a few weeks ago i was finally able to see my bestie again, for the first time in an embarrassingly long time. as in, long enough to grow half a person. i think it was near the beginning of our 7.5 hour-long lunch date that she asked me what hopes and dreams nik and i had for that unexpected half-a-person. if the kid ever reads this, i hope she takes this the right way, because i said i really had no idea at all. partly because i don't do well with open-ended questions like that. partly because even that many weeks later i had not fully recovered from the reality of the situation, which turns out to not have been medically impossible.
bunny trail: this is now the second time a doctor has looked at my face and told it that the current situation was medically impossible, with a second doctor affirming. not sure what to do with that, but…
i'm guessing mary might have recognized the feelings, at least somewhat. she had a few more weeks' head's up notice than me, but that wouldn't have really helped her out much. her situation being even more assuredly impossible than mine, i don't envy her that conversation with her parents. i hope that maybe an angel was on hand then, too. even if nazareth was as busy and diverse as some texts state, as soon as she started showing she became "that girl" to every "good" jew in the area. roman rule claimed sole authority over capital punishment (the penalty for adultery under the mosaic law), but nothing said a radical bunch of jews couldn't arrange an accident to avoid a public scandal, or at least disown her and chuck her to the curb. it's doubtful anyone sat down with her and asked all about her hopes and dreams for the future. and if by chance she did get to chat, the conversation probs didn't last much past, "oh yeah- He's gonna save the world from sin and His Father is God in heaven. an angel said so."
that's a shame, because she would have had -quite literally- the best answer in the universe to that question, and she didn't even have to come up with it on the fly. the song "mary did you know?" must be rhetorical, because she did know. even if she was unaware of a number of particulars, she got the gist of it. and the gist was delivered to her in person, straight from the mouth of a heavenly angel. the words of that gist carried her through several months of tiredness, sickness, heartburn, mocking, tears, loneliness, and hurt. oh yes, and moving in with her new husband who nearly ended their engagement over this "impossibility." so, no pressure, girl. i can't do much more than imagine, but every kick and somersault she felt probably reminded her of those words, equally stunning and reassuring.
i'm twice the age she was, and every bit as unprepared. i am under no delusion that i have even a fraction of this under control. bugaboo will probably be at least 2 before she realizes she's not a cat like her older "siblings," and stops trying to lick them clean, drink from their water fountain or chew on the houseplants. mary didn't have to worry about things like vaccine schedules or each year's new car seat regulations. but she did have to worry about being the earthly parent to a Deity (and then at least 6 of the Deity's siblings…). *gives the District 12 salute*
this little bugaboo has developed her own daily routine which includes a morning and evening round of calisthenics and at least one period of wind sprints and tai kwon do. as of 8 days ago, these high kicks are now visible. nik is hoping for a future soccer player, and from all appearances, his wish has been granted.
yeah, it's a lot easier when the pressure's off us. it's not like bugaboo is gonna turn the world on its ear and change the entire course of humanity.
dear bugaboo, nope, i don't have any promises or guarantees. no messages from shining angelic messengers. no legends or portents or prophecies. but this advent season as i watch our charlie brown christmas tree twinkle, crinkle, and wither away before my eyes, here are a couple hopes and dreams for your future:
i hope you grow up always hearing more and more about this other completely unexpected baby and who He grew up to be.
i hope you come to understand what He did and why He did it. i hope you understand it in such a deep and personal way that you are knocked to your knees before Him in praise and awe.
i hope you don't hate me for not being whatever kind of saint that mary is pictured as being, because i for sure am not, and i want to prepare you for the all-but-inevitable possibility that i will screw up at least as much as she did, and then some.
i hope you grow in stature, in wisdom, and in favor with God and man.
i hope that even when your earthly parents royally screw up, we still direct your heart toward your heavenly Father, who has never, ever screwed up, and in His divine wisdom put you under our care for a time.
i hope that once you start walking, wherever your very (very) active and kick-y feet take you, people there sense the presence of the One who gave you to us, that we pray dwells in you forever.
i hope that once you start talking, your mouth is full of praise and that you communicate daily with your Creator God.
i hope that once you start school, you hang out with normal people, lonely people, "ugly" people, simple people- all kinds of people- and help them to know and feel that they are loved, by you but especially by Jesus.
i hope that each year as you break ornaments higher and higher on the christmas tree, the meaning of advent becomes a bit more real and true for you.
merry christmas, bugaboo
