, that's the story we want.  the story we think we need.  the story we think God needs to back up His own reputation and prove Himself.

Dear Stalker-who-shall-remain-nameless, there is indeed a story happening, and it's a good one. but chances are it's not what we think.  God has no need to bow to our whims, or those of a madman waving a gun and threatening to destroy God and all His followers.

He knows your name, and mine.  He knows your struggles, and mine.  He's got the whole story of the universe written down, and it includes the name of each and every star that you care to count tonight.  there is indeed hope.  there is indeed faith. it's all been promised (cited below, also not in APA format). there's a plan and a promise- so far beyond our merely human minds.  it's too big to fathom.  He's too big to fathom, calculate, put in a box, control, or change. in unbelievers, this triggers doubts.  in Christians, it's nothing short of strength, peace and life.

no matter what happens to those girls, God not only knows every single one of their names, but also the story's end.  it most definitely ends with Him being glorified, us being humbled, evil being conquered, and righteousness prevailing and filling an entire, brand-new world with peace and joy that is lit up with the brightest purest light conceivable- its source: God Himself. 

yes, i will still pray.  you'd better believe i'm gonna keep on praying- for those girls to somehow be filled to the uttermost with a peace that only God can provide and that they will be able to rest, physically and spiritually, knowing that God is near to them in their trouble and is a Rock with a cleft just the right size for every one of them.  i'm praying for those … those horrid men who think their plan will succeed, that they can boast against God and come out on top- praying that they will have a change of heart, be rescued from their own spiritual fetters and find the peace and forgiveness they need in the very God they are trying to fight.

and i'm praying for you.  by name, because i know it and so does God.

and for all those like you, searching for- or fighting against- the God you're not even sure exists, numbing yourselves to the honest questions your hearts are asking by absorbing fluffy, non-substantial, brain- and soul-numbing lies to avoid the difficult, but only, path to hope not only for this life but for the next one. 

If you are a praying believer, I'm going to ask you to join with me in praying for these girls, by name.  Follow the link just below to see this list.  This is such an amazing and personal way to be involved, by communicating with the One who's in total control and just offer up the name of these individual children. praying for their safety. praying for their families.  praying that they, their captors, we, and the entire world see God, see God glorified.

http://achurchforstarvingartists.wordpress.com/2014/05/06/please-pick-one/

"Seek the LORD while he may be found; call upon him while he is near;

let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts;

let him return to the LORD, that he may have compassion on him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.

'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways', declares the LORD. 'For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes forth from my mouth: it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and it shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.

For you shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.

Instead of thorn shall come up the cypress; instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle; and it shall make a name for the LORD, an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off."

-Isaiah 55:6-13