the deuts are on to me!

so after days and days and more days of reading Deuteronomy, the last book of the Pentateuch is drawing to a close… in just a couple more days.  it is still a struggle to keep going on, especially on days when i would much prefer to read a book with, i dunno, something more of a plot line.  most of the past 28 chapters has been Moses standing in front of thousands and repeating to them everything we heard about in Leviticus.  it makes sense- they had 40 years to forget everything and we only had a week or two...and yet we mess up just as bad and as often as they did. 

i was in one of those "i'm sick of it all" moods driving to work one evening, and MercyMe just saved the whole Pentateuch for me.  That CD had been in the player for a while because i brought all the other CDs inside, so nothing to replace it with.

and they played me this song:

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYohmsvlA10&feature=related

and it made me so happy i played it a couple more times until i got it totally stuck in my head so it could then play indefinitely, whether or not i was in the car.

it put such a perky view on the Law i couldn't help but appreciate it.  while i know that God was very serious about the laws He gave, it was so that He could bless them, those around them, and thereby bring glory to His name.  a quick read shows only 600-something rules that are overly restrictive, random,  and so inconsequential that i can see all those isrealites rolling their eyes and obey, but only grudgingly.  He wanted them to follow out of love, there's just no easy way to state that without it being yet another law, not love.

my next thought was "i wonder how much better they could have remembered those rules if moses had just rock 'n rolled it :)  oh wait- those robes might get in the way.  

but i do love how songs are such great ways to remind ourselves of things otherwise forgotten. and how approaching the Law with a positive, love-based outlook does much better than just counting the tassels on your robe with a sigh.  i feel so bad for all the pharisees who just never "got it," even when Jesus said it plainly to their faces and lived it out in public for years.  i don't mock them, because i WAS them until my eyes were finally opened to the real Law behind the law. 

so hooray for laws and grace sufficient to cover our long long trail of failures.  maybe deuteronomy is not quite so bad afterall!

the one where she seriously over-estimates herself

yeah. 

i think i really did it this time.

Hobby Lobby is going to be the death of me.

the good news is that i will probably die insanely happy.  the bad news is that i will also be insanely frustrated.  and poor.  very very poor :)

one of the belated birthday presents i got was, of course, a Hobby Lobby gift card.  it was, of course, one of the best present EvEr.  i had to wait until i had a shopping list for the store, and then i had to wait again until i could remove (most of) the list so that i would not spend more of my own money than i had to.

fail.

but anyway, since i had just recently re-found and finished a simple cross-stitch project from a good number of years ago (8-12 are all good numbers, right?) i decided maybe i wanted to try another one.  it didn't take very long to narrow down the selections to 2, then a bit more deliberation and i chose one of the Lord's Prayer with a pretty border, a good price tag, and didn't look too complicated.

fail.

 

at least a week went by before i had any time to look at it, and when i did…

d

a

g

g

u

m

!!!!!!!

yeah… there's only about 30 colors of floss in a wad that i had to separate, and THEN figure out which one is light blue, or is it periwinkle, light periwinkle, or dark periwinkle or lavender? 

yeah… THEN if you take ONE strand of the off-white and combine it with ONE strand of cream then you get a whole new color with its own symbol on the chart!!

THEN i looked at the chart, and wondered if i had enough Excedrin to demolish the migraine i got that was the size of Wisconsin. 

the despair that i felt… oh my word!  i'd never have the patience to do this!! what on earth was i thinking?!!? i had no idea where to start.

i chose NOT the middle, which is what the instructions said.  that sounded dumb.  who starts ANYTHING right in the middle? that's right- NOBODY.

well, i decided to kick myself into starting by saying that the hardest part is the first stitch.

i may blog again in 90 years when i am overcome by arthritis, can't read the chart or thread a needle, and the blasted thing still isn't done and tell you that it's not true.

but the thing is, i started.  after 3 long, intense stitching sessions, i have for the most part complete just over 2 square inches.

perspective: this is an 11x14 cross-stitch.  thankfully, the middle is mostly empty except for the words, but still… there's alot of border.

the only question: will my stubbornness carry me through, or will my patience give out?  i know myself too well, and as i already confessed, it took me a decade to both start AND finish a tiny little cross stitch with only 6 colors, none of this 30+ colors stuff. 

since i'm recovering from a different migraine, i shall only look at the pile of neatly categorized-in-a-heap cross-stitch stuff and be thankful that i began.  and for the pancakes i made for dinner :)  and tea :) so many other things i could have blogged about, but this one is staring back at me now.  the ten other blogs running through my head still need to be processed or it would just look like a foreign language to anyone who reads this.

if anyone reads this…

if you want to do something (provided it's safe, healthy, legal and doesn't compromise your ethical and moral guidelines or threaten another life)… go do it!  the hardest part is the first stitch (so far)!!!

and no, i don't know why i capitalize Hobby Lobby and almost nothing else ever. 

the one where she talks

i realized this past week how long it's been since i posted anything on this blog.

actually, that's not true.  i lied.

i don't know how long it's been because i never actually looked it up, but i did realize that it had been a long time.

i wish i could say i spent the entire time in sunshine and bliss, learning all kinds of amazing things and putting every second to good use, but that would probably not be true either.

i have been busy, though.  i got called in to work an extra shift, becoming the middle of 5 consecutive nights on the floor.  i love my job very much, but the overtime pay was only a percentage of the compensation i wanted.  and no, i don't mean i wanted more money. 

most everything i've been learning the past few weeks is more about myself than anything else. and it's been an interesting, if not at times discouraging or blessed time, depending on what i just learned. 

instead of giving anything up entirely for Lent, i decided to rather emphasize spiritual growth in everything i did.  so i put away a couple of my fun literature and exchanged them for books from the church library.  i turned off the country radio stations (which means...i turned off the radio entirely, because there's nothing else on- ever!) and have been limited to my small collection of CCM and what i can stream online at home.  the movies have been mostly not played and so i have been diving into all kinds of sermon topics with David Platt, who never leaves me without something good and deep to think about.

not gonna lie- the first couple days of detox were difficult.  without anyone else around all night when i'm awake, i'm used to just plugging in a couple Psych episodes while i putter around my craft table or the kitchen. without those, it felt too quiet.  i hated it.  and i hated how dependent i felt on background noise to replace just being quiet or having a more directed quiet prayer time.

last sunday one woman at church let slip that traditionally during Lent, each Sunday is a "free day."  so yes, i am watching Lord of the Rings for the dillionth time, but i have had a fairly good week, all things considered and don't feel guilty at all.  and i am looking forward to the new books i picked up this morning.

first off: "The Cross of Christ" by John Stott.

i LOVED it.  couldn't put it down.

second: "Respectable Sins." by Jerry Bridges.

i'm learning to love it.  the horrible thing about it is that it totally puts all the "tiny" sins that we blow off right in front of my face.  but that's the first step in getting rid of it, so i just have to learn to humbly accept that i'm a fallen human being which is hard to do. our sunday school class has formed our own sunday evening group that is working through this book together, and it always seems to weird how each week's lesson corresponds with temptations and failures we all have had that week.

this week was frustration, anxiety and discontentment. yeah.  not only does God quite blatantly say "DON'T DO THIS," but we do it every day, think it's okay, and ignore every single of the many verses that say He's already got it under control and we're just doubting Him and His care each time we freak out.

can. not. wait. to see what i'm lacking in this week!! (only a bit of sarcasm there...which he addresses in an upcoming chapter).

our journey through the Bible had us sludging through Numbers this whole week, two more days of it to go.  it's been rough for the most part (there were an awful lot of… well, numbers.) but also some incredible stories that we forget about until we take the time and read possibly the most boring book of all 66.  the bronze serpent still does something for me, and seeing Joshua step up to a huge challenge and prepare to take it on once Moses is gone is inspiring.  the Israelites' anxiety and discontent cost them 40 years in a giant desert because they doubted God could take on a couple Nephilim. 

i know all about being discontent and anxious, and i'm deciding now to not waste a lifetime doubting.

soooo not worth it!