this has not been my
week. for several reasons, most of which
i shall not tell. one of those reasons,
though, is because of the outcome of a conversation i had with a truly wonderful
woman i met whose sole job is to connect poor confused people with the optimal
healthcare plan to fit their needs. being a poor confused person, i was
thrilled with the opportunity to utilize this resource. she was kind, straightforward, knowledgeable,
fast, wonderful.
guess what. there IS NO optimal healthcare plan to fit my
needs. after several minutes of
questions regarding social security numbers, qualifying factors, pre-existing
conditions and whatnot, this is what we came up with. the marketplace offers 3 levels of coverage,
and the middle/average level is more than DOUBLE
the monthly cost. for a WORSE
policy. the insanity of this is still
blowing my mind 60 hours later.
of course, a large factor in that, as if i needed any
more reminders, is that i'm
single and alone and will be for the foreseeable future.
it would definitely help with affordable insurance (which i thought was
Obama's goal in the first place…?), and also counts as something i would need
to report to some number or person or else risk losing coverage, blah, blah,
and blah.
but whatever it does to
insurance policies, household income and the lawn being mowed consistently, the
ever-present fact remains that the situation isn't going to change (in all likelihood). if there is
a Prince Charming out there, he got lost and is probably too macho to ask for
directions. after about the 9th person
in a week asked, i was working on my snarky reply regarding them sponsoring
their own Jesus-ed version of the Bachelorette before i discovered to my horror
that such a terrible show actually already
exists. best/worst part: each of the loser bachelors wins a year-long
membership to ChristianMingle.com.
eventually a "season of waiting" transitions to a lifestyle of
acceptance.
it's the season of
Advent. a time of waiting, expectation,
hope. the Jews for centuries waited for
their Messiah- whatever that meant to them. piecing together dozens of prophecies
and names and scattered references to heroes long-dead and not-yet-born is
tedious, confusing and draining. all
they knew for sure was that whoever this guy was, he was going to be awesome. mind-blowingly so.
but after 400 years?
i get impatient waiting the 2 minutes for my car to heat up. if a patient is more than 10 minutes late
for, like, anything, i'm about to blow a
fuse. i think America as a whole gave up
on the idea of an honest politician decades ago, and we ain't nowhere NEAR 400
years old.
but the Jews held
on. they struggled, and some lost faith, but most of them held on to the promises. lo, and behold, the Messiah did
indeed arrive. and He was absolutely
nothing like what they expected or hoped for- although He did still blow their
minds on multiple occasions.
our
"nerdy" Bible study this week, after about 2 years of working through
Isaiah, has finally made it to chapter 61.
i thought it somewhat appropriate that we landed here during Advent, as
this is the passage that Jesus used right at the kick-off of His ministry- when
all of the promises made to humanity became a living walking reality, from Adam
to us. Joy to the World was happening. Salvation had literally walked in the
door. it's the passage He reads aloud, looks the synagogue leaders square in
the eyeballs and says, "Lo."
it's like the best mic drop moment of the Ancient Near East. the news
was too good to seem true- so of course they didn't believe it when He told
them flat out that the waiting was OVER.
HE HAD COME. THE MESSIAH WAS
SITTING IN THEIR PEW- AND THEY MISSED IT.
"The Spirit of
the Lord God is upon me, because the LORD has anointed me to bring good news to
the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to
the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim
the year of the LORD's favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort
all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in Zion -- to give them a beautiful
headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the
garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be call oaks of
righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he may be glorified. They shall build up the ancient ruin; they
shall raise up the former devastations; they shall repair the ruined cities,
the devastations of many generations."
"I will greatly
rejoice in the LORD; my soul shall exult in my God, for he has clothed me with
the garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as
a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a
bride adorns herself with her jewels.
For as the earth brings forth its sprouts, and as a garden causes what
is sown in it to sprout up, so the LORD God will cause righteousness and praise
to sprout up before all the nations."
since i've already
confessed it publicly multiple times the past few months, i'll say it
again: i'm tired. i'm not openly mourning, but i'm closer to
that than gladness. i'm somewhat faint.
i'm waiting, and not even sure what for. i
definitely don't remind myself of an oak of righteousness…maybe a shrub
of something, or a potted plant. i look back on too many pieces of the
past and empathize with 1st century Jews who could look back on their whole
nation's history and see piles of rubble, slavery, judgement, oppression,
brokenness, blindness and imprisonment in the rear view mirror. yes, moments of relief and blessing, to be
sure, but nowhere near enough to balance our self-righteous scales of skewed
justice. i prefer to say
"realistic" rather than "cynical", but hoping and waiting
don't get the bills paid, dishes washed or laundry folded. adulting takes all my energy with none left
over for daydreams.
and yet, because of
that- not in spite of- words like those verses mean just a little more. seeing a friend healed or released from
prison is one thing. being the one
coming out of the hospital bed or jail cell is a completely new thing. "No more let sins and sorrows grow, no
thorns infest the ground! He comes to make His blessings flow far as the curse
is found"- those who remember having been too close to the curse sing that
part a little louder. the ultimate
punishment has been taken, but this world is still under the curse. the hymns of Advent were written for us- the
broken, the castoffs, the slaves and addicts and forgotten. society's rejects come to Advent and find
their place setting prepared. the first
coming began the marvelous undoing of sin; the second coming will complete
it. which is why we can be tired and
mourning and faint (and cynical?) and yet also hope and wait and
persevere. it's the difference between a
kid's themed birthday party and that same kid's extravagant wedding ceremony 20
years later.
this right now is
the year of the LORD's favor. the
disfavor each of us has earned was turned away and put on Him instead. we have
so much more than disjointed verses and hints about a Messiah- we actually have
a Messiah who has already come and will come again. we have these promises of
gladness, righteousness and praise becoming true and we know that they will
only become even more true in the ever after. at some point, the ruins from
those before us will be repaired and celebrated for generations
afterwards. our past will be transformed
and shine out into the future. even if an earthly prince never shows up, the Bridegroom has already prepared His
outfit and will come to take His Church, headdress and all.
there are no
qualifications or income requirements involved, and no "pre-existing
conditions" that can disqualify you.
Jesus already took care of that and covered us with the "garments of salvation"
and "robes of righteousness" in exchange. our job is to receive, wait
and hope. and as we do, righteousness
and praise will grow naturally like a forest of well-watered trees and continue through to forever. and that's the kind of insurance coverage i
can get on board with.
