i realized this past week how long it's been since i posted anything on this blog.
actually, that's not true. i lied.
i don't know how long it's been because i never actually looked it up, but i did realize that it had been a long time.
i wish i could say i spent the entire time in sunshine and bliss, learning all kinds of amazing things and putting every second to good use, but that would probably not be true either.
i have been busy, though. i got called in to work an extra shift, becoming the middle of 5 consecutive nights on the floor. i love my job very much, but the overtime pay was only a percentage of the compensation i wanted. and no, i don't mean i wanted more money.
most everything i've been learning the past few weeks is more about myself than anything else. and it's been an interesting, if not at times discouraging or blessed time, depending on what i just learned.
instead of giving anything up entirely for Lent, i decided to rather emphasize spiritual growth in everything i did. so i put away a couple of my fun literature and exchanged them for books from the church library. i turned off the country radio stations (which means...i turned off the radio entirely, because there's nothing else on- ever!) and have been limited to my small collection of CCM and what i can stream online at home. the movies have been mostly not played and so i have been diving into all kinds of sermon topics with David Platt, who never leaves me without something good and deep to think about.
not gonna lie- the first couple days of detox were difficult. without anyone else around all night when i'm awake, i'm used to just plugging in a couple Psych episodes while i putter around my craft table or the kitchen. without those, it felt too quiet. i hated it. and i hated how dependent i felt on background noise to replace just being quiet or having a more directed quiet prayer time.
last sunday one woman at church let slip that traditionally during Lent, each Sunday is a "free day." so yes, i am watching Lord of the Rings for the dillionth time, but i have had a fairly good week, all things considered and don't feel guilty at all. and i am looking forward to the new books i picked up this morning.
first off: "The Cross of Christ" by John Stott.
i LOVED it. couldn't put it down.
second: "Respectable Sins." by Jerry Bridges.
i'm learning to love it. the horrible thing about it is that it totally puts all the "tiny" sins that we blow off right in front of my face. but that's the first step in getting rid of it, so i just have to learn to humbly accept that i'm a fallen human being which is hard to do. our sunday school class has formed our own sunday evening group that is working through this book together, and it always seems to weird how each week's lesson corresponds with temptations and failures we all have had that week.
this week was frustration, anxiety and discontentment. yeah. not only does God quite blatantly say "DON'T DO THIS," but we do it every day, think it's okay, and ignore every single of the many verses that say He's already got it under control and we're just doubting Him and His care each time we freak out.
can. not. wait. to see what i'm lacking in this week!! (only a bit of sarcasm there...which he addresses in an upcoming chapter).
our journey through the Bible had us sludging through Numbers this whole week, two more days of it to go. it's been rough for the most part (there were an awful lot of… well, numbers.) but also some incredible stories that we forget about until we take the time and read possibly the most boring book of all 66. the bronze serpent still does something for me, and seeing Joshua step up to a huge challenge and prepare to take it on once Moses is gone is inspiring. the Israelites' anxiety and discontent cost them 40 years in a giant desert because they doubted God could take on a couple Nephilim.
i know all about being discontent and anxious, and i'm deciding now to not waste a lifetime doubting.
soooo not worth it!
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