my child is The Worst Helper in the World. she's my favorite helper hands down, but also just the worst. for most chores or household tasks, i would suggest asking assistance of almost any other human being, and possibly a few woodland animals, before asking her. at least, if your goal was to have that chore or task completed in a neat, timely, and organized manner. we knew the likely outcome of our short time volunteering at the local food pantry and thrift store, but we also knew that we have been called to serve others and not wait 18 years and so she would have to come along- and we wanted to bring her. thus, we all bundled into the car last saturday morning, put on our "volunteer" lanyards, and were put to work stocking the thrift store side with shopping carts loaded with hygiene items, scarves, and kitchen appliances, and also getting stuff price tagged in the warehouse side. for the first 15 minutes she sat in a cart and played with some hats and soap bars. that was beautiful. the rest of the time i helped nik for 20 seconds at a time in between chasing her down, feeding her, and watching her wander the aisles to smile and wave at other volunteers.
but, as you know, finding yourself responsible for keeping a small person safe, happy and healthy takes all your everythings and turns them wonky. so this new reality is to be expected, and hopefully enjoyed as much as possible. it usually involves a lot of *not crying over spilled [any container's contents. any of them- all- will get dumped]* and focusing on finding the humor in any unforeseen mishap short of blatant sin. for instance, when i check the temp of the shower water and discover that my small person has stockpiled 2 months' worth of toilet paper behind the curtain before her nap, well. there's not much else to do except be glad it's not still on national back-order like 3 years ago.
so now my goal is much less often to do *anything* in a neat, timely and organized manner. if you know anything at all about the whole enneagram concept, you will recognize that for a 5, this is … a "growing opportunity." (read: "she is often annoyed to the point of seizure-like spasms.") but grow i must, because i've got a small person following me- literally and metaphorically.
this does not mean that my goal is to do things in a haphazard, sloppy, time-consuming way. it does mean that my goal now has nothing to do with time or neatness. my goal is to teach this small person behind me- and not just how to do tasks like cleaning, cooking, weeding, grocery shopping. that's relatively easy. but teaching how to be kind, honest, loving, joyful, patient? quite a different story.
and that's mostly because small people learn 'doing' and 'having' by example, and showcasing my kindness, honesty, service, joy and patience gets really difficult on days when i'm running on fumes and don't have much to display. teaching kindness means i have to be kind, even/especially when she can only answer questions by shrieking or smiling, or when she hides my hairbrush in a basket of tea bags in kentucky, or defiantly rejects her juice sippy cup in favor of a jar of dirt. teaching honesty means i have to be honest, even/especially when it's a billion times easier to dodge the truth, like when i make a mistake and have to admit it (and yes, even if she's not talking yet, it is indeed much harder to apologize in front of her). teaching service often means serving with her there, even/especially when it's inconvenient, awkward, "dirty," time-wasting, or possibly "risky." she did absolutely nothing of tangible value at the food pantry/thrift store. in fact, she cut our productivity by at least 45%.
bunny trail: no, i am not saying a toddler comes with me absolutely everywhere. but she came with us to RiFA and waved hi to several other volunteers and customers, and she comes on most visits to neighbors and friends, regardless of their race, gender, living situation or socioeconomic status. just because there 'might be risks' on the other side of town does not let me exclude her from "helping" us serve at the homeless food pantry.
we decided months ago that there are some things that we want her to have ingrained in her by the time her brain is actually creating memories. we do not want her to learn her abc's before she has at least an inkling of the value of ministry. we would be thrilled if she never knew a life that did not include sacrificial giving or meeting needs of others whenever possible (not 'convenient.'). we are probably less "useful" to God than bugaboo is to us, but as we learn love and service by following Him, we are tasked with leading her in that direction also. the spiritual fruit He grows in us is far more valuable than any paycheck, donation, or tax return.
our secondary desire is that as she follows and learns great qualities like patience, joy, honesty and all that good stuff, she also happens to learn how to actually be a help rather than the delightful force of chaos that she is now. and when the time comes that she notices a calling towards a particular area of service, i hope that i then respond by encouraging her to use her gifts to their fullest extent- again, even if it is inconvenient to me. so she sits on the vacuum head when i clean, she pokes and swats flowers when i weed, she puts all of her clean, folded laundry in her ball pit, and simply can't handle having any sandwich bag left behind in the cabinet. every day is another 500 or so chances to live out both the character traits and physical tasks we desire her to take in and cultivate. as she learns to help me, i help her to learn. it's not an even swap- not by a long shot. but since it's the way God taught, i know it's far better for both of us.
so i'll help her learn (hopefully). and she'll learn to help (hopefully). and God's math means that He can take my significantly decreased productivity levels and do wonders, as bugaboo follows me following Him, day by day, chore by chore, step by step.
