i am so blasted proud of my grandfather right now.  it's ridiculous. 

this is the first year in a very long time that my grandparents have not been the central part of the thanksgiving festivities.  it was really quiet (when the youngest cousin Liana wasn't buzzing around keeping things lively), and when the 20-and-up group was alone the grandparents' absence was the predominant theme of conversation anyway. 

the reason being that my grandmother just had back surgery a couple weeks ago and has been ordered to avoid cars for every purpose except her next doctor appointment in january.  one look at her MRI and you'd wonder how she could move at all beforehand.  now she takes an occasional Tylenol- such an improvement!!  the best part (aside from her doing so well) is watching Grandad's improvement. he has not only mastered the coffee pot, but also the washing machine, shopping trips and microwave.  it's quite impressive to watch this transformation.  in june, much encouragement was required and many questions asked before there was toast and coffee available.  now that Grandmother is not able to bend, lift or twist (BLT) he has been adequately prepared and is even confident in the kitchen. he's made extensive notes on the entire surgery process and ensures that every medicinal regimen is followed to the letter, and keeps track of how many feet she walks up and down the driveway, if she does her physical therapy stretches, and that the handrails are used. the little nurse inside of him has stepped up to the plate and the little in nurse inside of me is just smiling like mad.

she sat down today in one of the armchairs in the living room and he immediately reminded her to scoot back against the chair back as he went upstairs.  i love how she said she would, and then waited 5 minutes until we heard him walking around upstairs before she did.  she also boldly checked inventory in the pantry without Grandad's permission and he instantly verified that every last guideline was strictly followed, with not even a hint of bending or lifting or twisting before he calmed down.  they've done a bunch of changes in the home to make her more mobile and we discussed over dinner how the whole point of him easing away from helping her too much was to make sure she could get around without breaking any bones if he were ever not available.  "of course...the next semi around the corner could take care of that," as he so cheerily reminded us. if you've never met Puddleglum from the Chronicles of Narnia, you should.  he's my favorite character of them all, and he reminds me of Grandad, who is also a personal favorite character of mine :)  they've both got spunk- as does Grandmother.  i plan on being just as spunky as her when i'm that age.  if i don’t wanna scoot back in my chair, then i'll daggum wait until i hear him comin.' prince charming, you've been warned ;)

i find humor in the fact that they are already checking out assisted living facilities in the area and have ruled out one because they are "cocky and expensive."  although they do have some friends in both of two places that are still living.  and some in both places that have died.  "hmm, that does seem to happen over there sometimes, doesn't it?  many people go in, but few come out."  i love how okay they both are with this.  they know where they're going, so do i, and nobody can complain if they might seem almost eager at times.  no physical therapy where she's headed!!  no walkers, handrails, medications, doctor appointments, back stretches or fall hazards.  no side effects, pain or diets.  none of these arthropods known as "camel crickets" that Grandad warned me about last night.  i was wondering where the name came from and then i saw one. it pounced and i thought "that's why they're called camel crickets", because that bugger could hop right over one with no effort (if there had been a spare camel lying around).  it was remarkably speedy and high for a tiny little cricket.  then i saw a second one and re-evaluated.  i'm now thinking the name comes from their size, not jumping distances. i felt i needed a weapon.  lacking one, i settled for a harsh glare until it mysteriously vanished, as creepers generally do.  i got to explain why a spider's legs always (and only) curl up when it's dead- because their circulation is what keeps them opened up.  we also included all kinds of medical tests and equipment and doctors and insurance and heart rhythms in our dinnertime conversation- one of the few places i still get to do that and not be judged :)  but Grandad is getting to be good at conversations concerning the medical world so it gets even better. 

hopefully next Thanksgiving Grandmother will be able to get up to the annual get-together, even if the walker is involved in her life for a bit.  one step at a time, Grandmother- one step at a time!!

happy re-birthday to you!

i have many thankfulz this time of year. 

the frost has come, solving our arthropod problem.

i have a steady job that will last as long as people continue to have chest pain- so basically, i'm good.

i have a family complete with all manner of side notes, asterisks, and problems, but also a uniqueness all its own that makes it...well, my family (don't we all!)  :) 

i have what i need and more, always blessed beyond what i'd ask for or realized i needed.

for me, it is also an especially thankful time because i celebrate a special personal holiday that alot of people don't.  it's a re-birthday, although i've heard a couple other names for it.  yeah, it's a bit on the cheesy side, but it's the only reason i can celebrate anything at all ever.  while the federal government knows my birthday to be in february, i can point to the calendar page where i really started LIVING, and that's November 22, 2009. 

one simple prayer and meaning came to meaningless life, joy to an aching heart, and a purpose to nursing school :P routine religion suddenly was replaced with an actual relationship with a huge invisible, omnipotent deity who had had it all under control all along. to me, that's more important than a birthday that i don't remember and when i don't think i looked my best anyway :P  it's why 11/22 is my facebook birthday, except for about 24 hours in february, when i celebrate sharing a birthday with 2 excellent friends who have positively influenced my life, and a few other excellent friends who know both dates even when facebook doesn't tell them :)  i still love getting wall posts on both days, especially from those who don't know which birthday is which.  it's pretty cool- especially since it means i can tell again the reason why.  it's been two years and i still haven't gotten tired of it!

no party, no presents, no festivities- just me and God having a happy moment, which was just as good and better.  i even got called off work so my happy moment was largely expanded! 

no such thing as heroes?

people, this hurts.

it's 11/11/11 which just seems fun to look at, write, and actually remember the date, for the 3rd or 4th day this calendar year.  this date won't happen again for a hundred years. most people remember the reason we're supposed to remember, and it means a bit more to those of us who are related to members of the military.  it hits home- literally.

i don't have any relatives in the military.  nothing like the real thing, but i just finished watching  Flags of Our Fathers and that hit home for me.  the script includes the line saying "they fought for their country, but they died for their friends."  as well as how they weren't really heroes, but they were simply people doing what they believed in, for what was right. 

the thought that ties it all together is the very last line of the (second to) last scene in Saving Private Ryan, another great war movie.  i'm not going to quote it.  you need to suffer through the movie to appreciate it.

but those soldiers, those in reserves, those training to go- all those sacrifices are for us.  what are we doing with the security, the rights, the freedoms, the peace of mind that they are helping to provide? 

on the same, but more personal level…

i can only point to one individual who died for me personally.  i'm pretty sure He's a real hero.  i've been thinking alot- what am i doing with this security, hope, freedom, LIFE that i now have? there's no way, on or off earth, that i could earn it.  can't repay it.  can't just redo it for myself and clear the tab- there IS no tab.  it's gone west, and i've gone east.

but i've got LIFE- here now, and later forever.  i want to use it.   we do alot for our veterans, which is good.  for a couple days a year, even. 

but what if we tried to live EVERY day knowing that life is about something bigger than great shopping deals, ourselves, great movie quotes that we easily forget, and things we think we've earned but have been given to us SO THAT we can do some good with them? 

what did you do today? i went to wal-mart and randomly met a previous patient of mine who was up and walking around, making some lifestyle changes so that he STAYS upright.  i learned a new recipe or two and picked up an old hobby to hopefully share with someone else soon.  i shared a smile with a tired nurse coming on duty and shared a laugh with another tired nurse coming OFF duty.  today was a good day for me.

a whole lot of people gave a whole lot to blow the door of opportunity wide open in front of you.  that's an awesome thought.  vets rock, and although the whole idea of heroism is created by "normal" people and frequently denied by those hailed as such, i'm all about giving credit where it's due. i'm very thankful for them, and for everybody else who works tirelessly to ensure that my life is not in jeopardy. we are blessed beyond what we know.

be thankful.

go live :)  

another pre-thought...

i'm about to have a big thought.  i think so, anyway.
i'm too anxious about tomorrow to think Big Thoughts tonight, however.
i definitely just touched a treadmill for the first time since early february.  not only touched it, but went for a good brisk up-inclined power walk for 30 minutes on it.  and then moved on to the torture devices left scattered around the periphery of the gym.  i think i might wake up in the...early afternoon feeling like i need to never do that again.  i love having a gym nearby that is open 24 hours a day because nobody else was there to witness.  it's also free, so basically it was self-torture.  i'm hoping i can figure out a way to keep it up, because i definitely need to, unless it lowers my blood pressure which is already approaching cardiogenic shock-like in nature.  totally used it as an excuse to take some extra goldfish at AWANA.  those things have about a month's worth of sodium in each individual fish, but they're so yummy!!! i bet my BP shot all the way up to 95/60 or something ridiculous like that.
so after AWANA and gym-time, i came back and worked on my nails while i watched episodes of Chuck, the only show i've actually followed since the beginning (of Chuck).  then read more of another book that i think is going to be the start of several Big Thoughts coming up.  everybody needs things in their lives that really make them think.  even if they disagree or can't fully comprehend an idea, at least try!!! i mean, Francis Chan may not be the best one to start with if you've never tried thinking at all, but his books come highly recommended for those up to a challenge...one i'm hardly qualified for, but attempting again anyway.
gahh!!! so much thinking to do!!!  don't know how to cram it all into the next 30 minutes or so of consciousness i have left before i drop off to sleep. 
i love seeing that i still have "followers." it's convinced me that maybe this is not a total waste of time.  it makes me feel better- that someone out there is listening, and i can only hope that you benefit in some small or large way from it. 
okay.  go find something to think about, and let me know about it!!!

box o' wonder

i just tonight re-realized how much of my life depends upon our microwave.  if that's not scary enough for this Halloween night, then i don't know what is.  i will never cease to be amazed at how there even IS such a thing as a microwave to be had.  and how life-sustaining a thing it turned out to be.  goodness knows i wouldn't have had at least half my meals in college if i couldn't cook pasta in 4.5 minutes.  if you keep the spaghetti sauce in the fridge, then you can throw a spoonful on top and cool down the boiling pasta as well as warm up the sauce to a great eat-able temperature at once.   hot chocolate-to-go in 1.8 minutes.  stale bread brought back to life in 7 seconds.  a box of wonder, that's what a microwave is!!  ours picked up a second language in its spare time- what a show-off!  "disfrutas sus alimentos"- whatever!!  that ain't no delectable home-cooked 3 course dinner straight off the stove.  sorry.  becoming the perfect hostess with mad cooking skills is somewhere on my bucket list, but as long as it's just me, eating lunch at 1 am i don't feel any guilt at all by letting a giant bilingual box do all the hard work. 

i take so much for granted that it's a bit humbling just thinking about it, and i don't just mean kitchen appliances.  while i don't have a sweet tooth and i never went trick-or-treating, underneath all the whoop-de-do there's a huge deal to be made about the real holiday- Reformation Day.  it's hard to imagine a whole world (as they knew it, anyway) where nobody knew how to read and the poor just lived from day to day trying to keep their homes stable.  any thought of the afterlife was planted by church leaders that were trusted but generally corrupted, greedy, conniving humans who saw this dreary situation as a perfect business opportunity.  then came Luther (and a good many others).  one man saw a problem and a solution and then said something about it.  he found a miracle hidden in a previously commonplace item, too- one that's a bit bigger than modern conveniences.  i remember the difference i felt, the thrill, in reading the Bible before, and then after i met the same struggle with grace that Luther fought, too.  i simply cannot imagine what was going through the minds of those peasants all those years ago who for the first time held a copy of Romans in their hands and read it for themselves.   and then realized that all those indulgences they paid for were worth more as kindling in the kitchen fire than as any type of eternal consolation.  i wish i could'a been there- even if it meant cooking over flame (they didn't have microwaves, you see).  but i wasn't there then.  i'm here now: glad for another day, another year, to live (really LIVE), read a book, hug a kid, check a patient's pulses,  find a miracle and eat 3 1/2 minute spaghetti and hot chocolate for lunch at 1 am.