a birthday note that i wrote... to myself.

usually i type these out first into a different file so i can review it first.
its 0215, so i'm just gonna type. somehow i don't think my previewing it is going to change whether or not anyone reads this.  chances are that possibly, up to all 7 of the followers there are on this blog will see this before i die.  after i die, i shall not care. sorry, but i'll be busy :)
one smart thing i did last year on, or right around my birthday, was post a song that i hoped to use as a framework to use this past year as i would look back on some day.  or week. or hour.
i felt like a follow-up post would be appropriate this year.
first of all, i cannot post a new song for this year because i am watching The Lion King, and "I Just Cannot Wait to be King" doesn't really capture my goals or outlook.
this year was a frickin' roller coaster.  not that i hate roller coasters- never been on one, so i can't judge- (side note: i did go on one, but it wasn't really a roller coaster and was made for young children.  i hated every last second of that ride and almost got whiplash.  i was thrilled beyond measure when a roller coaster expert told me that The Mouse Trap ride is horrible and the worst one i could ever have been forced onto.  i am justified.)-but there were too many ups and downs for a control freak like me.  which is good. the best way to control a control freak is to take 100% of the control away and then let her eventually learn how to trust, and hope that she doesn't get any stomach ulcers from all the un-necessary stress.  another reason to have a blog, even if nobody reads it: i can control it, and do things like put side notes in the middle of sentences and dictate which words i Capitalize and Which i Do not. if that's all the power i have over my life circumstances, then i accept that.
back to the follow up,..
nope.  back to my control issues. i have learned about these issues this year.  not that i'm a whole lot better at managing them or coping with them, but we've taken the first by recognizing them.  second step seems to be talking in the third person like we do on occasion ;) if you tell me you've never created an imaginary friend in a weird situation just so you don't feel outnumbered, i don't believe you. in fact, neither of us do.
*Mufasa is just about to die, so i need to keep typing so i don't get upset. no matter how many times i see it, it always turns out the same!*
i am glad for the friends i have made, the friends i know better now than a year ago, and i'm working on being glad for the old friends who are...somewhere else doing their own thing now. whether or not i ever see you again, you impacted my life and i'm happy about that. i'm never happy at goodbyes, but i know that i'll get some new hellos when i need them.
RUN SIMBA!  RUNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!
sorry...
so i guess this year, instead of a song i will have to make Disney-related goals for this year:
1. i will focus more on the Timons and Pumbaas in your life than the hyenas. (though i don't particularly recommend their life-philosophy, Buzzard-Bowling with friends is much healthier than wasting life trying to appease enemies).
2. i will find the beauty in the Beast.  i was never good at watching chick flicks, and i think it all started the first time i saw Beauty and the Beast and was crushed to realize that the Beast looked way better as a Beast than as the prince.
3. i will remember that if there's someone impossibly annoying around you, there's a reason. there's something for you to learn or do- whether it's to save a life or just to take your eyes off yourself for a second, listen, and then go all out for them- for the simple reason than nobody else would.
4. i will remember: some friends would swim the ocean with you to find something, some friends would swim the whole ocean to find YOU.  but only one Friend has done/is doing both.  and as far as my fears and failures go, His short-term memory loss is every bit as bad.
5. i will remember that some work just needs to be done.  if my only cheer-factor is the rats keeping me company, then so be it.
6. i cannot whistle to save my life, or make beautiful pies while dancing with woodland creatures. or sleep in a dwarf bed, surrounded by friends that bring home rubies and diamonds from work every night.
regardless: i will not accept snacks from warty old women.  or warty old men. or warty young men.
7.  i will not forget that i am a star!  and somewhere south of here, there is a precious little bug singing romantic songs to me. no, this does not bother me at all.
8. i will accept it when Rafiki clobbers me over the head with a giant stick. i need it much more than i get it.  if you are willing to step up and be the Rafiki in my life, please warn me first or accept the potentially harmful consequences of beating up a cardiac nurse.
9. i will remember that hard work is good, but too much of a good thing is actually a bad thing. Jesus put all kinds of work first, but He also remembered to make a quiet time a high priority.
10. i will not stop singing. the tunes may change, circumstances may dictate a much lower volume, and i will not usually sound that great lacking the backup chorus of sea animals, but there will be an on-going tune that sometimes needs to be belted out, regardless of who's around.  
11. i will remember that i am not the one holding the remote control on my life.

because i have no idea what this year holds, i'm hoping i don't weep later upon going back and reading these. i had no idea what last year held and i made it through mostly okay, with some scars and band-aids applied periodically.  i have continued my therapy sessions (aka AWANA) and everyone should be glad.  my patients, co-workers, friends, family, and all acquaintances have a vested interest in me keeping these appointments each week. little else will re-arrange your priority list quite like spending tons of time around 3-5 year olds. i strongly recommend it.

here's to more taxes and bills, and paychecks and pills, and friends, and parties and skype dates. here's to chocolate-covered-almonds moments, and here's to broccoli moments.  here's to quiet days, rainy days, busy days, bad days, thursdays, sunny days, and penguin days. don't ask me what those are- if you're having a penguin day, you'll know. 

here's to yet another year!