i just said the "C" word... (Coffee Corner Conversations, episode 3)

so i ran into yet another creeper, who just left a few minutes ago.

i PROMISE this one has a good ending!!

i'm pretty sure this buddy needs help. of multiple types, intensities and flavors.

if each of his needs were a color, Picasso could just go crazy on a canvas and he'd wind up with a fairly accurate visual rendering of this guy's mentality.

after seeing "Arnav" greet me and then leave, this guy immediately lit into him, dubbed him a "creeper," and dove headfirst straight into his view of personalities, the reason so many people are mean and "unhappy," his confusion as to why i didn't see Arnav as creepy, and how he came to his enlightened philosophy based on his broad expanse of learning.  because he doesn't work ("it makes people unhappy," he said... because this piece of work is such a charmer, right? 'not' working isn't really workin' for him)

i told him, using very short sentences and zero eye contact that this man was a doctor, i have known/seen/spoken to him a few times over several months, that i work in a hospital and have seen the whole spectrum of personalities, and that i know a creeper when i see one.

i did not say "I SEE ONE RIGHT NOW" although this was clearer than Saran wrap before the man even opened his mouth to the coffee girl at the counter.

i did not ask for a conversation.

i did not imply my desire to continue talking through action, thought, or word.

...but he asked why i disagreed.

and my favorite thing to do with that question is to answer it. 

and the short answer to why i'm not unhappy, and love my job, and don't see the immediate connection between joy and money like he does….

well the short answer uses the "C" word.

i simply stated that i have lived most of my life as a non-Christian, but now live it as a Christian, and that has made all the difference.

that's all it took-that one, little "C" word.

this dude… oh, Mylanta!…

with him doing most of the talking, not stopping to let me have a word in, barely stopping to breathe- we uncovered his whole philosophical view, his perspective on religion, how religion ("and faith", he added, after i objected to his non-differentiation) caused 9-11-01, how Republicans caused every other evil under the sun (he doesn't work, remember- it makes people unhappy), and somehow he managed to work in just about every common cuss word in the English vocabulary multiple times. 

this took a remarkably short amount of time.  probably because his brain was running short on oxygen… i question how long his cerebrum has been in this state, to be honest. like i said: "Picasso."

he even grabbed my Bible and said he was gonna disprove my religion using a verse in Isaiah (which he never found) as he avoided the question i asked (like, how often he's read the Bible/how much knowledge he has concerning Jesus) and kept jabbering away, mocking me and my inability to keep up with him and his objections and that the questions "would only get harder- come on, now, sweetheart!"  

BunnyTrail: to all his fellow creepers out there, feel free to never call me sweetheart.  like, ever.  don't do it.  or i may have to punch you in the face, in the spirit of Christian love and charity of course.

it was at this point that i told him to just write down every contradiction he knew of in the Bible, hoping that would keep him occupied for a bit.

because he was actually becoming overly excited, with a nearly aggressive physical behavior and a raised voice. 

he went outside to get his list- apparently he had one already prepared.

at this point, the coffee girl leaned over the counter where i was sitting and asked if he was bothering me, that he came frequently and that she was concerned.  she told two other employees or managers and i explained to all three of them my past experience with Creeper #1, and that what had irritated this one was that i had told him i was a Christian...and that if he didn't back off soon that they should feel free to intervene. it really did seem that he was ready to chill out and back down- and while Jesus said a lot about love, He also said to "be wise as serpents, and harmless as doves." 

modern-day translation: be nice, yes, but please don't be stupid. 

so the four of us agreed to watch each other's backs.  since 2 of them had headsets and were across the store but both staying in direct line of sight from me and each other, it kinda felt like we had a covert op going on. 

my hands were literally shaking as i awaited his return.  i prayed with my eyes on the door.  the only verses that came to mind charged me to "be ready, in season and out of season," and also to not fear or plan out wordy arguments because words would be given me as i needed them.

Creeper #2 had a change of heart during his long absence, returned, and calmly apologized for his behavior.  he said he'd had too much coffee and got excited about his belief system.

(excited?  dude, if you hadn't calmed down or had taken one step closer i was gonna call my cop buddy and file another report!)

and then he sat down again.

and then he kept talking, but in a much more relaxed manner.

and coffee girl even sat down for a couple minutes- whether because she was keeping an immediate eye on us or because she was interested, i don't know.

but i delivered to him the same question i delivered to Creeper #1… and yet again, he was unable to answer it.

if the closest to religion he can come is Buddhism,

if there is no God,

no afterlife,

if evolution is an actual fact,

if humans are nothing more than highly evolved monkeys…

who cares, and WHY CARE?

well, the "obvious" "answer" is that being "nice" is "better" than being "mean."

the problem is that evolution leaves you with diddly-squat. all those words in quotation marks have no basis, no meaning, no justification with no God.  there IS no standard of right or wrong.  there IS NO RIGHT OR WRONG IF THERE IS NO GOD.

the means of Darwin's great evolution theory is what he termed "survival of the fittest."  the strong surviving.  the weak dying. the "good" traits reproducing and the "bad" ones weeded out of the gene pool.

well, in human terms, this means that the big bullies should be rewarded, not put in time-out.

the gun owners should walk into a bank, take the money and spend it frivolously on whatever makes them happy.

the Homeowners Association reps should totally just take out their neighbors and anyone else they don't like or think is a "worse" gardener than they are.

the smart people should overcome the dummies.

the strong men should take advantage of the women.

the poor should go die…

we should ignore Nepal's earthquake, Chile's volcano, abortion, sick babies, the AIDS crisis in Africa.

that's what evolution leaves you with. if you have trouble reading those statements, it's because you have an eternal soul that recognizes there is something "off" there.

he fidgeted and squirmed, started many sentences and finished none of them, tried to save face- and did a pretty good job of it- but realized neither of us could change the other's mind, gathered his huge stack of magazines and books proclaiming the liberty of an atheistic and cuss-word-filled life and left. 

after i politely refused to give him my name, he got a little offended and then refused my two book suggestions i had written down on a post-it note.  if i "won't give my name to a 'creeper,' he can't accept any information from a brainwashed crazy."  i forget the actual word he used instead of "crazy," but the rest of that quote is verbatim.

i told him i'd pray for him. 

"i know you like to have the last word but… don't bother," was his emphatic retort.

"you can't stop me." i replied with a smile.  i think we left on good terms as he laughed at my sense of humor and smile, called me sweetheart again, and departed. i hope so, because eventually he's gonna find the post-it note in between two of his books... i really do like having the last word!!! :P

i don't think even in liberal, anti-religion New York i have encountered someone so immediately offended at my faith.  someone so hostile they respond with anger, scorn, and language that would make any high schooler proud.  

and even legitimately concerned as i was -(for anyone within hearing range of this guy, for me being cornered in my chair, … for his own sanity- literally…)   - i was glad. 

i was glad that through this experience, i was able to tell 4 more people that I was a Christian.  that i had legitimate concerns with the questions evolution can't answer and that faith can.  that there is one humble person in a Captain America t-shirt and jeans who is not afraid to say the truth and face the questions hurled back.  even if i can't whip out the perfect answer in PowerPoint format and 3 Bible references to prove each slide.  i'm not CS Lewis or Ravi Zacharias, after all.  

i'm just me.  but i do have the Truth and i will tell anyone who asks.  it's not like i've never been cussed out before, or never had the same questions they do, or am ashamed of who i am now.

and that by gum, that panicked prayer i threw up to Heaven worked. whether he swallowed a Xanax from his car or if the Holy Spirit intervened directly- either way, he came back into the store a changed person, and i can only hope now that he left changed, too. however many brain cells he spends questioning his value system, he and a couple employees here hopefully have a couple things to think about now. 

so do i. 

this is nowhere near the post i had planned on writing.  in my perfect little universe, that conversation would never happened. the store manager is probably wishing it hadn't happened, too.

which is why i have a big, perfect God who runs the big universe,  and who has an answer - IS the Answer- to every hurting, questioning, angry soul out there.

i'm so glad i'm a ["C" word]!!!

Arnav, Aslan and the Ultimate Father-Abba (Coffee Corner Conversations, #2)

the most recent conversation i've had, in my favorite (only) "coffee corner" in my favorite (only) local bookstore was with a kind Muslim of the non-creeper variety. he's got  double handful of mixed up beliefs about Jesus and the Bible, but for a Muslim he's less mixed up than i originally gave him credit for. 

his pseudonym is "Arnav" simply because a Google searched website said it was the #1 Indian boy name last year.  and it has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?

of course, with these two faiths side by side sipping cappuccinos, the hinge of the whole 2.5 hour chat was Jesus, His death and resurrection, and hell.  Arnav's belief of "hell" is much more like the concept of purgatory, a time of penance for wrong beliefs and actions before eventual release to heaven, where he says all souls and spiritual beings will someday find themselves.  if God is loving, he claims, then He could never condemn someone to Hell, even for the worst of crimes.  to make his point, he told me his favorite mini parable, retold here:

two men are sitting by a fire discussing eternity as a woman walks by with her child. the first man asks the second if that mother could ever find it in herself to push her child into the flames.  the second immediately rejects the thought of something to repulsive.  the first man replies, "neither could God ever throw one of His children into hell."

short. sweet.  persuasive.

i'm still not good at finding the right words quickly to respond, and it took me a couple days to figure out what about that bothered me so much.  because what he said was true.  God does love His children beyond what we can fathom. 

but it's what he didn't say- that's the catch.

God loves His children.  we'll put that as a fact right here.

God does not chuck His children into eternal fires, just like that mother wouldn't throw her kid into that fire.

if i were the woman walking by the fire, i would put down my basket, take the kid's hand and march right up to Guy #1 and tell him something. firmly.

i would tell him never to question the love of a true mother for her kid. never. just don't do it.  but i would also tell him to NEVER, EVER QUESTION WHAT I WOULD DO  IF ANYTHING THREATENED THAT CHILD.  you had better believe if some football-player type jerk walked up with a knife, or even just a perverted look on his face directed at my kid, i would TAKE HIM OUT.  i would beat the ever-lovin' snot out of him, and i would fight him all the way into the fire until the threat was eliminated.  i would not take his hand and hold it in the heat for a minute, ask him nicely if he had learned his lesson, and then let him walk away.  i'm sorry, but there is no Purgatory for that one.

animals from every Kingdom, Phylum, Class and Order have representatives that are naturally endowed with a maternal instinct, a self-sacrificial, immediate, natural, thoughtless, response to a threat to her offspring. 

any intelligent human who has gone on a hike ever, knows there are a few key rules: bug spray, how to ID poison ivy, bring a map and a buddy, and FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, IF YOU SEE A BEAR CUB YOU RUN LIKE HECK IN THE OTHER DIRECTION.  

the wrath of a mother bear is not a force to be reckoned with, but a force you hope to never face down, because between Mama Bear and Iron Man…. i'm putting money on Mama Bear.

in response to my friendly Muslim's parable, i put forth my own (well, someone else's).  it's the story of Taken.

this movie, featuring Liam Neeson, is the story of just how far a father will go to get his kidnapped child back. let me tell you, it's pretty freakin' far.  when he overhears the kidnappers take off with his kid and then challenge him from a continent away, his response sends shudders up the backs of the movie viewers-

i don't know who you are. i don't know what you want.  if you are looking for a ransom, i can tell you i don't have money.  what i do have are a very particular set of skills. skills i've acquired over a very long career...if you let my daughter go now, that will be the end of it.  i will not look for you. i will not pursue you.

but if you don't, i will look for you. 

and i will find you. 

and i will kill you.

then he proceeds, in a very Liam Neeson-like manner, to blast through buildings, vehicles, boats, parties, meetings, gangs, construction sites, hooker-houses, and homes until he arrives face to face with the last man standing between him and his daughter. 

all the other challengers are dead. 

i don't know what foolishness made that idiot stand and put a knife to the girl's throat.

but he died, too.

what i love about this movie is that there is absolutely no doubt in anyone's mind while watching this movie that Neeson WILL succeed.  and there is no pity for the evildoers.  nothing but righteous indignation for Liam as he fulfills his promise with firmness, dexterity, and a fair amount of cussing (he's pretty ticked…).

what i love even more is that later on in his career, Liam would also go on to become the new voice of Aslan, the Lion King of Narnia. 

especially this Easter weekend, as Christians around the world celebrate the best holiday ever, we see the real story put before us that Narnia is the parable OF. 

the story of just how far a parent will go to rescue his child.

the story of a child, taken from his parent, trapped, ensnared, lost, hopeless, tired, starving, wretched, weak, alone and on the brink of death and eternal damnation-

...waiting

...silence..

...nothing- then!!

-who is suddenly, miraculously, completely, eternally, firmly, loudly, always-and-forever saved, redeemed, snatched from the clutches of evil and brought away from the danger of the flame and instead placed in a soft green meadow to rest while the Parent "deals with" the threat. 

there's "that moment" in The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe - what a great moment!-  when you can just about hear Aslan's voice echoing from that dusty wardrobe- "GET YOUR HAND OFF MY KID, YOU EVIL WITCH!!!"

i heard it again even tonight, as i was listening to part of the Maundy Thursday service.  this service traces Jesus' journey from the Last Supper, through that dinner, the betrayal, His earnest prayer to not suffer what He was about to suffer, His friends leaving Him alone and denying Him, His betrayer approaching and handing Him off to soldiers, His mocking and beatings, the Cross, the one-way trip up a small hill outside the city where people dumped their trash…

at each step, you're watching, knowing that your soul is hanging in the balance- either He takes the punishment… or you do.

at each step, you're hearing it thinking- "oh snap… He's gonna quit.  i'm not worth that."

and at each step, He says, "yes you are." and He takes another step. 

you want to know how far a parent will go to get His kid back?

the answer is "to hell and back."

He took that Cross, He went through Hell and He came back.

i know there's an eternal Hell where souls go forever. 

i know because it's technically where i belong.

i know because it's also where He went so that i wouldn't.

...and since He's the only one who's done that, i'm going to take His authoritative word on the subject.

Hell is there to show both His eternal love for His children that He saves from judgement, and eternal justice for those who willfully despise  Him and His sacrifice, reject His offer of forgiveness and mercy without price and instead choose to bear their own crosses to Hell...only they can't come back.

hard to hear if you think you're Iron Man, but if you're the cub standing behind Aslan the Protector, it's the most blessed and peaceful message. 

if you are horrified by the idea of Hell, it's probably because you're in your metal outfit and think you're safe- but you question that force in front of you.

this is a good thing.  definitely question that force.

...then admit defeat.  you cannot win. give up now- please.

but Aslan is roaring for you, too.  He defeated the evil forever, not just for Eustace, but for you, too.  He challenged Hell and soundly defeated it in a showdown that reverberated throughout all the realms of nature even to the supernatural heights.  the sun forgot to shine, fabric fell apart, rocks shuddered under people's feet, and dead people forgot they were supposed to stay in their graves and NOT go running through the streets on Passover effectively making everyone they shook hands with "unclean" according to the religious law of the day.  yes, there is SO much irony there.  the people of faith were forever cleansed from sin, while the people of the written law were yapping about ceremonial uncleanness because their great-great uncle just touched them while wearing graveclothes.

to my Muslim friend Arnav, i hope he hears Aslan's roar someday, and comes to know personally the Eternal Living God who calls to him as a parent calls a child home for dinner, and who his children refer to as "Abba."  the Father you may never have known in this life is waiting for you to come home to Him.  He can take your Hell- He's been there and won.  let Him take it, and give you in exchange a white robe and peace under His loving, watchful eye where no threat stands a chance.  His victory roar is also His promise.

i hope you hear it, too.

it's  beautiful roar, as long as it's for you.

a prayer for the AAEO

this week not only brings us the fantastic weather we've been waiting weeks for, but also concludes with the grandest of all celebrations- Easter.

we began Holy Week with one of my favorite church activities- a joint service with two other local church bodies.  having worked the 3 nights previous, i was delirious with exhaustion by the time i got home, but it was time well spent, singing and praising God with so many others. 

just before the joint service, though, we had a brief time of worship at our own church which included both Scripture reading and a time of offering.

this is what got me.

well, it had already gotten me, and continued to "get" me throughout all the worshiping for the rest of the day.

in the weeks leading up to Easter, our church annually collects money for the Annie Armstrong Easter Offering (AAEO), which goes to support missionaries all over America with the North American Missions Board (NAMB). 

this week, i was finally "with it" enough to throw in my donation- i even put it in the correct yellow envelope :)  but i looked at that check and just about broke down. 

i've gone on 4 short-term mission trips now, and each time have developed skills, stretched myself physically, emotionally and spiritually, and seen just a bit more of God and what He is doing worldwide.  

and each time i wish it was easier to share this all-important message with those in America. those in India and Brazil are inspired, impressed that rich white people would leave their air conditioning and hamburgers to come tell other nations about Jesus and His love for them.  they know that whatever we're saying has got to be important if we would go to so much effort to let them know. 

then i come back.

i come back to a nation full of individuals who do not have to care. a country with enough religions and faiths and labels that you can mix-and-match them, design your own religion, pick and choose a church or denomination or moral system and lose nothing. 

except their souls.

our church is supporting one couple that has answered God's call to Utah, to take the Gospel to a part of this country that has distorted it to fit humans' desires until it's not the Gospel anymore but rather spiritual poison that tastes like candy. 

but what about me?

i looked at that envelope and cried. right in the middle of church, i cried.

because when i looked at that envelope i saw faces and names. those faces and names belong to people i know and love here in America that either do not know the Gospel, know it yet reject it, or know it but haven't yet shown evidence of the Spirit in their hearts.  ones i have tried to tell, but probably not hard enough.  Mark. Lisa.  Joel.  Jennifer.  Nick.  Max.  Mary.  Jaime.  even Ike, the creeper. the list goes on. Miriam.  Isabel.  always more.

i love, love, love celebrating Easter.  it is a time that brings me back to my knees in humble gratefulness for the miracle of mercy.

and i hate, hate, hate knowing there are those so near and dear to me that cannot celebrate it- can't celebrate anything, really, because they are dead and don't even know it.

if i can pay thousands of dollars to tell people on the other side of globe about Jesus, and give more money for other people to reach Americans, how can i do less?

if there were a dollar price tag on these souls, there is nothing that would prevent me from earning, finding, getting or even stealing the needed money. i would get every last penny and not rest until i did.  i would campaign like the best politician ever, buy a bullhorn, sell every possible possession i owned.

how much would i give for them to come to know Christ? 

would i give money?

would i give more?  what about my self-esteem?  my public image? my friendships? what would i risk for them?

the beautiful problem is that there IS a price tag.  it's just not in dollar signs.  the cost is "1 perfect soul."

and that's something i do not have, and can never earn or buy or find or steal or get.

...because it's already been paid. the only perfect soul gave itself so that people from every nation and tribe could be redeemed. because of the most incomprehensible and extreme exchange ever conceived, my soul is now counted as "perfect," and the promise is that His grace can cover the souls of those i pray for, too.  He already gave the "Everything" that was demanded.

i cannot buy with money forgiveness for my loved ones.

i cannot intrigue them with my long journey to tell them the Gospel, because they are right here.

but i can tell them what God did for me, and what He did and can do for them. and it WILL cost me- just not as much is dollars.  but i CAN give it.

and i CAN give so that all the other Marks, Lisas, Maxs, Joels, Jennifers, Nicks that mean so much to others can hear.

everybody knows somebody who does not believe.  everybody knows somebody who needs to hear, or hear again, hear urgently, the message that there IS hope, there IS an eternity, and there IS an answer for this world and the next. 

so give.

and then tell.  or tell again.

Dear Mark, Lisa, Joel, Jennifer, Max, Nick, Miriam and Isabel- i will never stop praying for you guys.  you mean so much to me that i would even risk a friendship, risk offending anyone, risk my life here and risk possessions, money and sanity to tell you that you are worth more than the world to a Savior.  a Savior who knows your name, your good side, your bad side. a Savior who demands justice...so much so that He pleaded "guilty" in your stead so that you could walk off Death Row freely.

you guys are surrounded.

surrounded by friends who want to tell you more, surrounded by a world shouting His praises for you to sing along with, surrounded by a God who loves you more than you can imagine.  

this Easter i hope you are blown away by the miraculous love, grace and mercy that i found, that your eyes are opened and your hearts healed.  that this is the Easter that lasts forever for you, and that somehow, someway, you are filled with His blessed peace that you can rest in forever.